


Finding Home Again

by GrapefruitSpritzer



Series: Finding... [1]
Category: Stardew Valley (Video Game)
Genre: Alcohol, Awkward Flirting, Depression, Emotional Baggage, F/M, Idiots in Love, Implied Sexual Content, Love Triangles, Marijuana, Minor Violence, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Slice of Life, Slow Burn, Snark, Suicidal Thoughts, Swearing, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-07
Updated: 2018-09-27
Packaged: 2019-03-28 03:11:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 38
Words: 143,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13894998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GrapefruitSpritzer/pseuds/GrapefruitSpritzer
Summary: Home. It's such an easy thing to take for granted, until you find yourself without.Estelle had lost a lot, and in turn lost herself. When Grandpa Murray gave her a chance to reclaim her life, the best she was hoping for was a stable roof over her head. But there was something about the crisp valley air, the kindness of strangers, and the shy smiles of a dark-haired boy that made her think there might be more for her in Pelican Town than she had imagined.





	1. Welcome to Pelican Town

Lunastus Farm.

Estelle stared at the land before her, only vaguely aware of Robin and Lewis chatting at her side. She had never seen so much green. The farm was a sprawling sea of lush grass and thick trees, like the forest had crept in to reclaim the land that Grandpa Murray had tamed so many years ago. The field nearest the house was dotted with fallen branches and rocks, punctuating a maze of thick weeds and shrubbery that concealed the ground beneath. Even the house itself was partially consumed, a layer of blossoming vines climbing up the faded wood and spiraling around the window frames.

Estelle breathed deeply, feeling the fresh air cleanse the city smog from her lungs. It tasted herbal and sweet, like drops of undissolved honey at the bottom of a teacup. She closed her eyes and felt her body and soul warming in the sunshine. The birds singing, the breeze tousling her hair, the perfumed scent of blooming flowers and ripening fruit surrounding her, everything about this place was just so full of… _life._

Is this even real?

Robin laughed, pulling Estelle back from her reverie. “It’s _crusty_ , Lewis! And I’m not just saying that so she’ll hire me to fix the place up!”

“Robin! Maybe we should try not to offend our new neighbor on her first day here?” Lewis said, shooting Estelle an embarrassed glance.

“Oh no, it’s fine,” Estelle said with a reassuring smile, “the farm definitely needs some work. I hope I can do it justice.”

Robin patted Estelle on the shoulder, like it was the most natural thing in the world. She immediately stiffened at the touch, but Robin didn’t notice. Or at least she pretended she didn’t. After a lifetime of living in Zuzu City, it had been ingrained in Estelle’s mind that people didn’t casually touch strangers unless they were up to something shady. Trying to steal your wallet, usually. Or trying to get you into their bed. Estelle was fairly certain Robin wasn’t working towards either of those outcomes, and forced herself to relax.

“You’ll do great,” Robin said, giving her shoulder a light squeeze before pulling her hand back. “And while it may not look like much, there’s some good soil under all that mess. It’ll work out.”

Robin glanced down at her watch and made a face. “Anyway, I have to get to Pierre’s before he closes up for the day. If you need anything, I live right at the end of that trail over there,” she said, pointing to a narrow path leading into the mountains. “Feel free to stop by if you need anything. I have two kids about your age that I’m sure would love to meet you.”

“I will. Thanks Robin.”

“Anytime!” she called, hurrying down the path that led to the bus stop. Town must be that way then. Estelle waved at her retreating form, surprised to find herself wishing Robin had been able to stay a little longer. They had only just met, but there was something about Robin that reminded her of her own mother in a lot of ways. Kindness. Warmth. That feeling like no matter what you do or say, she’ll still look at you with acceptance and love.

Maybe that was just how moms are. Good ones, anyway.

“Speaking of introductions,” Lewis said as Estelle turned back around, “we’ve all been eagerly awaiting your arrival for some time now. It might be a good idea to walk around town tomorrow and meet everyone.”

“I know that folks would appreciate that,” he added at the end, giving the distinct impression that this little meet-and-greet wasn’t exactly optional. Well, whatever. She’d have to meet them all someday, might as well not piss off the mayor by declining his suggestion.

“Of course, Lewis. I’m looking forward to it.”

Lewis nodded, satisfied with her response. “Alright then. I’ll let you get some rest. Have a good night Estelle, and welcome to Pelican Town.”

 

* * *

 

Estelle was up at sunrise, pulling Grandpa’s old tools out of a weathered chest she found behind the house. Too full of adrenaline to rest after Robin and Lewis left yesterday, she had spent the day exploring the property. Though the land itself was huge, there was a lot of unusable space that nature had claimed for good. A dense patch of well-established trees cut through the middle of the farm, nearly blocking access to the west side entirely. Estelle found a path around the far side of the large lake in the middle of the farm, and was able to discover a few spots of interest. Two small clearings lined the perimeter, filled with berry bushes and tree trunks so wide she couldn’t reach across them. The wood was redder than the other trees she had seen, and when she tapped her knuckles against one she was shocked to find that it felt like knocking on steel.

North of the clearings Estelle came across the decrepit frame of a long-destroyed building, filled with shards of glass and rotting wood. She tried to figure out what it might have been once upon a time, but the damage was too severe to even make a guess. She moved on towards the path to Robin’s house, but just before reaching it she saw a large hole carved into the solid wall of rock making up the northern boundary. She took a few hesitant steps inside, and felt a mixture of relief and disappointment when she saw that the small cave was empty. It was still really neat to have a natural cave on her property, and Estelle wondered about how she might utilize the space.

Several small lakes claimed the majority of the acreage on the east side of the farm, clear blue water that, even with the fish, looked more potable than Zuzu’s tap. One of the lakes was in the center of a small clearing, surrounded by wildflowers and soft grass. Estelle immediately decided it would be a swimming hole, and made a mental note to have the water tested as soon as she could.

The field in front of her house was the obvious choice for crops, despite looking like a tornado had picked up half the forest and dumped it in her front yard. It was flat, there was water nearby, and Robin had been right about the soil. When Estelle pushed her fingers into a rare patch of bare ground, the dry top layer slid away easily to reveal rich brown compost underneath. All she had to do was clean it up and give it a good tilling, and the land should be ripe for planting. Or so she guessed, anyway.

Circumstances being what they were, Estelle had found herself on a bus to Pelican Town only days after reading Grandpa Murray’s letter. She hadn’t stopped to think about _how_ she would live on the farm – she was too busy thinking about _why_ she needed to live on the farm. Now that she was finally here, Estelle was presented with the consequences of her rash decision-making.

She didn’t know the first thing about farming.

She had never tilled dirt, or planted crops, or chopped down trees before. She didn’t know how to milk a cow or shear a sheep – hell, she didn’t even have a puppy growing up. Seeing how much work the land needed, and recognizing how ill-equipped she was to do it, was the first time Estelle had stopped to question if this was the right choice.

Though it really didn’t matter. Right or wrong, it was her _only_ choice. She had to make it work.

With that thought fueling her motivation, Estelle headed out into the field, Grandpa’s axe in one hand and pickaxe in the other.

 

* * *

 

Everything hurt.

It’s not like she was out of shape or anything. Estelle may have sat on her ass all day in Joja’s soul-sucking cube farm, but over the past few months she had been going to the gym regularly and taking rigorous self-defense classes three days a week. By city standards she was pretty damn fit, and she had a small sense of pride that all the drinking and takeout meals hadn’t yet affected her figure.

Still, city fitness didn’t equal country fitness, apparently. She’d spent the morning using muscles she didn’t even know she had, and now her body was making her pay for it. Estelle lay sprawled out on a patch of freshly cut grass, watching the clouds pass as she tried to muster the will to get up. The mid-day sun beat down on her, and the gentle warmth felt oppressive on her overheated skin. Strands of hair that escaped her bun were plastered against her sweaty face, and though her breathing had slowed a while ago, she felt like she could easily have a heart attack at any given moment.

How did Grandpa Murray do this shit?

With great effort, Estelle dug her phone out of her pocket and checked the time. 1:00 pm. Seven full hours had passed since she set off to clear this field, and all she had to show for it was a trimmed lawn and a patch of worked soil barely large enough to plant the few dozen parsnip seeds Lewis had left her.

Lewis. She groaned, remembering her promise to go into town today. It wasn’t that she was against meeting the villagers. On the contrary, she was actually very curious about what sort of people Pelican Town had to offer. She just didn’t know if she was emotionally ready to build any meaningful relationships yet. Or if she was even able to anymore.

Estelle was well-versed at being sociable, and she was convincing in whatever role she decided to play. Concerned friend. Flirty co-worker. Intriguing stranger. Lusty hookup. But she didn’t want to act anymore. She came to the valley to move past that life, to have a fresh start in a new place. She wanted – no, she _needed_ – to form some kind of real human connection here.

But with real connection comes real pain. And Estelle was walking on thin ice already.

Still, she couldn’t hole up here forever. And it’s not like she was going to find her soul mate today or anything. All she had to do was get out there, meet some new people, and just be a friendly, genuine person.

Right. Maybe a drink first.

It was a compromise, she told herself as she trudged back to the cottage for a much-needed shower. She could schmooze with the people in the bar to keep her word to Lewis, and hopefully she’d get tipsy enough in the process to actually enjoy it. Win/win.

 

* * *

 

Estelle sat up with a start, looking around the dim room in confusion. Had she fallen asleep? She swiped her phone awake and cursed at herself when she saw the time. It was already quarter to six. Her entire afternoon had been wasted. She took a moment to roll out her neck and shoulders, and then made her way to the cottage’s tiny bathroom.

Despite her annoyance at the unexpected nap, Estelle did feel considerably better. Still sore beyond belief, but the utter exhaustion had been lifted. Besides, there was still plenty of time to get to town and continue with her original plan. It probably even worked out for the best. The bar would certainly have more customers at night, and she wouldn’t look like an alcoholic for drinking at lunchtime.

Running her fingers through her hair to untangle the knots formed during her nap, she decided against pulling it back into the messy bun from earlier. Her dark waves were still slightly damp from the shower, and she was hoping the breeze would finish drying them on the walk to town. She put on a quick swipe of mascara to hide the fact that she had literally just rolled out of bed, and after staring at her reflection for a long moment, decided she was ready to leave. It felt strange going out for the night without heavy makeup or tight clothes, but she didn’t want to come off too strongly in a small town. These people were expecting to meet a farmer, not a club kid in stilettos and winged eyeliner. Besides, she wasn’t looking to bring anyone home tonight.

Stuffing some cash in the back pocket of her jeans, Estelle closed the door to her house and started down the path towards Pelican Town.

 

* * *

 

The moment Estelle stepped foot in the town proper, a little boy no older than 7 or 8 came barreling toward her, big eyes sparkling with innocent curiosity.

“Hi Miss! My name’s Vincent! What’s yours?”

Estelle grinned at him. She loved how honest kids were, how they always just said whatever they were thinking and didn’t mince words. It was incredibly refreshing, when so much of adulthood was trying to read subtle cues and infer meaning out of vague responses.

Before she could reply, however, a stern voice made both of them turn around.

“Vincent!”

A slim redhead rushed over, hardly sparing a glance at Estelle as she narrowed her eyes at the boy.

“How many times have I told you not to run off like that? You know you’re supposed to stay where I can see you!”

Vincent’s head dropped in guilt. “Sorry Miss Penny.”

She sighed, face softening. “It’s alright. I know you were excited. Just please listen next time, okay?” A touch of pink rose to her cheeks as she regarded Estelle for the first time. “I’m so sorry about that. You must be the new farmer, right?”

Estelle smiled, waving it off. “That’s me. My name is Estelle.”

“I’m Penny, and this is Jas,” she replied, motioning to a little girl behind her. Estelle hadn’t noticed her at first, and she gave the girl a little wave when she peeked out from Penny’s legs.

“Your kids are cute. Are they twins?”

“Oh, no, they’re not mine! I just teach them a few days a week. The elementary school doesn’t send buses to Pelican Town, so we have to home school.”

It was Estelle’s turn to blush. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to assume.”

“No, it’s okay. Well, I have to get these two home. It was nice meeting you Estelle,” she said with a warm smile.

“You too.” Estelle waved to the children as Penny led them away.

She smiled to herself as she walked through the town square. Her first three introductions had been mercifully easy, and she was hoping the rest of the evening would go as smoothly.

 

* * *

 

Naturally, it did not.

After walking past a medical clinic and a general store, Estelle came to a fork in the road and decided to go straight. It would be easier to find her way back if she didn’t make a lot of turns, she reasoned, and kept walking until she came to a stone bridge crossing the river. On the other side was a sight she knew all too well – an obnoxiously large, glowing Joja sign sticking out of the rustic landscape like a sore thumb.

“They’re like fucking roaches,” she muttered to herself, crossing the bridge toward the Joja Mart. For as much as she never wanted to step foot inside a Joja establishment again, there would definitely be someone there who could give her directions. She comforted herself with the thought that at least she’d never have to shop there.

As she reached for the door of the Joja Mart, it suddenly swung open and a man stepped out. He was pulling off a blue Joja shirt, but even without the uniform Estelle could have guessed he was an employee by the look of utter misery on his face. She had worn the same expression during her tenure at the company. So she didn’t take offense when he stalked past her without a hint of acknowledgment.

She was still better off asking this guy than going into the store.

“Excuse me!” she called after him, taking a step in his direction. He didn’t turn around, or even break stride. “Hey, excuse me!” she tried again. No reaction.

Maybe he was hard of hearing? She jogged a few steps to catch up with him.

“Hey, can you help me?”

The man spun around suddenly, frowning in annoyance and frustration. “I don’t know you. Why are you talking to me?”

Estelle blinked in surprise, before her eyes narrowed in defensive anger. Who the hell does this guy think he is?

“Look dude, I don’t know what crawled up your ass, but I’m just trying to find out where to get a drink in this town.”

The man appraised her for a long moment, steely blue eyes locked on her defiant greens. She expected him to tell her to fuck off, and she was prepared to return the sentiment. Instead, the side of his mouth jerked up into a half-smile.

“A woman after my own heart. C’mon, saloon’s this way,” he said, nodding in the direction she had come from. “Name’s Shane.”

“Estelle.”

He grunted in response, and they walked the rest of the way in silence.

 

* * *

 

Stardrop Saloon. It was an interesting place in that there wasn’t anything notably good or notably bad about it. Estelle had been to dozens of bars ranging from upscale lounges to trashy dives, but Stardrop was unique in its utter neutrality. Still, her drink was cold and the bartender was friendly, and that’s all she could really ask for in the end.

The saloon was still mostly empty when Shane and Estelle arrived. A middle-aged blonde who had clearly seen better days was slumped over the far end of the bar, but Estelle didn’t bother approaching her. No point in talking to someone that shitfaced.

The owner, Gus, treated her to a basket of zucchini fritters, which she gratefully accepted. She hadn’t realized how hungry she was until he offered, but as soon as he set the food down she descended upon it like a pack of wild dogs. She vaguely realized that Shane was watching her with a bemused expression, but there wasn’t a single part of her that cared. She was starving, and that marinara was fantastic.

Gus beamed with pride when she told him so, and promised to make his famous spaghetti the next time she stopped by. He also used a heavier hand when mixing her next drink, and Estelle marked him down as a good egg in her book.

The bar slowly filled up as the sun went down, and Estelle was the main attraction of the evening. She found that she didn’t really mind though. The people she met seemed genuinely interested in meeting her, and she found herself genuinely interested in them in return. It was so different from going out in Zuzu, where people only approached you if they wanted something. Pretty faces, pretty lies, using people and being used in return. For the first time in a long while, Estelle realized that she was having a legitimately good time.

The buzz probably helped. Despite his beer-and-whiskey vibe, Gus knew how to make a damn fine Paloma.

Estelle leaned back in her chair, sipping her third round of the evening. “Okay Leah, tell me the truth. Did you carve that gigantic bear statue beside the bar?” she asked the other woman, who had quickly been dubbed her official Pelican Town drinking buddy.

Leah laughed. “Hell yes I did! Gus gave me a month of free drinks as payment for it too. He loves that awful thing.”

“It’s not awful!” Estelle insisted. “It’s just...big.”

“No, Leah’s right. It’s awful,” a third voice chimed in. Estelle turned to find Robin standing behind her, grinning.

“Aww, that hurts Robin,” Leah said playfully. “I’m going to grab another drink to wash away my sorrow. Need anything?”

They both shook their heads, and Leah left for the bar.

Robin turned to Estelle and smiled. “So! How are things going?”

“It’s… a lot different than I’m used to, but in a good way. Everyone has been really welcoming.”

“Oh, I’m so glad to hear that. I was worried that leaving you alone with all that mess was going to send you running right back to the bus stop.”

“I’m afraid you’re stuck with me for now,” Estelle said. “I have 3 dozen parsnips in the ground and a sore back to prove it.”

“Already? Wow. Guess I had nothing to worry about,” she said with a smile. “Why don’t you come meet my family? We just got here a few minutes ago.”

Estelle followed Robin across the room, to a table where a man and a young woman seemed to be waiting for them.

Robin started the introductions. “Estelle, this is my husband Demetrius and my daughter Maru.”

“Good to meet you both,” Estelle replied, shaking Demetrius’ offered hand.

“And you, Estelle. It will be good to have someone bring that old farm back to life,” Demetrius said with a polite smile that didn’t reach his eyes.

Maru, on the other hand, was grinning from ear to ear. “Estelle, I’m so glad you’re here! A new person totally changes the dynamic of the town. I’m so excited to see how you shake things up!”

Estelle couldn’t help but laugh. “Congratulations Maru, that’s the most enthusiastic welcome I’ve received yet.”

Maru looked a little sheepish, but still pleased. “Sorry. I get a little over-eager sometimes. What I’m trying to say is that I hope we can be good friends.”

“Yeah, I’d like that.”

“Not to break up this budding friendship,” Robin cut in, “but have either of you seen Sebby?”

“No,” Demetrius said simply.

Maru rolled her eyes at her father. He pretended not to notice. “He’s probably in the back with Sam and Abigail,” she said.

“Right, duh. Thanks sweetie. Come on Estelle, I’ll introduce you to them.”

Estelle said goodbye to Maru and Demetrius and followed Robin to a game room just off of the main bar area. It was small and dated, like the rest of the place, but there were a few old school arcade machines that looked promising. An ancient CRT television played cartoons along the opposite wall, and there were a number of couches and lounge chairs lining the perimeter of the space. In the center of the room was a large pool table, surrounded by three people in the middle of a game.

Robin paused in the entryway, leaning against the door frame as she watched the trio with amused interest. Estelle followed her lead. A pale guy dressed head-to-toe in black was bent over the far side of the table, strands of dark hair falling across his face as he stared intently at the arrangement of balls in play. In stark contrast, a sunny looking blonde was behind him, wearing a cheeky grin as he tried to psyche the other man out. A girl sat cross-legged on the couch nearest them, idly twirling a lock of violet hair around her finger as she watched the scene with a bored expression.

The blonde leaned in close enough to be in clear violation of personal space boundaries as the dark-haired guy lined up his shot. His lips pressed together slightly, but there was otherwise no outward sign that the close proximity rattled him. His stick hit the cue with a loud crack, sending it rocketing toward a cluster of balls near the side pocket. Two solids dropped, one in the side and one in the corner, before the cue rolled to a stop in line with a third.

The blonde groaned, eliciting a smirk from his friend as he shoved him out of his space bubble. The girl just rolled her eyes.

Robin took a step forward into the room proper. “Hey guys!” she called, catching the group’s attention. “Sorry for interrupting pool night, but I wanted to introduce you all to our new neighbor. This is Estelle!”

“Estelle, this is Sam…” she said, gesturing toward the blonde.

“Abigail...” The girl.

“…and Sebastian, my son,” she said, smiling warmly at the dark-haired boy.

The three of them appraised Estelle like she was up for auction, and the walls that she had gradually let down over the course of the evening immediately slammed back into place. Feeling self-conscious and awkward, she fell back on her standard mechanism for coping with those feelings – deny them completely, and masquerade as someone more confident. Fake it ‘til you make it, right?

“Hey,” she said with practiced nonchalance. She looked at Sebastian and gave a slight smile. “Nice shot.”

Sebastian stared at her for a moment, expression indecipherable, before his eyes flicked to his mother and back. “Thanks,” he muttered, turning away to pick up his drink from the table behind him.

“Aw man, don’t get his ego up any higher,” Sam said with a grin.

Robin laughed and excused herself, citing something about Demetrius never ordering her the right food. Estelle was unsure if she should follow – she didn’t want to seem like a child tagging behind Robin, but she also wasn’t looking to intrude. These three were giving off a strong clique vibe, and she knew better than to mess with that dynamic.

She was just about to make an excuse to leave when Sam approached her with an outstretched hand. “Hey, good to meet you Estelle. You’re up in old man Murray’s house right?”

“Yep. He was my grandfather,” she said, shaking his hand.

“Man, it’s gotta be sweet having your own place already,” he said with a wistful tone. “You’re only what, like 20?”

“22.”

“Hey, me too! And Seb. Abby is an old lady.”

Abigail shot him a withering look. “24 isn’t old, dick,” she said, walking over to where they stood. She glared at him for a moment longer before turning her gaze to Estelle. “So. You’re from Zuzu right? Why did you leave?”

Well, that was a pretty hard-hitting first question. They all looked at her expectantly, and she struggled to find an appropriate response.

_Because living in Zuzu is like being an ant. You’re one of thousands of nameless, faceless people, supporting a hill that provides you with nothing in return. But you just keep marching. Working and fighting and fucking until you either leave or die. And when you do there’s another ant ready to take your place. No one gives a shit what happened to you. You’re nothing, nobody. Totally meaningless._

“I… guess I was just looking for something new. I’ve lived in Zuzu my whole life. Needed to branch out.”

“Huh. Makes sense I suppose…it’s the same for us, but in reverse. Don’t know why you picked Pelican Town though. There’s fuck all to do here,” Abigail said.

“Having a free place to live kinda sealed the deal for me.”

“Mm. Must be nice.”

Abigail’s snarky tone irritated Estelle. She had to deal with catty shrews every day in Joja HQ, and now that she was self-employed she had no reason to humor that shit any longer.

“I mean I’d prefer my grandpa to be alive, but yeah I suppose it’s nice.”

Abigail’s mouth pressed into a thin line at that, saying nothing as she turned on her heel and retreated back to the couch, plopping down with an audible huff. Sam and Sebastian exchanged a glance but didn’t comment. Estelle raised her eyebrows in mild amusement, and decided that this was a good time to make her exit.

“Well, I’m going to grab another drink. It was nice meeting you guys,” she said.

“See you around, Estelle,” Sam replied with a genuine smile. Sebastian and Abigail both ignored her.

Oh well. Can’t win ‘em all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My first Stardew fanfic! Hope you guys like it. This story will be cross-posted to ff.net while I figure out which platform I like better (same username). Any comments, critique, or angry letters telling me to stop ruining the fandom are welcome. Thanks!


	2. A Cat and a Friend

Estelle's first week on the farm passed by in a blurry haze of weed clearing, stone breaking, and wood chopping. And pain. Lots and lots of pain. Enough pain that on Day 4 she didn't leave her bed at all, except to pee and throw a frozen pizza in the toaster oven.

And thank Yoba she decided to pack the toaster oven, because her new home lacked a kitchen entirely. The cottage consisted of exactly one room, with a closet-sized bathroom attached like an afterthought. Estelle wondered how her mom didn't go crazy growing up in such a tiny house. Even their shitty 6th floor walk-up in Zuzu had a separate bedroom and kitchen.

It would do for now though. Grandpa's sparse furnishings came with the place, so she had a bed to sleep on and a mini fridge to stash some food. The TV had about 10 years on her but it still worked, and she quickly got in the habit of scanning the 3 channels it offered while she ate breakfast. The chest in the corner was large enough to hold all of her clothes and the few personal items important enough to bring. All the necessities were taken care of, and after throwing some fresh linens on the bed and airing the place out, it almost felt cozy.

Still, the profit from her first harvest was going right into an upgrade.

If there was much of a profit. Estelle was a little concerned about her crops, to be honest. She had never tried to grow anything before, and was unsure if what she was seeing was normal or not. The parsnip seeds had sprouted shortly after being planted, and Estelle was so excited to see the thin green tendrils she had worked so hard for. After that though, the growth just seemed to stop entirely. A few small leaves were branching out from some of the sprouts, but they still looked like fragile little wisps rather than strong hardy plants. The seed packet said they would be ready for harvest 2 weeks from planting – shouldn't they be bigger than this by now?

She missed the internet. It always knew what to do. She found herself reflexively hitting her phone's search app throughout the day, only to be reminded that there was no 4G in Stardew Valley. No 4G, no pizza delivery, no caramel lattes… Zuzu City may have been a shithole, but damn if she didn't miss the convenience it offered.

Well, whatever. Everything was probably fine, and even if it wasn't, worrying wasn't going to change anything. She followed the directions, the soil was good – it would be fine. Determined to stay optimistic, Estelle decided to spend the day away from the farm and her Schrodinger's Crops. She hadn't done much socializing since her night at the saloon, and she was looking forward to some human interaction beyond buying junk food from Pierre.

She didn't have to go far to find it. When Estelle opened her door, she was greeted by a breathless Marnie climbing her front steps, clutching something against her chest.

"Estelle! Oh I'm so glad you're home. I have a favor to ask you. Could you take this little cat in?"

Estelle blinked in confusion, and before she had time to process the request Marnie continued, "Jas found her near the forest. She's just a baby…probably lost her mama, poor thing. I'd keep her myself, but my barn cat is mean as hell and would sooner tear her to shreds. Oh please Estelle, you gotta say yes!"

Estelle looked down at the creature Marnie was carrying. A tiny ball of orange fluff looked back at her, mewing pitifully. She had never fancied herself a cat person necessarily, but that little face was too pure to deny.

"Sure, Marnie. I can keep her."

Marnie's face lit up. "I knew you were a good one Estelle! I'll send Jas by later on with some goat's milk for her. Mix it up with some of that canned food Pierre sells 'til she gets used to eating solids. Okay well I better run before I'm late to aerobics, thanks again!" she said briskly, handing the cat to Estelle and rushing down the path to town.

Estelle took the kitten inside and set it down gently on her bed. She looked so much smaller than she had in Marnie's arms, and she was glad that Jas had found her. There was no way this tiny little thing could have survived out there on her own.

"Well, I guess you're going to need a name," she said, watching the cat circle the bed a few times before settling down next to her. "How about…Maki?" She stroked the kitten's soft fur, and it purred contentedly, nuzzling against her hand. Estelle immediately changed her mind about being a cat person.

 

* * *

 

Estelle reluctantly left her new best friend a while later, when she realized that eventually the cat was going to take a shit on her floor if she didn't get some basic supplies. Pierre had some canned food in stock, just like Marnie had mentioned, but he didn't have any litter. Estelle made him promise to order some for next time, and resigned herself to her fate. Reluctantly, she trudged down the path leading to the only option she had left.

Fucking Joja Mart.

It was an assault on her senses from the moment she walked in the door. Blinding fluorescent light stung her eyes, and she squinted against it as they struggled to adjust. The music was atrocious, loud and tinny with a fuzzy static backdrop like it was being played over a high school intercom. Estelle felt the familiar headache coming on already, the one behind her eyes that she had experienced every day at Joja HQ. It was like every cell in her body was pissed off that she was here, and she quickly walked down the aisles, scanning for the pet section.

"Hey, Estelle!"

Estelle turned around to find Sam walking towards her, carrying a broom in one hand and tugging his earbuds out with the other. He had a wide grin on his face, like seeing her was the best thing to happen all day. Though judging by the blue Joja shirt he had on, that was entirely possible.

She returned the smile, raising an eyebrow at the earbuds. "Hey yourself. They let you listen to music on the clock? My boss at HQ would shit a brick."

He shrugged. "Not exactly allowed, but Morris pretends not to notice. You worked at HQ?"

"Yep. Customer Care Associate. So basically when someone got pissed enough to call corporate, I fielded the complaints."

"That sounds…incredibly shitty."

"It was enough to make me never want to step foot in one of these stores again. Speaking of which – do you know where cat litter is?"

"Yeah, c'mon I'll show you," he said, nodding towards the far side of the store. "You have a cat?"

"As of this morning, yes."

He shot her a knowing look. "Let me guess. Marnie?"

"Marnie."

"You gotta watch out for her man, she'll turn your farm into a zoo if you let her," he said with a laugh. "Cat stuff's about halfway down this aisle."

Estelle smiled and thanked him, turning down the aisle he instructed. She had only taken a few steps when Sam called to her again.

"Hey, do you wanna come to the saloon with me tonight? Seb bailed on me 'cause Abby asked him to fix her internet or something," he said, rolling his eyes.

She thought about it for a minute. Sam seemed pretty cool on his own, without the snark and glares from the rest of his entourage. And she didn't have any other plans, so…

"Sure, why not?"

Sam grinned. "Awesome! Meet you there around 6:00?"

"It's a date."

 

* * *

 

If this had been a date, it would have been the best date Estelle had ever been on. Her drink was on point, Gus's pizza was a culinary masterwork, and Sam was… well, Sam. In the span of an hour Estelle felt like she had known him all her life, like a favorite cousin or the boy next door. There was something about his carefree smiles and unapologetic sense of self that set her at ease, and any apprehension she had about hanging out tonight melted away in the face of his complete authenticity.

Though he had given her shit about ordering pineapple on her half of the pizza. " _Way to choose the only topping that can make pizza bad." "Pineapple is the only topping worth getting. Fight me."_

But no one's perfect. At least he didn't comment on how she killed the entire half, or that she ate it almost as fast as he did. Farm work built up a hell of an appetite, and she wasn't about to pick at a salad in some misguided attempt to impress.

The conversation flowed naturally during the meal, and afterwards when they moved to the arcade machine in the back. Sam asked a lot about Zuzu – her job, her childhood, her favorite places in the city – but he didn't press on topics she was purposely vague about, and his casual sensitivity surprised and impressed her. She had unfairly stereotyped him as the dumb slacker type who barged ahead without consideration, and quickly amended her snap judgment.

He gave her the rundown of Pelican Town that she hadn't picked up on her own, like how the people are connected to each other, the annual festivals, and how the mines are a death trap, but the topic he kept coming back to was his band. She could immediately tell that was his real passion, and his eyes lit up when she told him that she played bass.

"You have to be in my band!" Sam said, abandoning his digital cowboy as he turned away from the arcade cabinet.

Estelle laughed as he spun her stool around to face him, bumping her knees against his in the tight space. "Tempting, but I'm going to have to decline."

"Whyyy? We don't have a bassist! You'd be great!"

His single-minded enthusiasm made her smile, even as she shook her head. "I'm not good enough to be in a band. Besides, I think I like watching shows more than being in them."

Sam opened his mouth to argue further, but was cut short.

"Harassing the new girl already?"

Estelle turned to see Sebastian enter the game room, a mildly amused smirk on his face as he leaned against the pool table across from them. He glanced down at their touching knees with a slight raise of his eyebrows, making Estelle uncomfortable enough to scoot back.

Sam didn't seem to notice as he turned to his friend with a grin. "Seb! Did you know Estelle plays bass? Tell her she needs to be in our band!"

"We don't need bass. We need drums. Which is why I told you to ask Abby."

Sam groaned. "I know, I know." He turned to Estelle. "Do you play drums?"

"Nope."

"Fiiiine," he said, hanging his head in defeat. "I'll ask Abby. But you should still think about it. Synth can't replace an actual bassist."

Estelle was curious about Sam's reaction – why would he ask her to play drums over his friend? It wasn't really any of her business though, so she decided not to mention it.

"I'll think about it," she promised, "but my answer is probably going to stay no. I can come over and play sometime though if you want."

That seemed to satisfy him, and he brightened up as he started talking about practice schedules and ideas for future songs. Estelle smiled and nodded when appropriate, but her attention had been drawn to the other man in the room.

She hadn't had much of a chance to check out Sebastian before – in fact, she hadn't even seen him since her first introduction at the saloon, which had been brief and painful. She casually ran her gaze over him, careful not to linger long enough to be caught staring.

Though not staring was harder than it should have been. She hadn't noticed it before, but Sebastian was oddly attractive. Odd in that he was not her usual type at all. Estelle typically went for guys that were good-natured but dumb, with thick arms and short hair. Well done tattoos were a bonus. The skinny, brooding, emo thing Sebastian had going on didn't really fit the mold, but she couldn't deny the base flutter in her stomach as she examined his features more closely. There was something about him…

"What do you think Estelle?"

Sam's question snapped her back to the moment, and her face reddened when she realized her daydreaming had caused her to miss the question entirely.

"Um…sorry, what?"

Sam gave her a look of mild exasperation and repeated himself. "Which genre do you think we should play? Pop, country, rock, or dance?"

"Oh. Hmm…" she thought for a moment, "So while I love a good beat at the club, if you want to play live then you gotta go with rock. Nothing beats the energy of a rock show."

"Told you dude," Sam said with a triumphant grin. "We should definitely be a rock band."

Sebastian rolled his eyes. "I wasn't debating that. You were arguing with yourself."

"Sure, sure. You know you wanted to do some kind of weird experimental electronica." Sam looked down at his phone and muttered a curse under his breath. "Sorry guys, I gotta head out. I promised Mom I'd put together her new nightstand before she went to bed. Later!"

Sam left in a hurry, leaving Estelle and Sebastian alone in the game room. Without their mutual friend to keep the conversation going, an uncomfortable silence fell between them. She debated making up some excuse to leave as well, but decided she should at least try to be friendly. She didn't really know anything about Sebastian, after all, and if she was going to be hanging out with Sam more often then she should probably get acquainted with his best friend.

"So…have you and Sam known each other long?" she said, cringing inwardly as soon as the cliche opener left her mouth.

"Yep. Since we were five."

"Wow. I don't think I've known anyone for half that long, outside of family."

"That's how it works in a small town. Everybody knows everybody." He stuck his hands in his hoodie pockets and glanced at her indifferently. "That's why everyone is falling all over themselves to meet you. You're the first new person in years."

Estelle gave him a wry smile. "I see you're totally unaffected by that."

He shrugged but didn't comment further, and the silence resumed again. This time Sebastian was the one to break it.

"So why did you really come here?"

The question caught her off guard, and she just stared at him for a moment before he elaborated. "To Pelican Town. No one moves here just for a change of pace. You didn't even seem to believe yourself when you said it."

Estelle hesitated. He really picked up on that? He didn't even know her. And she didn't owe him any explanations.

She raised her eyebrows in mock humor. "Well that's a lot to infer about a total stranger," she said with a smirk.

He shrugged again but didn't look away, and Estelle's smile faded subconsciously. She felt her defenses break down under his steady gaze, and it unnerved her. She didn't like how transparent he made her feel.

Estelle broke eye contact first, looking down at her hands and sighing. "Didn't have anywhere else to go."

She saw him nod from the corner of her eye, but she didn't look up again. Saying it out loud brought everything back to the surface – the grief, the rejection, the betrayal – and admitting it to someone else made her feel far too vulnerable. She needed to leave. Now.

"Anyway, I have to get home," she said abruptly, hopping off her bar stool. "See you later Sebastian."

Before he had a chance to respond, Estelle turned on her heel and left the bar as quickly as she could without causing a scene. The first hot tear rolled down her cheek as she stepped into the night breeze.


	3. Eggfest

Estelle woke up the morning of the Egg Festival feeling cautiously optimistic. Today was the day her first harvest should be ready, according to the directions on the seed packet. She had spent the last few days nervously eyeing her crops, wondering what was going on underneath the soil. The plants themselves looked a little anemic, which concerned her. Did root vegetables even get big and leafy up top? She vaguely remembered once seeing carrots with the greens still attached, and they looked pretty thin. Or maybe she was just making that up.

Parsnips were a shitty first crop for people with anxiety.

35 plants greeted her as she walked out to the field – one lost to crows, RIP. Pulling on her work gloves, Estelle knelt down into the dirt and began gently unpacking the soil from the base of a plant. After a few light tugs, she unearthed her very first home-grown vegetable; three inches of rotting parsnip, dotted with tiny black specks that looked like a cross between mold and pox.

Hoping it was a fluke, she tossed the ruined plant into her wheelbarrow and moved on. The next parsnip she pulled up from the ground was a little larger, but with the same black specks. As she turned it over in her hands to more closely inspect the marks, a fat white grub crawled out from a hole near the stem.

What. The. Fuck.

Estelle harvested one diseased parsnip after another, feeling her heart sink with each one she tossed into the waste pile. What happened? The soil was good, even Robin had said so – and Grandpa had no trouble farming this land. She watered every day, spaced them evenly, pulled weeds… so why? What had she done wrong?

She tossed the last rotten parsnip into the wheelbarrow and flopped down onto the soil, staring up at the early morning sky. Okay, look at it objectively. All the parsnips had the same black spots on them, and growth was clearly stunted. That had to be some kind of plant disease. So maybe the seeds were duds. If they came from a diseased plant, they could have carried the disease, right?

She’d just have to start over. Clear a new patch of soil, buy a different crop, and try again. She still had her last paycheck from Joja on the way, so this was just a bump in the road. A learning curve. No big deal.

Estelle grabbed her axe and got to work.

 

* * *

 

Two hours and a long shower later, Estelle was feeling a lot better. She had made some good progress in clearing a new section of the field, and having a solid plan helped ease some of the tension. She was going to buy a few different kinds of seeds to see what was most successful. Pierre bragged about his seeds every time she went in the shop, so hopefully the quality was there. Then she would go to the library to see if they had public computers she could use to do some research on proper farming techniques. All the libraries back in Zuzu had public internet, so it was her best shot. If not, they might have some books she could check out at least.

But that was a problem for future Estelle. Today, Egg Festival.

She wasn’t really sure what to expect, but was excited all the same. The idea of a community-wide celebration was just so alien to her. She remembered one of her downstairs neighbors trying to plan a meet-and-greet in the building shortly after moving from the suburbs, but they learned very quickly that city residents had zero interest in socializing with others over nothing but proximity. People kept to themselves, for better or worse. That was clearly not the case in Pelican Town.

Estelle arrived at the village square shortly after the official festival start time, and was pleased to see that most of the town had already turned out. Pierre was running a shopping stand, go figure, and waved Estelle over to pitch some new strawberry seeds he’d gotten in stock.

“Limited time only!” he assured.

Of course they were, Pierre. Despite the cliche advertising, she still bought three packets. Might as well start stocking up for planting round two.

A massive spread of food was displayed across two tables, with Gus running between them stirring dishes and fiddling with hot plates. Pam was positioned suspiciously close to a large bowl of punch, and Estelle watched with amusement as she stealthily produced a flask from her bra and poured it into the drink. Well played, Pam.

Walking through the courtyard, Estelle stopped to chat briefly with a few of the villagers she had come to like. She talked TV with Maru, recommending her favorite show – medieval fantasy with sex, politics, and dragons – and then played a round of hop scotch with Vincent and Jas. Grumpy Mr. Mullner damn near cracked a smile when she gave him a small bag of leeks she had foraged from her property that morning, and Mrs. Mullner promised to make her a batch of cookies in return. It was an excellent trade on her end, considering she had no idea how to cook a leek anyway. She didn’t even recognize them as a vegetable until Alex pointed one out a few days prior.

Alex was predictably being cornered by Haley, so Estelle didn’t bother approaching him. She had no problem with Haley, but the other girl demanded Alex’s full attention when they were together. And as Haley clearly only had eyes for him, trying to engage either of them was an exercise in futility.

As she meandered through the festival, Estelle also spotted a few people she hadn’t met. An older man with an eye patch stood near Pierre’s shop, fiddling with a rather intense-looking survival knife. She decided to skip that introduction for now. A man with hair that was longer and more luxurious than her own was in deep conversation with Leah, and she didn’t intrude there either. Most interesting, and most creepy, was a wide-set man lurking near the riverbank, watching the festival from afar. Estelle only saw him for a moment though, because when he locked eyes with her, he seemed to almost… disappear?

Weird. Estelle blinked and shook her head. She must have gotten too much sun this morning.

She was still staring in the direction of the river when Sam called to her, interrupting her irrational line of thought. She turned in his direction to see him enthusiastically waving her over, flanked by none other than Sebastian and Abigail.

Great.

It’s not that she disliked Sebastian; he just made her ridiculously uncomfortable, and she couldn’t tell if he did it on purpose or not. Abigail, however, had not made a very good first impression. Still, Estelle was willing to give them both another shot. Sam was the most promising friend she had here so far, and she didn’t want to write him off over his less-than-ideal social connections. She plastered a smile on her face and walked over to the group.

“Hey,” she said simply.

“Hey Estelle! How are you liking your first Egg Festival?” Sam asked.

“It’s pretty cool. We didn’t have anything like this back in Zuzu,” she said. “Pretty sure I saw Pam spiking the punch, so that’s exciting.”

Sam groaned. “Not again,” he said, pulling his phone out of his pocket and texting quickly. “Last year Vincent caught a buzz off of whatever she put in the punch. Mom is going to flip out.”

Abigail laughed. “Well, silver lining – if Vincent gets drunk, there’s no decent competition for the egg hunt.”

Sam glared at her. “Not funny.”

“I’m just kidding. Geez, take a joke sometime.”

“Because child endangerment is such a riot,” he said darkly. Abigail rolled her eyes and his frown deepened.

“Why don’t you actually give the kids a chance at the egg hunt this year? You’re a grown ass woman. What are you getting out of beating 7 year olds?”

It was Abigail’s turn to glare. “It’s a competition, Sam. Losing builds character. People aren’t going to baby your brother forever you know.”

Well, Abigail had already ruined the second chance Estelle offered. If there was one thing she wasn’t cool with, it was being shitty towards children. “Maybe it’s just me,” she interjected, “but 7 year olds are still young enough to be babied a little.”

Abigail turned on her immediately. “No one asked you,” she snapped, “so stay out of it.”

Estelle judged her as the type to _really_ hate being mocked, so she just raised her eyebrows and pressed her smiling lips together like she was holding back laughter. It got the reaction she was looking for. Abigail’s face reddened with impotent rage, fists clenched to her sides like a toddler throwing a tantrum.

“Whatever. Come find me when you guys are done being so fucking sensitive,” Abigail said as she stormed off in the direction of her father’s booth.

Sam shook his head. “I don’t know what you see in her dude,” he said to Sebastian.

Sebastian had said nothing during the exchange, but he looked oddly tired. Estelle felt like this wasn’t the first time a confrontation like this had happened between the three of them. “Abby loves the egg hunt. You guys messed with her on purpose,” he said finally.

“Except she started it,” Sam retorted.

Sebastian sighed and scrubbed his hand over his face. “I’m going to go talk to her. Catch up with you later.”

Sam frowned as he watched his friend walk away. “For such a smart guy, he can be so fucking dumb,” he muttered. Estelle didn’t know what to say to that, so she stayed silent. After a moment, Sam turned back to her with his usual cheer restored. “C’mon, let’s go get some of that punch.”

 

* * *

 

The rest of the festival went by without a hitch. Abigail was suspiciously absent from the egg hunt, much to Estelle’s amusement, and Vincent and Jas ended up tying for first place. Vincent beamed with pride as he ran over to show Sam his ribbon, and Estelle laughed and cheered when Sam lifted both kids up on his shoulders for a celebratory parade around the square. The food was fantastic, and the whole town was in good spirits by the time the festival drew to a close. Except for Sebastian and Abigail, anyway.

Estelle and Sam were feeling pretty good themselves after indulging in more than their share of Pam’s punch. She tried to get the older woman to spill what kind of booze she’d added, but Pam just grinned and played innocent. Whatever it was, it was delicious. And potent. Estelle didn’t particularly want to ride out her buzz alone at home, so when Sam asked if she wanted to come back to his place she accepted.

It was a strange feeling, being invited into a guy’s room without the expectation of sex. Estelle could count on one hand the number of times that had happened, and most of those were before high school. To be honest she half expected Sam to make a move on her as soon as the door closed. To be even more honest, she was actually a little disappointed when he didn’t. She wasn’t looking to fool around with him necessarily, as she was really enjoying their budding friendship and didn’t want to complicate things. But she was drunk, he was pretty cute, and it had been a while since she’d slept with anyone. If he had gone for it, she probably wouldn’t have stopped him.

But he didn’t, so instead they just hung out. They played video games until Sam got tired of having his ass handed to him, then talked about favorite bands and movies while he messed around on his guitar and Estelle paged through a comic. When they retreated to the kitchen for a snack, Estelle helped fold a few baskets of laundry, which elicited a mixed reaction of embarrassment and delight from Jodi. It all just felt so…normal, so comfortable. It felt almost like home.

She had missed that feeling so much.

They ended up on the couch with a movie by the time the afternoon wound down and their buzz lightened up. The movie was some made-for-TV garbage, and they were mostly entertaining themselves by mocking it relentlessly throughout. Vincent had hijacked the computer in Sam’s room to play some pixel block game that looked boring as hell but had him enthralled, and Jodi was making her almost-daily Joja Mart run, so they had free reign of the living room to be lewd and silly.

During a long stretch of driving scenes that were too boring to even make fun of, Estelle brought up a question that had been on her mind for a while.

“So, what’s up with your friends anyway?”

“Who? Seb?”

“Yeah. And Abigail. They both seem kind of shitty…no offense.”

Sam chuckled. “Nah, Seb’s cool. He comes off as a jerk but he’s a good dude when you get to know him. He’s just quiet and hard to read so people don’t give him a fair chance.” He paused for a moment, and then smirked. “You’re right about Abby though. She is pretty shitty.”

Estelle raised her eyebrows. She hadn’t expected him to agree. “So then why do you hang out with her?”

“Because Sebastian is an idiot.” At her confused look he continued, “He’s been obsessed with Abby for like two or three years now. She used to actually be pretty cool, so he had a crush on her for a while, but when he finally got the courage to ask her out she did this whole “maybe” thing and started leading him on. So she’s been on a power trip playing head games with him since, and he won’t listen to reason because over time he convinced himself that he’s in love with her.”

“Wow. That’s…incredibly fucked up.”

“Yeah. And Sebastian’s stubborn as hell so I don’t know if he’s ever going to snap out of it. He gets pissed at me whenever I bring it up, so now I just try to keep my mouth shut and deal with her. I don’t know what else I can do.”

“I’m sorry. That sounds really hard.”

He shrugged, but Estelle could tell that the situation really bothered him. Scooting over on the couch, she put her hand on his shoulder and gave him a friendly squeeze. He gave her a grateful smile and returned the gesture, pulling her into a warm half-hug. They watched the rest of the movie in comfortable silence, and Estelle walked home feeling better than she had in years.


	4. Farming for Dummies

“Seriously? Not one fucking book?” Estelle muttered, scanning the shelves a final time. This library was a joke. No computers, half-empty shelves, and not a single book about farming. Gunther was no help at all, giving her a half-hearted shrug and suggesting she look through town for some of the missing library stock. Yeah, okay buddy. Like she was going to just dig up a farming book like buried treasure or something. So ridiculous.

Well, now what? This was the final piece to her Growing Crops: Take Two plan. She bought a good variety of seeds from Pierre; green beans, potatoes, cauliflower, kale, and of course the strawberries from the egg festival, which to Estelle’s astonishment actually had been limited time only. She had spent quite a bit more than she wanted to, but her final paycheck from Joja should be arriving any day now, and she could fall back on that if she needed money between now and harvest time.

She’d finished clearing a new field on her land, to the west of the thick stretch of trees that ran down the center. Hopefully if there was a soil issue the forest barrier would prevent it from affecting the other side of her property. No science behind that assumption, just blind hypothesis. She had even laid a little stone pathway to guide her through the trees, rather than circling the lake each time. All she needed now was to learn what the hell to do to make these plants grow.

There was no way around it. She needed the internet.

Her first instinct was to ask Sam, but he was working late today and she didn’t want to bother Jodi. Alex probably didn’t have a computer, and Penny definitely didn’t. Haley and Emily had taken a weekend shopping trip to the city. That only left…

Wait! Maru! She did tech stuff, right? She had to have one.

Estelle hadn’t seen her around town today, which meant she was probably at home. Estelle turned up the path leading into the mountains.

 

* * *

 

When Estelle arrived at Maru’s house, there was a sign on the door that said Robin’s shop was closed for the afternoon. She deliberated for a minute if she should go in or knock first, and decided to go ahead and knock. If the shop was closed then this was just their house, and she wasn’t close enough with the family to just stroll into their home unannounced.

It was Maru who answered the door, and she smiled brightly as she invited Estelle inside.

“If you’re looking for Mom, she’s at Jodi’s fixing a nightstand or something,” Maru said.

Estelle smiled inwardly, wondering if it was the same nightstand that Sam had put together. Probably. He didn’t seem like the type to follow directions very well.

“Actually, I sort of came to ask you a favor,” Estelle said, feeling a little guilty. She hadn’t spent very much time with Maru since moving here, and now she was coming to her for help. It seemed a little shitty of her.

Maru didn’t seem to mind, however. “Sure. What’s up?”

“I’m trying to do some research on farming techniques, but I’m having trouble finding a place to get online. I thought maybe since you did a lot of technical work you might have a computer I could use for a little while?”

Maru’s smile faded as she shook her head. “Sorry Estelle, my laptop bricked a few days ago,” she said regretfully. “The part it needs is on backorder and won’t be here for another week or two.”

Well, shit.

“Oh but wait! Sebastian isn’t home. You can just use his computer!”

Estelle hesitated. While it’s true she needed to get online, Sebastian was near the bottom of the list of people she wanted to ask. And to just help herself to his stuff without even asking? That was a line that she was really not trying to cross.

“Um, I don’t know if that’s such a good idea Maru.”

Maru waved it off. “It’s fine, don’t worry about it. He always stays out late when it rains so he’ll never even know you were here. If he asks about the history or anything I’ll say it was me.”

Well, if he’d never know she was there…

“If you’re sure, then…okay,” Estelle agreed reluctantly, and followed Maru downstairs.

The first thing that struck her about Sebastian’s room was how dark it was. There were no windows, which made sense for a basement, but it was still incredibly jarring to go from afternoon light to pitch blackness in just a few steps. Maru flicked on the overhead light, but the room still felt dark. Dark walls, dark couch, even his sheets were dark. I mean the guy did wear all black so it wasn’t surprising, but it still made her feel a little claustrophobic despite the room being about the same size as her place.

It was tidy though, which Estelle noted with appreciation. She couldn’t believe how many guys had brought her back to their apartment, only to have to wade through dirty laundry or garbage to get to the bed. Or worse, dorm rooms that had that dude-bro stench of stale beer, farts, and unwashed workout clothes. Sebastian’s room had a scent that was hard to pinpoint; it definitely smelled like a guy lived here, but not in the typical sweat/cologne/ass combination. More like the way a guy’s hoodie smells when it’s still warm from his body, that subtle masculine undertone that you can’t really describe but is undoubtedly there. It was nice.

Maru led her to the opposite corner of the room, where a table with two computers was set up.

“Here we are! Go ahead and get settled in. I’ve got some stuff to work on upstairs but if you need anything just let me know,” she said.

Estelle thanked her and sat at the computer farthest from the door. While the machine booted, she took one last glance around the room. It was totally out of character for her, but for some reason she had this urge to look through all of Sebastian’s stuff. Maybe it was because she didn’t really know anything about him. He was hard to read, hard to talk to…she just couldn’t seem to figure him out. Which, incidentally, kind of made her want to.

A soft beep signaled that the desktop had finished loading. Turning back to the screen, Estelle opened her notebook and began learning how to be a farmer.

 

* * *

 

Who would have guessed that there were so many variables to consider when growing vegetables? Sun vs. shade, drainage and run-off, competing root networks, pH balance of the soil, adding compost, pest deterrence…it was so much more than just plant, water, harvest. Estelle suddenly felt like she was in way over her head. She sighed, rubbing her eyes with her palms.

“What are you doing here?”

Estelle snapped her head up, feeling the blood drain out of her face. Sebastian was standing just inside the doorway, arms crossed, staring at her with eyes narrowed in either confusion or accusation – she couldn’t really tell. Probably a bit of both. She hadn’t even heard him come in.

“Oh! I, uh… I needed to do some research online, and Maru said you weren’t going to be home so…”

“So you thought you could use my computer without permission just because I wasn’t here?”

Estelle grimaced. It sounded so much worse when he put it like that. “Look, I’m really sorry. I wasn’t trying to intrude or anything. I’ll leave now,” she said, hastily gathering her stuff as she stood.

She took a few steps toward the door, but when he didn’t move out of the way she came to an uncertain stop in the middle of the room. He was still looking at her, but now in a thoughtful way, like he was trying to come to some sort of decision. She shifted her weight uncomfortably.

“What were you researching?” he said finally.

“Huh?”

“Online. What did you need to look up?”

“Oh, um...just some tips on farming. Like how to grow crops and stuff.”

She felt dumb saying it, even more so when he raised his eyebrows questioningly. “Aren’t you a farmer? Why are you looking up how to farm?”

_Because I’m a fucking idiot._

“Actually, I’m not really a farmer. I’m an artist pretending to be a farmer. It’s…kind of complicated.”

The corner of his mouth twitched, and Estelle silently wished the ground would open up and swallow her.

“Right. Well, here,” he said, walking over to the computer table. He pressed the power button on the second tower, and the screen blinked on as the machine whirred to life. “You can finish up on this one. I need to use that one for work.”

Estelle blinked at him for a moment while her head wrapped around the sudden 180. So he was pissed that she was here, then he interrogated her, and now he’s offering to let her stay? Hard to read was an understatement. She had zero idea what was going on in that guy’s head.

“Are…you sure?”

“I wouldn’t have offered otherwise.”

Fair enough. “Okay. Thanks.”

 

* * *

 

For the next hour, the only sound in Sebastian’s room was the clicking of keyboards and scribbling of pen on paper. It was a comfortable silence though – they were both absorbed in their work, and there was no need for small talk to pass the time. Estelle was determined to gather as much information as she could, and her notebook quickly filled with lists, data tables, sketches, and page after page of notes. She’d also placed an order for soil and water testing kits, a transplant shovel, and a few other odds and ends that were recommended. And a collar for Maki, because she freaking loved that cat.

Evening was approaching by the time she was finished, and Estelle wanted to get home before the sun set. The mountain path back to her house wasn’t lit, and she wasn’t confident enough to navigate it in the dark. The last thing she needed was a sprained ankle.

Estelle gathered her things and stuffed them into her messenger bag. “Alright, I’m going to head out now. Thanks again for everything,” she said, standing.

“Hang on a sec,” Sebastian said without looking up. She waited as he continued to type, fingers flying across the keyboard at speeds that put hers to shame, until he finished with an exaggerated press of the Enter key.

“Okay sorry, just had to finish that before I lost my train of thought,” he said, stretching his arms above his head as he stood. The movement caused his hoodie to ride up, exposing a sliver of pale skin low on his stomach, and Estelle couldn’t resist taking an appreciative glance. Luckily he didn’t seem to notice.

“Let me give you something before you go,” he said, stepping over to his bookcase and pulling a box off of the bottom shelf.

Estelle was _very_ curious what this mystery object was, but managed to summon the tiniest amount of patience and refrain from asking. Sebastian was digging through the box looking for something, but his back was to her so she couldn’t see what was inside. She decided that talking was the only thing that would keep her sufficiently distracted.

“So, what kind of work do you do anyway?” she asked.

“Programming. I freelance.”

She figured it was something like that, but the freelancing part surprised her. She had tried freelancing to help pay for her education, but she hadn’t even come close to being successful. Hence the Joja gig.

“Nice. I took an Intro to Java course in college. Anyone who can make sense of that shit gets props from me,” she said.

He chuckled softly, but it had a bitter edge to it. “You’re the first.”

“The first what?”

“The first to say anything nice about what I do. No one here takes my job seriously,” he said, pulling an electrical cord out of the box and setting it on the table. “It’s like they think I’m just surfing the web all day or something.”

“Well that’s stupid.”

He turned at that, looking at her with genuine surprise. Estelle shrugged.

“Freelancing’s hard. Programming’s hard. For what it’s worth, I think it’s pretty impressive that you do both,” she said earnestly.

Sebastian stared at her for a moment, searching her eyes for something. Whatever it was, he must have found it, because his lips slowly turned up into a smile. It was small, and didn’t last long before he ducked his head out of view, but it was the first time Estelle had seen Sebastian really smile.

She liked it.

“Here,” he said, pulling a laptop from one of the shelves and holding it out her. “Take this with you. Lewis has long range WiFi hooked up for the town. It’ll probably reach your house.”

Estelle hesitated. This was the first real conversation the two of them had ever had, but he was willing to let her borrow expensive electronics? Her instincts told her there had to be a catch, but she couldn’t figure out what. Sebastian didn’t really seem the type to use bribery anyway.

“Really? Are you sure?” she said disbelievingly as she took the computer.

“Yeah, it’s fine,” he said with complete nonchalance. “I don’t really use it anymore, so keep it as long as you want.”

“Thank you so much Sebastian. Seriously. This is awesome,” she said, carefully sliding the laptop and power cord into her messenger bag. Looking back up at Sebastian, she gave him a wry smile. “Although, lending me your laptop is a pretty extreme way to keep me out of your room.”

He smirked. “Oddly enough it hasn’t been that bad.”


	5. Buh. Life.

Planting day had finally arrived. Over the last week Estelle had tested her soil, amended it with some of Pierre’s compost, and diligently tracked the sun to see which areas got more shade than others. She made sure her planting area was far enough from the trees to prevent nutrient sapping, and she had a bottle of organic pesticide ready for any more of those asshole grub things. She had even fashioned a lopsided scarecrow out of one of Sam’s old flannels in an attempt to keep the crows at bay. She was as ready as she’d ever be.

Despite the weeks of manual labor she had endured since moving to the farm, planting was still unreasonably hard on her body. Squat down, mark the soil, dig a hole, plant a seed, stand up, lift the watering can, repeat. Over and over and over. It was like the most back-breaking circuit training ever. The sun blazed overhead, reminding her that they were officially in the second half of spring. It was only going to get hotter from here, and she would have to do this all over again during the summer.

Summer used to be her favorite season. Suddenly fall seemed a lot more appealing.

Regardless, it was hot, Estelle was tired, and today had been a shit show from the start. Maki had caught her first live prey that morning, and had proudly dropped the small grey field mouse on Estelle’s bed while she was brushing her teeth. As if that wasn’t awful enough, the poor thing wasn’t quite dead yet, so Estelle had to figure out a way to finish the job humanely. She couldn’t leave it to suffer, but she wasn’t exactly proficient in murder either. The best she could come up with was to strip the sheet from her bed, bring it outside, and smash the poor bastard with her shovel. Then she promptly threw up.

She’d had the foresight to leave the mouse wrapped in the sheet before killing it, so she didn’t have to see the full extent of the gory aftermath. She just grabbed the edge of the bundle and stuffed the whole thing in the trash outside. There was no way in hell that she was going to try to wash mouse blood out of her bedding. And her little asshole cat was never going to be let outside again if she ever came home with another “present”.

All Estelle wanted to do was go to the saloon, sit on her ass, and drink something cold and strong. But no. Dig, plant, water. Dig, plant, water.

She had three seed packets left to go when her watering can ran out for the seemingly hundredth time that day. The strawberries, naturally. She trudged to the lake to fill it again, but as soon as she pulled the can out of the water the wooden handle snapped clean off. The can splashed into the lake, bobbing along the surface just out of reach.

_You have got to be fucking kidding me._

Estelle threw the handle on the ground in anger, cursing loudly as she stomped off to the tree line to find a branch. She hadn’t gotten around to testing the water on her property yet, and with her luck today she wasn’t going to risk jumping in. She’d probably end up with the shits, or worse. After a seemingly endless period of maneuvering the can with the branch, she managed to drag it back to shore.

Upon inspecting the damage, she saw that the metal joints connecting the can to the handle had rusted clean through. It wasn’t going to be an easy duct tape job – she would have to go see Clint and have it fixed properly. And he would probably charge her an arm and leg for it.

Abandoning the strawberry seeds for now, Estelle went back to her house to check her finances. She had spent a significant amount of money on supplies over the past week or so, and she hadn’t sat down to really look at her total budget lately. She powered up Sebastian’s laptop and logged into her bank account.

The page took a minute to refresh – the WiFi worked out here but it wasn’t a great connection – and when it did Estelle’s mouth dropped open in horror.

How was her balance that low? There was no way. Paging through her transaction history, however, told a clear story. Rent, bills, food… and line after line of bar tabs. Most of them from before she moved, but there were quite a few charges from the Stardrop listed as well. Had she really been drinking that much?

Fuck.

On the verge of freaking out, Estelle started gathering the cash she had strewn throughout the house. A few bills in the back pocket of her jeans, a handful of change from the bottom of her messenger bag, the envelope of emergency money she had tucked in the trunk…all of it got thrown in the center of the table. Having it all laid out in front of her, plus what was in her bank account, Estelle realized with dismay how truly fucked she really was. When it was all said and done, she barely had enough to cover her phone and utilities for next month. There was nothing extra to fix her watering can, or you know, eat.

She needed her paycheck, _now_. She looked up the number for Joja HR and settled in to play the automated phone service game.

 

* * *

 

The next hour found Estelle sitting on her front steps in a daze. It was like her brain shut off to avoid facing the reality of her situation. There was no check coming.

The HR rep had explained that there had been an administrative error and her tax withholding over the last two years of employment had been calculated incorrectly, so they withheld her final paycheck to make up the back taxes owed. The reason didn’t really matter though. What mattered was that the safety net she had been counting on, that she desperately needed, was gone.

What was she going to do now?

For one brief second she considered asking her father for help, but dismissed the thought as soon as it entered her mind. She’d rather starve than beg him for money.

Downgrading her phone plan was the first step. Cell service was outrageously expensive, and she couldn’t even use her data anyway. The money saved there could get her watering can fixed and buy food until her crops were ready to harvest.

Well, some food. It wouldn’t cover a full month’s worth of meals, so she was going to have to supplement somehow. She remembered Leah talking about the forest being full of berries and vegetables to forage, and decided to go take a look for herself while there was still some daylight left. She grabbed a tote bag and an old plastic takeout container and started walking south.

 

* * *

 

Why had no one told her how easy foraging was? Well, technically Leah _did_ tell her, but whatever. Within an hour of entering the forest her takeout bin was full of juicy red berries and her bag overflowing with leeks, spring onions, and small brown mushrooms. She was pretty sure none of it was poisonous, but decided to stop by Leah’s house anyway just to be safe. The berries in particular made her a little nervous. Still, if this stuff was good to eat, she could totally get by for a while. There was at least a dozen berry bushes she hadn’t touched yet, and she could trade the leeks to Evelyn for bread and pastries. Maybe Marnie would cut her a deal on eggs since she took the cat off her hands. She could make this work.

_As long as your crops succeed._

Estelle banished the thought with a shake of her head. The crops would succeed. She had done everything by the book, and it was going to work. It had to work.

Returning to the main path winding around the lake, Estelle spotted a figure sitting on the edge of the pier, legs dangling loosely above the water. The sun was already setting, and she wondered who would be all the way out here at this hour. It made sense once she got close enough to discern who it was.

Shane barely looked up as she approached, setting her bag on the pier and mimicking his position at the edge. He seemed to be almost halfway through a 12 pack, empties crushed in a haphazard pile beside him. At first glance he looked surprisingly sober, but the way the dying light reflected off his glassy eyes gave him away. A melancholy drunk, then.

After a moment Shane wordlessly held a beer out to her, and Estelle accepted it with a half-smile and nod of thanks. Neither of them spoke, but they didn’t really need to. They watched the sun slip under the horizon in the companionable silence of two people who life had fucked over time and again. She sensed it on him, and was sure he could sense it on her as well – that aura of bitterness that clung to her no matter how well she hid it from everyone.

Shane didn’t even try to hide his. Everyone in town seemed to have the same opinion of him – an antisocial, alcoholic douchebag who leeched off Marnie and contributed nothing. She had never heard anyone say anything positive about him, except for little Jas. She hadn’t quite figured out their relationship yet, but she deduced that Shane was somehow responsible for the girl, and that she adored him. Jas’ enthusiastic affection was enough to convince Estelle to give him a chance, despite the hostile exterior. Kids were so much better at judging character than adults.

Twilight had begun to fade into night by the time either of them spoke.

“Life,” Shane said, breaking the silence with a resigned sigh. Estelle murmured her agreement, taking the last swig of her beer and tossing the can into the rapidly growing pile beside Shane. Life pretty much summed it up. She didn’t expect him to elaborate further, but he pressed on.

“You ever feel like no matter what you do you’re gonna fail?” he said, handing her another beer. “Like you’re stuck in some miserable abyss and you’re so deep you can’t even see the light of day?”

“Yeah. All the time,” she answered honestly. “That’s one of the reasons I moved here. To try to find my light again.”

“I just feel like no matter how hard I try, I’m not strong enough to climb out of that hole.”

“Me too. But we still have to try.”

Shane said nothing to that, but there wasn’t really anything that could be said. They both had their demons, and talking wasn’t going to help. All they could do was fight or wallow, and tonight seemed like a good night for wallowing. At least they could do it together.


	6. Dark Waters

Estelle laid on the sand at the edge of the water, feeling the tide wash over her feet and calves as she stared up at the cloudless morning sky. She idly wondered how long it would take for the tide to rise up and claim her body if she didn’t move from the spot. Being dragged out to sea didn’t seem so bad. It was better than starving, anyway.

It had all happened so fast she still couldn’t believe it was real. A storm hit the valley late last night – not the spring drizzles she had come to expect, but a proper thunderstorm. The booming had startled her awake, and unable to fall back asleep, she went out on her porch to watch the light show. It hadn’t started to rain yet, so she had a great view of the bolts streaking across the sky. Then suddenly her vision went white.

It took a distressingly long time for her to regain her eyesight, long enough for panic to completely take over. When she was able to see again, it became immediately obvious what had caused the temporary blindness. Lightning had struck a tree on the west side of her property, starting a fire that had begun to spread across the treetops in the dense forest. She stood frozen in horror as the trees burned, flaming branches falling to the ground and igniting the long grass underneath. As the flames began to rapidly move east, fear compelled her legs to function again. Estelle bolted inside, grabbed Maki, and fled.

In hindsight that was probably a stupid move. Everyone knows you’re supposed to stay indoors during active lightning to avoid being struck. At the time, however, the fear of very real fire was greater than the fear of potential electrocution. She sprinted towards town, cutting through the community garden and banging on the door to Sam’s house like it was a police raid. A startled Jodi opened the door, and upon seeing how shaken Estelle was, pulled her inside without question.

The rain came shortly thereafter, a torrential downpour battering the windows and roof. It lasted for hours, long enough for Estelle’s racing heart to settle and drowsiness to take hold. She caught a fitful few hours of sleep on Sam’s couch before morning arrived, and after a bracing cup of coffee Sam walked her home to assess the damage.

The good news was that the rain had snuffed out the fire well before it reached her house. The bad news was that her once-thriving crops had been reduced to nothing but ashes.

Somehow she managed to keep it together in front of Sam, but as soon as he left for work she broke down. It was over. Curling up into a ball in middle of her bed, she wept bitterly. Shane was right. No matter how hard she tried, she wasn’t going to make it out of the abyss.

When her tears were spent and breathing steady, Estelle forced herself to get up. She needed air. Somewhere clean, away from the smell of charred wood and broken dreams. She swapped her pajamas for a pair of shorts and headed to the beach.

The change of scenery helped, and as she lay in the sand she tried not to give into despair. There had to be something she could do, some way to support herself here besides fragile vegetables. She just had to figure it out.

“Your ma used to lay just like that.”

Estelle sat up quickly, turning to see Willy standing a few paces away with a grin lighting up his grizzled face.

He met her eyes and chuckled. “She made that same face when I bothered her, too.”

“You knew my mom?” Estelle asked excitedly. All thoughts of the fire and her impending poverty disappeared the moment her mother was mentioned.

“Aye. We grew up together didn’t we?”

Estelle shook her head. “I didn’t realize. Mom never really talked about her childhood.”

Willy frowned a bit at that, but nodded. “I suppose she wouldn’t have. Ellen wasn’t meant for Pelican Town. She shined too bright.”

“Tell me more about her?” Estelle pleaded. She had often asked her mom about what her life was like as a girl, but she had always deflected, saying it wasn’t important or that she couldn’t remember. Estelle had no idea what kind of person her mom was before she was born, and the idea of finally learning more about her life was intoxicating.

Willy sat down next to her in the sand. “Not sure what to say about her that you wouldn’t already know. Ellen was one of a kind. Smart, beautiful, full of spunk. Drove her pa crazy, but he missed the hell out of her when she left. I did too.”

The faraway look in his eyes told Estelle there was more between them than he was letting on, but she didn’t push. “You’re more like her than you know,” he said finally.

_You obviously don’t know me very well,_ she thought. Her mom was the bravest, toughest, most selfless person she had ever known. She gave up everything for Estelle, worked shit hours at shit jobs to provide for her, busted her ass constantly and was still always there to see her school plays or listen to boy drama or just watch a movie together. Estelle was nothing compared to her mom.

He glanced at her with a knowing smile. “Lemme guess. ‘You don’t even know me.’ Right?”

Estelle just blinked at him, and he laughed. “Yep. You’re her kid all right.”

At her questioning look he continued. “Ellen said that to me once. She was wrong, just like you’re wrong. Too stubborn to admit it though.”

“Or maybe we were both right.”

“Maybe,” he conceded. “But I knew her well enough to know she was hurting. Well enough to know you’re hurting. So since I never got the chance to help her, tell me how to help you.”

_I can’t be helped._

“I’m fine.”

“You’re not fine. And your mother would never forgive me if I didn’t do something about it. So talk.”

Estelle very nearly told him to fuck off. Her problems were none of his business, and he didn’t owe her some bullshit debt for failing her mom somehow. But when she saw the sincerity on his gruff, weathered face, the words died in her throat. He truly cared about her. It didn’t matter why, it just mattered that he did. Another gift from her mom.

She sighed, picking up a handful of sand and letting it slip through her fingers. “My farm is failing, I’m out of money, and I don’t even know how I’m going to feed myself let alone make a living here. I have nowhere else to go and no backup plan. I took a gamble on this place and I lost.”

Willy considered her words, then nodded. “I thought it’d be something like that. Wait here.”

Estelle watched as he walked back to his shop on the pier and returned a minute later, carrying two fishing rods and a small box. He sat the box down on the sand beside her and held out one of the rods. “C’mon,” he said, “Let’s go fishing.”

“Fishing?” she asked incredulously.

“There’s good water here in the valley. All kinds of fish. As long as you know how to cast a line, you’ll never need to worry about where your next meal will come from.”

Fishing was not on her short list of desired skills, but Willy had a point. If he was willing to teach her, she would do her best to learn. She accepted the rod and followed him to the pier.

 

* * *

 

Willy taught her the basics for the remainder of the morning, and then after a short break for lunch – thankfully not fish-based – they moved on to practice. To Estelle’s complete surprise, she actually wasn’t that bad. She caught a few fish that first afternoon; mostly anchovies and sardines, but she managed to reel in one decent sized halibut that had Willy grinning like a proud dad.

His pride faltered when he tried to show her how to clean the fish, and she had to walk away to avoid being sick. Look, where she grew up, fish came with no scales, no bones, definitely no faces, and were typically already breaded and fried. Catching them was one thing, hacking them apart was another. After a bit of prodding, Willy reluctantly agreed to clean her catches for the time being, under the condition that eventually she would buck up and do it herself. She agreed to his terms and made a mental note to do something nice for him as thanks.

As the afternoon sun was winding down, Willy declared her an amateur angler. Whether that was good or bad, she wasn’t totally sure, but he seemed pleased enough with her progress. He offered her some money for the fish they’d caught that day, but Estelle declined. He’d already given her a fishing rod and spent his entire day teaching her, so he could just take the day’s haul. She would stay out a little while longer to catch herself something for supper.

“Thank you Willy. For everything,” Estelle said as they walked back from the pier.

“No need. Just take care of yourself, alright? When you find yourself stuck in a rut, remember there are folks who can help pull you out.”

He picked up the small box from earlier and handed it to her. It was old but well made, carved wood with a latch much like the trunk in her house.

“Don’t open it until you get home,” he said. Estelle nodded, and they said their goodbyes as they parted ways at the end of the bridge. Estelle was intensely curious about the contents of the box in her hands, but she would respect Willy’s request and wait. She turned back onto the path looping around Marnie’s ranch, feeling a new spark of hope. Maybe she actually could find a way to make a life here.

 

* * *

 

She wanted something a little more substantial than sardines for dinner, so Estelle decided to fish some of the fresh water in Pelican Town. Willy had mentioned that the lake in the mountains was full of carp, so she decided that was probably a safe bet. She was certain Gus would fry her up a fillet if she let him keep the rest of the fish for free. Not like she could cook a whole fish in her toaster oven or anything.

Estelle took the long way into the mountains, stopping by her house for a moment to drop off the box and grab a snack for the road. She thought about swapping her shorts for a pair of jeans, but decided against it. She wasn’t about to dirty up three pairs of pants in one day. The laundry machines up at the spa were goddamn extortion.

Letting her fingers trail along the grooved edges of the box as she set it on her table, Estelle briefly considered opening it before she left. Though something about the way Willy had handed it to her made her feel like she’d need more than a few minutes to go through its contents, so she left it for now. Eat first, then open the mystery box.

She arrived at the lake just as the sun was beginning to approach the horizon – not quite twilight, but close. Vincent and Jas were playing by the water, running back and forth across the wooden beams connecting the shore to the island in the middle. She crossed over to the island herself, guessing that the larger fish would probably be in the deep center of the lake. She got her line ready just as Willy had taught her, drew back, and let it fly.

Five minutes passed, then ten. Nothing. She was about to give up and try a different spot when she felt the slightest tug on her line. Excitedly, she reeled the catch in…only to find slimy green algae wrapped around her hook. Awesome.

Estelle unraveled the plant and prepped her rod again. Just as she was about to cast, however, she heard a yelp followed by a splash. Whipping her head around, she saw Vincent standing in the middle of the wooden bridge, staring down at the water in horror.

“JAS!” he screamed.

_Oh, fuck._

Time slowed as Estelle stared at the water, waiting for the little girl to surface. After a few tense seconds that felt like hours, the realization hit her like a punch to the stomach. Jas wasn’t coming up.

Without thinking, Estelle dropped her rod and dove into the lake. She wasn’t a great swimmer, but it didn’t matter. She frantically scanned the rapidly darkening water, kicking deeper despite the growing burn in her eyes and lungs. Just when she felt like her chest would burst if she didn’t come up for air, she saw a shadow a few feet ahead in the tell-tale shape of a human child. Desperately swimming towards it, she hooked her left arm around the little girl’s body and frantically pulled them both up to the surface.

Estelle gasped as her head broke the water, sweet air filling her aching lungs and clearing the fog from her mind. She hoisted Jas above the water as well, but the girl didn’t mimic her gasp for air. She was completely limp in Estelle’s arms, head flopped back like a rag doll.

_No. No no no no._

Estelle paddled toward shore, careful to keep Jas’ head up while she looked around for Vincent. He had to run for help. She couldn’t do this on her own.

The first person her eyes connected with wasn’t Vincent, however. It was Sebastian, standing by the edge of the lake, cigarette burning forgotten in his hand as he stared at the scene in shock.

“Get Maru!” she yelled, struggling to keep the two of them afloat. With a sharp nod he was off, sprinting towards the house in a blur of black clothes and trailing smoke. Estelle pushed forward against the water that seemed intent on pulling them back under, until finally she could feel earth under her feet.

Maru and Sebastian rushed over as Estelle emerged from the water, laying Jas down gently on the damp ground. Maru jumped into action, checking Jas’ vitals and immediately beginning rescue breaths. Estelle took a few steps back to give her space, and bumped right into Sebastian standing behind her. She felt him put a hand on her back to steady her, but didn’t take her eyes off the scene unfolding.

_C’mon Jas. Breathe._

Maru repeated the cycle. One, two, three, check. One, two three, check.

Estelle saw Vincent standing nearby, his normally ruddy cheeks devoid of all color as he watched his friend laying limp in the grass. She pulled him close, wrapping her arms around the boy to offer whatever comfort she could. He was trembling uncontrollably, and she squeezed him tighter.

One, two, three, check.

Finally, _finally,_ Jas sputtered and coughed, a river of water running from her nose and mouth. Maru turned her onto her side, patting her back as the girl forcefully expelled a terrifying amount of fluid. Jas didn’t open her eyes, but the way Maru sagged in relief spoke volumes. Jas was going to make it.

Maru dug her phone out of her pocket and made a call, presumably to Harvey. Estelle turned Vincent around in her arms, kneeling down to his level. “It’s okay buddy. Jas going to be okay, I promise.”

Whatever had been holding him together – shock, fear, or both – released its grip and he fell apart, clinging to Estelle desperately as heaving sobs wracked his small body. She sat back on the grass and held him through it, rubbing his head and murmuring reassurances.

Estelle felt something warm being wrapped around her, and looked back to see Sebastian draping his hoodie over her shoulders. They locked eyes and she gave him a grateful smile. Now that the adrenaline was wearing off, she was starting to feel the chill of being soaking wet in the evening breeze.

“Call Sam,” she said. He nodded, lifting his phone to his ear and stepping away.

Things moved quickly after that. Harvey was the first to arrive, followed shortly by Shane. The poor guy looked like hell, bloodshot eyes on the verge of tears as he knelt over Jas, begging her to wake up. Despite Harvey’s assurances that she would be alright, Shane looked utterly terrified, his knuckles white as he gripped the little girl’s hand.

Maru grabbed blankets from inside the house and they wrapped Jas in them, Shane carefully lifting her into his arms to transport her to the clinic. Harvey and Maru accompanied him. As they passed, Shane met Estelle’s eyes. _Thank you,_ he mouthed silently, a rogue tear falling down his cheek. She nodded, and they turned down the path towards town.

Sam arrived then, running full speed up the mountain path. For being so lazy, that dude was certainly fast when he needed to be. Vincent jumped up and ran to meet him, crashing into his arms with an audible thud. Estelle stayed on the grass, smiling softly as she watched Sam comfort Vincent. He was such a good brother.

She huddled further into Sebastian’s hoodie as the wind picked up, goose bumps rising on her bare legs. Should have worn the jeans. Still, the sweatshirt was warm, and some idle part of her brain noted that it smelled nice. The rest of her was just exhausted.

Jodi and Robin were next up the path. Jodi immediately ran to her boys, already crying as she took Vincent’s face in her hands and looked him over. Robin, however, went straight to Estelle. She offered her hand and Estelle took it, letting the woman pull her to her feet and into a tight hug.

Her smile faded as she pulled back, noting Estelle’s dripping clothes with a frown.

“Oh honey, you’re freezing! Come inside and take a hot shower. I’ll put on coffee and get you some dry clothes. Maru should have something that’ll fit you.”

Estelle thanked Robin and began to follow her to the house, but paused after a few steps, looking back over her shoulder. Sebastian hadn’t moved, standing in the same spot with his hands stuffed into his jean pockets, looking around awkwardly like he didn’t know what he should be doing. She thought for a moment and then turned back, shrugging the hoodie off and holding it out to him.

“Thanks. Sorry it’s a little wet,” she said with a playful smile.

“How dare you,” he deadpanned, though his smirk gave him away. He took the hoodie back and motioned for her to follow him. “I’ll make the coffee. Mom sucks at it,” he said with a little grin.

Estelle laughed, and they walked to the house together.


	7. Dressmaker's Doll

The next few days were weird for Estelle. It was like she became an overnight celebrity, the town legend who bravely saved a little girl from certain death. She woke up the next day to a basket of eggs, milk, and cheese on her porch, with a long but sweet note from Marnie. Evelyn sent Alex over a while later with a box of freshly baked pastries, and a letter from Gus promised that her next visit to the saloon was on the house.

Well, at least she wouldn’t starve any time soon.

Jas had to spend a few days in the clinic for observation, but aside from a sore throat and fatigue there were thankfully no complications from the incident. She was awake and alert within a few hours, and didn’t seem to remember anything about what had happened, which was probably for the best. She was sleeping when Estelle stopped by for a visit the next day, but Shane had greeted her with a hug so tight he actually lifted her a few inches off the ground.

So, yeah. Things were weird.

The trend continued a week later, when Estelle opened her mailbox to find a very peculiar parcel tucked inside. She had gotten used to finding little trinkets on occasion – a bit of cloth, a bunch of recipe cards for her non-existent kitchen, and on one particularly fine morning there was a container of still-warm pancakes from Gus waiting for her. Still, this one took the prize for most…unexpected.

Estelle unfolded the note attached to the package.

_Tomorrow we’re all getting together for the Flower Dance in the forest clearing west of town. As one of the young ladies of our village, you are highly encouraged to participate in the dance if you can find a partner. I’ve enclosed the traditional festival attire for you to wear. Hope to see you there!_

  _-_ _Mayor Lewis_

Traditional festival attire. Right.

Estelle involuntarily crinkled her nose as she inspected the hideous lump of white cloth laid out on her bed. Ruffled shoulders, unflattering cut, itchy lace trim, and a long green ribbon tied into a floppy bow around the waist. Not to mention the dingy underarm stains left over from the last person unfortunate enough to be stuffed into this abomination.

There was absolutely no way she was wearing this, in public or in private. She folded the dress back up and stuffed it in her messenger bag, thinking she’d just drop it back off at Lewis’ house sometime during the day. But first, chores.

Maki meowed, circling Estelle’s feet in anticipation as she popped open a can of food. “You know, if I step on your tail it’ll be your fault,” she warned, setting the plate down on the floor and giving her a scratch behind the ears. Estelle’s phone buzzed and she dug it out of her jeans to check the text.

_U coming over 4 practice today? No abby_

_idk. What time?_

_11 if seb ever gets his vampire ass up_

Estelle snickered, but still gave it some thought. She was planning to spend the day fishing, seeing as Linus had recently taught her how to cut proper sashimi. It was like the one thing she could make for herself without having a kitchen, and she was excited to try it out – plus Willy would buy anything extra she caught so maybe she could keep her lights on.

Still, it had been a while since she’d hung out with Sam, and practice wouldn’t take the whole day. Plus Abby wasn’t going to be there…

_I’m in_

 

* * *

 

Estelle got to Sam’s house 10 minutes late. She had run into Harvey on the way, and had to promise to schedule an annual physical exam before he would let her escape. He was so insistent that she was halfway convinced he was about to start checking her vitals right there in the middle of town. You would think that such a young doctor would be a little more relaxed, but Harvey was dedicated to his profession in a way that seemed almost unhealthy. The irony of that was not lost on her.

Not that it mattered anyway, since Sebastian wasn’t there yet either. Jodi offered some coffee while they waited, which Estelle enthusiastically accepted. She really needed to buy a coffee pot.

“So are you kids excited for the Flower Dance tomorrow?” Jodi asked as she towel dried the most recent load of dishes filling her drying rack. Seriously, that woman was constantly cooking or doing dishes. How did three people eat so much?

Sam grunted and rolled his eyes, stuffing a bite of cinnamon roll in his mouth to avoid answering.

“I’m looking forward to seeing it, but I don’t think I’m going to participate,” Estelle said truthfully. Jodi spun around, putting her hands on her hips.

“And why not?”

“I uh…don’t know the steps,” Estelle said, unconsciously submissive in response to the mom vibe Jodi was putting off. “And the outfit is a little…not my style.”

Sam snorted. “That’s an understatement. The costumes flat out suck.”

“Samuel James!”

“What? They do. Everyone hates them.”

Jodi shot him an exasperated look. “You guys are just lucky to have the updated versions. The dress I had to wear when you were little was absolutely atrocious. I had a rash for days from that stupid lace trim.”

Lace trim huh? Estelle crossed the room to where she’d left her messenger bag and pulled out the dress Lewis had sent her.

“Was it like this?” she asked, holding it up.

Jodi looked at her in disbelief. “Please don’t tell me Lewis gave you that thing to wear tomorrow.”

“It was in my mailbox this morning.”

“Ugh, what is wrong with him? Stay here, I’m getting Emily,” she said, drying her hands and walking out the door with purpose.

Estelle looked at Sam, who shrugged. “Just roll with it. There’s no point in arguing when Mom gets an idea stuck in her head.”

What had she gotten herself into?

 

* * *

 

Twenty minutes later Estelle was standing in the middle of Sam’s living room, donning the awful lace dress she swore she would never wear, with Emily and Jodi circling her like sharks in the water. Sam knew better than to laugh out loud, but the look on his face said it all. Though her predicament was in no way his fault, Estelle kept her glare focused on him. Sam was the easiest target, and judging by his infallible grin, he didn’t mind a bit.

Estelle felt like a piece of meat as the women poked and prodded, discussing where to pull the fabric in, how far to hem it, and sticking so many pins into her that Estelle was certain she’d be stabbed if she moved an inch. She liked clothes shopping well enough, but if it didn’t fit off the rack, she didn’t buy it. This tailoring business was for the birds.

Just when she thought the situation couldn’t possibly get more uncomfortable, the front door opened and in walked Sebastian. He took one look at the scene – Estelle in the hideous dress, with Emily ducked under her skirt and Jodi looking on thoughtfully – and raised his eyebrows, opening his mouth as if to comment before wordlessly closing it again. This was apparently too much for Sam, who finally lost his composure and burst into a fit of laughter.

_Fuck my life._

“Be nice, Sam,” Jodi admonished. “Hey sweetie.”

“Hi Mom,” Sebastian said. “I’m uh…not gonna ask.”

“Have you two never seen a fitting before?” Jodi rolled her eyes. “Why didn’t I have the sense to have daughters?”

“Probably for the best. Sam would make an ugly girl,” Sebastian said, walking into the kitchen and pulling a mug out of the cabinet.

“That hurts you know,” Sam said, affecting a fake pout. “Especially coming from a guy who’s prettier than his last two girlfriends.”

Sebastian just smirked, raising his mug in Sam’s direction before taking a sip. Estelle found herself giggling despite her discomfort.

Jodi looked at her conspiratorially. “It’s true,” she whispered, setting Estelle’s giggles off into full-blown laughter.

“Hold still!” Emily said, sticking two more pins in near Estelle’s ribcage. “Annnnd…done! Okay boys, get out of here so we can peel Estelle out of this thing.”

Sebastian obediently walked towards Sam’s room, but Sam stayed put on the couch. “Nah, I’m good. Proceed,” he said, watching his mom for a reaction.

Jodi leveled him with a look that said she clearly wasn’t falling for his shit. _“Out.”_

“Fiiine,” he whined, dragging his feet as he went into his bedroom. Estelle could hear a few notes from the keyboard before Sam shut the door behind him.

Jodi shook her head. “What am I going to do with that boy?” she muttered before turning back to Estelle with a smile. “Okay! Turn around and I’ll get your zipper.”

 

* * *

 

Between the three of them they managed to wiggle Estelle out of the dress without stabbing her or losing any pins, which was pretty impressive all things considered. Emily took the garment and went back to her house, assuring them that the alterations would only take an hour or two. Jodi left with her, saying she had some errands to run herself – but Estelle was fairly sure she just wanted to escape the noise of band practice.

It wasn’t a terrible idea on her part. Practice lately had essentially been disjointed jam sessions, with each person doing their own thing rather than putting songs together as a group. She could tell it was frustrating Sam, but he was trying to avoid a power struggle. Abigail had already accused him of trying to “play rockstar” when he attempted to take the lead.

But Abigail wasn’t here.

Estelle put her bass down and grabbed Sam’s lyric notebook, sitting cross-legged on his bed. She didn’t know much about making music – she hadn’t been lying when she said she wasn’t good enough to be in a band – but she did know a thing or two about collaborating with other artists. The guys didn’t pay much attention as she sketched, which was fine by her. It was easier to prove a point that way.

“Hey, can you guys come here for a sec?” she said when she finished, ripping a few pages out of the notebook.

Sam looked mortally offended. “Whoa! No, no, no! You never tear pages out of the lyric book!”

Estelle rolled her eyes. “My bad.”

Sam muttered something about bad juju as he came to sit on the edge of the bed beside her. Sebastian leaned against the wall, crossing his arms in what Estelle had come to recognize as his standard casual position. When she had their attention, she laid three of the pictures out on the bed in front of her.

“Okay look. So there’s three pictures here, right? And together they tell a story.” She gestured to the pictures in turn. “So in the first one I’m walking down the street eating an ice cream cone. In the second one I trip and the cone goes flying out of my hands, and in the third one the ice cream hits Sam and Seb laughs at him.”

She paused for a minute to glance at Sebastian, and was pleased to see she’d gotten a little smirk out of him. “But while these three pictures are all pretty good, and technically they go together, this still wouldn’t work as a comic strip because there’s no consistency in style. The first one is drawn like a standard princess movie, the second is more realistic, and the third is anime. So if these three artists need to work together to make this comic strip, what should they do?”

They both stared at her for a prolonged minute. She wasn’t sure if they didn’t know the answer or if they thought the question was rhetorical, but she just forged ahead either way. “They’d either have to each work on every panel to incorporate all the different styles somehow, or they would have to pick one style to lead the comic. Both ways could work, but having a lead with solid vision to work around is always going to be easier, and typically result in a more polished final product.”

Estelle ripped two more sheets out of the notebook, throwing Sam an apologetic look for the additional damage to his sacred lyric book. She pulled the first two pictures out of the lineup and replaced them with the new ones.

“So now you can see that by limiting it to just the anime artist’s style, the comic looks like one cohesive work rather than three separate pictures. And while I obviously drew all of these, in this example each frame could have been drawn by a different artist and it would still work because they’re tied under one person’s vision.”

Sam cut in. “Okay so like I get what you’re saying…but I’m confused about why you’re saying it?”

“She means that we’re all making good music but it clashes with each other. We need one person to take point on each song or we’re going to keep getting nowhere,” Sebastian explained. “Right?”

Estelle smiled. “Yep! Sorry if the demonstration was overkill. I explain better by showing than telling.”

“Ohh! Dude you’re totally right!” Sam said, grinning at her. “I’ve been trying to think how we can make this work and just splitting the lead up by song makes so much more sense to me. What do you think man?”

Sebastian shrugged. “Works for me.”

Sam leaned over and pulled Estelle into a tight squeeze. “This almost makes up for you ripping my book,” he said before hopping off the bed to get his guitar. Enthusiasm sufficiently renewed, Sam jumped right back in to working out an (admittedly really cool) riff.

Sebastian lingered for a minute longer, looking down at the pictures scattered across the bed. “I didn’t know you could draw,” he said. “These are really good.”

Estelle felt her cheeks flush and ducked her head, pretending to look at the sketches. “Thanks. I’m pretty out of practice so that’s nice to hear.”

“How come?”

“Oh…umm…” she stammered, hesitating. “I just kinda quit when I dropped out of college. Lost my motivation.”

Estelle met his eyes, fixed on her with that knowing gaze that made her feel so uncomfortably transparent. He knew there was more to the story than that, but thankfully he didn’t push further.

“Well if you change your mind I’ve got a commission for you.”

She hadn’t changed her mind, but that was far too interesting to pass up. “What kind of commission?”

The corner of his mouth turned up in smug satisfaction, and she groaned internally. He had baited her, and she fell for it hook, line, and sinker. _Good going, Estelle._

“My Solarion Chronicles character. I’ve always wanted a portrait to go with my character sheet.”

Despite feeling totally played, she couldn’t help the slow grin that spread across her face. Naturally he would be into tabletop RPG’s.

“I’ll think about it. Let me guess…black mage?”

“Wizard.”

“Same shit, different game.”

Sebastian laughed. Not a sarcastic snort or muted chuckle, but a real laugh that lit up his entire face. Estelle’s smile widened. New objective: make Sebastian laugh more often.

Sam looked up in surprise, eyes flicking between the two of them with interest. He started to say something, but was cut off by the sound of Jodi returning.

“I’m home!” Jodi yelled. “Sam, come help with these groceries please!”

Sam let out a dramatic sigh. “Coming Mom…”

“Tell Estelle to come out too – Emily is on her way over now.”

Estelle mirrored the sentiment, giving a dramatic sigh of her own. “Yes ma’am.”

“Have fun you two,” Sebastian said, grabbing the lyric book from the bed and taking a seat in Sam’s computer chair.

Both of his friends responded by giving him the finger, leaving Sebastian softly chuckling as they left.

 

* * *

 

Estelle stared into the full length mirror in Jodi’s room, legitimately taken aback by what she saw. There was no way this was the same dress she’d brought over.

It was _cute._

Like, really cute. Like if it was any color but white she’d buy it off the rack cute. The gaudy lace trim and poufy sleeves were gone, replaced with an open, angular neckline and thick straps that toed the line between cap sleeves and sleeveless. The big green bow was trimmed down to a simple sewn-in belt, accentuating the form fitting waist that tapered out as it went down. The hem was brought up by a mile, landing a few inches above her knees and pulled in so it held the A-line shape.

What kind of sorcery could do all this in two hours?

“Estelle! Come out and show us!” Jodi called.

Estelle closed her eyes and exhaled in defeat. Despite how cute the dress turned out to be, she wasn’t looking forward to the awkwardness of modeling it for a second time. She hadn’t been this fussed over since senior prom. Jodi really was hurting for a daughter wasn’t she?

The hallway was empty when she opened the door, but four colorful heads turned when she stepped into the kitchen. Blue, red, blonde, and looking up from inside the fridge, black.

Of course.

“Oh honey! You look amazing!” Jodi gushed. “Emily that cut is perfect for her!”

Emily smiled, obviously pleased with her work. “I thought it would be. Oh, I added pockets too. All clothes should have pockets.”

Estelle patted her hips until she felt the slim openings. “That’s the best news I’ve had all day,” she said with a grin. “Really though Emily, this is amazing. I can’t believe it’s the same dress.”

“Aw, it wasn’t much. But thanks. I’m glad you like it.”

“Turn around and let me see the back,” Jodi said.

Sam snickered. “That’s what she s—“

“I will end you,” Estelle warned, glaring at him as she spun around. Feeling very aware of her ass on display, she only paused for a moment before turning back.

Jodi looked deeply satisfied. “I love it. You look absolutely perfect. Haley had better watch out or she’s going to lose Flower Queen this year.”

“A humbling experience would be good for her,” Emily said. She looked at the clock on the wall and stood up. “Anyway, I’d better get going or I’ll be late for work. See you all tomorrow!”

“Speaking of Flower Queen,” Jodi said as the front door closed, “you still need a partner for the dance.” She turned to Sam and Sebastian. “How about one of you dance with Estelle?”

“Oh Jodi it’s fine, I—“

“Sure, I will,” Sam said, cutting off Estelle’s protests. He glanced over at Sebastian, raising a brow. “Unless you want to?”

Estelle looked at Sebastian for the first time since entering the kitchen. For some reason she felt way more uncomfortable with him being here for this little modeling session than any of the others, and she’d purposely avoided eye contact as a result.

Now it seemed like he was the one avoiding it. “No, go ahead,” he said, looking down at the floor. “There’s someone else I want to dance with.”

Sam rolled his eyes. “Whatever dude,” he said, turning to Estelle with a wink. “Lucky for you I’m a better dancer.”

“You’d better be, ‘cause I don’t know this dance,” Estelle said, smiling to hide the sting of rejection. It didn’t make any sense – she hadn’t been the one to ask him to dance with her, so there was no reason to feel bad that he said no. Yet she still did. So stupid.

“Anyway, I’m going to get changed and head out. I have to go catch a fish or I’m not eating tonight.”

Jodi’s eyebrows knotted, then her face lit up. “Hey there’s an idea! Why don’t you bring back one of those big slimy bass from the lake? I’ll make fish casserole for dinner.”

Fish casserole sounded way better than the hodgepodge meal she would end up throwing together on her own.

“Deal.”


	8. Memories and Lemon Drops

The morning of the Flower Dance, Estelle sat at her table running her fingers along the smooth wood of the box Willy had given her more than a week prior. She had considered opening it several times since, but something kept stopping her. Fear, probably. Fear that allowing herself to think too deeply about her mom would drag her back down into that hole. Fear that she wouldn’t come out this time.

Still, it kept calling to her. Natural curiosity aside, if the box really held mementos of her mom, she had no other choice but to open it. She had so little left now…

Pushing herself up from the table, Estelle walked to her bathroom sink and splashed water on her face, staring at her dripping reflection for a long moment.

“ _You’re more like her than you know.”_

The resemblance was there, obviously. Estelle had inherited her mother’s complexion, a soft golden beige that tanned well enough to need different foundations for summer and winter. The dark waves were hers as well, though mom always wore her hair short, and they had a similar height and build. The eyes were the only major difference really. Mom’s were dark like Grandpa Murray’s, while Estelle got her sparkling greens from his wife.

But looks were where the similarities ended. Mom was a fighter, strong and brave and didn’t take shit from anyone. She always stood up for herself and for Estelle, and never let the weight of the world pull her down. Estelle on the other hand was just a lost, lonely fuck-up who could barely keep her head above water.

Mom would be so disappointed.

_Well, Mom isn’t here._

Estelle dried her face and marched back into her room with purpose. She flipped the latch on the box and lifted the lid in one fluid motion.

 

* * *

 

_Knock knock knock_

“Estelle! Open up!”

_Knock knock knock knock knock_

“Coming! Fuck…” Estelle scrubbed her face with her hands and opened the door to find Sam standing on her porch wearing a giant, shit-eating grin. Before she could say anything he thrust a fistful of dandelions towards her, taking an exaggerated sweeping bow.

“I’ve come to fetch my radiant date,” he said, shaking the flowers until she accepted them.

“Uh…okay. Thanks? Except you’re like two hours early and I’m still in pajamas.”

“Yeah, I know. My house is boring and I figured I could teach you the dance before we go. And Seb here tagged along to escape his family.”

Estelle looked past Sam to see that Sebastian was in fact there as well, leaning against one of the wooden beams holding the roof of her porch up.

“Okay…well, come in I guess,” she said, moving to the side of the doorway to let them through. “There’s only one chair so just sit wherever.”

Sam took a few steps inside and stopped, looking around the house in surprise. “Dude your house is tiny! It’s like one of those shows on TV where hipsters pay obscene amounts of money to live in a shed.”

“Yep. And you live with your mom, so…”

“Oww,” Sam clutched his chest, “Cold blooded. I brought you flowers!”

“You brought her weeds Sam,” Sebastian said, smirking as he stepped into the house himself. He met Estelle’s eyes and his smile fell, eyebrows creasing in concern.

“Yeah, but they’re pretty weeds,” Sam retorted, but neither one paid attention to him.

“Hey…are you okay?” Sebastian asked.

“Yeah, of course!” Estelle answered too quickly, wiping her eyes clear of any lingering dampness. “I uh…just have allergies.”

Sebastian looked like he was going to argue, but Sam cut him off. “Is this you, Estelle?”

Estelle turned to see him holding up a picture from the table. Shit.

“Oh. No, that’s my mom,” she said, walking over to the table to put everything back in the box.

“Wow. She looks just like you. Look Seb,” he said, holding the picture out.

Sebastian took it and nodded, handing it back to her. “Who’s the guy? He looks kind of familiar.”

Estelle looked at the picture again. She hadn’t really examined the man in the photo very closely before, but now that he mentioned it…

“I think that might be Willy,” she said uncertainly. “He’s the one who gave me this stuff, so it’d make sense that was him.”

Sam furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. “Why did Willy have a box of stuff from your mom?”

“I don’t know,” Estelle said with a slight shake of her head. “He said they grew up together but didn’t really go into much detail.”

“He loved her.”

Estelle and Sam turned to look at Sebastian, who held up a small blue seashell attached to a delicate silver chain. Sam’s eyes went wide in understanding, but Estelle just looked more confused.

“What are you talking about, he loved her? What is that?”

“It’s a mermaid pendant,” Sebastian explained. “There’s a tradition in Pelican Town that when you truly love someone, you give them one of these as a sign of your commitment. It’s basically like an engagement ring.”

Estelle stared at him, completely taken aback. “Wait, so you’re saying my mom was _engaged_ to Willy?”

Sebastian shrugged, handing her the pendant. “Looks like it. Or he was planning to ask her but never did.”

Sam gasped, looking as if he just had a revelation. “Dude! If your mom and Willy were a thing then…what if Willy is your _dad_?”

Estelle shook her head immediately. “No, Willy can’t be my dad. Mom left Pelican Town years before she got pregnant with me.”

Sam looked profoundly disappointed. “Damn. That would have been a hell of a twist.”

To be honest Estelle was disappointed too. She barely knew Willy, but she could already tell he would have been a significantly better father than her own. Though it’s not like that was a high bar to reach or anything.

“Yeah. Well we’ll probably never get the whole story. Willy doesn’t seem like the type to go digging into old wounds like that,” she said, tucking the pendant in the box and closing the lid.

Sebastian knew what was about to come next, and he shot Sam a hard look that practically screamed _don’t_. But it was too late.

“Why don’t you just ask your mom?” Sam asked obliviously.

Estelle flinched and looked down, closing her eyes so the tears that were threatening to come back couldn’t break through. She took a deep breath, forcing her words to come out evenly.

“My mom died two years ago.”

Sam’s face dropped when he realized how badly he’d fucked up. “I’m so sorry Estelle, I didn’t know…” he trailed off.

She lifted her head with a smile despite the familiar burning in her eyes. “It’s okay, I know you didn’t. I’m going to grab a shower and get dressed, then you can show me that dance okay?”

“I…yeah, okay.”

Estelle quickly retreated to the shower, letting the hot water wash away her tears until there were none left to be shed.

 

* * *

 

Estelle had emerged from the shower feeling drained, but that was a good thing sometimes. She didn’t have the emotional energy to be upset anymore, so the only place to go from here was up. Determined to enjoy the rest of her day, she put a little extra effort into getting ready for the dance. She pulled her hair into a pretty half-updo, letting the thick waves trail down her back with a few strands left out to frame her face. Her makeup was more of a challenge, thanks to the splotchy skin and red eyes left over from crying, but eventually she managed to pull off a decent spring glow.

She pulled on her dress, careful not to mess up her hair or get makeup on the white fabric. Tugging and adjusting until everything was in place, she finally reached around her back to pull the zipper up. Until it got stuck halfway.

For five straight minutes Estelle struggled, muttering curses and twisting into positions a yoga instructor would be proud of, but still no dice. The zipper wouldn’t go up or down, and with how far it was zipped she couldn’t wiggle her way out of the form-fitting material without ripping it. With a frustrated sigh she cracked open the door to ask Sam to fix the fucking thing.

“Sam! Can you come here?” she yelled through the gap.

There was a long pause before Sebastian’s voice responded. “Sam’s not here. He forgot his tie so he went home to grab it.”

Estelle let her head drop back, staring at the ceiling in defeat. “Why does Yoba hate me?” she mouthed silently into the void. Pushing the door open further, she poked her head out to look around her house.

Sebastian was sitting in the corner near the table, balancing on the two back legs of her chair. His phone was still lit up in his hand, but his gaze had focused on her, expression mixed somewhere between confusion, concern, and something else she couldn’t put her finger on.

“So um…can you help me then?” she asked as she stepped out, holding one arm across her chest so the fabric didn’t fall down. “My zipper is stuck and I can’t reach to fix it myself.” She turned slightly and gestured her head towards her back.

“Uh…yeah, sure,” he responded uncertainly, dropping the chair back onto all fours and standing up. Estelle crossed the room towards him, feeling her face get redder with each step, and turned around to give him access to the zipper.

She felt a light tug on the fabric as Sebastian tried the zipper, followed by progressively harder ones when it didn’t budge. “A piece of cloth is probably stuck in the track,” Estelle said. “You’ll have to find it and pull it out.”

“I do know how zippers work,” Sebastian said wryly. Estelle would have come back with some kind of retort, but the words died in her throat when she felt his fingertips sweep across the bare skin of her back. She shivered involuntarily, and he pulled his hand away.

“Sorry, your hair was in the way,” he explained, sounding as awkward as she felt.

“Oh, right. Sorry,” she said, gathering her hair and pulling it around to the front. She closed her eyes and focused on staying still as he worked to free the zipper. She didn’t want him to know how much his light touches and close proximity was affecting her. To be honest, she didn’t even want to admit it to herself. Nothing good would come from that particular confession.

After another few tugs the zipper was freed, and Sebastian was able to finish zipping up the dress. Estelle turned to thank him, only realizing too late that he hadn’t taken a step back yet. She looked up at him, close enough to kiss with a simple raise of her chin, and her breath caught in her throat. Their eyes locked, and for one heartbeat she felt something pass between them, something electric and thrilling and incredibly intimate. Then reality set in, and they both stepped back at the same time, faces flushed and looking anywhere but at each other.

“Thanks,” Estelle said simply.

“No problem.”

They stood in awkward silence for a moment before Estelle made up an excuse to escape the situation, as usual.

“Anyway, I’m going to try to dig up some shoes to go with this dress. You can use the bathroom to get changed if you want.”

Sebastian looked relieved at the out. “Okay yeah, thanks,” he said, grabbing his backpack off the floor and disappearing into her tiny bathroom.

As soon as the door closed behind him, Estelle let out a breath she didn’t realize she’d been holding.

What the hell was that all about?

 

* * *

 

Sam didn’t make it back in time to show her the dance, but she wasn’t too worried about it. She’d spent enough time on dance floors to be pretty confident that she could follow his lead, though she imagined this time there would be a lot less booty-shaking. Oh well, their loss.

To her spectacular amusement, the guy’s outfits were just as bad as the dresses; a blue button down tucked into pants that were hilariously the exact same shade of blue. Rounding it out was a weird brownish-grey belt, hugging their hips in a sad attempt to distinguish the shirt from the pants. Both guys had told her to fuck off when she mentioned that the outfit bore a striking resemblance to a jumpsuit. That didn’t stop her from cracking jokes the entire walk through the forest though.

_When your girl borrows your hoodie, so you borrow her romper._

_Bet you could get into the club with no cover in that._

_I’m not even hating guys, I’m just jealous of how much better you look in a jumpsuit than me._

Needless to say, Estelle’s mood had shifted dramatically for the better by the time they arrived at the forest clearing cordoned off for the dance. The whole affair reminded her a lot of the Egg Festival earlier in the season. Pierre was hawking overpriced crap, Gus was tending to the food, and the rest of the villagers were grouped into little pockets of conversation. Estelle and Sebastian hadn’t eaten yet that day, and Sam was just a bottomless pit, so they all made a beeline for the buffet table.

They almost made it, but Jodi and Robin were standing in their path and there was no way they could evade the Mom Squad. After the standard fussing over their sons – straightening ties, brushing back hair – they turned on Estelle with bright smiles.

“Doesn’t she look great Robin? Emily does such good work.”

“She does. You look beautiful hun,” Robin agreed. “But more importantly, can you stop by my house tomorrow? We have a surprise for you.”

Estelle looked between the two of them, noting their wide smiles and sparkling eyes with suspicion. They were up to something. “Sure, but what kind of surprise are we talking about?”

“Well if we told you it wouldn’t be a surprise,” Robin said matter-of-factly. “Just swing by around two or so?”

“Two works for me.”

“Perfect. Now go grab some of that red pepper jelly before Shane eats it all.”

Estelle turned on Sam and Sebastian as they were walking away. “Do you guys know anything about this surprise they’re talking about?”

Sam denied it, but Sebastian just shrugged. Estelle narrowed her eyes at him, putting her hands on her hips. “You do, don’t you?”

“I may have overheard my mother discussing something on the phone last night.”

“Well? Spill it Sebastian!”

He flashed a mischievous little grin. “Nah. My jumpsuit and I are going to keep quiet on this one.”

Estelle groaned. “Whatever. Not sorry,” she said, grabbing a stuffed jalapeno from the tray closest to her and popping it in her mouth. Yoba, she was starving.

Estelle’s plate was loaded with food by the time she made it to the end of the buffet. There were so many dishes, and they all looked amazing. Gus had way too much talent for such a small town. She was waiting for Pam to pass the open bottle of wine when her favorite person in the world showed up.

“Hey Sebastian,” Abigail said, drawing his name out in a saccharine tone that was probably supposed to be flirty, but came off as grating. “Hi Sam.”

The guys said their hellos and Estelle turned to greet the woman as well, despite having absolutely no desire to do so. “Hi Abigail.”

Abigail looked her up and down before pursing her lips in a mockery of a smile. “Oh look, it’s the town hero. Tagging along as usual I see.”

Estelle gave her a look of feigned sympathy. “Sorry Abby, I didn’t realize that my mere presence would make you so defensive. It must be really hard to have such low self-esteem.”

Abigail’s smug look contorted into one of shocked outrage. She opened her mouth to retort but Estelle cut her off.

“Look princess, I am way too hungry to entertain your bullshit right now. My heroic ass will be over there if you feel like making a fool of yourself later.”

With that she turned and walked away, leaving an angry, embarrassed Abigail behind. Part of her felt a little bad for Sebastian, considering what Sam had told her, but at the end of the day it didn’t matter. She wasn’t going let that ignorant cow give her shit without standing up for herself.

She had made it halfway across the clearing when she heard jogging footsteps behind her, and turned as Sam caught up to her. As soon as they made eye contact he burst into laughter.

“Girl, I think I’m in love with you.”

Estelle rolled her eyes and laughed.

“Seriously, did you see her face? I don’t think anyone has ever talked to her like that before,” he said. “It was amazing.”

“Well from the looks of things she’s way overdue for someone to put her in her place.” She reached the row of benches lined up along the east side of the clearing and sat down, spearing a meatball and taking a thoughtful bite. “Why’s she such a bitch to me anyway? I didn’t do anything to her.”

Sam shrugged, digging in to his own food. “Dunno. She’s probably jealous.”

“Of what?”

“That people like you. I like you, Seb likes you. Even fucking Shane likes you, and he hates everyone.”

“Seb likes me?” Estelle asked, honestly surprised. She was under the impression that Sebastian simply tolerated her because of Sam.

Sam shot her a _duh_ look. “He doesn’t hang out with people unless he likes them. And I told you before, Abby’s on a total power trip when it comes to him. She gets annoyed when he pays attention to _me,_ and I’ve known the guy since he was still pissing the bed.”

“Anyway, fuck Abby,” he continued, looking across the clearing with a scowl. “She’s going to spend the whole day toying with him, and then he’ll lock himself in his basement for the next week moping over her. Same as always.”

Estelle followed his gaze to see Abigail twirling the end of Sebastian’s tie, giggling about something. She couldn’t see his face, but from what Sam said he was probably eating it up. She found herself getting pissed off too. These guys were her friends now, and she would have their backs.

“So let’s do something about it.”

Sam looked at her skeptically. “Like?”

“I haven’t that thought far ahead yet. But there has to be something.”

“Aside from dragging her into the mines and leaving her to the monsters, I’m fresh out of ideas.”

“I mean…I’m down for that plan,” Estelle said with a wicked grin.

“Some days I am too,” Sam said with a laugh. “But nah, just forget about her. It’ll piss her off more than anything to see us having fun without her.”

_Fun, huh?_

“So does that mean there’s more to this party than just the Flower Dance bit?”

Sam grinned. “Maru made the playlist, and I have it on good authority that you will be carrying your shoes home by the end of the night.”

 

* * *

 

The final event of the festival was the famed Flower Dance. Lewis called all the young people of Pelican Town to the center of the clearing, where they split off into rows across from their partner. Leah and Elliot were on the end, followed by Emily and Shane, Haley and Alex, Penny and Maru, Estelle and Sam, and Abigail and Sebastian closing it out. The rest of the villagers lined up around the perimeter, eager to watch the highlight of the day.

Just as the first notes began to play, Sam winked at Estelle, a devilish smile on his face. Estelle grinned back. He was planning some kind of trouble, and she was all in for it.

The dance began in the most inelegant way it possibly could – the guys (and Maru) did some awkward half squats, while the girls swished their skirts back and forth with a little kick. It reminded Estelle of some kind of animal courting ritual, and with Sam making faces at her the whole time she could barely keep from laughing at the ridiculousness of it all. Then the pairs would come together, hold each other’s hands, and do a square turn to position the lines facing the opposite way. Step back, curtsy, bow, done.

Except when Sam came in, he only took one of Estelle’s hands. Leaning in close to her ear he whispered “just go with it”, and placed his other hand on her hip. When the music called for the box turn, Sam pulled her hip, leading her into a spin. He walked around her, holding her hand up to keep her spinning once, twice, three times until he was finally on the other side and grabbed her around the waist to stop. Breathless, dizzy, and unable to control her giggling, she thought that would be the end of it – until Sam put his arm across her back.

“Dip!”

She barely had enough time to wrap her arms around his neck and shoulder before he bent her backwards. Head tossed back, hair dangling freely over the grass, Sam’s troublemaking grin – it was all exactly what she needed. Her carefree laughter echoed throughout the clearing, and for that moment everything was perfect.

Sam pulled her up as the rest of the guys were finishing their bows. Estelle glanced around the clearing and was pleased to see that most of the villagers were smiling at their harmless little prank. Jodi and Robin were clapping, because of course they were. Maru was grinning from ear to ear, and even Sebastian looked like he was holding back a laugh.

Though naturally not everyone was amused.

“What an attention whore,” Abigail muttered.

Estelle cupped her hand around her mouth in a mock whisper. “Your jealous is showing.”

Abigail shot her a dirty look and grabbed Sebastian’s hand, dragging him over to where the rest of the group was beginning to gather at the front of the clearing. Estelle and Sam exchanged a look and followed.

Lewis was standing on a makeshift platform, next to the table where the computer and sound equipment was set up. Estelle noticed the look of disapproval he was sending their way, but she just smiled at him. He’d get over it eventually.

“It is time to announce this year’s Flower Queen!” he announced. “The votes are in, and the winner is…Haley!”

Haley beamed, accepting the threaded crown of flowers while the town clapped politely. Maru leaned over and murmured, “You were robbed.”

“That’s just because Lewis hates fun,” Sam added.

“Well good, ‘cause I didn’t want to win anyway. I’m not trying to fight Haley over a flower crown. Have you seen that girl’s nails?”

“Like Wolverine in lipstick,” Sam said, scanning the crowd. “Anyway, I’m going to go say bye to Mom and Vince and then I’ll be back to help move the speakers down.”

“Cool. I have Alex on it too, so between the two of you you should be good,” Maru said. She turned to Estelle, “Can you start hanging up lights? There’s a box of them under the table where the laptop is.”

Estelle raised an eyebrow. “Lights and speakers? Maru, are you organizing an event that Lewis would frown upon?”

Maru laughed. “Lewis isn’t invited. Welcome to your first Pelican Town after party.”

 

* * *

 

Estelle had totally misjudged Maru. She’d considered her to be mostly shy, nerdy, modest… basically just Sebastian without the emo style and gloomy disposition.

Nope. Maru was a badass. She had taken charge and put everyone to work, transforming the clearing from a hokey afternoon festival to what looked convincingly like an outdoor dance club in less than an hour. And as anyone who has ever gone to college can attest to, rallying a dozen people in their early twenties to do anything is a feat worthy of commendation. She’d even had Shane and Emily set up a makeshift bar using one of the food tables.

Once the party kicked off, Estelle was in her element. The thumping of the beat, the blinking of the strobe lights against the quickly approaching darkness, the burn of alcohol in the back of her throat – this was how she had spent nearly every night before coming to Pelican Town, and the familiarity was emboldening. For once she felt like she knew what to do, where to be, how to act. The only difference was that this night lacked the dead-eyed routine of it all, the desperate escapism that drove her to the clubs in Zuzu. This night was just about having fun with a group of people she had come to actually care about.

This was how it was supposed to be.

Estelle, Haley, and Maru instantly clicked as the girls who were there to _dance._ They grouped up early, and though Alex, Leah, Emily, and Sam flitted in and out of the mix, the three girls were holding it down just fine on their own. Maru hadn’t been lying when she said she liked to dance, and the girl had moves that no card-carrying inventor genius had any right to possess. Haley was a little basic, but she made it work for her, and Estelle suddenly realized how much she had missed just going out with a group of girls.

A slow, sexy beat started playing, the type of song where you wind up grinding with whatever dude is closest to you, and Haley broke off to grab Alex. Maru and Estelle got a little freaky together, but after a minute Maru had to pee and Estelle needed another drink, so they went their separate ways. Walking over to the bar, she asked Emily to mix her up a Manhattan and sat down on the closest bench to wait. Her feet weren’t hurting too much yet, but the silver heels she’d picked out were not meant for dancing on grass, and she was pretty sure they’d be coming off before the night was up. Point for Sam.

“This party is lame as fuck this year,” she heard a familiar voice saying from the next bench over. “I don’t even know why we’re still here.”

Estelle glanced to her right to see Sebastian sitting on the bench, Abigail standing over him with her hands on her hips. Her eyebrows creased in concern when she saw how his head was bent down, staring at his feet like he was totally miserable. What the hell was going on there?

Emily handed her the drink, and thinking quickly, Estelle fished out the cherry and walked over to them.

“Hey Seb,” she said brightly, holding the glass out to him. “You look thirsty. I’d say my treat, but you know, open bar and all that.”

Sebastian looked up at her in surprise, taking the drink with an appreciative smile. “I’d say thanks, but you know, open bar and all that,” he said, taking a sip. He made a face that was one part enjoyment, one part distaste. “What is this?”

“A Manhattan. Minus the cherry,” Estelle said, popping it into her mouth and sitting on the bench beside him. She noted Abigail’s pissy look but kept her face carefully neutral.

“Aw man, she did you dirty. The boozy fruit is the best part,” Sam said, walking over to the group. He shot Estelle a look that said he noticed the situation too. Something was up here, and it wasn’t good.

Abigail made a noise of disgust, crossing her arms and looking pointedly away from Sam and Estelle. “Whatever. This sucks and I’m leaving.” She turned to Sebastian. “Come on, walk me home.”

Her tone made it clear that it was a command, not a request, and Estelle felt her temper rising. Yoba, how had Sam put up with this insufferable harpy for so long? She was a breath away from telling her off when Sebastian spoke up, looking down into his drink.

“Um, actually I think I’m going to stay for a while.”

Abigail’s eyebrows shot up in surprise, then narrowed in anger. “What?”

Sebastian looked up finally, an inscrutable expression on his face. “I’m just going to hang out here. I’ll see you later.”

Abigail stared at him for a moment before storming off without another word. Sebastian, clearly questioning his decision, tossed back his drink while Sam beamed at him like a proud dad. Estelle smiled too. Maybe there was hope for this kid after all.

“Want another?” she asked.

He gave her that little smirk that she’d inadvertently grown fond of. “Only if I get to keep the cherry this time.”

 

* * *

 

As expected, things got a little more interesting as the night progressed. Leah and Emily had bailed, leaving everyone to make their own drinks – which for the most part was a terrible decision. The vodka cranberry Haley was sipping was almost clear, Alex was literally carrying a bottle of whiskey around, and there had been far too many shots of tequila poured for anyone’s general well-being. Someone was probably going to end up in the clinic tonight, but that was a problem for later. Right now it was all about having stupid young fun.

Even Sebastian had loosened up a little, the alcohol flushing his cheeks and letting his smiles come more easily. He still wouldn’t dance though, which Estelle found equally amusing and annoying. The booze had loosened her up too, and her drunk brain was telling her that she was going to dance with that boy by the end of the night come hell or high water.

She’d tried the usual tactics – “come here” eyes, beckoning him over with a crooked finger, even taking his hand to lightly tug him off the bench. No dice. Each time he just shook his head with a little smile, seemingly content to hang out on the sidelines.

Exasperated by her string of failures, Estelle plopped down on the bench next to him, tucking her leg up under herself so she was facing him.

“Let me guess. You don’t dance.”

“It’s not really my thing.”

“Aw, c’mon. One song. I promise you’ll like it.”

He smirked. “Tempting, but no.”

“Oh you’re no fun,” she said with a little huff. “Fine, fine. But I don’t get it. If you don’t dance, and you don’t even like half the people here…why haven’t you left?”

Sebastian’s smile faded, and as his face began to darken she realized how shitty that came off. She rushed to correct herself.

“No, I mean I’m glad you’re here! I just don’t follow your reasoning. There’s a lot I don’t understand about you, emo kid,” she said, flicking back the longer strands of hair on the right side of his face in emphasis.

He gave a self-depreciating little chuckle, and Estelle swore she saw a hint of color rise to his cheeks. “I’m not really sure myself,” he admitted, glancing down. “I always ditch these things, but I guess for some reason I thought tonight it might be kind of fun.”

“Well…are you having fun?”

He looked up to meet her eyes. “Yeah, I think I am,” he said quietly.

Maybe it was the alcohol making her brain fuzzy, but in that moment Estelle was absolutely certain that Sebastian was going to kiss her. She was filled with that heady suspense, the breathless anticipation that comes when someone flicks their eyes down to your lips and back. She tipped her head back just a fraction, just enough to give permission, and then…

“Estelle!”

Blinking out of her trance, she whipped her head around in annoyance. “What?” she yelled back.

Haley grinned. “Come take a shot with me bitch!”

Estelle turned back to Sebastian, who was completely red-faced and very clearly avoiding eye contact. Her embarrassment was palpable as well, so she decided to try mitigating some of the awkward with humor. “Twenty bucks says it’s a Lemon Drop,” she said. “Wanna come?”

“Nah, I think I’m just going to hang out here for a minute.”

“Suit yourself,” she said, standing up. “And if you change your mind about dancing…” she trailed off, letting the invitation hang in the air as she walked over to where Haley was holding up a glass of opaque liquid. With a laugh and a clink the girls downed their shots, and Estelle turned back to Sebastian. He was watching her with a little smile, and she grinned.

“Called it!” she yelled back, and he laughed as she made her way to the dance floor.


	9. Familiar Regret

Estelle woke up wishing she was dead. She hadn’t had a hangover this bad in months. Her head was pounding in sync with her heartbeat, her mouth and throat were bone dry, and even the slightest movement made her stomach slosh in a way that guaranteed she’d be hugging the toilet at some point this morning.

Rolling over in a vain attempt to escape the sunlight pouring in through her windows, her leg brushed against something solid and warm, and decidedly not supposed to be there.

Ugh. What douchebag frat boy had she slept with last night? She sleepily rubbed her eyes, preparing for the ‘get out of my apartment’ conversation, when it hit her like a punch to the gut. This wasn’t her apartment. This was Pelican Town. And that meant that she’d…

Her eyes flew open, then immediately squeezed shut again as the light shot through her skull like a bullet. Forcing herself to sit up, she gradually opened her eyes just enough to discern the identity of the body in her bed.

_Oh, fuck._

She stared down at the mess of blonde hair spread across her pillow, blanket tossed haphazardly across his bare chest.

“Oh Yoba, please tell me I didn’t fuck Sam last night,” she murmured.

“You didn’t fuck Sam last night.”

Estelle popped her head up to see Maru sitting at her table, turning a page in some thick novel she couldn’t see the title of. Relief and confusion both washed over her in equal amounts.

“Then what the hell is all this?” she said, sweeping her hand vaguely to indicate the entire situation. Sam was asleep shirtless in her bed, Maru was here reading a book, and there was a huge chunk of time missing from her memory entirely. “How did I even get home? What time is it?”

Maru set the book down and leveled her with an amused look. “It’s almost noon. Sam and I brought you home after you partied a little too hard, and it was late so we just crashed here. He took the bed because you’re a blanket hog and I’m not down with that.”

Estelle rubbed her face with her hands, embarrassed that she had needed a babysitter last night. She could normally hold her liquor just fine. Maybe her tolerance had gone down since she left Zuzu.

“Thanks for looking out,” she said. “Please tell me I didn’t make too much of an ass of myself while I was blacked out?”

Maru hesitated. “Well…”

Oh no. “Well?”

“You sort of made out with Sam in the middle of the dance floor,” she said with an apologetic look.

Estelle’s face fell. She glanced over at Sam, who was still passed out cold. “I...what? But I mean…how the fuck did that happen?”

“I’m no expert, but I’d guess alcohol plus hormones.”

“No, that’s not what I…” Estelle ran her fingers through her hair in frustration. She needed to calm down and start making sense. “I assume everyone saw?”

“Yeahhh…sorry Estelle but you weren’t exactly subtle. No one cared though,” she assured. Still, her eyebrows creased as she seemed to remember something. “Well, except Sebastian I guess. I don’t know what his deal was but he got kind of weird and left right after. That’s not exactly out of character for him though so I wouldn’t worry about it.”

Memories from last night flashed through Estelle’s mind. The flirting, the shy little smiles, the almost-maybe-potential kiss. It had been such a good night, and then she went and sucked face with his best friend.

Estelle dropped her head into her hands, mentally berating herself for being such a fucking idiot. She wasn’t under any delusion that Seb was actually into her – they were both drunk, and shit like that happens when people get drunk – but it still had to have felt shitty. And while she wasn’t entirely certain what her own feelings were in regards to Sebastian, she knew she didn’t want to make him feel shitty.

But what could she say now? “ _Oh hey so I know you’re not into me and I’m not into you (I think?)_ _b_ _ut yeah sorry for getting drunk and kissing your BFF.”_

Wonderful. And what about Sam? Who initiated this making out? Who made the call to not sleep together? What even happened?

Estelle looked back up at Maru, who seemed to read all the questions on her face.

“Don’t worry about it Estelle. You got a little too drunk and kissed someone you otherwise wouldn’t have. It happens to the best of us. Just be glad Sam’s a good guy, otherwise you’d probably be regretting a lot more this morning.”

Sam grunted and rolled over, yanking the blankets up. “You should be regretting that I _didn’t_ hit it,” he mumbled. “I’m like a sex Picasso.”

Maru raised an eyebrow. “Picasso was known for abstract art. And driving people to suicide.”

“Yep, ’xactly.”

Despite internally wishing for the sweet release of death, Estelle giggled. “Thanks for resisting my sloppy drunk charms Sam.”

“I don’t sleep with girls who are too wasted to stand up straight,” he said with a yawn. He cracked an eye open and smirked at her. “You are a pretty good kisser though.”

Estelle laughed and hit him over the head with her pillow. Maru rolled her eyes and stood up.

“Anyway, I should get home before Dad sends out a search and rescue for me. See you later guys.”

“Later Maru. Thanks again.”

When the door clicked closed, Estelle looked at Sam, who was pulling on his t-shirt. She felt like things were okay between them, but she had to be sure.

“Hey, so…we’re cool right?”

“I’m cool. You’re kinda lame, but I like you anyway.”

“Sam…”

He turned then, pivoting his whole body so he was facing her dead on. The humor had faded from his face, and she knew that whatever he said next would be completely sincere.

“Look, Estelle, I think you’re an amazing chick. You’re caring and funny and pretty fuckin’ hot.” He gave her a little grin and continued, “Under any other circumstances I’d be all over it, but it’s not like that this time.”

She had to ask. “Why not?”

“Well first because I know you’re not into me that way, and I respect you too much to push for something I know you don’t want.”

“And second…?”

He took a breath and seemed to be measuring his words. “And second isn’t really for me to say. But either way, you’re my girl and I love you. I just don’t want to get with you. So as long as you’re okay with that, then yeah, we’re cool.”

Estelle couldn’t help but wonder what “isn’t for me to say” was all about, but the relief at hearing that Sam felt the same way as she did trumped her curiosity. She leaned up onto her knees and wrapped her arms around his neck in a tight hug.

“Thanks Sam.”

“No need,” he said, hugging her back. When she pulled away he nodded toward her bathroom. “Now go get dressed. We still have time for pancakes before you have to go see Robin.”

 

* * *

 

The walk up into the mountains was a pain in the ass on normal days, but it was a fucking nightmare with a hangover. Jodi’s coffee and pancakes helped, but the combination of acute dehydration and exercise had her convinced that she was going to perish on the side of the trail. Only after a tremendous amount of effort did she finally make it to the house at the end of the path.

Estelle took a moment to collect herself, then gave a quick knock before letting herself in. Robin was behind the counter, and her bright smile turned into a look of concern as she took in Estelle’s breathless, crimson face. She offered a glass of water, which Estelle gratefully accepted, and after exchanging pleasantries she took out a large folded piece of paper from under the counter.

“I’m sure you want to know what all of this is about,” Robin began, “so I’ll cut the chit chat and get right to the point. A few of us around town have noticed that you’re having a bit of a rough time getting started with the farm.”

Estelle’s heart sank. Everyone had realized how much of a failure she was. She swallowed the sudden lump in her throat and laughed once without humor. “That obvious, huh?”

Robin gave her a soft smile. “Honey, no one thinks poorly of you for it. You’re so young and taking on so much responsibility. You should be proud of yourself, even if it’s not turning out exactly the way you had hoped.”

Estelle simply nodded, not trusting her voice. That sounded so much like something her own mom would say. Always lifting her up when she fell down.

“Well anyway, we really like you Estelle, and we want you to stay in Pelican Town. So Jodi and I started talking, and we thought that maybe we could give you a little help.”

Robin unfolded the paper, smoothing it out against the counter. Estelle looked at it in confusion. It was a map, of…her farm?

“What would you say to raising hens?” she asked.

“Hens?”

“Yeah, hens. Chickens. You have a lot of land here, and I was thinking that if growing crops wasn’t working out for you, maybe raising livestock would be more up your alley.”

“Robin, I’m going to be honest… I’ve never actually seen a chicken that wasn’t already turned into nuggets.”

Robin laughed. “I figured you’d say something like that. But you’re a smart girl, and hens are easy. So if you’re willing to give it a shot, I’m willing to build you a chicken coop to get you started. Marnie agreed to donate a few chicks as thanks for all you did for Jas, and Jodi pulled together a little fund to help with basic supplies.” Robin laid an envelope on the counter next to the map. “So…what do you think?”

Estelle was dumbfounded, struck speechless by the kindness and generosity of these people she had only recently come to know. They had no reason to help her, but here they were, offering their time and labor and money just so she could make a living in their town. No one but her own mother had ever cared for her so much, and she couldn’t hold back the tears that were starting to well up in her eyes.

“I don’t know what to say Robin. This is…you don’t have to do all of this for me.”

Robin reached out and rubbed Estelle’s back reassuringly. “I know honey, but I want to.”

Willy’s words came back to her. _When you find yourself stuck in a rut, remember there are folks who can help pull you out._ Maybe the old man really did know what he was talking about.

“Thank you so much Robin. Really, you don’t know what this means to me.”

Robin smiled and waved it off. “No need to thank me. I’m just hoping it will be enough to get you back on your feet.”

The touching moment ended as the door swung open, and the women turned to see Sebastian entering the foyer, head down as he swiped at his phone.

“Oh, hey Sebby!” Robin said.

“Hi Mom,” he mumbled, still looking at his phone as he pulled the door closed behind him.

“Can you help Maru with her laptop later? She said something about her new part not working right.”

“Yeah, after I’m done with…” he looked up, and froze as he noticed Estelle for the first time. “…work.”

Robin smiled, seemingly oblivious to the sudden tension in the room. “Thanks honey. I’ll let her know.”

Estelle couldn’t read the emotions behind his eyes, but she could tell they weren’t good ones. Deciding to go with the high road, and more importantly not make a scene in front of Robin, she forced a smile. “Hey Seb.”

“Hi,” he muttered, walking past the counter and down the stairs to his room. The door shut with a decisive bang – not quite a slam, but loud enough to know there was force behind it.

Robin looked towards the basement and shook her head. “That boy…” she sighed, but then seemed to think better of it. “So! Where should we build this coop? I’m thinking somewhere over here…”

 

* * *

 

Estelle was a mess of emotions by the time she left Robin’s house. Immense gratitude for the second chance she was being offered. Shame at needing the charity in the first place. Fear of fucking up again. And then whatever the hell she was feeling about her run-in with Sebastian.

She couldn’t figure him out, which was nothing new, but it hadn’t mattered as much before. Now she just wanted to know what the hell he was thinking. He seemed pissed, but why? Because she kissed Sam? Why would that make him pissed? Sam was a good looking guy, he probably made out with tons of girls. What was the problem now?

_He’s jealous,_ a tiny voice in her head proposed. She recalled her thoughts from earlier. They’d been drunkenly flirting beforehand…maybe it hurt his feelings that she seemingly jumped from him to Sam like it didn’t mean anything?

But it _didn’t_ mean anything, she reasoned. They weren’t dating. He wasn’t even interested in her like that – not with the whole Abby bullshit going on. They were just fucking drunk. It made sense for him to be mad at the time, but it didn’t make sense for him to still be pissed about it now that the buzz was gone and rational thinking set back in.

Oh! Wait a second. The Abby bullshit…what was it Sam had said? That she was going to toy with him all night, and then he’d mope in his basement for the next week. That must be what all of this was about. Abigail and her stupid games.

Estelle shook her head, feeling stupid for even considering she’d had any effect on him.

Taking a moment to stop and look around, Estelle realized just how far she had wandered during her musings. She’d circled the north side of the lake, and was now standing outside of the large opening in the rock face that led down to the mines. She peered in, wondering what exactly was down there that kept the villagers out despite the rich ore deposits. Sam said monsters, but monsters weren’t a thing. Were they?

A thought crossed Estelle’s mind, and she took a few steps closer to the mouth of the cave. _Rich ore deposits._ That could bring in some serious cash, especially if everyone else was too afraid to mine it themselves. She knew Clint was hurting for ore in his line of work, and there might even be other valuables down there…

If Robin, Jodi, and the others were going to put themselves out there to help her, then she had to help herself too. Steeling her resolve, she marched into the entrance to the mines.

When her eyes adjusted to the low light, she was both disappointed and relieved to see that there was absolutely nothing exciting about the room she was standing in. It was a boring old cave just like the one on her property, except for a mine cart on the left side blocking a tunnel to who-knows-where, and an elevator on the far wall. She walked over to it and pressed the button, but there was no response. Power must be out. She turned back around to look for another entrance…and froze.

A shadowy figure was standing just inside the cave, blocking the only exit. It looked like a man, but with the light behind it she couldn’t be sure. As the figure moved toward her, she resisted the impulse to run and instead dropped into the fighting stance she had learned during her self-defense training in Zuzu. Too risky to run when they’re blocking your exit. Disable, then run.

“Nice stance kiddo, but your fists aren’t going to help you much down in the mine.” The man stepped close enough that she could finally make out his face, and hesitantly straightened back up. It was the old man with the eyepatch that she had seen around town on occasion. She hadn’t spoken to him yet, and to be honest he creeped her out a little, but she didn’t think he was a threat. Still, she kept her guard up just in case.

“Why? What’s in the mine?”

“Oh, all manner of beasties. Slimes, rock crabs, bats. And that’s just up top. Go lower and that’s when things start to get interesting,” he said with a grin.

“What do you mean, ‘interesting’?”

He laughed. “Well now I suppose you’ll just have to see for yourself, if you’re the adventuring sort. Still, if you’re set on going down there you’ll need a weapon to defend yourself. Here,” he said, unbuckling a sheathed sword from his hip and holding it out to her.

She eyed him warily but stepped closer, taking the weapon and testing its weight. She had never used a sword before, but she had practiced with canes. And really, a sword was just a sharp cane right? Or close enough, anyway.

“Thanks,” she said to the man, returning the sword to its sheath and belting it on herself. “Who are you anyway?”

“Name’s Marlon. I run the Adventurer’s Guild next door. Our job is to go down there and keep the beastie population in check and away from town.”

“Do I just return the sword there, then?”

“Nah, it’s yours now. Just bring by 10 dead slimes for me and we’ll call it even,” he said. A little gross, but fair. Estelle nodded in agreement.

“Anyway, keep your wits about you, young lady. I’d hate to see you die down there,” he said, exiting the mines with a little wave.

Well, _that_ wasn’t ominous at all.

As Marlon left, Estelle noticed a large hole in the middle of the ground that somehow she had missed passing through the first time. Walking over to it, she saw there was a ladder bolted to the edge.

Well, it’s now or never right?

Taking a deep breath, she stepped down into the darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to say a big thank you to all you gorgeous people who have read, commented, subscribed, or left kudos on this story. What started as a fleeting idea has turned into something I am really invested in, and I am so incredibly grateful that you all have taken the time to follow along with me.


	10. Frozen Tears

Estelle eyed the fluffy yellow ball in her hands warily. It was cute, no doubt, but there was something about its beady little eyes that didn’t sit right with her.

“I feel like this chicken has seen some shit,” she said, running her finger down its gauzy back. It peeped in agreement, reaffirming her belief.

Shane snorted. “That chick was looking at the inside of an egg a few hours ago. Not much opportunity for trauma.”

“I mean, you were the first person it saw. That has to be pretty traumatic.”

“Fuck you,” he said with a laugh. “You ready to stop dicking around and listen?”

“Yes sir Mr. Shane sir.”

Shane rolled his eyes but continued. “Alright, so the first thing about new chicks is you have to keep their bedding clean. Clean up droppings at least twice a day, more if you can. They’ll peck at their own shit and get sick if you leave it laying around.”

“Okay, clean up bird shit. Next.”

“Keep the heat lamp on until they get their feathers in. If they’re huddled up under the lamp it’s too cold so move it down, if they’re over in the corner away from it all the time it’s too hot so move it up. Just keep an eye on them and use common sense.”

“Keep naked chickens warm. Next.”

“Water is more important than food, and they usually can’t find it themselves for the first few days. You have to take them over to it and dip their beak in until they get the hang of it.”

“Dude…how do these things survive in the wild? They sound too dumb to live. Seriously.”

Shane looked at her like she was an idiot. “Uh…their mother takes care of them?”

“Ohh. Right. Proceed.”

He shook his head, but Estelle caught a little smile. The back and forth continued for a while, with Estelle listening diligently but still pretending not to. She really wanted to take good care of these birds, but she also really liked fucking with Shane, so…compromise.

She was actually pretty impressed by his wealth of knowledge regarding poultry, and by how he seemed to enjoy teaching her. She knew he was a good guy, and she liked their random saloon conversations well enough, but this was a side of Shane she hadn’t seen before. Motivated, informed, passionate. It looked good on him, and she genuinely hoped he found a way to bring those qualities out more often.

It took a few hours, but eventually Shane had a fair level of confidence that Estelle wouldn’t inadvertently murder the chicks through negligence. She also promised to keep Maki inside for the first few days, just in case. The cat had seemed to heed her warning about hunting after the last mishap, but a coop full of tiny peeping fluff balls might be too much temptation.

Estelle asked Shane to stay for a beer when they were finished with the chickens. She’d picked up a 6-pack of the good stuff yesterday, knowing it would be a decent thank you for coming over and helping her. The man was so accustomed to Joja swill that sitting back with a bottle of craft brew should be the height of luxury. He accepted and they sat together on her porch swing, lazily wasting the rest of the morning away.

“So what are you going to name them?” Shane asked, nodding towards the coop.

“Oh, I don’t know. I was thinking maybe Nugget, Fingers, Wing, and Drumstick.”

“Right, because no one has ever made that joke before.”

“I swear you hate fun,” Estelle said, mulling it over. “How about Harper, Hazel, Harley, and…I don’t know, Helena?”

“What’s with the H thing?”

“H is for hen.”

Shane laughed, shaking his head. “You’re a weird chick, Estelle.”

“And you wouldn’t have me any other way,” she said. He conceded, and she grinned. “Anyway, how long ‘til my squad starts making eggs?”

“It varies, but probably around the end of summer. Let me know when they start laying and I’ll come up and build a mayo machine for you. Mayo turns a good profit around here.”

“Aw, thanks Shane. That’s uncharacteristically nice of you to offer.”

He laughed. “Yeah, well, don’t spread it around. I have a reputation to keep. Besides, I owe you for saving my girl.”

Estelle would normally have said he didn’t owe her anything for just doing what was right, but if a sense of debt got him to help her out with these chickens, then she was happy to let it ride.

“You know, I’ve been wondering about that,” she said, taking a sip of her second beer. This would have to be her last one – she was going into the mines after this and couldn’t chance it with a buzz. “What’s the deal with you and Jas? She’s not your biological kid, right?”

“Nah. I was what, 17 when she was born? My dad would have beat my ass purple if I had knocked up some girl before finishing high school,” he said with a little chuckle. She recognized the tone behind it though. A touch of bitterness, tinted by the rose-colored filter we tend to put over memories. Even bad ones.

“Jas is my brother’s kid. There was a fire when she was little and her parents didn’t make it.” He took a long swig of his beer, stuffing the empty bottle back into the sleeve and popping a new one before continuing. “My mom is gone, and her other grandparents are gone, so it was either I took guardianship or she ended up in the system. I like to think she’s better off with family, but when family means me I’m not so sure.”

Estelle had the urge to reach out to Shane, give him a hug or even a pat on the back, just something to offer comfort and understanding. But she didn’t. Shane wasn’t a touchy feely kind of guy, and she knew from experience that all the hugs in the world couldn’t fill the kind of hole he was dealing with.

“I’m sorry about your brother. And for what it’s worth, I think what you did was amazing.”

He glanced up at her, and what she saw in his eyes broke her heart. Had no one ever told him that before? Had no one ever stopped to consider how his life was turned upside down? Sure, he was abrasive and kind of a dick, but how could there be such a lack of empathy for him?

“I mean it,” she continued, wanting to drive the point home. “Taking in a little kid when you were barely grown yourself, putting her future ahead of your own…that’s amazing, Shane. And Jas knows it. She thinks you’re a fucking superhero, and honestly I kind of agree with her.”

Shane was quiet, staring into his beer without really seeing. Estelle gave him the time he needed to work through his thoughts, silently rocking the swing back and forth a few inches as she waited. When he spoke again his voice was soft, with no trace of the cynical sarcasm he usually employed.

“You know, my whole life I’ve been told I’m a piece of shit. A worthless, pathetic joke. After a while it just became a self-fulfilling prophecy. But maybe… maybe if Jas sees something more in me, and if you can see something more in me… then maybe I still have a chance to be better than that.”

“Thanks Estelle.”

 

* * *

 

Evening was approaching by the time Estelle stumbled out of the mines, exhausted and filthy. She had made some great progress in exploring the winding tunnels over the last week, journeying deeper with every trip. Marlon had given her some fuses to plug into the elevator controls, so now she could get back to the deeper levels right from the get-go. This was particularly helpful because she was quickly learning that the deeper she went, the better treasures there were to find.

That was probably because the ‘beasties’, as Marlon called them, were fucking terrifying down there. No one was going down to claim the gems and ore that lay 30, 40, 50 levels deep when one wrong move would turn you into a snack for monsters. And though she hesitated to use that word, because dammit _monsters weren’t real_ … there was no other descriptor that fit. What else could you call human-shaped creatures that were black as coal with glowing eyes and skin as tough as leather?

Monsters or not, they could still die, and Estelle was getting really good at killing them. She liked to think she was ‘leveling up’, because hell, if she was going to fight actual monsters she was at least going to save some her of sanity by pretending it was a video game. Dissociation may not be the healthiest coping mechanism, but so far it was working well enough.

And the risks to her life weren’t without rewards. In just one week Estelle had brought back enough precious resources to get her pickaxe upgraded, pay off her tab at the saloon, and start saving up a new emergency fund. At this rate she was hoping to commission Robin to expand her house at some point over the summer. Robin wouldn’t accept money for the coop, but Estelle could at least give her some business as thanks.

Speaking of Robin, Estelle needed to ask her for that map of her farm. She’d been thinking more about it, and Robin was right – she had a ton of land that was currently going waste. She had found a book of blueprints in the library, and was considering the possibility of using some of that land to build an apiary. The bee hives didn’t seem too difficult to construct, and if she could get a nice group of them together the honey would be a great, effortless source of income for her.

To hell with growing crops. She was going to fill her farm with birds and bees.

The shop was closed at this hour, but Robin would probably be home anyway. Estelle followed the lake south rather than heading west towards the mountain path she normally took home. Bonus – this gave her an excuse to cut through town and stop for a drink before heading home. The mines had been rough tonight, so she’d earned it.

As Estelle turned away from the lake onto Mountain Road, she heard weird clanking noises coming from the house. Thinking it was Maru building something, she walked right up to the garage with a smile, ready to see what crazy awesome tech she was working on this time.

Instead, she saw a motorcycle. And a pair of black-clad legs hanging out from underneath.

She briefly considered walking right past the garage to the front door, or just backing up and circling around to the mountain path. That would be the smart thing to do. Sebastian clearly didn’t want to see her, as evidenced by the way he had not-so-subtly been avoiding her for the last week.

Her logic was overruled, however, by her ever-increasing need to know just what the hell his problem was. She could deal with his apathy towards her, but she couldn’t deal with this blatant anger without even hearing him give a reason. Crossing her arms in a preemptively defensive stance, she decided that she wasn’t going to leave this garage until she knew for certain where they stood.

“Hey.”

Sebastian rolled out from under the bike, looking up at her in surprise. As soon as he realized who it was his eyes hardened slightly.

“Hi.”

“Nice bike. Is it yours?”

“Yep.”

This would normally be the part where Estelle bailed. She wasn’t the type to force conversation out of people, and terse, one-word responses were not something she tolerated under the best of circumstances. Regardless, this time she just steeled her resolve and pushed ahead.

“I haven’t seen it around. Do you ride or is it just for show?”

He held her gaze for a moment, defiant glare against defiant glare, until finally he sighed and rolled back under the bike.

“I ride it. Mostly at night.”

She was considering what to say from there when, to her surprise, he continued unprompted.

“There’s nothing else like it, blazing along the empty stretch of road toward the faint city glow. Once I’ve saved up enough money I’m going to head out on my own, to the city and beyond. Just me and my bike.”

For reasons she didn’t quite understand, his words caused a pit to form in her stomach. She knew he was planning on leaving Pelican Town, but hearing him talk about it in that wistful, dreamlike tone filled her with a sadness she hadn’t expected. For the first time, Estelle realized she would miss him.

Not that she’d ever tell him so.

“What about Sam?” she said, transferring her sudden, unvetted feelings onto their friend. “He’d cry himself to sleep every night if you left.”

Sebastian laughed once, humorlessly. “He’s got you now. He’ll be okay.”

“Me?” Estelle said, disbelief clear in her voice. “I’ve lived here for three months Seb, that hardly makes up for losing his best friend.”

“Yeah, well, girlfriends can make up for a lot of things.”

Estelle almost wished he wasn’t under the bike so he could see the complete confusion written all over her face.

“Girlfriend? What the fuck are you talking about?”

The clanking stopped suddenly, but he didn’t roll back out. It took her longer than it probably should have, but eventually it became evident what had led him to that misguided conclusion.

“Are you talking about the party? No, dude, it’s not like that at all. That was just a product of way too much tequila.”

“…oh.”

That was probably all that needed to be said, but Estelle felt the need to make things very clear. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to break your boy’s heart or anything. We talked, and he’s not interested either. We’re cool.”

“Okay.”

After another minute of silence, the clanking resumed. Estelle wasn’t sure where to go from here. It didn’t seem like there was anything left to say, but she didn’t want to leave yet either. Luckily, the clanking stopped shortly after it began, and Sebastian rolled out.

Sitting up on the creeper, he grabbed a nearby towel and began to wipe his hands clean. “There, oil’s changed,” he said, looking her over with a frown. “You look like shit.”

Estelle raised her eyebrows, laughing in surprise. “Fuck off, so do you!”

There it was. That sideways smile she’d grown to love.

_Like._ Grown to _like._

“No, I mean you look like someone beat the hell out of you.” He stood and walked over to her, turning her elbow to get a better look at the side of her arm. “And you’re bleeding.”

Estelle craned her neck to check it herself as Seb grabbed a clean towel. She couldn’t see the full extent of the damage, but it didn’t look that bad. Nothing that would need stitches. Still, she winced when he pressed the towel firmly against the wound. “Ow! It didn’t hurt ‘til you did that.”

“I’m not trying to explain to Mom why there are bloodstains in the garage. Keep pressure on it.”

“Fair point,” she conceded, replacing his hand with her own and pressing down.

“So, going to tell me what happened?”

Estelle leaned against the wall, letting herself slide down it until she hit the floor. Standing took more energy than she was willing to expend at the moment. “Oh, I don’t know. It was probably the bat. Or maybe those blue slimes, they get pretty brutal when they group up.”

Sebastian just stared at her for a minute before realization hit him. “The mines? You’ve been going into the mines?”

“Yeah?”

He looked genuinely upset by that. “Why the fuck would you go into the mines?”

“Uh, because I’m fucking broke Sebastian. And there’s tons of shit in there I can sell to make ends meet.”

“People have _died_ in there Estelle.”

“I’ll be fine. I’m tougher than I look.” He looked like he was about to argue again, so she cut him off. Good intentions aside, he wasn’t going to talk her out of her one reliable source of income. “Anyway, check this out. I found something today I thought you might like.”

She dug through her bag until she found what she was looking for; a blue crystal droplet the size of her palm, that wasn’t simply cold to the touch – it seemed to actually radiate the cold from within. She held it up to him and his eyes widened, taking it as he crouched down to sit on the floor beside her.

“A Frozen Tear? How did you—“

“I told you, there’s all kinds of stuff down there.”

He shook his head, turning the crystal over in his hands. “No, I mean how did you know I always wanted one of these?”

“Oh. I didn’t. I just found it and thought, hmm, looks like a tear, super cold… I bet my favorite emo kid would be into this.”

“You know, I’m going to get a complex if you keep calling me an emo kid.”

“If you get a complex that’s just gonna make you more emo.”

He laughed, handing the crystal back to her. She shook her head. “You can keep it.”

“Really? What about the whole being broke thing?”

“I mean yeah I’m still broke, but if you like it that much it’s yours. Besides, I have a whole bag of stuff to hawk when I get back to town. I swear Clint has been giving me bedroom eyes all week,” she said with a grin.

“If you’re sure, then…thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

They sat in companionable silence for a few minutes, long enough for Estelle’s eyes to slowly begin closing and blinking back open in a fight for consciousness. She needed to get home soon or she was going to pass out in Sebastian’s garage.

“Hey, Estelle?”

“Mm?”

“Sorry for being a dick to you.”

“It’s okay. You can find some way to make it up to me.”

“Oh yeah?” he said with a smirk. “Hmm…what if I took you for a ride some day?” he said, nodding towards his bike.

Estelle scrunched her nose. “To be honest I’m kind of afraid of motorcycles.”

He chuckled, shaking his head in disbelief. “So let me get this straight. Risking your life in the mines is totally fine, but you draw the line at motorcycles?”

“I didn’t say it was rational.”

“Well, there’s no need to worry. I’ll make sure you’re safe.”

Somehow, she believed him.

A shadow creeping across the garage floor caught her eye, and she looked outside to see the sun rapidly making its way towards the horizon. Well, shit. Now she was going to have to walk home in the dark, and find something in her house to…eat…

She cursed, jumping up from her spot on the floor. “I have to get home and feed Maki.”

Sebastian looked at her like she had three heads. “Maki?”

“Yeah, my cat,” she said, zipping up her bag and pulling it over her shoulders. “If I don’t feed her she’s going to find a way out and eat my chickens.”

“…you named your cat Maki?”

The humor in his tone gave her pause, and she stopped to look at him. “Why not? I love sushi. Cats like fish. It works.”

“Right.” He grinned but didn’t comment further, instead taking on a thoughtful expression as he stood. “Hey, would you want to get sushi with me some time? No one else will even try it, so I haven’t gone in forever.”

A teasing smile spread across Estelle’s face. “Are you asking me on a date Sebastian?”

His eyes widened by a hair before he dropped his face and shut down any further expression. Still, she caught the flush on his cheeks. “No. Just forget it.”

“Relax, I’m kidding,” Estelle said with a laugh. “I would love to get sushi with you. Maybe we can even take your bike.”

Sebastian looked back up, a little smile playing at his lips as Estelle turned to leave. When she reached the threshold of the garage, she glanced back over her shoulder with a smirk.

“Later emo kid.”


	11. Smoking with a Void Wizard

Sam was pouting. As far as persuasion tactics went, it was a pretty poor choice to use on anyone other than his mom. He seemed to realize it wasn’t getting him anywhere and switched it up to a far more reasonable “appeal to the others’ interest” for his final attempt.

“C’mon Estelle, I promise you’ll have more fun with us than at the luau. The luau is lame as hell. You just sweat for hours and then eat nasty soup. Like who wants soup when it’s 100 degrees out anyway?”

“You guys are forgetting I’ve never been to one before,” Estelle said, adjusting the flower clip in her hair. “So I want to see what it’s all about. Besides, I already squeezed myself into these shorts. I’m not wasting all of that effort.”

“It wouldn’t be wasted! Seb and I will stare at your ass the whole day, I promise,” he said. “Right Seb?”

Sebastian pointedly ignored him, setting up an array of cards, guidebooks, and maps across the table.

“Aw, really taking one for the team there guys,” she said with a laugh. “But I’m still going. You two brave heroes will just have to defeat the evil sorcerer yourselves.”

“Uh, evil _necromancer_ ,” Sam corrected.

“A necromancer _is_ a sorcerer, Sam,” Sebastian chimed in. “It’s a sub-class.”

“Watch out Sam, you’re about to get your nerd card revoked,” Estelle said with a grin. “Anyway, Maru’s waiting for me. If it sucks that bad I’ll cut out early and come back to rescue you both with my epic heals.”

“Yeah, yeah. Do me a favor and ask Governor McLardface if he remembers the anchovies.”

“I don’t even wanna know,” she said, climbing the stairs out of Sebastian’s room.

 

* * *

 

Maru actually was waiting for her, which was a surprise. She’d been fighting with a flat iron when Estelle arrived, and since she said it was going to be a while Estelle went downstairs to visit the guys. Still, the battle had definitely been won – her hair was silky, shiny, and looked damn good for her troubles.

The girls had made plans to go to the luau together the day before, since Penny had come down with a wicked summer cold. Maru wanted to skip out to spend the day taking care of her, but Demetrius would have none of it.

Estelle hadn’t spoken to Demetrius very much since moving to the valley. He didn’t seem to take any real interest in her despite how close she was becoming to the rest of his family. She got the distinct feeling he didn’t like her very much, but he was always polite so she didn’t look too far into it.

And to be honest, she wasn’t a huge fan of his either, based on what little information she’d gathered so far. Robin frequently expressed frustration with him, Sebastian tried to pretend he didn’t exist, and Maru…well, despite being an obvious daddy’s girl, she was beginning to run into problems of her own.

“I just don’t get why he’s being like this!” she fumed as they walked down to the beach together. “It’s like he isn’t taking me seriously at all.”

“About Penny, or…?”

“Just being gay in general. I came out months ago and he didn’t even acknowledge it. Just gave me a ‘that’s nice honey’ and kept working on his experiment. And every time I bring up Penny he tries to change the subject, or make it seem like we’re just friends and not actually dating.”

Estelle frowned. “Do you think he has a problem with gay people?”

Maru sighed. “I don’t know. I don’t think so in general, I just think he has a problem with _me_ being gay. Like he thinks it’s just a phase or something I’ll grow out of, and he refuses to listen when I say it’s not.”

“What about Robin? She’s cool with it, right?”

“Oh yeah, Mom’s fine. I think she suspected for a while to be honest. She did lament the lost opportunity for grandchildren though, until I reminded her that Sebastian is straight. Well, as far as we know,” she said with a smirk.

“I’m sure he’s thrilled that her maternal dreams are all on him now,” Estelle laughed.

“Right? Yoba, I couldn’t even imagine Seb as a father.”

They’d taken a detour to Penny’s trailer so Maru could stop by for a few minutes to check on her. Estelle stayed outside – she liked Penny, but not enough to risk catching whatever plague she was inflicted with. Instead she walked over to Dusty’s yard, giving the big, slobbery dog a little love while she waited.

Seb as a father huh? Strangely, the idea didn’t seem as far-fetched to her as it did to Maru. When you got past the defensive exterior he was actually really caring and kind, which were the most important qualities to have in a parent right? She thought about how he’d given her his hoodie, and the laptop, and cleaned up the cut on her arm – and she was just a friend. She had no doubt that he’d take great care of his kids.

A picture flashed through her mind of Sebastian carrying a sleepy toddler to bed, the kid giving him a little sideways smile, with a mop of black hair and big green eyes…

Estelle shook her head, blinking until she refocused on the real world. That was...different. Not typically the daydreaming type, she decided to just put the whole experience out of her mind. Sun and boredom will do funny things to your brain.

Not long after, Maru exited the trailer and they made their way to the luau.

 

* * *

 

Alright, point for Sam. This luau was shit.

Gus’ food was awesome as always, but everything else was just…boring. The music was bad enough that even though there was a dance floor set up, only Emily and the kids were on it – and Estelle was fairly sure Emily had indulged in some kind of drugs that day, so she didn’t even count. Everyone else she wanted to talk to was busy or not in the mood. Haley had earbuds in while she lay on the beach catching some sun, and Alex was taking a nap beside her. Maru was having a hushed argument with her dad while Robin looked on in concern. She chatted with Shane for a bit, but he was nursing a hangover and just wanted to eat and lay down. Leah and Elliot were off whispering in the corner as usual – those two had to be fucking, for real – and Willy was in a bad mood because the mayor gave him shit for fishing in front of the governor. It was by far the most miserable party she’d ever attended.

At least Abigail was keeping to herself, since Sam and Sebastian weren’t around. Silver lining.

Lewis was up the governor’s ass the entire time, with Pierre close behind. She’d seen the governor many times before, so there wasn’t any real interest there. His office was right next to Joja HQ, so not only did she see his scheduled public appearances, but she also ran into him on the street or in restaurants fairly often. Not that they spoke or anything, but seeing a man shove a cold cut and mayo sandwich into his face kind of wore off the shine of celebrity.

Estelle spent the bulk of the luau sitting in the shade of Willy’s shop in an attempt to escape the oppressive heat. She deeply regretted not staying in Sebastian’s cool basement playing games with her friends. She thought about leaving countless times, but she was worried about Maru. Whatever was happening wasn’t good, and she wanted to stay available in case Maru needed backup or a place to crash for the night.

Eventually the soup tasting event was at hand. Estelle didn’t have anything from her farm to throw in the pot, so she had brought a few of the weird, spindly carrots she found in the caves. Whatever. At least it wasn’t anchovies.

After a grandiose opener, Lewis requested that the governor taste the soup. The large man waddled up to the pot, ladled a scoop, and brought the spoon to his mouth. Much to the mayor’s dismay, the governor was thoroughly unimpressed. Bland, he said. Boring. Well, that was the theme of the day, wasn’t it sir? Bland and boring.

What a disappointment after how much fun the last two festivals had been.

The time to leave couldn’t possibly come fast enough, and as soon as Maru sent her a text that she’d be staying with Penny that night, Estelle was gone. Hoping it was still early enough to salvage the day a little bit, she cut through town back up to Mountain Road.

 

* * *

 

The door to the house was unlocked, so Estelle just let herself in. The guys wouldn’t hear her knock from the basement, and Robin and Demetrius were still at the luau. She paused at the top of the basement stairs though. It felt weird to just barge into Sebastian’s room without knocking, even though they knew she was coming back. It also felt kind of weirdly formal to knock, though.

Estelle settled on a touch of deception, pulling out her phone and sending a quick text.

_almost there – is the door unlocked?_

She heard Seb’s ringtone go off and hastily put her own phone on silent before the reply could come in.

_Should be. Just come down._

She waited a requisite minute or two in the foyer before opening and closing the front door for effect, and making extra noise walking down the steps. Childish? Yep. But Estelle didn’t do well with awkward, and she’d rather be a little overly cautious than end up in a compromising situation.

The first thing she noticed upon entering Sebastian’s room was that Sam was gone. The game was still laid out on the table, but Sebastian was reclining in his bed, legs crossed at the ankles as he scrolled through something on his phone.

“Hey,” Estelle said, closing the door behind her. “Game over already?”

“Nah. Sam will be back in a little while. Vince got sick at the luau so Jodi asked him to pick up some medicine.”

“Aw, poor buddy,” she said, walking over to the table and sitting down. “I saw them leave early but didn’t know why. It was probably that damn soup.”

“I take it you weren’t impressed by your first taste of ‘almost expired shit from the pantry’ soup?”

Estelle laughed. “You’re out of your mind if you think I tasted that mess. I’ve never seen food be such an unappetizing shade of grey before.” She picked up one of the guidebooks from the table and started looking it over. “So how do you play this game anyway?”

He raised an eyebrow. “I thought you were into RPG’s?”

“Yeah, video game RPG’s. I guess that puts me a tier lower than you on the nerd scale.”

“Fuckin’ casual,” he teased, hopping off the bed and taking the seat next to her at the table. “This one is actually pretty similar to video games to be honest, since it’s based on pre-defined scenarios. Classes, skills, leveling up – all that’s the same. The biggest difference is really just manually rolling for checks and damage. Well, and the lack of graphics obviously.”

Lack of graphics. That reminded her…

“Which one is your character sheet?”

He looked at her questioningly, but picked up a thin black folder from the table and handed it to her. “It’s a few sheets since I’ve been playing the same one for so long. Why?”

She opened the folder and began to flip through the pages inside. “Few” was something of an understatement. There had to be a half dozen pages in there, filled with stats, spells, background info, personality traits…an entire person broken down into cramped handwriting on notebook paper.

“Well if I’m going to draw this guy I should probably get to know him right?”

A slow smile creeped across Sebastian’s face. “So you’re going to take the commission then?”

“I’m still thinking about it,” she argued half-heartedly, “but I should know more about the job before I make a decision. I mean, this character has to be a total badass if I’m going to break my art celibacy for him.”

“You just drew for me and Sam like a month ago,” he reminded her.

She waved it off. “Nah, those were just quick sketches. I mean _actually_ draw.”

Estelle crossed her legs to grab her phone from the back pocket of her shorts and started snapping photos of the pages in the folder. There was way too much info to read right now, and even if she did she’d probably want to refer back later anyway. When she was finished she grabbed a notebook and pen from nearby, ready to take a few supplemental notes.

“So, describe him.”

“Huh?” he said, distractedly.

She glanced up to find him blinking at her like he hadn’t heard a word she said. “ _Your character_ ,” she reiterated, rolling her eyes. “What’s he look like? Age, hair, skin tone, unique markings like tattoos or scars…”

“Oh. Right. So he’s mid-twenties, pale skin, black hair…”

Estelle couldn’t help but giggle. “Your character, Seb. Not you.”

“Very funny,” he retorted, but grinned anyway. “He’s a void wizard. What do you picture when you hear void wizard?”

“Fuck, you’re right. You do look like a void wizard.”

“Yep. So like I was saying…”

Sebastian was cut off by a loud slam from upstairs, the sound powerful enough to reverberate through the walls. Estelle stiffened – she still hadn’t gotten used to the relative safety of the valley, and a sound like that in her world normally meant a door being kicked in by a cop, a burglar, or an abusive boyfriend. Sometimes a combination of the three. The two looked at the door, wondering what the hell was going on.

“Sebastian!” a booming voice rang out.

Estelle glanced over at Seb to see his expression had done a complete 180 from just a second ago. The smiles and teasing had been replaced by hard, narrowed eyes and lips pressed into a grim line as he glared at the closed door.

“Hang on,” he muttered, shoving back from the table and stalking towards the door. She braced for him to slam it shut, but instead he pulled it closed gently, the only sound being the latch clicking shut.

Estelle stayed frozen in place, straining to hear what was going on. She’d deduced that the voice was Demetrius, but what was his deal with Sebastian? She knew they didn’t get along, but they hadn’t even seen each other all day. What could he possibly be that upset about?

Despite her complete silence, she could only make out faint, angry mumbles from behind the thick wooden door. Occasionally a pleading female voice that had to be Robin. Another slam, though not as loud as the first. And then the yelling started.

“This is my house and you _will_ respect me in it!”

“This is Mom’s house, and you haven’t earned an ounce of my respect.”

“If you won’t abide by my rules then you are more than old enough to leave.”

“Demetrius, please…”

“Maybe if I didn’t have to keep giving Mom money to make up for your pretend job I’d be out of here already.”

“Pretend job? My work is renowned in the scientific community! And what do you do, besides playing games on your computer all day?”

“Oh, I don’t know, how about making a paycheck? When’s the last time you did that, Demetrius?”

“Sebastian…”

“Must not be much of a paycheck if you can’t afford to leave your mother’s basement.”

“You know what, fuck you!”

“Sebastian!”

The door to Seb’s room flew open as he entered, slamming it behind him so hard the frame shook. Estelle stared wide-eyed as he remained facing the door, shoulders square and rigid, back rising and falling rapidly with deep breaths as he clearly tried to calm down. She didn’t dare make a sound. It wasn’t that she was afraid of him, but when people are in a blind rage it’s usually best to just let them ride it out themselves.

Finally he turned around, keeping his eyes on the floor as he grabbed his backpack from under the computer desk and went to his dresser. She watched as he tossed clothes into the bag, then grabbed a pack of cigarettes out of the top drawer and stuffed them into his hoodie pocket. Zipping his backpack and standing up, he finally lifted his head to look at Estelle.

“I’m going to Sam’s. Sorry about…all of this.”

Estelle hated the way his voice sounded. Exhausted, defeated. His expression was a complicated mixture of frustration, resignation, embarrassment, and hopelessness, and she just wanted to say something to wipe it all away. And selfishly, she didn’t want their time together to end like this either.

She thought about the pack of smokes in his pocket and an idea came to mind.

“Don’t have to apologize. Though if you’re up for a little detour, I have some weed at my house. We could smoke and stream cartoons ‘til you feel better.”

He looked at her like she was an angel sent from Yoba himself. “I would fucking love that.”

 

* * *

 

They didn’t talk much on the walk down the mountain path to Estelle’s farm. Sebastian was still too tense, and she didn’t want to bring up anything that would set him back off. He was chain smoking as well, which was having the unfortunate side effect of making Estelle want one herself. She’d quit a few months before moving to Pelican Town, when she’d made her first attempt to get her life back in some semblance of order. Still, it was recent enough that she was getting a little twitchy walking with him.

Estelle ran out of willpower once he lit his third smoke. She reached over and snagged the freshly lit cigarette out of his hand, took a hit, and handed it back with an exaggerated sigh of relief. He raised his eyebrows, and though he didn’t comment she could see the corner of his mouth twitch ever so slightly.

When they got to Estelle’s house, she had him set up something to watch on the laptop while she dug around in the trunk for her stash. She’d made sure to stock up before leaving Zuzu, knowing she wouldn’t be back for a while, and there was still a fair amount of stuff left.

“What do you like better? Bowl, papers, or edibles?”

“You have edibles?”

Estelle held up a couple lollipops with a smirk. “Look, there are times where you have to be stoned discreetly. And I like candy.”

Sebastian chuckled, shaking his head as he finished getting the streaming service loaded. “Think I’ll stick with the bowl, thanks.”

Estelle shrugged, putting the candy back and grabbing what she needed from the box. She glanced around, and upon realizing that she still only had one chair and zero carpeting, dragged the table over to the foot of her bed and turned the laptop to face it. She hit play on the video and climbed up onto the bed, leaning against the headboard with her legs crossed in front of her as the intro song to some impressively stylish anime began to play.

Sebastian was still standing near the wall as she finished packing the bowl, and she shot him a look. “You coming?”

He looked distinctly uncomfortable but sat on the bed next to her as she lit up.

 

* * *

 

Two episodes later, Sebastian had finally seemed to relax. He’d mirrored Estelle’s position, reclined against her pillows with his head lolled slightly to the side. She had actually thought he fell asleep until he finally spoke as the next episode was loading.

“Thanks for this. It was exactly what I needed.”

“It’s cool. You’re welcome to come over and get baked any time you feel like escaping your family.”

“Well if that’s the case I might as well pack my shit and move in.”

Estelle shrugged. “I’ve had worse roommates. Bonus, if you move in I won’t have to keep up my full-time spelunking gig.”

He grew quiet, and Estelle nudged his shoulder with her own. “I’m kidding. I know you weren’t serious.”

“Yeah.”

“So…wanna talk about whatever the hell happened tonight?” she asked. She’d like to think it was totally because she was a caring friend trying to help, but there was also a part of her that just wanted to change the subject. Seb was being weirdly quiet all of a sudden and it made her uncomfortable not knowing what he was thinking.

He frowned. “Nothing new. Just Demetrius being an asshole.”

“I picked up on that much. What’s his deal with you anyway?”

Sebastian shrugged. “I don’t fit into the family he wants, and he’s not shy about letting me know it.”

“Why? Because you’re not his kid?”

“Probably. I don’t know. All I know is that for as long as I can remember, Maru has been the golden child and I’ve been the outcast.”

Estelle thought about it for a minute and realized something. “Huh. That makes sense.”

“What?”

“Demetrius doesn’t approve of Maru being gay. She told me about it earlier today, that he’s been acting like she’s not with Penny and it’s really pissing her off. They fought for like the entire luau.”

Sebastian snorted. “Sounds about right. He’s pissed at Maru and takes it out on me. Figures.”

Estelle was quiet for a long moment, thinking her next words over carefully. She wasn’t exactly looking to dredge up her own past, but the similarities were so stark that she couldn’t help it. If anything, maybe it’d help him to feel less alone.

“You know…I’ve been exactly where you are. I know it sucks.”

He turned to look at her, eyebrows furrowed in question. She avoided eye contact but continued.

“When my mom passed I didn’t have anywhere to go, so I moved in with my dad. Barely knew the guy, but at the time I was too fucked up to even care where I went. Anyway, his new wife hated me just for existing. I was a black mark on her perfect little family, and she did everything she could to make sure I knew I didn’t belong. She’d make dinner for everyone but me, bring home gifts for everyone but me. She’d make shitty comments about my hair and skin being darker than theirs…tell me how much prettier I’d be if I was fair and blonde. Anything to remind me that I was different and unwanted.”

She looked up to see Sebastian watching her with a potent mix of empathy and understanding. She gave him a weak little smile and half-shrugged. “So, yeah. I get it.”

“So…what happened?”

“What do you mean?”

“What was the tipping point? What made you leave?”

“My dad’s? Or Zuzu?”

“Both.”

Estelle sighed. “It’s kind of a long story.”

“I’ve got time. Unless you don’t want to talk about it.”

She didn’t really want to talk about it, but there was something about this moment, stoned on her bed next to this guy who seemed like he could see into her soul but liked her anyway. Something made her feel safe, even if only for tonight. Maybe this is what she needed. Maybe she just needed to tell her story.

And so she did.

“My mom was my rock. Everything I am is because of her. And when she was gone I just…fell apart, you know? For weeks I didn’t leave my room at all. Stopped going to school so they kicked me out, stopped talking to my friends so they bailed on me, stopped eating so I lost way too much weight. I just…stopped.

“Nancy didn’t care. She told my dad that if I didn’t start paying rent I had to leave, so I got the job at Joja. Met this girl Jess there. She started inviting me out with her after work on Fridays, and eventually I started going. Then Saturday nights, and weekday happy hours, and before I knew it I was going out 5 or 6 days a week, just getting fucked up all the time and doing whatever I could to feel numb.

“Anyway, housing a delinquent went against Nancy’s good Yoba-fearing morals, so on my 21st birthday she kicked me out and I moved in with this guy I was sort of seeing. It wasn’t really serious but I needed somewhere to live so whatever.

“A few months into that I honestly tried to get my life together. Figured my mom wouldn’t want me living the way I had been. So I quit smoking, cut down the drinking, started working out…you know, anything I could do to act like a functional human being. Spent just about a year there, ‘til one day I walked in on my boyfriend fucking Jess, and yeah that’s about it. Found out my Grandpa had left the farm to me and was I gone within the week.

“So, yeah. That’s why I left, and why I have to make things work here. I can’t afford an apartment in Zuzu, even if I could get my job back, and I’m out of options. This place is pretty much my last chance to be happy.”

Estelle stared at her hands in her lap, afraid to look Sebastian in the eye after that torrent of oversharing. After what seemed like forever he finally spoke.

“Are you happy?”

The question hit her hard. Despite everything she had told him, that was what he came back with – asking if she was happy. No exaggerated sympathy, or judgment for all the mistakes she had made. Just simple, straightforward concern.

Estelle leaned over and laid her head on Sebastian’s shoulder. After a brief hesitation, he rested his head against hers, and she smiled contentedly.

“Yeah. I’m happy.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s my personal head-canon that Demetrius is not gainfully employed, and his science is a full-time passion project. As Robin can’t be pulling a ton of business doing carpentry in such a small town, I imagine they’re not incredibly well off financially and Sebastian pays rent more to help his mom than anything. Just wanted to clear up any confusion since I know he technically has a job in-game.


	12. Girl's Night Out

Estelle put her hands on the small of her back and stretched. It was only 11am and she was already wiped out.

_You offered_ , she remembered, dunking the mop back into the bucket and scrubbing a persistent jelly stain from the kitchen tile. Estelle had been spending a lot of time here over the last few weeks, and she always felt bad seeing how hard Jodi worked every day to keep the house in order. She knew from her own upbringing that being a single mom was hard, and she tried to help Jodi out whenever she could – folding some laundry, doing some dishes, whatever little tasks she could do to make her life easier.

That ultimately culminated in an offer to do some of the deep cleaning that Jodi lamented never having time to do. Jodi resisted, naturally, but it was the least Estelle could do for how many times the woman had fed her dinner or picked her up little gifts from the market. She'd come over early this morning and sent the family off to the beach to spend some quality time together, while she busted her ass to make the house shine as a thank you.

Still, it sucked. Who knew two boys could be so damn messy?

Estelle had just finished mopping the floor when the door opened. She looked up with a frown, expecting to chastise Jodi for coming home so early. Instead it was Sebastian who walked in.

He glanced around the house, then at Estelle with a confused look. "Uh, hey. What are you doing?"

She brushed a loose strand of hair back from her face and shot him a look that said how obvious his question was. "Cleaning. What are you doing?"

"Looking for Sam. And I see that you're cleaning – I meant why?" he said, walking towards the kitchen.

"Sebastian, if you step on this floor with your dirty shoes I will cheerfully murder you."

He froze mid-step, looking at her in amusement as he kicked his shoes off. "Wow. I didn't realize you'd become a mom overnight."

"Isn't overnight typically how it happens?" she said with a smirk. "Anyway, I figured Jodi deserved a day off, so they're all at the beach. They'll be back in an hour or so."

Seb crossed the kitchen to the fridge, grabbing a can of Joja Cola. "I'll just wait here then. Yoba himself couldn't get me on the beach in this weather."

Estelle hummed in agreement. "Good choice, vampire. I'm shocked you didn't turn to ash just getting here."

"It's a very real fear of mine."

She laughed. "Well, if you're going to be in my way then I'm putting you to work. Can you dust and vacuum the living room while I finish up in here?"

He gave an exaggerated groan, but obediently trudged out of the kitchen. "You really are a mom."

 

* * *

 

Jodi actually cried when she got home. She took one look at her house, gave a little gasp of astonishment, and immediately started tearing up. It was adorable, and made the day totally worth it, even more so than the copious amount of thanks she showered on Estelle as she walked around the house admiring all the work she had done.

Sebastian's help had freed up a little bit of time, so Estelle whipped up a quick lunch before they got home, guessing everyone would be hungry. She was starving at least. After polishing off a tray of sandwiches and bag of chips, the guys retreated to Sam's room to work out the hook to their newest song. Little Vince went to take a nap, worn out by the day in the sun, and Estelle decided to hang out in the kitchen with Jodi for a while, washing up the lunch dishes and chatting.

"I still can't believe you did all this for me Estelle. I don't even know what to say."

"It was no problem. Really. You take care of us all the time, I wanted to take care of you for once."

Jodi chuckled, but it had a tinge of sadness to it. "I've been taking care of kids for more than half my life now. It feels so strange to be on the other side of it."

Estelle turned, eyeing her speculatively. She knew Jodi was young, but she didn't realize exactly how young. She'd been a mom for more than half her life?

"How old were you when Sam was born?"

Jodi's face reddened, looking down in shame. "I was only 16. It was...well, I'd never say he was a mistake, but..."

"But he was a mistake."

"Let's just say I wasn't ready to be a mother yet. I love those boys more than anything, but sometimes I regret not being able to enjoy my own youth, you know?" She sighed. "That must sound so selfish of me."

Estelle moved back to the table, sitting down and rubbing Jodi's back. "It doesn't sound selfish at all. I can't even imagine how hard it must have been for you."

Suddenly an idea struck her. What is something that kids in their late teens/early twenties do that Jodi would have missed out on?

"Let me take you out tonight. I know a club not too far from here, and you look like you could use a night of drinks and dancing."

Jodi looked at her like she had completely lost her mind. "A nightclub? Oh Yoba, Estelle, I'm way too old for that."

"Jodi, by my calculations you're not even 40 yet. You have plenty of youth left in you to enjoy." Jodi still looked uncertain, and Estelle gave her an encouraging smile. "C'mon, it'll be fun! You deserve a night out."

"Well...oh, what the hell. Let's do it."

 

* * *

 

Estelle lay on her stomach across Sam's bed, chewing on the cap of her pen as she tried to think of the word she was looking for on this verse. Listening to the guys working through songs had gotten her thinking about what lyrics would go with the music they were making, and she had taken to jotting down ideas in the book whenever she felt inspired. She could practically hear the lyrics writing themselves for the song they were currently working on, and she'd been spending the last half hour frantically scribbling to keep up with the rhythm of their practice.

"I'm taking Jodi out dancing tonight," Estelle said nonchalantly, doodling around the edge of the page while she continued to search for that elusive word.

Sam's guitar screeched to a halt. "You're  _what?_ "

"Dancing," she repeated, barely glancing up from the page. "Can you play that breakdown again?"

"Wait, back up," he said, shaking his head like he couldn't believe what his ears were telling him. "You want to take my  _mom_ to a  _nightclub_?"

Finally Estelle looked up to meet his eyes, a little smirk on her face. "Yep. You'll drive right?"

Sam's mouth was hanging open like a fish out of water, and she couldn't help but laugh. Sebastian looked surprised as well, but seemed more amused by Sam than anything.

"I'll take that as a yes. The place is a little over an hour away so I want to leave by 9:00 okay?"

"9:00. Right. To take my mom dancing."

"That's the plan," she said, reading over the lines she'd just written down. "White noise! That's it."

The guys stared at her in confusion, and she glanced up when she felt their eyes on her. "What? That's the word I was looking for," she said with a shrug. "Hey Seb, can you sing?"

"No."

"Not even backup?"

"Nope."

"Oh c'mon," she said, pushing herself up into a sitting position. "I need like, three lines out of you. Besides, you'd barely be audible under Sam's crooning," she said with a grin.

Sam still looked a little shell-shocked from earlier, but he managed a scoff. "I have a great voice," he argued.

"As much as I want to give you shit, you really do," she conceded, turning back to Seb. "So what do you say? Take one for the team?"

Sebastian looked at her like she was out of her damn mind. "Do I look like the kind of guy who would sing in front of a crowd of people?"

"Yeah, actually. You're a swipe of eyeliner away from being a teen screamo idol."

Sam snickered. "She has a point dude."

Sebastian rolled his eyes, but his smile betrayed him. "Whatever. Still no. Why don't you do it?"

"I would, but it needs to be a guy. Plus I'm not actually in the band, remember?"

"You're writing most of our lyrics, so I'd say you're in the band," Sam cut in. "Can you really sing?"

Estelle shrugged. "Not as well as you, but I'm okay. I took 10 years of chorus so I'm on key at least."

Seb crossed his arms, a victorious smirk on his face. "Well? Let's hear it then."

She looked at him thoughtfully, arching her eyebrows in challenge. "Sure. If you agree to do backup on this song."

His smirk faltered and she knew she had him. After a period of deliberation he gave a long-suffering sigh. "Fine. One song. Backup only."

She grinned. "Deal. So, what am I singing?"

 

* * *

 

"I feel ridiculous," Jodi muttered as Estelle put the final touches on her makeup. After digging through her closet, Estelle had come up with a sexy-yet-classy navy blue dress tucked in the back that she had apparently not worn since her husband's military ball over a decade ago. Estelle had a pair of silver heels that went perfectly, and after some time spent with the curling iron and makeup, Jodi looked like a brand new woman.

"Well, you look like a fox," Estelle said, stepping back to look her over. "I'm going to have to literally beat guys off of you."

Jodi laughed, but she looked incredibly pleased by the compliment. Estelle smiled to herself, turning to assess her own reflection in the mirror. This was a great idea.

Estelle had kept it classy herself, choosing a simple black number with an open back and several thin, crossing straps for added interest. It was form fitting but not tight, with no risque cut-outs or high slits. Perfect for going out with your bestie's mom but still pulling off a bit of sex appeal.

It took some prodding, but Estelle managed to drag Jodi out of her bedroom to where the guys were waiting. She'd sweetened the deal for Sam by mentioning a nearby strip mall with a huge music store in it. Sebastian was going along to keep Sam company, while Vince had a sleepover with Jas at Marnie's ranch.

The club they were going to catered to a slightly older crowd, late-twenties to thirties, and was in a larger town a little over an hour away. Not quite city-level clubbing, but from what she could remember it had a good vibe. Estelle had been there once before, when her ex had a business meeting and needed arm candy to impress. That had been a far different experience than she was hoping to have tonight.

"So, how do we look?" Estelle asked with a bright smile. She took a half-step backwards as the guys turned around, so Jodi was the center of attention. Her singular goal for the evening was to make Jodi feel as amazing as she possibly could.

"What did you do to my mom?" Sam asked, expression caught somewhere between impressed and horrified.

"Don't be jealous that your mom is hotter than you," Estelle retorted. "Did you pull the car down like I asked?"

"I did," Sebastian answered. "And you look great Mom."

Jodi smiled. "Thanks sweetie. You always were my favorite son."

"He's not even yours!" Sam exclaimed, shooting Seb a look. "Kiss ass."

Sebastian just smirked, and Estelle giggled. "Alright guys, let's do this thing."

 

* * *

 

The ride there was fairly uneventful. Sam and Sebastian fought over who would drive, and eventually Sam won via a best of three rock-paper-scissors challenge. Sam's driving was moderately terrifying, so Estelle tried keeping herself distracted through conversation and, at one point, an attempt to get road trip karaoke going that was quickly shut down. Fun haters.

Somehow they managed to arrive in one piece, and Jodi's apprehension grew the second they exited the car.

"I don't know about all of this Estelle. I know you mean well but maybe it's best if we just go home."

Estelle stopped, turning to face Jodi. The older woman looked incredibly anxious, and Estelle put her hand on her shoulder and gave a reassuring smile.

"If you really want to leave we can. But it seems to me like you're just nervous, which is totally temporary. How about this – come inside, have one drink with me, and then if you still want to go I'll call Sam myself."

Jodi laughed, shaking her head. "Look at me, needing a pep talk from one of my son's friends. No, I'm good. Let's go."

Estelle grinned, and the two of them walked right into the nightclub. No cover, naturally.

Despite the initial nerves, the modesty, the utter mom-ness of Jodi – this chick was hardcore once you got a few rounds into her. Estelle totally understood now why she'd lamented the loss of her youth so much. She just had so much pent up energy, this need to say fuck it and go all out, to release that inner kid who had to take on too much responsibility too fast.

And Estelle was more than happy to do it with her. They drank, they danced, they laughed – and, true to her word, Estelle had to deflect several good-looking men away from Jodi over the course of the evening. Sam would be so mortified.

And speaking of Sam…

"Estelle, tell me the truth," Jodi started, as they were taking a break at a little two-seat table in the corner of the room.

Estelle grinned. "Oh man, Jodi. Nothing good comes from from a question that starts like that."

"No, no, it's nothing bad," she said with a laugh. "I just really want to know. Are you and Sam dating?"

Yep. Nothing good comes from 'tell me the truth'.

Estelle stammered, stalling for time as she tried to think of a way to very gently say to a woman that she wasn't interested in her son.

Jodi plowed ahead, not even waiting for a response. Big shout out to vodka for that save. "Because I want him to find a girl like you, you know, someone sweet and responsible who can take care of him. I spoiled that boy too much and now I worry he doesn't know how to take care of himself."

"Oh, Jodi, I wouldn't worry about that. He'll figure it out."

She sighed, taking a long sip of her drink. "I don't know Estelle. I mean, I was married with a 6 year old at his age. You're running an entire farm by yourself. Sam doesn't even know how to do his own damn laundry. I don't think he even wants to move out on his own."

"So show him how to do laundry, and then stop doing it for him" Estelle supplied with a shrug. "Sam's a capable guy. He just needs a little push to get him going."

Jodi looked like she'd never considered that before. She paused, sipping her drink thoughtfully while Estelle continued, "And lots of guys our age still live with their parents."

"I suppose you're right. Sebastian still lives at home, and Alex."

"Yep. So try not to worry too much. I think men just usually take a little longer to grow up than women do."

That got a laugh out of her. "Honey, you have no idea."

Estelle grinned and stood up. "But c'mon, tonight isn't for worrying. Tonight is for dancing," she said, pulling Jodi from her seat with a wink. She laughed and followed Estelle to the dance floor.

 

* * *

 

It was close to 2 in the morning by the time Estelle sent the text to come pick them up. Sam had been worried to a level that was out of character for him, and to be honest so had Sebastian. They'd both considered going into the nightclub to make sure everything was okay when Estelle hadn't responded to any texts, but the cover charge was ridiculous and they didn't want to spoil a rare night out for Jodi.

Sebastian watched in amusement as the two women stumbled towards the car, holding on to each other and laughing. The fact that Estelle was upright in those heels was impressive in itself, let alone after whatever quantity of alcohol she'd consumed that night. Judging by the flush of her cheeks and brightness of her eyes, it had been a pretty significant amount.

Still, it was strange seeing Jodi acting so carefree. She was always so stressed out, seeming to run endlessly without taking any time for herself. It was good to see her smiling, laughing, singing and bopping along to the radio with Estelle. Sebastian didn't know what kind of magic Estelle had pulled on her, but he was grateful she had.

He was beginning to realize that's just the kind of person Estelle was. She went out of her way for the people in her life, a quality he couldn't help but admire. How many other girls their age would try so hard to help out a friends mom? He couldn't think of a single one.

They were about 45 minutes from home when the backseat grew quiet, and Sebastian turned to see that Jodi had passed out. Estelle caught his eye and grinned, pressing her finger against her lips in the universal sign for 'be quiet'. He turned the radio down, murmuring to Sam that his mom was sleeping.

Not long after, Sam checked the rearview mirror and chuckled. "Estelle's out too," he said, nodding towards the backseat. Sebastian looked back and sure enough she was asleep, head and arms resting on the center console with her legs folded up against the door.

She looked so innocent when she was sleeping. All of the stress and fear and hurt she carried around with her replaced by slow, even breaths through slightly parted lips. A strand of hair was hanging down across her face, and his fingers itched to smooth it back into place.

Sam cleared his throat and Sebastian blinked, turning back to look at his friend. He had a smug little grin on his face, watching Sebastian from the corner of his eye. Seb ignored him, staring pointedly out the window. Sam had been doing that shit more often lately – calling him out whenever he caught Sebastian looking at Estelle, or smiling without realizing it, or getting lost in thought. He knew Sam wanted him to make a move on her.

But Sam just didn't get it.

Girls like Estelle didn't go for guys like Sebastian. He'd seen it enough in high school – her type always went for dumb jocks like Alex, or funny guys like Sam. They didn't go for the weird nerdy kid who was too painfully shy to hold a conversation. No, the kind of girls that liked him were the ones like Abby. And after 3 years of soul-crushing rejection from her, Seb couldn't deal with it from anyone else.

Especially not from Estelle. The incident at the party proved that he had already gotten way too invested and needed to back off. She was the kind of girl who could destroy him if he gave her the chance. He had to distance himself now, if only to save himself later.

Besides, he loved Abby. He'd loved her for so long that he didn't know how to stop. Even if he wanted to.

"So, you crashing tonight?" Sam asked, pulling him out of his thoughts.

"Yeah."

"I guess Estelle will be too then. I'm gonna have my hands full getting Mom home, so you'll need to help her."

"The road runs right by her house. It'd be easier to just take her home than bring her to your place."

Sam smirked. "So take her home then."

"Fuck off dude."

"I just don't get it man. She likes you. You like her. What's the problem?"

"I said fuck off."

"Fine, fine," he said with a sigh. "But you know I'm right."

When the subject was firmly dropped and Sam refocused on the road, Sebastian risked another glance at the sleeping girl in the backseat. It was only when he'd turned back around that he realized he was smiling.


	13. Nice Tan, Farm Girl

Sam’s birthday fell on the hottest day of the year so far, because of course it did. The scorching temperatures and lack of a full-sized refrigerator were really putting a damper on Estelle’s attempts to set up for his party. After the first round of cake frosting separated on her, she sent Alex to Joja Mart with her wheelbarrow to pick up as many bags of ice as he could push.

She’d obviously underestimated his upper body strength (and inability to understand nuance) because holy shit that was a lot of ice.

Estelle had been thinking for a while about what to do for Sam’s birthday, and eventually settled on just throwing a party at her house. She wasn’t a control freak by any means, but hosting it on her own property meant that only the people she specifically invited would be there. In a town this small, that distinction was helpful.

Besides – the tests on all of her water had come back clean, and there were no fish in the clearing pond. What could be better on a disgustingly hot summer day than a pool party?

The front door burst open and Estelle jumped, stepping quickly in front of the table to hide the cake she was frosting. The party itself wasn’t a surprise – you couldn’t host a surprise party in Pelican Town – but she’d kept the reason for the party on a need-to-know basis so Sam wouldn’t find out. As far as he knew, this was just an excuse to catch a buzz and go swimming. Which was actually pretty accurate, except also with cake.

It wasn’t Sam that entered, however. Estelle sagged in relief as Maru strolled in, carrying a roll of duct tape and tossing it onto her bed.

“Oh, thank Yoba. Here, whip this cream for a minute while I try to regain feeling in my arm.”

Maru took the whisk as requested, but raised an eyebrow as Estelle shook her forearm out. “You know we have technology to do this for us right?”

“Look, this stuff is straight milk fat and sugar. You have to pay a blood price for something that indulgent. Makes it taste better.”

Maru snorted. “Whatever you say girl. Anyway, just wanted to let you know the music is set up and people are trickling in.”

“Awesome. Can you play hostess for a bit? I have to finish decorating this cake and then I’ll be out.”

“If by playing hostess you mean pointing to the coolers, I’m on it,” she said, handing the whisk back and exiting the house.

“Don’t let Sam into the house! And keep Haley away from the laptop!” Estelle called out as the door was closing. At the Flower Dance after-party Haley had decided to throw on a pop country playlist, and that was not an experience Estelle wished to endure again.

It felt like eternity before the liquid cream whipped up into peaks, but sure enough it did. Estelle stuck a spoon into the bowl to taste the product of her arm nearly falling off. As soon as the sweet, fatty cream hit her tastebuds, she closed her eyes and gave a soft, gluttonous moan of pure ecstasy. So, so worth it.

Resisting the urge to just spoon a quart of whipped cream in her bed like a pregnant woman, she grabbed a rubber spatula and began frosting the cake. Jodi had given her the insider tip that Sam liked chocolate, and they’d gotten Seb to have him over the night before so they could bake it on the sly. Frosting had to wait for today though. Fresh whipped cream wouldn’t hold overnight.

Estelle had wanted something a little larger than the standard round cake pan so she would have the room she needed to decorate it, but the next smallest pan Jodi had was a half sheet. The cake was absolutely massive, which was probably a good thing. If she’d learned anything from the town festivals, it was that the people of Pelican Town loved to eat. It would go, and if not, she was happy to gain a few pounds taking care of the leftovers. Couldn’t let good cake go to waste after all.

They’d baked another, smaller cake as well, so Jodi and Vince could have a little celebration with him this morning. Estelle invited them to come today, but Jodi said Vince was having a hard time with water since the accident with Jas. Estelle felt terrible for the little dude, but in all honesty it was probably better he wasn’t coming. There was undoubtedly going to be a little more drinking and debauchery than she was comfortable with exposing him to.

Estelle had big plans for this cake, and once she was satisfied with the frosting job she started mixing up the paints she would be using to decorate it. A little gel food coloring, a touch of vodka to thin it out, and voila – edible paint. She wasn’t as good with a brush as with other mediums, but it was a cake. No one would be judging the art too harshly.

Peeking out her window to be sure Sam wasn’t near the house, she settled in and got to work.

 

* * *

 

Estelle was just putting the finishing touches on the lettering when Maru came in, a look of nervous concern on her face. “Hey uh, Estelle?”

“Yeah?”

“So while I’m 99% sure I know the answer to this, I should probably ask...did you invite Abigail to the party?”

Estelle paused, setting the paintbrush down and turning in her seat. “No Maru, I most certainly did not invite Abigail to the party,” she said slowly.

“Yeah that’s what I figured, so I thought I should let you know that she’s here.”

Estelle’s demeanor shifted to a calm, controlled anger, like a pot of water on the brink of a boil. “I see. Is Sebastian here?”

Maru drew her brows together in confusion, like the question didn’t make any sense to her, and Estelle realized that Maru didn’t know about the dynamic there. Interesting. “No, I don’t think so,” she said. “I’d be shocked if he showed up to a pool party, even for Sam.”

Estelle smiled as she stood up. Well, that’s convenient. If Sebastian wasn’t here, Estelle had absolutely zero hesitation about throwing that narcissistic bitch out on her ass.

Walking out onto the porch, Estelle scanned her property, looking for the obvious purple hair sticking out of a crowd. Haley, Alex, Emily, and Leah were by the pond, Penny and Shane were by the food table, Elliott was under a maple tree writing in a notebook…

Ah ha. There we go. Bent over one of the coolers, in a black and purple cover up and leggings, was Abigail. Estelle believed Maru, but seeing it with her own eyes still blew her mind. The _audacity_ of this chick.

Taking the steps two at a time, she cheerfully bounded over to the coolers, walking up behind Abigail and tapping her on the shoulder. Abigail turned and straightened, beer in hand as her face instantly went from surprise to hostility.

Estelle’s smile didn’t waver as she reached over and plucked the beer from her hand. “Sorry sweetie, drinks are for invited guests only. It looks like you’re a bit lost. Town’s that way,” she said, nodding towards the road.

Abigail sneered. “Look, you’re out of your mind if you think you can throw a party for everyone in town except me.”

“I can throw a party for whoever I want to, and you didn’t make the cut. So fuck off.”

“You can’t make me leave,” she challenged.

Estelle laughed. No acting, no sarcasm – genuine laughter. She had at least 3 inches and 20 pounds of muscle on Abigail. The idea that this wisp of a girl was going to actually go there was just too funny for words.

She was half a breath from taking her up on that challenge when she glanced up, and the words died in her throat. Walking down the path from town was none other than Sam and Sebastian.

Just great. Perfect timing guys.

Abigail followed her gaze before turning back with a smug little grin. Her entire face just screamed “I win”, and Estelle was sorely tempted to say to hell with Sebastian and throw her ass out anyway. But she knew she wouldn’t. That boy had way too much sway over her for her own good.

Instead she stepped right up to Abigail, close enough that she tried to take a step back but was pinned by the cooler. Leaning in even closer, she spoke fast and low, but in a tone that made it very clear she wasn’t messing around.

“There is only one reason why you are not being physically dragged off of my land right now, and I swear to Yoba if you pull any of your bullshit today then that will change very quickly.”

Abigail narrowed her eyes defiantly. “You wouldn’t dare.”

“I would _love_ for you to try me.”

With that Estelle stepped back, turning to the boys with a bright smile as they approached. “Hey guys! I’m so glad you made it! Here, have a beer.”

 

* * *

 

Estelle tried. She really did. She made a solid attempt to just forget Abigail was there and enjoy her party. But every time she tried talking to Sebastian, Abigail was there pulling his attention away. Every time she looked his way Abigail was whispering in his ear or hanging all over him. She had like thirteen jokes about sunscreen going to waste because Abigail wouldn’t detach herself long enough to take a piss without him.

The worst part of it all was that she knew she shouldn’t care. There was no legitimate reason for it to be bothering her so much. Sure, she could be irritated knowing her friend was being played, but this went way beyond that. Yoba help her, she was _jealous_.

Well, fuck. How did this happen? This wasn’t supposed to happen.

Despite wanting nothing more than to be laughing and acting stupid in the pool with her friends, instead Estelle found herself moping on a beach towel in the grass, working on getting drunk enough to kill these traitorous feelings. Most of her friends noticed, and a few even stopped over to ask what’s up, but she just waved them off with a smile and excuse about not feeling well and needing some shade. She could tell that Sam saw right through her, but he didn’t call her on it.

Shane did though.

“That girl’s a real piece of work huh?” he said, sitting down in the grass next to her.

“I don’t know who you’re talking about,” Estelle replied flatly, polishing off her beer in one long swig.

Shane scoffed, handing her a cold one. “Sure you don’t. You’ve just been glaring at her for the last twenty minutes by coincidence.”

Estelle couldn’t argue that, so she just popped the cap of the beer and took another drink.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought. So I take it you’re into that kid then?”

“Not in the mood Shane.”

“I know. Doesn’t mean I’m going to stop pestering you.”

Estelle sighed impatiently, turning to face him. She knew Shane meant well, but right now she didn’t give a shit about his intentions. She was just annoyed at his persistence.

“What do you want me to say? Yeah, I’m into him. Yeah, it pisses me off that she’s stringing him along. It pisses me off even more that I can’t seem to just stop caring and have fun at my own fucking party. I’m pissed off Shane! Is that what you want to hear?”

“Yeah, actually.”

Estelle’s mouth snapped shut, taken completely off guard by his response. Shane just smirked.

“It’s good that you’re pissed off. It means you haven’t given up yet. So now do something about it.”

“Like what?”

“Like don’t let some worthless broad fuck up your good time. All you’re doing by sitting over here sulking is making her look better. So go over there, be a sexy, confident badass, and show that idiot what he’s missing out on.”

For a moment Estelle was speechless. Shane was right. Holy shit, he was actually right. How could she have been so stupid?

For the first time since Abigail arrived, Estelle smiled in earnest. “You know, for being such a scruffy bastard you give surprisingly good advice sometimes.”

He snorted. “Thanks, I think?”

“It’s a compliment,” she said, giving him a kiss on the cheek. “Thanks.”

Shane shook his head, but he had a look of satisfaction on his face as he watched her walk over to the swimming hole with purpose.

 

* * *

 

_Sexy, confident badass._

Easier said than done, frankly. Especially when adding in her self-imposed conditions – don’t look like you’re trying too hard, don’t look jealous no matter what, and don’t embarrass yourself. Plus the alcohol handicap she was working with.

Estelle settled for just taking a seat on the edge of the pond, letting herself get pulled into the conversations around her. It helped that her friends were beginning to hit the point of rowdiness, letting her laughter come easily and confidence to come naturally. She made it a point to not let her eyes stray over towards the shaded spot where Sebastian and Abigail were seated, and that helped a lot. If he was going to prioritize Abigail over everyone else, then he didn’t exist to her. At least for now.

After all, she obviously didn’t exist to him.

What had started as a bid to impress Sebastian abruptly turned into an attempt to forget about him the moment she realized what she was doing. She was acting like one of those pathetic girls who bent over backwards to get some asshole to pay attention to them.

_Notice me, senpai!_

Fuck that.

Sure, she would be a sexy, confident badass – but not for his benefit. If he was interested in her, then he wouldn’t be constantly preoccupied with Abigail every time she was around. So fuck him. Let him have the stupid bitch, and her stupid games, and all the hurt that goes with them.

She damn sure wasn’t going to fight to be Sebastian’s silver medal.

Fortunately her friends gave her plenty of opportunity for distraction. Leah was close to shitfaced and had cannon-balled into the pool, losing her bikini top in the process. Alex had scooped it up, and it took a three-person pile up on him before it could be wrenched away and given back to Leah. To her credit, Leah didn’t seem terribly perturbed by the situation. Estelle wasn’t sure if she was just that laid back or just that drunk, but good on her either way.

Yoba, was it hot. Though her cover-up was made of a light, gauzy material that didn’t hold any heat, it still felt like it was smothering her. Estelle thought a few times about jumping in the pool, but the water was a little too cold on her overheated legs and feet to make that seem like a good idea. Thinking that if she was going to endure the heat she might as well work on her tan, Estelle stood and pulled off the cover-up, balling it up to use as a pillow.

Before she had a chance to lay down though, a loud wolf whistle came from the pool. _Sam or Alex?_ she thought, turning around to identify the offender.

Alex. He was treading water a few feet away, grinning at her shamelessly.

“Lookin’ good Stelle! This farming shit’s really paying off for you.”

Estelle rolled her eyes but smiled. “Look around Alex, does it look like I do any farming?”

“Well whatever you’re doing keep it up, ‘cause that ass is on point.”

She laughed and flicked him off, glancing at Haley to make sure she wasn’t pissed. Those two were serially on-again-off-again, and she wasn’t sure if today was an “on” day or not. She was shaking her head, but to Estelle’s relief there was no resentment there. That was drama she had no interest in being a part of. She had enough drama of her own.

Despite knowing better than to do it, she couldn’t stop her eyes from flicking over to gauge Sebastian’s reaction. Maybe it was vanity, wanting to see what he thought of her in a swimsuit. Maybe it was for validation, to see if Alex hitting on her bothered him. Maybe it was just because she had been trying for so long not to look over that eventually she was bound to fail.

Either way, what she saw did not provide the satisfaction she had been hoping for. He didn’t seem to notice her at all, staring down at his hands in his lap while Abigail yapped beside him. Despite her earlier bravado, the sting of rejection still hit hard. She tore her gaze away and lay down on her towel, closing her eyes for good measure.

_Shouldn’t have looked, idiot._

The sun went to work baking a soft golden glow into Estelle’s skin, and between the heat and the booze she was starting to nod off. She had just crossed the line into unconsciousness when a freezing splash of water over her legs and back jolted her awake with a yelp.

“What the fuck!” Haley yelled, ripping off her sunglasses to glare at…Leah?

What the fuck indeed. She would have put money on it being Sam.

“It’s a pool party, not a tanning booth!” Leah laughed, pulling up her arms to send another wave crashing onto them. The girls shrieked and jumped to their feet, backing up to avoid the frigid water...and running right into Sam and Alex behind them. The second Sam swept out her knees and picked her up Estelle knew what was going to happen, and she squirmed and kicked and begged in a feeble attempt to avoid the inevitable.

“Fuck off Sam! Put me down! No no please don’t – “

Estelle landed in the pool with a splash that felt like pins and needles over her entire body. Fuck, that water was cold. She kicked back up to the surface, smoothing her hair back from her face and blinking water out of her eyes. Everyone was laughing, and despite her snap reaction of wanting to murder Sam, she found herself grinning as well. After all, it _was_ a pretty well-coordinated prank, and she had a very difficult time staying mad at that guy.

Haley, however, did not seem to have that issue with Alex.

“Alex you fucking prick!” she yelled, pulling herself up out of the water. “I swear to Yoba if you pull any shit like this again I’ll send your dick pics to Evelyn!”

Alex’s face dropped in horror, and Estelle burst out laughing.

Sam jumped in the pool himself, popping up next to Estelle. “Please don’t send my dick pics to my mom,” he said with a grin, shaking his wet hair out of his eyes. She hadn’t realized how long his hair really was, since it was always spiked up. It actually looked pretty good down.

“Well if you wanna text me some, Haley has inspired a few excellent blackmail ideas,” Estelle replied with a smirk. “Oh, and happy birthday by the way.”

“Thanks. Where’s my cake?” he joked.

“In my house.”

“Wait, really?”

Estelle grinned, pulling herself out of the water and wrapping up in her towel. “C’mon guys, cake time!” she called, walking to the house.

A few minutes later she carefully laid the cake down on the snack table, sticking a few candles in. It’s not a birthday cake without candles.

“Alright, if you don’t sing you don’t get cake!” she declared, looking sternly at Shane, Haley, and the other usual suspects gathered around who were likely to shirk their duty. “And I made it so it’s fucking delicious. Okay ready, one-two-three-go!”

With that she led a complex rendition of Happy Birthday, an amalgam of enthusiastic drunk voices, enthusiastic sober voices, barely audible ‘I just want cake’ voices, and voices that sounded more appropriate in a funeral march than a birthday party. Oh well. Could be worse.

Sam blew out the candles, then turned to Estelle with an enormous grin on his face. “Is this what I think it is?” he asked, gesturing towards the red and black GD logo she had painted onto the middle of the cake. The hook of the G and straight side of the D were formed into sharp barbs, pointing up and down respectively while the rounded sides pulled it all together into a circular shape. ‘Goblin Destroyer’ was painted on either side in a rough, sharp-edged font to match.

“I figured if you were going to be playing shows, you’d need a logo. Do you like it?”

“I fucking _love it!_ ” he said, pulling her into a rib-crushing hug and spinning her around. “It’s so badass. Seb, look!”

Estelle hesitantly glanced over to see Sebastian moving through the group to get a closer look, when Abigail abruptly pushed past him. Taking one look at the cake, she wrinkled her nose in disgust.

“I don’t like it.”

Estelle wanted to feel angry. She wanted to tell this chick to fuck off, that no one cares what she thinks, to get the hell out of here. That she didn’t get a say when she couldn’t be bothered to show up for practice or contribute in any meaningful way. She wanted that fire she had earlier back.

Instead she was just exhausted. She was tired of sniping with Abigail. She was tired of caring so much about Sebastian and tired of catering to his stupid fucking obsession.

She didn’t want to care anymore.

This time, however, Sam didn’t back down. Setting his jaw, he gave Abigail a hard look. “Opinion noted. Sebastian? Break the tie.”

Estelle didn’t bother meeting his eyes. She couldn’t stomach seeing the familiar pattern of internal conflict, bleak resignation, and inevitable yield to her demands. Not today.

Instead she stared at the design she had carefully applied to the cake, thinking about the hours she’d spent the night prior drafting and redrafting until it was perfect. She knew Sam would love it, and he did. That was all that mattered. She had done it for him, not them.

“Well, Sebby?” Abigail prodded in that disgusting syrupy tone she used with him.

Estelle finally looked up, and despite all of her annoyance and frustration and disappointment, she couldn’t help but feel terrible when she saw the look on his face. He was nearly paralyzed with anxiety, looking like he would gladly die if it would get him out of that crowd of people waiting for his decision. She couldn’t just leave him like that.

“It’s cool, you guys can talk about it later,” Estelle interrupted loudly, with a huge amount of fake cheer. “Let’s cut this thing before the frosting melts.”

She grabbed the knife and started dishing out slabs of cake, sufficiently distracting the rest of the group with fatty, delicious sweets. When the majority of the party had meandered away with their food, she paused to check on Sebastian.

He still looked incredibly uncomfortable, but the debilitating panic had seemed to pass. Sam and Abigail were in the middle of an argument, which was probably the reason for the continued unease, but at least he seemed like he could breathe again.

Sebastian met her gaze for the first time in hours. He knew that she’d deflected for him on purpose, and the gratitude in his eyes was obvious. But there was something else there too, something that made her stomach twist up into a painful knot. She couldn’t quite define it – wonder, maybe? Whatever it was, it was warm and tender, and made her want to either kiss him or leave this town and never come back.

Except she couldn’t do either. Instead all she could muster was a weak half-smile before dropping eye contact and walking away.

That’s all she ever did, right? Run away from her problems. Why would this be any different.


	14. Bioluminescence

The next few weeks were hard. Estelle found herself locked in her own head more often than she was comfortable with. The same few thoughts kept running through over and over, like a depressing soundtrack to her fucked up life.

First, her way of living wasn’t sustainable. Her hens would be laying soon, but even then she was looking at a max of 4 eggs per day. She could eat that many on her own, let alone selling for profit – and during the winter they couldn't forage, so she would be losing money on feeding them. Fishing brought in some cash, but a good catch wasn’t guaranteed and the total profits were paltry compared to what she made in the mines. And the mines...well, the constant threat of death and dismemberment was a pretty solid reason why she couldn’t continue to rely on the mines as much as she currently was. She needed some kind of steady, guaranteed income, and soon. Only problem was that she was out of ideas for making that happen.

Not only did she not know how to support herself here, she didn't have any options for leaving. She couldn't afford an apartment anywhere, especially not in the city. She had no job, or any real job experience beyond grunt work, and her only marketable skill was her art. In a time where artists are a dime a dozen, her lack of formal education and industry connections meant her talent was ultimately worthless. Even Joja Mart wasn't hiring, at least according to Shane. If she couldn't make the farm work out, she had no idea what to do. Dig through the trash with Linus, she supposed.  
  
And then there was the thought that had firmly planted itself at the forefront of her mind since the moment she realized it was true. Estelle had fallen in love with Sebastian.

She wasn’t sure how it had happened, or when. She couldn’t pinpoint a moment where she looked into his eyes and thought, man, I could fall for this guy. To be honest, if it had happened that way she would have shut it down immediately. She wasn’t whole enough to offer a piece of herself to someone else, and she definitely wasn’t interested in competing with Abigail for his affection.

But it hadn’t happened that way. Instead, he had wrapped himself around her heart so subtly and gradually that she didn’t even realize until it was too late to stop it. A thousand sideways smiles and witty retorts and gazes that bore all the way down to her soul had built up inside her until finally her brain caught on to what her body already knew. She loved him.

And he didn’t love her back.

That was the final thought that kept worming its way into her mind, despite how hard she tried to push it out. The thought that twisted her guts until she was nauseous every time Sam mentioned him, or she saw something that reminded her of him. The thought that pressed on her chest until she couldn’t breathe whenever they were in the same room together.

Maybe it was amplified so much because she had never loved anyone before. Dozens of crushes, a handful of boyfriends, a few more one-night-stands than she’d care to admit to...but love had never entered the picture. It would figure that the first guy she fell for wouldn’t feel the same. Life just couldn’t give her something wonderful unless it was tempered with sorrow.

It was hard not to give in to despair. As it was, she was spending more nights at the bar just to escape the quiet of her house. More time sitting by the river getting fucked up with Shane. Falling back into old habits, ones she had tried to distance herself from but welcomed her back with open arms. It felt good to not feel. It felt good to run away. What was the point in trying if it always came back to this anyway.

 

* * *

 

The sky was only just beginning to darken when Estelle arrived at the beach for the Dance of the Moonlight Jellies. She wanted to get here early, before the crowd packed in and she had to put on a happy face. It had been a while since she’d sat at the edge of the ocean, staring out into the vastness of it all. Something about the water always seemed to calm her down, soothe the ache in her chest. She wondered if it did the same thing for her mom.

The Dance of the Moonlight Jellies was one of the few things her mom had told her about from her childhood. When Estelle was a little girl they would light blue-flamed candles all over the apartment and pretend they were jellyfish glowing softly against the blackness of night. She would curl up in her mother’s arms and listen to stories of a faraway ocean, a chilly night breeze, a salty mist spraying over legs dangling from a wooden pier.

Estelle sat at the edge of the pier, rolling her jeans up to let the water splash against her ankles. She wondered what her mother had left out of those stories. Did she have someone beside her, watching the light of the jellies reflected in her eyes? Someone to offer their jacket when she shivered and walk her home that night? Someone to kiss her softly under the cover of darkness?

Or did she feel empty as she stared out at the waves crashing in the distance, the way her daughter would so many years later.

As the crowd began to roll in, Estelle traded polite smiles and required small talk, but she didn’t move from her spot on the pier. This felt right. For some reason she knew this is where she needed to be.

The last lingering rays of sunshine slipped below the horizon, and the villagers took their spots along the pier and the beach. No one sat next to her, though. No one would be watching the jellies through her eyes. No one would walk her home, or kiss her goodnight.

They say the moonlight jellies can live for over 100 years. Maybe she would see the same ones her mom had. Maybe she wasn’t as alone as she felt tonight.

 

* * *

 

Sebastian quickened his pace as he made his way through town and across the bridge to the beach. The Dance of the Moonlight Jellies was one of the only annual events he actually looked forward to, and of course he was running late.

It wasn’t even his fault. If Demetrius wouldn’t have started his shit earlier, Sebastian would have finished his work with plenty of time to spare. But once again, his step-father had made it a point to be as much of an asshole as he possibly could.

Ironically enough, this time it wasn’t even about him. It was about Estelle.

Sebastian had come out of his room that afternoon for a second cup of coffee when he heard Demetrius arguing with Maru about something in the kitchen. He was about to say to hell with the coffee and turn back around, but then he heard her name, and it beckoned him down the hallway like a siren’s song.

“Estelle is my friend Dad, you can’t just forbid me from seeing her!”

“She’s a bad influence on you Maru. With all of the other...concerns we’ve been having lately, I won’t allow this trend of rebelliousness to continue.”

“Concerns? Rebellion? I’m gay Dad, not a delinquent! And I’ve been gay a lot longer than Estelle has been here, so I don’t understand how you’re even making that correlation.”

“The time period doesn’t matter. The fact is, that girl will lead you to nothing but further confusion and poor choices, and I won’t have it.”

“She’s not confused. She just likes girls. How is that a poor choice?” Sebastian cut in.

Maru shot him a grateful smile. He had never been particularly close to her, due to his own bitterness more than anything. Still, she was his sister, and more importantly a good person. She didn’t deserve to be dehumanized by her own father over something as inconsequential as who she liked to fuck.

“This conversation doesn’t concern you, young man,” Demetrius said, once again trying to pull dad-mode on Sebastian.

_Sorry pal, you’re not my dad._

“Well when you’re shitting on my sister and my friend in one breath, I take it a little personally.”

“I am not _shitting_ on anybody!” Demetrius said, raising his voice in anger.

“What’s going on in there?” Robin called from the shop. They heard her footsteps coming down the hall, and Demetrius took a deep breath to calm himself.

“Dad is still acting like my sexuality is a character flaw, and now he’s saying I can’t be friends with Estelle for some reason,” Maru blurted out the second Robin entered the room. She always was good at tattling. It was actually pretty amusing seeing that skill used against Demetrius instead of him.

Robin’s eyebrows drew together, looking at Demetrius questioningly. “The never-ending discussion about Maru’s sexuality aside, what is this about Estelle now?”

“I don’t think it is in Maru’s best interest to continue associating with that girl, that’s all. Maru disagrees. The conversation was civil until _he_ decided to intervene.”

Ah, there it was. Sebastian was waiting for the blame to inevitably fall on him, and Demetrius didn’t disappoint. The predictability would be comforting if it wasn’t so infuriating.

Surprisingly, Maru came to his defense this time. “Sebastian didn’t do anything wrong. You’re being unreasonable and he called you on it. Someone has to.”

“Okay, okay,” Robin said, holding her hands up in a silent plea for everyone to shut the hell up. “Demetrius, Estelle is a sweet girl, and a good friend to both of our kids and me. What issue do you have with her?”

Demetrius swallowed thickly. He wasn’t used to opposing all three of them at once. Even when Robin stood up for Sebastian, Maru kept out of it. It was very satisfying to see him come under fire from all sides for once.

“I don’t disagree that she seems nice, but I also don’t think her life choices reflect the type of person we should want having influence over our daughter,” he finally came back with.

“And what life choices are those?” Robin asked, putting her hands on her hips.

“Well, to start she clearly has a drinking problem, considering how many times I’ve seen her at the saloon or by the river with Shane.”

That was news to Sebastian. He knew she was friends with Shane, but didn’t realize they were that close. For some reason the idea bothered him. Did every guy in Pelican Town like her?

_Stop being jealous. Distance, remember?_

Robin rolled her eyes. “She’s 22, Dem. When I was 22 I had three facial piercings and wore nothing but leather. I think she can be excused a few drinks.”

Maru snorted, and Sebastian couldn’t help the smirk that spread across his face. He loved his mom.

“I...alright, I concede that her youth may excuse certain behaviors. However there’s also the fact that she dropped out of college. That is inexcusable, particularly as I have high hopes for Maru’s continued education.”

“It’s not like she’s going to hold a gun to my head and force me out of school, Dad. You’re being absolutely ridiculous!”

“It’s character, Maru. You don’t need to be spending time with someone who doesn’t value their education.” He paused for a moment, and then went the route so many people do when they're losing an argument. He doubled down. “In fact, no one in this family does. I don’t want to see her here again,” he said firmly.

All three of them began protesting at once.

“That’s not fair!“  
“You can’t just ban her from the house without consulting me.”  
“There’s no fucking way.”

Demetrius honed in on Sebastian, as usual. “I’ve told you before, you will not use that language in my house!”

“Yeah, focus on the cursing to deflect from the fact that you’re wrong,” Sebastian snapped back, his own temper rising. How dare this guy? Acting like some kind of dictator in a home he doesn’t even contribute to. Fuck that.

“I’m not wrong. She dropped out of school. That is a fact.”

“Kind of hard to give a shit about school when your mom dies and everything you’ve ever known is gone.”

As soon as the words left his mouth he immediately regretted them. Estelle had told him her background in confidence, and he was betraying her trust by telling them. But dammit, he couldn’t just let them think badly of her for something that wasn’t her fault. She deserved better than that.

The kitchen fell silent. Robin put her hand over her mouth, face softening in sympathy. Maru’s eyes widened before she dropped them to the floor. Demetrius had a totally blank expression on his face, like he was considering the information but not feeling anything. Big surprise there.

“If that actually is the truth, then I will reconsider my stance. I can see how losing someone important to you may cause a shift in priorities,” he said finally.

Sebastian bristled at the implication that he was lying, but he bit his tongue. This was probably the best they were going to get, and he didn’t want to risk losing ground over a snarky remark.

Instead, he gave his mom and Maru pointed looks. “Don’t fuss over her about it. She just wants to move on.”

They nodded wordlessly, and Sebastian turned to go back to his room. He still had a module to finish, and there was nothing more to say.

“Sebby?”

He paused at the doorway. “Yeah Mom?”

“I’m glad you two have each other.”

“Yeah. Me too.”

 

* * *

 

Sebastian made it to the pier just a few minutes before Lewis set the boat off. Walking down to their usual spot, he was confused to see that only Abby was there. Usually Sam watched the jellies with them, and he thought that Estelle might…

No. That was stupid of him to consider. Estelle and Abby hated each other, so there was no way they’d be here together. He suspected that Sam had something to do with that animosity, since it was no secret that he only tolerated Abby for Sebastian’s sake. He’d probably coached Estelle to dislike her before she even had a chance to get to know her.

He couldn’t blame it all on Sam though. Abby could be kind of abrasive, and she wasn’t exactly kind to Estelle the first few times they spoke. They had all learned very quickly that Estelle wasn't the type to put up with bullshit from anyone, let alone people she didn't know, and it just spiraled from there. 

Either way, maybe it was better they weren’t here. He could spend time alone with Abby, when she didn’t have her guard up against his friends. She was always a nicer person when it was just the two of them. 

More than that though, Estelle had been oddly distant lately. He couldn’t figure it out. It had seemed like they were growing closer, and then suddenly she just...shut down. She wasn’t avoiding him, and she still acted normal, but it was just that – an act. He could read it in the split-second hesitation to her smiles, that despondent look she got when she thought no one was watching, the way she would take a deep breath occasionally like she wasn’t getting enough air. There was something wrong, and she was trying her hardest to hide it from everyone.

He wished she would talk to him.

“Hey,” he said, taking a seat next to Abby.

“You’re late,” she replied, not looking up from her phone.

“Yeah, sorry. Work stuff.”

“Whatever.”

She didn’t seem to be in the mood for talking, which to be honest was fine with him. It was exhausting sometimes keeping up with her when she was in a talkative mood, and he was already mentally sapped for the day. He glanced around the beach, wondering where Sam and Estelle had ended up. Together somewhere, probably. Without him.

Although they had both assured him that there wasn’t anything romantic going on, he still felt an irrational twinge of jealousy about their relationship. They had grown so close over the last few months, and Sam had a level of confidence with her that Sebastian would kill for. Like at his birthday party – she was in a bikini and he just scooped her up and tossed her into the pond like it was nothing. Sebastian could never do anything like that.

He’d be lying if he said he never fantasized about it though. The bikini in particular had taken a very prominent role in his daydreams lately. The way her body moved as she pulled the thin dress over her head, the way the deep green fabric played off her eyes and sun-kissed skin, the way her hair fell in dark waves over her bare shoulders...and those _curves_...

Yeah. That moment alone had been totally worth the sunburn he’d gone home with. At least until fucking Alex ruined it.

After the beach failed to turn up his friends, he looked over at the other pier near Willy’s. Almost immediately he noticed Sam – the guy was 6’3”, so he pretty was hard to miss. Sebastian frowned when he realized that Estelle wasn’t with him. Where was she then?

Unbidden, his mind flicked to Alex. Then to Shane.

_Stop._

Before he could find her, Lewis sent the boat off into the sea. The jellies came moments later, illuminating the beach with their eerie glow. It was magical, like always, but Sebastian found that he couldn’t really enjoy it. He wanted to find Estelle.

The light helped, and eventually he saw her, sitting on the far edge of the pier past the shop. Alone.

The selfish relief he expected to feel at that never came. Instead, his eyebrows creased in worry. She loved being around people, so why was she alone tonight?

She was curled up at the edge of the water, arms wrapped around her knees pressed to her chest. He wondered if she was trying to stay warm. The breeze was chilly, and she had short sleeves on. He remembered giving her his hoodie that day at the lake, her smile when he laid it over her shoulders. If she was closer he could give it to her now, but…

He was straining to make out her face when a group of jellies swam up to her, bathing her in a soft blue glow. The bioluminescence reflected off her eyes, turning the sparkling green an otherworldly shade of brilliant teal. A soft smile played at her lips, and though it was tinged with sadness, she looked so hauntingly beautiful that it took his breath away.

Still, his chest ached. He wondered what she was thinking, what was hurting her. Was she lonely? There were any number of people in the village who she could have sat with, yet she chose to be alone. Or maybe she just wanted someone to come to her, instead of always being the one to reach out. And no one did.

He would have, had he known. He wondered if she would have wanted him to. Was she thinking about him right now, the way he was about her?

No. This wasn’t one of his self-indulgent fantasies. In real life he didn’t get the girl.

Allowing himself one final glance, Sebastian turned away to watch the moonlight jellies float back off into the distance.


	15. Into the Void

It was pissing down rain when Estelle forced herself out of her bed. If she didn’t have to feed those damn chickens, she would have just sat in her pajamas binge watching some show all day, subsisting on granola bars and bathroom tap water. It wasn’t glamorous, but it sounded a hell of a lot better than acting like a responsible adult.

She was supposed to be building bee houses with Alex today. He had been helping her clear some of the land on the southwest of her property, where she had decided to follow through with her apiary idea. What would have taken her two weeks or more to do herself was done in just a few days, thanks to the big lunk. She would have to find a good way to repay him when it was all said and done.

Alex had sent a text first thing this morning, postponing Project Beehive until tomorrow. Can’t build in the rain. Well, unless you’re Robin, but she’s crazy.

With a sigh Estelle pulled on her work jeans and boots, strapping her new obsidian sword on one hip and pickaxe on the other. Not much to do on rainy days except mining. Besides, she was so close to being able to afford an extension on her house she could taste it. One more good haul and she’d finally be able to sleep in a different room than she did everything else in. Maybe Robin would even spoil her with a closet. After living in a cardboard box for 6 months, a closet sounded sinfully luxurious. She couldn’t remember the last time she had worn anything that wasn’t wrinkled.

Grabbing a handful of seed on her way out, she made a quick stop at the coop before setting off for the mines. Her fluffy little chicks had grown into full-fledged hens, and now it was just a waiting game to see when they’d start laying. The three brown ones seemed like they’d be ready any day now, but she had some doubts about the white one. It was scrawny and kind of awkward, doing weird shit like trying to befriend the cat and hanging out in the barren area that had been burned by the fire even though there was nothing to forage there. It also didn’t seem to get along with the rest of the flock – the bigger chickens picked on it for some reason, and it mostly kept to itself as a result. She had actually taken to putting a separate pile of seeds across the coop from the main feeding area so that it could eat without being harassed.

She had named the pale, awkward little chicken Bastian, because she was an asshole and the similarities made her laugh. Besides, she couldn’t remember whatever dumbass names she had given to them as babies anyway. She just called the other three “Chicken”. Shane would be profoundly disappointed if he found out.

The moment Estelle stepped into the coop, she felt something crush under her boot.

_That was a fucking egg wasn’t it._

She lifted her foot and saw the slimy remains of her first egg smeared into the ground. With a resigned sigh, she grabbed her shit shovel and cleaned up the mess from the bedding. As she wiped her shoe off, she noticed that the shell had been white. Did that mean it came from the white chicken? Did they lay eggs according to their coloring? She looked carefully around the rest of the coop but didn’t see any other eggs to compare.

She filled up the main feeder, and then crossed to the back of the coop to set down a small pile of seeds for her weird little hen. It waddled over immediately, and she gave it a little rub on the back as it pecked at the food.

“Good job on the egg dude. Sorry for doubting you,” she said. It ignored her completely, prompting a bitter half-smile. Just like its namesake.

Or, you know, it ignored her because it’s a fucking chicken and didn’t understand language. Either way.

Estelle took a few minutes to clean up the rest of the coop, and then headed up the mountain path. Time to go make some money.

 

* * *

 

Estelle barely got the flat of her sword up in time as the helmeted demon lunged at her, metal crashing against metal hard enough to send her flying backwards into a jagged rock formation behind her. She yelped as the sharp stone cut into her back, but she didn’t have time to consider the damage. The monster reared back again, and Estelle quickly rolled to dodge the follow up attack, letting it smash its head into the blood-smeared rock face. The stun bought her a few precious seconds and she jumped to her feet, kicking the creature over onto it’s back to expose the slit in its helmet. One hard downward thrust with her sword and it stilled.

Quickly scanning the area to make sure there were no other enemies around, she took the rare moment of safety to catch her breath, walking away from the body to sit against a flat wall farther inside the dead end she had wandered into. She hissed through her teeth as her torn back pressed against the cool stone, but the exhaustion was greater than the pain.

These floors were no joke. While there had been a fair number of monsters on the floors above, they were typically loners who didn’t move in groups larger than 2 or 3 max. Down here there were hordes of them, clustered into thick packs that made it impossible to keep her eyes on all of them at once. She had taken to throwing rocks to draw attention, trying to get one or two to break off from the rest of the group so she had a fighting chance. Attempting to take on the whole mob would be suicide.

Interestingly though, she found that she wasn’t afraid. That in itself should have worried her. If there was ever a time she should be fearing for her life it was now, but instead she just felt numb. Not pleasantly numb, like when she drank or smoked to excess, but utterly devoid of emotion. Hollow.

Despite her best efforts, Estelle was slowly slipping back into that dark place she had fought so hard to crawl out of. The void that had consumed her so thoroughly she couldn’t see a way out, until she stumbled into the valley and found a spark to guide her. She naively thought she had left that darkness behind her, but it had kept its tendrils wrapped around her feet, ready to pull her back under at a moment’s notice.

Maybe she’d never escape it. Maybe this was all she had to look forward to – brief respites in an unending spiral of emptiness and pain. A lifetime of going through the motions without truly living. That would explain the lack of fear, right? Can’t be afraid of dying if you’re not really living.

_How fucking melodramatic. Thought Sebastian was supposed to be the emo one._

Suddenly a fireball whizzed past, wrenching her from her thoughts as it scorched the rock inches from her head. Cursing at herself for getting distracted, Estelle jumped up, whipping her head around to locate the attacker. When she did, her stomach dropped out, eyes widening at what she saw.

Moving out from behind the rock wall to her right, a pack of void spirits had managed to take her by surprise. She had been too lost in her pointless brooding to hear the quiet swooshing sound they made as they walked, and now five pairs of glowing eyes stared at her, blocking her only way out as they slowly crept closer. Four warriors and a shaman, whose hands were pulsing with a sickly green light as it gathered energy for another spell.

This was...not good. She couldn’t take them all on, but she couldn’t run either. There were no options where this turned out well for her. Her only chance was to cut down the warriors until she had an opening, while avoiding the shaman’s magic, and then run like hell. There was an elevator on this floor, to the left of the main tunnel. She just had to make it there.

Fear had finally set back in. Adjusting her trembling hands on the hilt of her sword, Estelle took a deep breath and charged.

 

* * *

 

Sebastian fumbled with his lighter, desperately trying to coax a flame out of the last few drops of butane. All he wanted was a cigarette, and this fucking piece of –

There it went. He took a long drag and leaned against the tree he was taking shelter under, letting the smoke fill his lungs and settle his nerves. One of his clients had come back last night with a laundry list of things they wanted him to update from his most recent project, because they should be “easy changes”. Always fun when someone who knows nothing about programming says a job should be easy. It’s not flicking a fucking switch Linda, it’s rewriting entire blocks of code. Oh, and they want it turned around in 48 hours.

Whatever. He was going to charge them out the ass for this. His main contact at the company was on vacation for the next two weeks, but he knew she’d have his back when she returned. She wasn’t as completely inept as the majority of the corporate drones he contracted with.

So needless to say, he was up late into the night working on the updates. It had to be close to dawn by the time he finally collapsed into bed, and he had every intention of sleeping until the afternoon. Then Abby decided to show up at some ridiculous hour she knew he wouldn’t be awake, bursting into his room to bitch about her dad doing...something. He honestly couldn’t remember. All he could think at the time was go the fuck away. Come to think of it, he may have actually said that out loud. She did kind of leave in a pissy mood.

Again, whatever. He grudgingly tolerated people letting themselves into his room whenever they felt like it, but he made it very clear to everyone not to bother him when he’s sleeping or working. Those were the only two times he asked for privacy, yet he couldn’t even have that. Everyone just did whatever the fuck they wanted because no one gives a shit if they’re inconveniencing him.

Well...that’s not entirely true. Estelle always sends a text to make sure he’s not busy before she randomly shows up. That tiny act of consideration meant more to him than she could possibly know. She was literally the only person who showed him that minimal amount of respect, the only person who cared enough about his plans to adjust her own. One of the many reasons why, despite his best efforts, he found himself increasingly captivated by her.

It was a losing battle, truth be told. From the first time they met, and she gave him that fake ass smile and spouted those bullshit lines, she had intrigued him. He didn’t know why, and so he had tried to get to know her, to figure her out. But by the time he did, it was too late for him. She’d broken through his defenses like they were made of paper, like they never even existed for her in the first place. She just walked right in and entrenched herself so deeply in his heart that he wasn’t sure he’d ever be the same again.

And that was what scared him so much. In such a relatively short period of time she had turned his whole world upside down, like adding color to a black and white movie. Everything was more vibrant, everything felt so much more real. She was systematically dismantling all the apathy and pessimism and anger that had kept him safe for as long as he could remember. She made him vulnerable, and that was fucking terrifying.

He wasn’t strong enough to deal with the kind of devastation that Estelle could cause him. So his only option was to never give her the chance to. No matter how much it hurt.

With a sigh, Sebastian rubbed out his cigarette on the bark of the tree and tossed it into the little bucket he kept hidden in the bushes nearby. His mom knew he smoked, but if she knew he was keeping a makeshift ashtray in the yard she’d be pissed. At least he wasn’t flicking them into the lake.

Flipping up his hood to keep the rain out, he had just stepped out from under the tree when he heard someone calling to him from farther up the lake. He looked up, squinting to see through the rain, and saw that it was the drifter who squatted near his house. His first instinct was to ignore the man – it took a certain level of crazy to live in a tent for years on end, and he didn’t care enough to get mixed up in that guy’s problems. He turned away and started to walk home when he finally caught what the old man was saying.

“Help! Someone’s hurt up at the mines!”

The mines? But no one goes into...the mines…

Heart frozen in his chest, Sebastian took off running.

_Please don’t let it be her._

 

* * *

 

Linus was a tough old guy, but he was still an old guy. He wasn’t going to be able to support her weight all the way to the clinic, so instead he’d gone for help, leaving Estelle to wait inside the entrance of the mines.

She still didn’t know how she was alive. Divine intervention? Superior swordsmanship? Blind, dumb luck?

It was without a doubt the luck. If that dumbass shaman wouldn’t have hit one of the warriors with his fire, things would have gone very differently. As it was, that split-second diversion was enough of an opening for her to cut down the shaman and take off for the elevator. She would have made it out with minimal injury, except her foot got wedged in a crevice in the ground as she ran, her momentum lurching her body forward while her leg stayed in place.

So essentially, she was lucky enough to escape almost certain death, but unlucky enough to break her leg over a fucking pothole. Sounds about right.

The elevator wasn’t far from where she fell, and she was able to drag herself in and up to safety before any beasties got to her. She tried to stand once she was back above ground, but as soon as she put the slightest bit of weight onto her left leg she collapsed with a pained cry. Linus heard her, and well there she was. Waiting for whoever the hell he decided to bring to help her down the mountain. Marlon, most likely. Maybe that guy who hangs out with him but never speaks. What was his name? Bill? Phil?

“Estelle!”

Oh.

“Uh...hey,” she said as Sebastian slowed to a stop and crouched down in front of her. He looked weirdly relieved, which confused her. What was that all about?

“Hey. Are you okay?”

“I think my leg is broken,” she said, nodding towards her rapidly swelling shin. Good thing these weren’t skinny jeans. “I can’t put any weight on it.”

Sebastian gave a choked laugh, a manic little noise that sounded so weird coming from his face. Estelle stared at him like he’d been possessed, and he shook his head. “Sorry, I just...when he said you were hurt I thought...nevermind, forget it. Here, I’ll help you to the clinic.”

He scooted over to her left side and wrapped his arm around her back, getting ready to pull her to her feet. She compliantly laid her arm over his shoulders, but a small, cynical part of her brain was mocking her.

_So all it takes_ _for_ _him to hold me is a broken leg?_ _Well shit, that was easy._

“Okay ready? One, two...”

On three he tightened his grip on her back to lift her up, and she gasped. “Stop, stop!”

He immediately pulled away, looking at her with worried eyes.

“My back got tore up,” she explained with a grimace, letting her arm fall to her side. It hadn’t seemed too bad when she was in the mines, but the pressure of his arm had made a very strong case that the wound was more than a simple scrape.

He leaned her forward, inspecting the gash on her back through the rips in her shirt. “Fuck, Estelle. What the hell is down there that keeps doing this to you?

_Horrifying monsters with glowing eyes and sharp claws. Bloodthirsty wildlife. Vengeful spirits and walking corpses._

“Rocks, mostly.”

He shot her a look and she shrugged. “Either way, it hurts way too much when you press on it.”

He considered that for a moment. “Then I guess I can just carry you?”

_Oh, sure. That’s not awkward at all._

“I don’t know Seb, it’s pretty far and I’m not exactly light.”

He rolled his eyes. “I think I can handle it.”

“I’m not doubting your manly strength, I just think you’re underestimating my density,” she said truthfully. Estelle was slim, but months of hard work had also made her strong, and muscle is deceptively heavy.

“Uh huh.”

“Okay fine,” she conceded skeptically, “if you say so. Piggyback?”

“Sure.”

He pulled her up until she was standing on her good foot, and then turned and crouched down so she could climb onto his back.

“Hey, can you give me a countdown before you hop on? Gotta brace myself for this incredible burden.”

“Oh fuck off Sebastian.”

He laughed, and despite everything – her physical wounds, her emotional wounds, and her complete mortification about all of this on top of it – Estelle found herself laughing too.


	16. Quixotic

Estelle leaned her head against her wall, only half-listening to the guys argue about the proposed reboot of some TV show about teen vampires. She was feeling pretty good – relaxed, but not loopy – thanks to the top shelf painkillers Harvey had hooked her up with. Which was really the least he could do after telling her she would be out of commission for a minimum of 6 weeks.

Six weeks. No mining, no serious foraging, no chopping down trees or breaking up rocks. Hell, she couldn’t even fish properly sitting down. Everything in this town required her mobility, and she had lost it. Over a stupid fucking crack in the ground.

The emergency fund she had built back up would last for a little while, but not six weeks. She would have to dip into the money she’d been saving to expand her house. At least she hadn’t already commissioned Robin, otherwise that would be it. End game.

It was just so incredibly frustrating. She wanted that upgrade so bad, she had been so close, and now...poof. Gone. It was like every time she started to make headway in this town, something came and shoved her back down. She just wanted to feel like she was succeeding for once, instead of the constant struggle just to keep her head above water.

Not to mention, when her leg finally did heal – was she going to go back into the mines? She could comb through the upper levels to make sure no ore or treasure had been missed, sure, but she had done a pretty thorough job of clearing each floor the first time through. There wasn’t much left on the existing paths, and she wasn’t equipped to dig new tunnels hunting for ore. That left only one way to go – down.

Would she get lucky twice? Probably not. But what other options did she have?

Regardless, that was a decision for future-Estelle. Right now she couldn’t do anything more involved than hobbling around on awful crutches that left her armpits sore after only a few minutes. Just getting to the coop and back was obnoxiously difficult. Making the trip into town was basically out entirely, at least until she got better at using the crutches. Essentially trapped in her tiny shack of a house, Estelle had nothing to do except brood. It was going to be a long six weeks.

Thank Yoba she had the guys. They had come over for a few hours each day since she got hurt, just to hang out and keep her company. She didn’t know what she’d do without them to be honest. Sam brought containers full of Jodi’s awesome cooking, Seb had downloaded a new game to play on the laptop...but more importantly, they were there.

She hadn’t realized how dependent she had become on the company of her friends to get her through her days. She had a fair amount of friends growing up, but she also never minded being alone. Alone was when she got to draw, read, or play video games. Alone was relaxing. Then after her mom passed, alone was her new normal. Even when she started going out every night she was alone. No one really knew her, or cared to. Even her boyfriend didn’t seem interested in her beyond a warm body to fuck. She had been more alone than ever.

Now that she had tasted real companionship, she didn’t want to let it go. She had spent enough time alone. All she wanted these days was to spend her time with other people – even just zoning out in the background while they debate the merits of rebooting old franchises. The valley had done something to her, altered her in some fundamental way so much she wasn’t sure she even could go back to the monotonous half-life she was living before. Even her worst days here were better than her best ones there.

“What do you want Estelle?”

Estelle blinked back to the moment, staring blankly at Sam while she replayed the last few lines from their conversation to figure out what the hell he was asking her. Vampire show, old commercial jingles, weird fast food mascots…oh! Grabbing takeout from the saloon.

“Can you ask Gus to make those fried cheese wedges he had last Friday? Or just regular cheese sticks I guess, but the wedges were way better. And extra marinara.”

“You know, as your friend I feel it’s my duty to stage an intervention on this unhealthy obsession you have with Gus’ marinara,” Sam replied with a laugh.

“It’s my one true love. Anyway, there’s some cash in my purse over there,” she said, nodding towards the bag. Sam plucked it from the ground gingerly, carrying it over to her and dropping it on the bed.

“You could have just grabbed it,” she said, digging for the crumpled bills she knew she’d thrown in there a few days ago.

“Fuck that. A chick’s purse is chaos incarnate. You stuff enough shit in there to last you through a zombie apocalypse, then some unsuspecting guy goes to reach for a piece of gum and all of a sudden there’s like 6 pounds of loose change and receipts falling all over the place, your hand gets covered in an opened lipstick, there’s tampons and trail mix and random medicine getting everywhere. No way man. You handle that shit yourself.”

Estelle snorted. “Sounds like you’re speaking from experience.”

“I may not the brightest crayon in the box, but that is one mistake I will not be repeating,” he said, taking the money she held out. “You sure you don’t want anything Seb?”

“Nah, I’m good.”

“Which means you’re just going to eat half of my pizza, right?”

“Yep.”

Sam gave an exaggerated sigh as he pulled his sneakers on. “Text if you decide not to be a mooch and want something else,” he said, stepping out into the crisp fall air.

As soon as Sam left, silence fell over the house. Estelle pretended to check her phone, but she wasn’t really paying attention. She was mostly trying to think of something to say.

Things had been different since the accident earlier in the week. Better, in a lot of ways. Maybe it was the near-death experience, or the painkillers, or just the extra time together, but she had found that her chest wasn’t as tight when she was near Sebastian as it had been for the last several weeks. She felt more clear-headed, more like herself and less like a sad pining teenager. Her feelings hadn’t changed – if anything they’d gotten stronger – but she was learning how to just feel them, instead of letting them steamroll her.

On the flip side, she was still acutely aware of how one-sided those feelings were. She wasn’t sure her new coping technique was going to be much help the next time she was forced to be around him and Abigail together.

But once again, that was a problem for future-Estelle.

She glanced over to where Sebastian was balancing on two legs of the chair, scrolling through something on his own phone. It was a scene she had witnessed fifty times before, but something about it today gave her an idea.

“Hey Seb. Smile!”

He looked up in confusion just as Estelle clicked the flash on her phone’s camera. She lowered the phone, flipping to her gallery with a satisfied grin. No smile, but that was okay. Candid photos are always the best anyway.

“Did you just take a picture of me?” he asked warily.

“Yep.”

“Why…?”

“Because I didn’t have a contact photo for you. And I was also wondering if you’d be invisible in photographs. Or is it mirrors? I forget.”

Sebastian chuckled. “Both, I think? But now that you mention it, I don’t have one for you either so...”

He held his phone up and Estelle put her hands in front of her face. “No fair!” she complained.

“How is it not fair? It’s like the textbook definition of fair.”

“Because I look like hot garbage right now. If I’m going to be immortalized in your contacts at least give me a chance to look good,” she argued, finger-combing her hair instinctively.

“You always look good,” he said, voice softer than it had been a moment ago. Or maybe that was just her imagination. Still, it was enough to bring color to her cheeks.

“Liar," she said, but his sweetness won out and she let her hand drop back to her lap. Sebastian gave her one of those little sideways smiles and lifted his phone again.

They say the best way to avoid the dreaded fake-smile in photos is to think of something that legitimately makes you happy right before the flash goes off.

_Well, that’s easy._

Estelle looked at the boy behind the camera and smiled.

 

* * *

 

After a fair amount of deliberation, Sebastian and Estelle decided to play a word game together on their phones while they waited for Sam to get back with the food. Estelle was always good at these kinds of games, and she was pretty excited to show him up for once.

Denied. Sebastian was wiping the floor with her.

“You’re such a fucking cheater!” she accused, throwing one of her pillows across the room at him. He caught it, but wasn’t expecting the follow up that nailed him in the head.

“How could I cheat? The game only accepts real words,” he said laughing.

“You could be looking them up online.”

“Yeah, I guess I could. But I’m not.”

Estelle shot him a look of complete disbelief. “So you’re telling me you just happened to have the word ‘quixotic’ hanging out in your back pocket?”

Sebastian shrugged. “I read a lot.”

“You bullshit a lot too,” she grumbled, tossing her phone on the bed. “Not enough letters left for me to come back. You win, nerd.”

“Rematch?”

“I’m going to have to decline in order to keep the remaining scraps of my dignity. Is there anything you’re not good at? Let’s do that.”

He gave a self-deprecating laugh. “Pretty much everything besides games, music, and shooting pool.”

“Pool is a game,” she corrected. “But cheer up emo kid. You’re good at other stuff too.”

He looked at her doubtfully. “Like?”

“Like...always matching your clothes impeccably,” she said with a playful grin.

“Wow. Thanks,” he said sarcastically, though his smile gave him away.

“And you’re good at being a responsible adult. Like, you have a real job and a savings account. Meanwhile I’m going to be hobbling around foraging blackberries for breakfast tomorrow,” she said, the self-ridicule evident in her tone. “So high-five on that one.”

His smile faded, replaced by a slight crease of his brow. “Speaking of...what are you planning to do anyway?”

“About what?”

“I don’t know, living? You said you were going into the mines because you were broke. So if you can’t go into the mines...” he trailed off.

Estelle sighed. Sometimes she wished Sebastian wasn’t so good at cutting right to the thick of her inner turmoil. It would be so much easier if he didn’t have that way of seeing right through her.

“Guess I’m just going to have to live off the money I was saving to have my house expanded. At least until my leg gets better, anyway. Then I can go back and start over.”

“Wait, you’re going to go back in there again? After all this?” he said, clearly becoming agitated.

“It’s just a broken leg Sebastian,” she said with a shrug. “Not that big of a deal.”

“Yeah, but it could have been a lot worse. You know that,” he said, crossing the room to sit next to her on the bed. “Look, I don’t know what you’re hiding, but I damn well know there’s more than just rocks down there.”

Estelle thought about the eyes in the darkness, the sickly light of magical fire, the sharp bite of claws and stone. About the fact that it was only luck that saved her. She looked down at her cast, the physical manifestation of her poor choices. She didn’t want to risk her life every day or lie to her friends about it. It wasn’t even about the money, really. The money was just a means to an end.

“I just...I want to stay here,” she said quietly.

As she said it she realized it was true. She wasn’t here due to lack of options anymore. She was here because she wanted to be here. This place, these people...she didn’t want to lose them. She was already dangerously close to falling back into despair, and having to leave against her will would undoubtedly push her over that edge. At the end of the day, being killed in the mines was less frightening than the idea of living out a bleak, regretful existence somewhere else.

“I need to make this work. And I don’t know how else to do it besides the mines. Everyone has been helping me, and I’m still failing,” she said, voice cracking on the last word. “It was stupid of me to think I could do this on my own.”

“But you’re not on your own. We want you here too.”

Estelle gave an ironic half-smile. Since when was Sebastian the optimistic one? “Sadly, the power of friendship isn’t going to pay my bills Seb.”

Sebastian grew quiet, seeming to be thinking through something. Estelle didn’t interrupt him. She had enough on her own mind – the looming reality of her impending return to poverty. The total lack of ideas for how to prevent it. The painful conclusion that she might have to leave the place she now considered to be home. The uncertainty of where she would even go.

Finally he spoke, a reserved hesitation in his voice. “What if you had someone to help with that?”

Estelle eyed him dubiously. “What do you mean?”

He looked off to the side, like he was trying to think of the right words to say. When his gaze flicked back to hers, she saw conviction there, like he had made some decision and was going to stand behind it.

“You can’t afford the farm on your own, right? And I can’t stand to live with Demetrius anymore. So I’ve been thinking for a while now...why don’t I just move in here? It would solve both of our problems at once.”

Estelle just stared him for a long moment, totally taken off guard. He was asking to live with her? Where did that even come from? He seemed to have thought it through, but this was so out of the blue she had no idea what to think.

“Wow. Okay, um...” she stammered, trying to sort through her thoughts enough to come up with something coherent. “Well first I mean, look around...there’s not exactly room for two in here.”

He nodded. “Agreed, but you just said you have enough saved for an addition, right?”

“Yeah, to add a bedroom and a kitchen. Still not big enough for both of us.”

“So I’ll pitch in whatever extra to get a second bedroom put on. To be honest Mom would probably do it for free just to get me out of the house.”

She had to admit, from a purely logical standpoint it made total sense. But still, she just couldn’t believe he was really asking to move in with her. She almost felt like she was being pranked.

“Are you serious though?” she said skeptically. “Like...really?”

“I’d do damn near anything to escape that asshole. And you’ve had worse roommates, right?” he said with a little smirk.

“True, but still. I mean, what about your big plans for the city?”

He sighed. “I don’t know, Estelle. The more I think about it, it’s like moving to Zuzu is more about getting away from my current life than about the city itself. I mean, what’s really there for me? Crowds which I hate. Overpriced apartments. Shitty corporate jobs,” he said, shaking his head. “I just feel like...I don’t know, maybe I could be happy here if I just mixed things up a little.”

Maybe he could. Maybe she could, too. There was just the one problem… how was she supposed to live with Sebastian knowing she was in love with him? How could she cope with that constant reminder that to him, they were just friends. Roommates. Worse, how would she deal when he inevitably brought some other girl home?

_Maybe...maybe it doesn’t matter that he doesn’t love me. Maybe it’s just enough that I have him in my life. I missed this. I missed him._

Not entirely convinced that she wasn’t making a horrible mistake, Estelle smiled, shaking her head like she couldn’t believe the words coming out of her own mouth.

“Okay. Let’s do it.”


	17. Sam's Always Right

“Thanks for coming down Robin. I know it’s a hike,” Estelle said, handing the other woman a bottle of water before sitting down on the porch swing and leaning her crutches against the railing. She was getting marginally better at using them, which was a plus. Still, she lamented how inaccessible her house was for wheelchairs – it would make getting around so much faster. Maybe she could keep one outside, and only use the crutches in the house. She made a mental note to ask Harvey if he had any loaners.

“Well I wasn’t going to make you come up to the shop with that leg. Besides, nothing beats a walk in the fall.” She sipped the drink and smiled, taking a seat next to Estelle. “So! You wanted to talk about a job?”

“Yeah, I wanted to go back over the plans for my house upgrade,” Estelle said. She glanced at Sebastian leaning against one of the wooden supports, but his face was completely neutral. She wasn’t sure if that was comforting or not. “I know we had talked about a simple extension a few weeks ago, but I was hoping we could add on to that before finalizing the work agreement.”

“Sure! Let me guess...bigger bathroom?” she said with a knowing smile.

“While that would be amazing, I was actually going to ask for another bedroom.”

Robin looked up to the sky, humming thoughtfully as she contemplated the request. “So short answer would be yes, I can put another bedroom on. The only problem is that the ground around your house isn’t great for laying new foundation. I’d be worried about structural integrity if we built out any farther than we are with just the kitchen and one bedroom. I think to add a second bedroom we’d need to build up, which is a much bigger project than we’d talked about originally.”

“Like how much bigger?”

Robin exhaled in a large puff. “Well I’d have to strip the roof, bulk up the existing supports to account for the added weight, then put the addition and stairwell up. And with the way the current construction is, I won’t be able to just build up one side - we’d need to build an entire second floor the full length of the house.”

“And how much would all that cost?” Estelle asked apprehensively. She was certainly no expert on going rates for carpentry, but all of that stuff sounded expensive. And Estelle couldn’t ask Sebastian to front the cost of an entire home remodel just for a bedroom.

“I’d have to work through the blueprints to get you exact figures, but we’re talking probably around double the initial estimate,” Robin said apologetically.

Estelle’s face fell, and Robin hurried to offer another idea. “Do you really need an entirely new room though? I could probably bump out the one bedroom and get you a few extra square feet in the existing plan, which wouldn’t cost much at all.”

Estelle bit her lip, suddenly nervous. “Yeah, that wouldn’t exactly work for what I was planning,” she started slowly, glancing at Sebastian for help. It was his mother, and his idea, why was she stuck doing all the talking?

Sebastian picked up on her silent appeal, thankfully. “Mom, we need the extra bedroom for me. I’m going to move in with Estelle.”

Robin’s eyebrows went all the way to her hairline as she looked back and forth between the two of them. Estelle cringed inwardly. Very tactful, Seb.

“What...am I missing here?” she said finally.

He shrugged. “Nothing. You know I want to move out, and my rent money would help her. It’s just a good set up for both of us.”

“That does seem to make sense,” Robin agreed hesitantly, “but are you sure you’ve thought this all the way through? I mean, there are certain...implications...when two young, unmarried kids suddenly move in together.”

Estelle saw Robin’s eyes shift down to her stomach and immediately jumped to shut that train of thought right the hell down.

“It’s not what you’re thinking,” she said quickly. “We’re just friends.”

Robin eyed her skeptically. Estelle wasn’t about to just come out and say _“No Robin, your son did not knock me up”_ right in front of him, so instead she quickly glanced down and back up, then shook her head just a fraction, hoping Robin would catch on. Female intuition, or something.

That seemed to do the trick, thank Yoba, and Robin noticeably relaxed. She turned to Sebastian, a look of sudden sadness on her face. “Okay, but are you sure you’re ready to move out Sebby? You know you can stay home as long as you want.”

Sebastian snorted derisively. “Nothing against you Mom, but I’d rather pop up a tent with Linus than live with Demetrius anymore.”

“You know he’s not going to approve of this arrangement.”

“That’s the icing on the cake,” Sebastian said with a smirk.

Robin shook her head, but Estelle caught a hint of amusement on her face. She took a deep breath and let it out in a whoosh, pursing her lips into a defeated smile. “Well, if you’re that set on leaving then I’d much rather you stay here with someone I trust than go off on your own to who-knows-where.”

“Wow, so glad you have faith in me,” he said wryly. “So about this whole double the cost thing...”

Robin chuckled. “How about this. I will do the work for the price we agreed on before.  _If..._ ” she added suddenly, an evil smirk spreading across her face as she looked at her son. “ _If_ you cut all of the wood I’ll need for the job.”

Sebastian’s face looked like she had just told him Santa wasn’t real, and Estelle couldn’t keep the sudden laugh that bubbled up in her chest from escaping. He shot her a distinctly unimpressed look and she shrugged. “Sorry. Can’t help. Broken leg.”

He took a moment to glare at the two grinning women before finally giving in with an exasperated sigh.

“Fine. I’ll do it.”

 

* * *

 

Naturally, Sebastian did not plan on doing it by himself. Almost as soon as Robin left he called Sam. Estelle eavesdropped, partially because she was nosy and partially because he was standing 5 feet away and it was impossible not to.

“Hey. I need you to help me cut down like 20 trees.”  
“Wood for my mom.”  
“Yeah. No. Just come over Estelle’s house.”

He hung up, and Estelle gave him a bemused look. “Cheater.”

“It’s not cheating. If you hadn’t busted your leg you’d be helping, right? I’m just calling in a substitute.”

“If I hadn’t busted my leg we wouldn’t even be doing this,” she said. That was the catalyst, right? She got hurt, lost her income, vented to Sebastian, and here we are. He would have had no reason to offer this solution if she hadn’t fucked everything up so badly.

He shrugged. “Maybe. What, are you having second thoughts?”

“Are you?”

“I asked first.”

“Technicality,” she mumbled, then gave a little sigh. “Not second thoughts exactly, just... I don’t want things to get weird between us, you know?”

Sebastian sat down on the porch swing next to her, pulling one foot up in front of him. “What do you think will be weird?”

_Oh, just the fact that I’m secretly in love with you. Nothing major._

“Anything, I guess? They say you don’t really know someone until you live with them, right? Maybe you’ll hate the way I sing in the shower, and maybe I’ll hate how you never take your shoes off inside. I just don’t want us to annoy each other so much that we stop being friends, that’s all.”

“You sing in the shower?” he said with an amused smile.

“No, I _perform_ in the shower. But you know what I mean.”

His smile faded, but didn’t disappear. “I know. But you’re pretty laid back, and I mostly keep to myself, so I honestly don’t see it being an issue. If it starts to be then we’ll deal with it before it gets to that point, okay?”

She nodded. He was right, and that was only a tiny piece of her reservations anyway.

“Anything else?” he prompted.

Estelle couldn’t help but feel like he knew she was hiding something. He had that way of reading her that she hadn’t figured out how to get around yet. Still, it wasn’t like she was going to tell him what was really on her mind.

“Nope. That’s it,” she lied, before shifting the attention away from herself. “So? What are your doubts?”

He held her gaze for a moment and she physically felt him recognize her lie. He didn’t call her on it though, to her incredible relief. She didn’t have another lie ready to cover for the first one.

“I don’t really have any. We get along, and I’m pretty sure you’re not going to murder me in my sleep. So I’m good.”

“Only pretty sure?”

He smirked. “Can’t be totally sure. We both have our secrets.”

Ouch. Estelle was still working on a response to that when Sam came trudging up the path from town, saving her from the uncomfortable direction this conversation seemed to be heading.

Of course, the next conversation was bound to be just as nerve-wracking. She knew Sam had picked up on her feelings for Sebastian. She’d never flat out told him, and he probably had some reasonable doubt, but he still heavily suspected at least. And if he assumed they were moving in together as something more than just friends, there was a very good possibility of him giving her away.

A tiny part of her brain almost wanted him to. Just get it over with. No more secrets, no more worrying about being found out, let it hang in the air instead of being pushed down in her chest. But that momentary relief would be quickly overshadowed by the pain of rejection, and worse, the risk to their friendship. Nothing kills a friendship faster than unrequited love.

She wasn’t going to let her stupid, selfish feelings ruin this for them.

“You know it’s quicker to just cut past Marnie’s, right?” Estelle said as Sam plopped down on the top step of the porch.

“Yeah, but it smells like cow shit down there and I’m not about that life. So, what’s up with this tree thing?”

Estelle and Sebastian exchanged a glance. “Robin cut me a deal on expanding my house if Seb cuts all the wood for it,” she explained.

Sam furrowed his eyebrows. “That doesn’t make any sense. Why would she do that?”

“Well...because the extra room is for him.”

Sam continued to stare at them in confusion, not seeming to process the meaning behind what Estelle was saying. Sebastian rolled his eyes. “I’m moving in with Estelle,” he said bluntly.

That did it. “Wait, what? Really?” Sam exclaimed, looking between the two of them with wide, excited eyes. Oh no.

Estelle stared a hole into his head, everything in her body language screaming _keep your fucking mouth shut_ _Sam._

“Yeah,” Sebastian continued, “I need out of my house and she needs money. Rooming up makes sense.” His tone sounded different – more cautious maybe? – but Estelle didn’t dare look over at him to see why. She was too focused on silently begging Sam to take the arrangement at face value.

Sam’s eyes narrowed as he continued looking between them. After a moment something seemed to click and he laughed mirthlessly, shaking his head and scrubbing his hand over his face.

“Yeah, sounds like a good idea. Cool,” he agreed, all prior excitement wiped from his voice. He almost sounded...frustrated? What was that about? “So when is this going down?”

“Whenever we get the wood together. You busy tomorrow?”

“Nope,” Sam replied, popping the ‘p’ sound. “Not busy now either, if you want to get started. 20 trees is going to take a while.”

Estelle eyed Sam warily. He was acting really weird, and she had absolutely no idea why. Was he mad about this? Did he have some long-standing plans to move to Zuzu with Seb or something? He was usually so open and easy to read, but right now she was getting absolutely nothing from him and it concerned her.

Sebastian shook his head. “Can’t. I’m supposed to meet Abby in half an hour.”

“Of course you are,” Sam said, not attempting to hide his distaste. He turned to Estelle. “You wanna hang out?”

“Always,” she replied with a bright smile. Partially to hide her own distaste at Sebastian’s plans, but also to try to pull Sam out of this funk he seemed to be in all of a sudden. She didn’t like seeing his sunshine dampened.

“Good, because otherwise I was going to be pissed that I walked all the way here for nothing,” he said, glancing back at Sebastian. “Better get going then. Yoba forbid you’re late to see Abigail.”

“Fuck off dude,” Sebastian replied with a sigh as he stood up. “Later Estelle.”

Estelle and Sam shared a knowing look as they watched Sebastian run right back to her.

 

* * *

 

Almost as soon as Sebastian was out of sight, Sam rounded on her.

“Alright, what the fuck is going on here?”

“What do you mean?” she asked.

He plopped down next to her in the spot Sebastian had just vacated and shot her a look of sarcastic disbelief. “You know exactly what I mean.”

“It’s just like we told you. I’m not making enough money to keep the farm running by myself, so Seb offered to move in to help,” she said with a self-loathing shrug. As much as he pushed the “escape his family” reasoning, the fact is that could have moved anywhere. Living with her ultimately boiled down to the fact that she was a failure, and he was picking up the slack. Hooray for painful truths.

“Yeah, I get that part,” Sam said, waving his hand impatiently. “I mean how are both of you _so fucking blind?_ ”

Estelle’s brows drew together in confusion, and Sam pinched the bridge of his nose like he was fighting off a headache.

“Okay, can I ask you something? Why haven’t you told Seb you like him?”

Estelle instinctively opened her mouth to argue, but Sam cut her off. “And don’t give me any bullshit because I know you do,” he countered preemptively.

“Since when were you so pushy,” she muttered, looking off to the side with a defeated huff. “Well if you’re so observant then you should already know. Why the hell would I put myself out there just to get rejected and make everything weird for all of us?”

“That! That's what I’m talking about! So blind!” he exclaimed, throwing his hands up to punctuate each sentence. After a pause he sighed in total exasperation. “There _wouldn’t be_ any rejection, Estelle. He likes you too.”

Estelle just stared at him wordlessly, unable to make sense of what he was saying. Sebastian liked her? How was that even possible? They were friends, sure, but he’d never so much as given her elevator eyes let alone hit on her. She couldn’t think of a single time he had shown any kind of romantic interest towards her. Well, except for at the Flower Dance party, but they were both drunk so that didn’t count. Did it?

Sam shot her a look of incredulity. “Come on Estelle, it’s blatantly obvious. How have you not noticed that he treats you differently than everyone else?”

“I...guess I’ve never really thought of it that way,” she answered honestly.

Now that he mentioned it, she could kind of see what he was talking about. Sebastian didn’t seem to give two shits about most of the people in town, but he cared about her for some reason.She thought about how freaked out he had been when she got hurt in the mines, the relief when he realized she was okay. Of smiles and laughter that used to be rare, but now were just part of normal conversation. Of watching TV with his head resting against hers.

Was Sam right? Had she really just missed all the signs?

“Yeah, well, it’s because he likes you. A lot. But he’s also a stubborn prick and won’t put himself out there first again. Not after what happened with Abby.”

The hope that had been budding in Estelle’s chest sunk, flipping her stomach with the weight of it. Right. And then there was that.

“And what about Abigail? You said it yourself – he loves her. That’s kinda bigger than a crush.”

Sam looked away, running a frustrated hand through his hair. “I don’t know Estelle. He won’t talk about it. He’d rather brood alone than open up, even to me.”

“Well, that’s it then,” Estelle said around the lump in her throat. “I’m not going to be his consolation prize, Sam. If we got together, I couldn’t live with always knowing he’d rather be with her than me. It would eat me alive.”

“I get it. And I wouldn’t want that for you either, I just...I wish he’d open his fucking eyes,” he sighed in defeat.

“Yeah. Me too.”

 

* * *

 

Sebastian wasn’t late, but Abby was pissed anyway. He could tell by the way she didn’t even turn around when he walked into her room, just crossed her arms and stared pointedly at the TV.

“Hey,” he said simply, leaning against the wall across from where she was sitting. He didn’t bother asking her what was wrong. She wasn’t the type who needed prodding in order to spill her feelings, for better or worse.

She didn’t disappoint, turning to glare at him.

“Are you fucking kidding me Sebastian?” she snapped.

“About…?”

“I overheard Robin and Jodi talking outside the store. You’re moving in with _Estelle?”_ she said, spitting out her name like it was acid on her tongue.

Sebastian closed his eyed for half a second to collect his thoughts. He knew he’d have to have this conversation with her eventually, but he wasn’t prepared to do it today. Especially after Sam’s pissy bullshit earlier.

_Thanks Mom._

He shrugged nonchalantly, trying to mitigate her anger by showing it wasn’t a big deal. “Yeah. It’s a chance to get away from Demetrius. You know I can’t stay there anymore.”

She scowled as if that reasoning wasn’t good enough. “So, what? Are you dating her now?”

“No. We’re just friends.”

She scoffed, eyeing him cynically. “Yeah, right. Because I’m that gullible.”

Sebastian sighed, already exhausted. “We’re not dating, Abby. I don’t know how you want me to prove it to you.”

She seemed to consider it for a moment before her lips turned up in a slow, predatory smile. “Kiss me.”

He swallowed hard, convinced he must have misheard her. “What?”

She sauntered closer, her gaze burning into his. “If you really don’t want her, then kiss me to prove it.”

Sebastian’s heart stopped in his chest. He had been waiting for her to say those words for so long. That desperate longing, those smothered feelings and old wounds were all screaming at him to stop hesitating and just do it. Finally get what you’ve wanted all this time. Kiss her.

But he couldn’t. The piece of his heart that was healing, the part of his brain that could think rationally… they said this was wrong. She didn’t really want to kiss him, she just wanted him to prove a point. That distinction mattered.

Conflicted and aching, Sebastian lowered his eyes to the floor. “Don’t play games Abby. Please.”

He heard her foot tapping on the hardwood, a habit she had when she was considering something. “Ugh, fine,” she said finally, dropping the sweetness from her voice as she stepped away.

For the first time he could remember, Sebastian actually felt anger towards her. Not the situation, not circumstances, not himself – _her._ How could she do that to him, knowing how he felt about her? How could she dangle that in his face, and then just drop it entirely like it meant nothing? Like he meant nothing.

Was Sam right? Had she really just been playing him?

“Why do you even care if I’m with her or not?” he said, struggling to express the surge of raw emotion he was feeling. “You don’t want me, so what does it matter if I see someone else?”

Abby turned back to him, eyebrows raised in shocked disbelief. “I do want you. I’ve told you that. It’s just not a good time for me to be with you right now.”

“It hasn’t been a good time for three fucking years Abigail,” Sebastian said, fists balling up at his sides in frustration. “Am I supposed to just wait forever for you?”

She pursed her lips, raising her chin defiantly. “If you really loved me you would.”

Sebastian turned his head away from her pointed gaze, at a loss for what to say. He supposed she was right. Isn’t that how it’s supposed to be, anyway? Still, he couldn’t reconcile that logic with the growing discontentment eating away at him.

Abigail stepped in front of him, placing two fingers on the side of his chin to guide his face back towards hers. He kept his eyes down, afraid to look up and lose the will to stand up for himself.

“And you do love me, don’t you Sebastian?” she said softly.

He felt his resolve crumble painfully, any good intentions he had shattering under her words and their implications. Raising his eyes to meet hers, he felt utterly defeated, fists going slack at his sides as all the fight left him.

“Yeah,” he whispered.

Abby smiled and laced her fingers through his. Normally Sebastian relished those small touches.

Today it just made him feel hollow.


	18. Under Construction

Though the crisp fall air felt cool on his skin, Sebastian was pouring sweat. His hair was saturated with it, plastered uncomfortably against his forehead and the side of his face, and for the first time in years he had the urge to chop it all off. He’d ditched the hoodie halfway through the second tree, and now on the eighth was considering following Sam’s lead and losing the t-shirt too. At least it wasn’t summer. He would have given up already if the sun was beating down on him on top of everything.

Estelle had given them a few pointers going into it – how to angle the first notch on the side you want it to fall, then cut the other side to make a pivot point and let the tree take itself down. The diagram she drew helped a lot, but her whole “technique, not brute strength” advice was still bullshit. All the technique in the world wasn’t going to drive an axe through wood without muscle behind it. And while Sebastian was stronger than he looked, he still wasn’t built for felling a dozen trees in one day. Each swing of the axe reverberated through his body, leaving his arms burning and back aching. He couldn’t remember the last time he had physically worked so hard. Never, probably.

This fucking sucked.

Not that he was going to admit it. Estelle and his mom cut down trees all the time, and there was no way he was giving them the satisfaction of hearing him complain. Every once in a while his obstinacy came in handy, and this was one of those times.

“You want to take a break after this one?” he asked Sam. Despite wanting to power though as many trees as he could, if he didn’t pace himself he was going to pass out.

“Yeah, sure.”

Sebastian stepped back to get a better look at his friend. Sam had been strangely quiet all day, giving terse responses and keeping to himself. He knew Sam well enough to know that he should be oscillating between cracking jokes and bitching loudly about the work, and the fact that he wasn’t talking at all meant something was on his mind.

“What’s going on man? You’re acting like me,” he said with a smirk.

He expected a snicker, or some kind of retort, but instead Sam just took his swing. Letting the axe fall to his side, he wiped his brow and gave Sebastian a hard look.

“Sebastian, what the fuck are you doing?”

“Uh...chopping down a tree? What the fuck are you doing?”

“No. With your life. You’re seriously going to move in with Estelle without telling her you like her?”

Great, this again. He appreciated that Sam was looking out for him, he really did, but he had made it abundantly clear that his feelings for Estelle were not up for discussion. Why was he so incapable of just minding his own damn business?

Sebastian gave an exasperated sigh. “I’m really not trying to have this conversation right now.”

Sam scoffed. “Oh, sorry, didn’t realize it was a bad time for you to chat, while I’m down here busting my ass helping you move in with a girl you won’t even be honest with.”

“Okay yeah, great idea Sam. Just be honest, tell her I like her. So then she’ll think I’m just a fucking creep trying to move in over a crush and call the whole thing off,” Sebastian shot back, slamming his axe into the tree trunk as his own temper flared.

“Holy fuck dude. That is seriously some next-level overthinking right there.”

“That’s me.”

“You know...you’re so good at imagining all the worst case scenarios, have you ever tried thinking of a good one?” Sam asked impatiently. “Because for some reason I can’t figure out, Estelle is into you. So if you just tell her you like her, she’ll go oh hey I like you too, then bam! Now you get to live with a super awesome girlfriend and everyone is happy.”

Sebastian rolled his eyes. “You don’t live in the same world as the rest of us, do you?”

“Fine, you want to talk real world? How about what happens when you don’t tell her, and she ends up bringing another guy home right in front of you? Then you get to live with knowing that you had a chance and blew it over nothing but stubbornness.”

Sam’s words hit him like a fist to the gut. He hadn’t considered that a very likely consequence of moving in with her would be that he’d have to witness firsthand whenever she decided to get with one of the other guys in town. He got jealous whenever she casually flirted with Alex - how was he supposed to deal with her fucking him right down the hall?

“I don’t have a chance, so the point is moot,” he muttered, feeling sick to his stomach.

Sam shook his head and took another swing. “Whatever you say dude.”

 

* * *

 

Estelle was sitting on her porch swing, sucking one of her special lollipops and reading a book while the guys played lumberjack in the field. She felt bad that she wasn’t able to help them. The poor bastards didn’t even know how to notch the tree until she explained it to them, and they had been out there for hours. At least she got lunch squared away. Emily had agreed to deliver some pizza from the saloon in exchange for a few colorful shells Estelle had stashed away that were apparently great for turning into dye.

Not long after Emily left, Sam and Sebastian stumbled back to the house, looking utterly exhausted. “Water’s in the cooler,” she said with a sympathetic smile, “and there’s pizza in the house.”

Sam perked up immediately. “Have I ever told you I love you?” he said, breezing past the cooler on a mission for sustenance. He paused at the door, narrowing his eyes. “Wait. Pineapple?”

“Pepperoni and hot peppers, just the way you like it.”

“Yep, love you,” he confirmed, letting the screen door slam behind him.

Sebastian grabbed a bottle from the cooler and sat on the steps, eyeing her speculatively. “How’d you magic up pizza?”

“Emily delivers if you give her the good stuff,” she said with a wink.

“Not sure I want to know what Emily’s definition of ‘good stuff’ is,” he said, making a face.

She laughed and popped the sucker out of her mouth to take a drink of her own water. Sebastian raised an eyebrow, giving her a look of mild amusement.

Estelle feigned innocence. “What? I ran out of painkillers.”

“Uh huh. Have any more?”

“No chopping under the influence. Number one rule of the forest,” she said with a grin. “Besides, your mom is going to be here soon. Can’t let her think I’m corrupting her baby boy already.”

He snickered. “If you’re trying to corrupt me, you’re going to have to do better than that.”

“Ooo, challenge accepted,” she said as Sam came back out, taking a huge bite out of the pizza sandwich he had made with two slices pressed together. Estelle was glad she ordered two larges. That dude could put away obscene amounts of food.

“What challenge?” he mumbled around the mouth full of pizza, setting the boxes down on the porch. He looked between his two smirking friends and thought better of it. “You know what, never mind. I don’t want to know.”

“Good call. Oh, did you talk to Jodi about me staying with you while the house is under construction?” Estelle asked, crossing her good leg over her cast on the swing. While she was pretty sure Jodi wouldn't have a problem with letting her spend the next few weeks there, you never know. She wasn't sure where else she could stay - with Haley and Emily maybe? Or Gus might let her crash on the game room couch. She  _was_ one of his best customers, after all.

“Yeah, she's cool with it. She also said you can have my room, so thanks for kicking me to the couch,” he said sarcastically.

Despite knowing Sam was just messing with her, Estelle genuinely felt bad. “Tell her I’m totally fine on the couch. Really.”

“You can tell her yourself. I already made the mistake of saying we could just share the room, and now I’m pretty sure she thinks we’re hooking up, so...”

Estelle laughed. “She said as much when we went out dancing too. I never thought I’d disappoint a woman so much by _not_ sleeping with her son.”

She waited for Sam to make the easy “well I’d hate to disappoint my mom” joke she’d left open, or “technically you already did sleep with me”...but instead he just gave a little chuckle and let it go, glancing at Sebastian.

She followed his gaze, watching as Seb quietly focused on picking the hot peppers off his pizza. His face was totally blank, and she wondered what he was thinking. Probably something self-defeating like “she’d probably be better off with Sam”, or thinking about that stupid drunken kiss at the party.

Armed with the new outlook Sam had given her, she was slowly realizing that these were the moments he showed interest in her. It wasn’t obvious shit like checking her out or hitting on her. It was in his pensive introspection, in soft smiles and unreadable emotions in his eyes. It was so subtle that she never would have caught it on her own, but now that she knew she wondered how she could have missed it to begin with.

But it didn’t matter. Not as long as Abigail came first.

Estelle grabbed a piece of pizza herself, stuffing her face to avoid having to come up with something to say. It was all still too new, too confusing. She didn’t know how to process her new insight but still act the same. At least she had a few weeks’ worth of construction to figure it out before they moved in together.

The three ate in relative silence, each lost to their own thoughts, until Robin showed up. She looked amused when she saw the two sweaty, worn out guys sitting on the porch.

“Should have known you’d call for backup, Sebby,” she said teasingly.

Sam grinned. “Aw, it’s not like that. I just couldn’t let him out-man me is all.”

“It’s true. He begged to help,” Sebastian added.

Robin laughed. “Right. Well if you strapping young men are finished eating, I could use a hand unloading the lumber from the truck.”

Sebastian stared at her dumbfounded. “The lumber? You mean you had the wood already?”

“Yeah, of course. Can’t use fresh wood to do construction, silly. It needs to dry first, and that can take weeks in the kiln.”

“Then why did you make me do this?”

“To replace my stock,” she said matter-of-factly. “And also to make sure you were actually committed to the idea. I figured if you weren’t willing to cut down a few trees, you didn’t really want it that bad.”

Sebastian’s expression was caught between annoyance and grudging admiration. “Great. Thanks for the test Mom,” he said flatly.

She smirked. “You passed, didn’t you?”

Estelle looked at Sebastian – sweaty hair sticking out every which way, t-shirt clinging to his arms and back, covered in dirt and stray pine needles – and she couldn’t help but smile.

Yeah. He passed.

 

* * *

 

“Really? The skinny goth kid?” Alex said, eyebrows furrowed like he couldn’t imagine what would possess her to associate with such a person.

“That’s the one,” Estelle replied, hammering a nail into the frame of the bee hive she was constructing.

It was so bewildering how the young adults of this town managed to socialize and party together while still stereotyping the fuck out of each other. You’d think that in a population this small they would come to know that there was more to their neighbors than just a dumb jock, nerdy emo kid, lazy slacker, vapid ditz, or alcoholic jerk. They may look like a cast of walking tropes, but give them half a chance and their unique personalities shine through.

“But...like... _wh_ _y_?” Alex eventually stammered out.

Estelle took in the look of total confusion on his face and rolled her eyes. “Because he’s my friend. Friends do shit to help each other out. Like how you’re helping me build these bee hives?”

“Yeah but aren’t you worried he’s gonna try to like, make a move on you?”

_Hopeful is a better word._

“No,” she said simply.

Alex ran his fingers through his hair, still clearly not getting it. “I don’t know Stelle. You do you, but it just seems weird to me.”

“Okay, well think of it this way – would it be weird for _you_ to room with me?”

To his credit, he actually seemed to think about it. “Well, no. But I’m not weird like that dude. And I’d totally be trying to hit it all the time, like no doubt.”

Estelle chuckled, shaking her head. At least he was honest. Despite his tendency to be single-minded at times, she actually really liked Alex the more she got to know him. He’d been through a lot of shit, and she was impressed by his ability to stay confident and positive despite it all. Plus it was always super helpful to have a friend who was built like a tank.

Alex wasn’t the only one who had an opinion on her upcoming living arrangement though. The rumor mill seemed to start churning the moment they finalized the plan, and Estelle was both impressed and disturbed by how fast news traveled in this town. For the most part the prevailing attitude seemed to be “I don’t get it, but whatever”, which was fine by her. She didn’t need anyone’s approval as long as they minded their own business.

Unfortunately, not everyone was capable of minding their own business. According to Jodi, Caroline – Abigail’s mother and town gossip – had taken great offense to the idea of her _widdle girl’s_ friend living in sin with the wildcard new chick. She had cornered Jodi and Robin outside of the community garden and tried to warn them about the dangers of letting poor, helpless Sebastian make such a terrible mistake.

From the way Caroline told it, Estelle had coerced Sebastian into the deal through seduction, drugs, and who knows what else – witchcraft, maybe? Either way, she was bad news and not to be trusted. Jodi had politely told her stay out of it, that they were adults and could make their own decisions now. Robin had done so as well, except far less politely. It had been something more along the lines of “Fuck off, Caroline.”

Suffice it to say, it was very apparent who Seb got his attitude from.

As grateful as she was that her pseudo-moms had her back, it still pissed Estelle off that Caroline was trying to run a smear campaign on behalf of her shitty kid. And she knew for a fact Abigail was behind it. Estelle was a loyal customer of Pierre’s, and had never had a bad interaction with Caroline before. Now all of a sudden she was calling her out as some junkie succubus? Yeah, that bullshit had Abigail written all over it.

The worst part was, as much as she wanted to say no one was buying the gossip, she wasn’t entirely sure. She’d seen Lewis whispering to Clint at the bar the other day, the two of them looking her way every so often. On top of that, he’d been a little more brusque towards her than he typically was. So had Marnie – which hurt, because she thought of Marnie as a friend. Either way, those two didn’t have any right to hold a moral high ground on her when she knew damn well they were fucking on the sly. Hypocrites.

Whatever. If people wanted to judge her for something as innocuous as getting a housemate, they weren’t the right people for her anyway. Nothing like a bit of controversy to find out who your real friends are.

“Hey, Stelle?” Alex said hesitantly after a few minutes of working in silence together. “I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something.”

Uh oh. Suddenly apprehensive, Estelle kept her eyes focused on the frame she was putting together. Conversations that started with “we need to talk” were always horrible and awkward for one or both parties, and she was not trying to go there today. Why couldn’t she just have one day of lame jokes and meaningless innuendo without someone having to get serious?

“What’s up?” she replied, forcing herself not to sigh.

“Well, I just...I’ve started to realize that I’ve been kind of a prick to you in the past. You know, bragging about going pro and all that. I guess I was just trying to impress the new girl. Sorry for being annoying about it.”

Estelle looked up to find Alex looking off to the side, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. Well, that was surprisingly sweet, and not at all what she had expected. She smiled, reaching out to give him a little nudge on the shoulder. “Don’t worry about it. Trust me, at your worst you’re still a thousand times more tolerable than the douches at Zuzu U.”

He met her gaze, uncertainty melting away into a grin. “Thanks Stelle. I’m glad you didn’t blow me off.”

“Me too. You’re alright, kid.”

“Kid?” he said laughing. “I’m 21!”

“And I’m 22. Didn’t Mr. Mullner teach you to respect your elders?” she said with a smirk.

He scoffed. “Gramps doesn’t respect anything. He does seem to like you though, come to think of it.”

“Oh yeah?” she asked, a bit surprised. She’d had a few conversations with George, but nothing that would prompt any particular affection for her. Man, he must really love those leeks.

“Yeah. He asked once if I was going to bring you over for dinner sometime.”

Estelle put on a face of mock offense. “And you never invited me? Well fuck you too, Alex.”

Alex laughed, a slight flush spreading across his cheeks. “Didn’t think you’d be interested.”

“I am _always_ interested in food.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” he said with a grin.

That seemed to be the end of it, but something Alex had said was nagging at her. “So...do you still think of me as the new girl?” she asked.

She kept her tone casual, but it had become increasingly important to her that the other villagers saw her as part of the community. She wasn’t entirely sure why, but guessed it was because she just wanted to be as important to them as they were to her. Being the subject of town gossip had shaken her more than she cared to admit, and she needed the reassurance that she belonged.

“Nah, you’re old news by now. Why, what’s up?”

“I don’t know,” she admitted, waving her hand as if to physically brush off the question entirely. She felt kind of stupid explaining it to him. “Sometimes it feels like everyone still sees me as new and different. Just wondering if I really fit in here.”

“Well you are new and different, Stelle,” he said with a shrug. “We’ve all been looking at the same faces for years, so of course you’re gonna stand out. Doesn’t mean you don’t fit in though.”

“I guess you’re right. Sorry, my brain goes to weird places sometimes.”

“It’s cool, Farm Girl. If it makes you feel any better, I’m glad you’re here anyway,” he said with a sweet, genuine smile.

Before she had a chance to appreciate it though, he continued. “Besides, it’s about time we got another hot chick in town. I was getting sick of checking Haley out all the time.”

Estelle laughed. For being such a meatball, he was surprisingly good at making her feel better.

 

* * *

 

“You’re making my room smell like a girl,” Sam complained, flopping down on his bed.

It had been two weeks since construction began on Estelle’s house, and much to his chagrin, Jodi had in fact kicked him to the couch and given Estelle his room. She offered again to share, but Sam didn’t want to give his mom any more fuel for her ship. It was a fair point – there was already the constant feeling that Jodi was going to push their heads together any moment, yelling “Now kiss!” They didn’t need to add to it.

“Sorry dude. I’ll try to preserve the essence of ass a little better,” Estelle said. She would have rolled her eyes if they weren’t focused on the computer screen, and the high dragon she was trying to murder.

“That’s all I’m asking. You coming to the saloon?”

“Yeah, I guess,” she replied distractedly. Shit, her tank dropped. How’d her tank drop? He’s a sword and board for fuck’s sake.

Ugh, take your eyes off of the healer for two seconds and she lets the tank die. To hell with this useless old bat. The second Estelle got back to camp she was giving the witch healing spells. Her snarky banter was more fun anyway.

“Cool. I’ll text Seb.”

Great, now the healer was dead too. Two rogues and a half-dozen health poultices left. She was so dead.

“How long ‘til you’re ready to leave?”

Estelle exploded with a string of obscenities, shoving the keyboard away from her in disgust. Sam just stared at her placidly, waiting for the moment to pass. She was way too invested in that game for her own good.

“Ugh. Sorry. What?” she replied, turning around in the computer chair to face her friend.

“Are you ready to go to the saloon? I’m texting Seb.”

“Oh. Yeah, I’m ready. I’m coming home early though, I have a dragon to kill and a sexy blonde templar to seduce.”

“You realize that dude is basically just me with an accent, right?” Sam said with an amused little smirk.

Estelle paused. Shit, he was right. “Thanks a lot Sam. Now I have to fuck the elf. Way to ruin this for me.”

He snickered, glancing down at his phone as it vibrated in his hand. His face went slack momentarily before a huge grin lit up his features, looking up at Estelle with wide, excited eyes.

“Dude! Holy shit! We got it!”

“We got what?”

“The opener! We landed the opener for Analogy of War!”

Estelle stared at him blankly. “Uh...I recognize all of those words, just not in that order.”

“Where have you been Estelle?” Sam said impatiently. “They’re like one of the biggest local bands in the valley! And we’re opening for them!”

“Oh. _Oh!_ ” she said as it finally clicked. “That’s awesome Sam! I’m so excited for you!”

Sam jumped up from his bed, pacing around the room with a burst of nervous energy as he rambled. “It’s not until the end of fall, but that’s good because it gives us time to nail down all the details. It’s a 15 minute set so I think we have time for four songs. Or should we do three? I’d rather do four but like we need transition time and stuff...maybe if they’re shorter....” he trailed off, finally taking a breath. “And your leg should be better by then, right? I don’t want you to miss our first gig!”

Estelle grinned. “Slow down Sam, we’ll figure it all out. C’mon, let’s get to the saloon and tell Seb the good news.”

 

* * *

 

Sam was not impressed with Sebastian’s reaction.

“Dude! How are you not pumped right now? We scored our first gig! Like we’re officially a real band now!”

“I am excited. Do I not look excited?”

Estelle snorted. “You look about as excited as finding out you got socks for your birthday.”

“I like socks,” he countered playfully. “But no, it’s awesome. There’s just the one little problem I think you’re both forgetting.”

They looked at him expectantly and he frowned slightly, like he couldn’t believe he had to state the obvious. “Uh, we don’t have any songs finished?”

Sam’s face fell. “Oh fuck dude. I didn’t even...I was just so...fuck!”

“Okay, how about we tone the drama down a little,” Estelle said, rolling her eyes. “The show isn’t until Spirit’s Eve right? You have like two months to figure it out. It’ll be totally fine.”

“It won’t be fine! Seb can’t finish his shit until we figure out drums, and we have NO drums for ANY songs, and I fucking suck at...” he cut off suddenly, looking to Estelle with a sudden desperate realization. “I need you to write lyrics for me.”

“Wait, what?” she said, staring at him like he was out of his damn mind. “I wrote a few lines because they sounded right, but I can’t write an entire song.”

Sam shook his head impatiently. “No dude, you don’t get it – I’m the worst. The _worst._ ”

“It’s true. His lyrics are trash,” Sebastian added. “I’ve been suffering through that shit since middle school and it’s never gotten better.”

She giggled in spite of herself. “Why don’t you write them then?”

“Because my lyrics are trash too,” he said with a shrug.

“C’mon Estelle, your stuff is so much better than ours. Help us out?” Sam pleaded.

Estelle smiled indulgently even as she shook her head. “Fine, I’ll write your damn lyrics. But I don’t want to hear any complaining if you’re not into them.”

Sam grinned. “Deal.”

“Also, I’m gonna need you to go buy me some breadsticks. Extra marinara.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to whoever knows what game Estelle is playing!


	19. Greener Pastures

Moving day.

Despite knowing it was coming for weeks, now that it was finally here Estelle was a ball of nervous energy. She had spent the better part of last night pacing around her new house, unable to calm down enough to sleep. She would just chalk it up to physical therapy – Harvey wanted her walking as much as she could in the new air boot he fitted her with earlier in the week. Have to build those atrophied muscles back up, right?

To Robin’s credit, the house looked amazing. The hardwood floors were gorgeous, her bedroom was huge (with a closet!), and she’d even separated the second floor into two rooms so they could have a guest bedroom. It was such a far cry from the home’s minuscule beginnings that Estelle teared up when she first stepped inside.

And she had Sebastian to thank for it all.

She didn’t know how to properly convey how much all of this meant to her. Without his help she would be sitting in her one tiny room cottage right now, eating through her savings and losing hope day by day. Instead she had a beautiful new house, assurance that her utilities would be paid, and the breathing room to focus on ways to make a good living here instead of scrambling to get by.

It was so much more than the money though. For the first time in weeks – months, maybe – she felt optimistic about her future. That feeling meant the world to her. She would be okay, and even better, she wouldn’t be alone anymore. Even if Seb spent every minute he was home holed up in his room, he was still there. The idea was more comforting than she would have imagined.

Around sunrise she finally gave up on sleep and got dressed for the day, pulling on the most comfortable outfit she owned besides pajamas; a pair of black leggings and an old band shirt that she had cut into a scoop neck as a teenager. If she was going to help move stuff, she was at least going to be comfy doing it.

She was playing the game Seb had downloaded onto the laptop, trying to get the slutty elf to love her, when a knock at the door made her jump. Glancing at her phone she saw it was only a little past 7. Who the hell would be knocking this early?

She opened the door and blinked several times, considering the possibility that maybe she actually had fallen asleep. There was really no other explanation for why Sebastian would be on her porch at 7 in the morning.

“Hey,” he said, shoving his hands into his hoodie pockets with a little smile.

“Hey. I didn’t know you existed at this hour,” she teased, stepping aside so he could come in.

“I typically don’t,” he agreed. “But I couldn’t sleep, so I thought I’d come down and check the place out before we start moving my stuff. First things first though...” he trailed off, walking into the kitchen.

Estelle followed, watching him curiously as he slid his backpack off and put it up on the counter. Reaching into the pack he pulled out two mugs, a red foil bag, and a coffee maker, plugging it into the outlet near the sink.

“I would have asked you to move in months ago if I knew I’d get a coffee maker out of the deal,” she said, pulling herself up onto the counter beside him as he started fiddling with temperature settings and brew strength on the display.

“No good programmer can function without it. How’s the leg?” he asked, glancing at her air cast.

“Totally healed. I’m just trying to set a new fashion trend with the giant velcro boot.”

“It _is_ a hot look,” he deadpanned, which set her off into giggles. Yoba, she needed sleep.

Sebastian finished setting the coffee machine and leaned against the counter himself, crossing his arms as he looked around. “It looks good in here. Think we’ll need to get another chair though,” he said, nodding towards her beat up old table and single chair perched in the corner of the room.

“Two chairs actually,” she corrected. “Someone keeps leaning back in that one and now the legs are wobbly.”

“What a bastard.”

“I know right? He’s lucky he’s cute,” she said offhandedly. Sebastian didn’t respond, and she couldn’t see his face to tell if it was normal quiet or not. Feeling suddenly awkward, she decided on a subject change.

“Anyway, wanna see your room?” she asked, hopping off the counter and turning towards the stairwell. “Your mom rocked it.”

She really did, too. The first time Estelle went up to the second floor she smiled at the extra detail Robin had put into Sebastian’s room. The floor was stained a darker shade than the rest of the house, and the walls were painted a medium grey instead of the standard white everywhere else. It didn’t feel quite as dungeon-like as his basement, but it definitely catered more to his style than she had expected. Robin loved the hell out of that kid.

Estelle watched with amusement as Sebastian looked around the room like a tourist in a new city. She could practically see his brain processing that this is where he was going to be living from now on. “So? What do you think?” she prompted after giving him a minute to take it all in.

“It’s a lot bigger than I expected,” he said finally. “I don’t know why but I was picturing some cramped little space. I actually really like it.”

“Good, because I’m pretty sure your mom isn’t offering a refund. Oh, I almost forgot!” she said, suddenly remembering something. “Wait here.”

Estelle went downstairs to her bedroom and grabbed the wrapped package she had ordered online earlier in the week. Bringing it back up to Sebastian’s room, she held it out to him with anticipatory grin.

He accepted it hesitantly, giving her a puzzled look. “What’s this?”

“A housewarming present, obviously,” she said. “Happy Moving Day Sebastian!”

He chuckled, shaking his head as he started ripping the paper off. “You’re ridiculous.”

“I know,” she said as he looked down curiously at the bundle of black cloth in his hands. “They’re blackout curtains,” she explained. “I figured since you went so long without windows you’d want a way to shut the daylight off in the morning.”

“I...wow, I hadn’t even thought about that,” he admitted, giving her one of those sweet sideways smiles she loved so much. “This is really awesome. Thanks.”

“You’re welcome,” she replied with a smile of her own. A moment passed, just the two of them smiling at each other, before Estelle felt compelled to break the silence as usual. “Anyway, let’s go grab that coffee.”

 

* * *

 

“For fuck’s sake Seb, how did you manage to cram so much shit into your room?” Sam complained, setting the heavy leather couch down in the living room and immediately collapsing on top of it.

“Organization and a penchant for hoarding,” Sebastian replied as he dropped his side and flopped down on to the couch himself. He shot Estelle a look that was almost pleading. “Can I just leave this down here?”

“I was actually going to ask you to,” she said, wedging herself into the gap between them. “Pretty excited to have seating for once.”

Sam sighed in relief. “Good, ‘cause I’m wiped.”

Sebastian and Estelle mumbled their agreement, and the three friends zoned out on the couch in comfortable silence.

Sam hadn’t been exaggerating; Sebastian had a ridiculous amount of stuff. You would have never guessed it from how tidy his room was, but there were boxes upon boxes of books, video games, movies, and other random shit to carry up to his room, in addition all the furniture. Now that Estelle was finally mobile she was eager to help, so she worked on the boxes while the guys did the heavy lifting. To be honest she would rather have moved furniture, since she generally preferred a few hard tasks over a bunch of easy ones. She was totally the type of person to carry twenty grocery bags rather than make two trips.

It had been a long day for everyone though, not just her. Robin cried while they loaded up the truck, and though Sebastian played it off Estelle could tell it upset him. It upset her too. The bittersweet tears of a mom watching her baby grow up and leave was hard to witness, even if he was just going down the road. Estelle had spent most of the trip consoling Robin inside the house, so she missed the real drama outside by the truck.

Apparently Demetrius had decided to pick one last fight with Sebastian, just for old times’ sake. Call him sentimental. And while Estelle wasn’t sure what started it, she did know what ended it – Sebastian finally snapped and took a swing at him. Sam didn’t tell her what had happened when he came in the house to get her – probably because Robin was there – but she caught a glimpse of Demetrius’ busted nose as Sam ushered her into the truck. It wasn’t hard to put two and two together from there.

Sebastian was deathly quiet during the ride home, and she knew better than to ask him about it. Instead she managed to corner Sam back at the house and press him for information, but he just shook his head and said it wasn’t for him to say. Which was fair, but still frustrating. Beyond the typical annoyance at being the only one left in the dark, Estelle was genuinely concerned about Sebastian. The guy was irritable and contentious sometimes, sure, but he wasn’t violent. Demetrius must have said something really awful to him.

Yoba, that guy was such a prick.

Despite her endless curiosity, Estelle decided to just keep her mouth shut and focus on cheering Sebastian up. After all, his well-being was way more important than her nosiness. It took a fair bit of effort, but eventually Seb lost the gloom and fell back into the easy smiles and sarcastic jokes she had grown used to. Sam caught her eye with a very clear _I told you so_ look, which made her feel warm inside even as she ignored it.

Estelle stretched her legs out in front of her, fighting to keep her eyes open. Sam and Sebastian were practically radiators on either side of her, and the cozy warmth combined with the lack of sleep and comfort of the couch was making it a losing battle. She really didn’t want to pass out, so she forced herself to make conversation despite knowing none of them were up for talking.

“So who’s going to walk to the saloon for dinner?” she asked. “Not it.”

Sam groaned. “You just had to mention food, didn’t you? I could eat my weight in pizza right now. Can’t you sweet talk Emily into delivering again?”

“I’m out of seashells. Besides, she’s off on Sundays.”

He sighed in defeat, glancing at Sebastian. “And I assume you’d rather starve than go, right?”

“Yep,” he confirmed, head tilted back towards the ceiling with his eyes closed.

“You guys are the worst,” Sam said, standing up reluctantly. “What do you want?”

“Zucchini fritters,” Estelle said as she pulled her legs up into the space where Sam had been. “With extra –“

“Marinara. Yeah, I know. Seb?”

“Burger, no onions.”

“Done deal. Back later,” Sam said, letting the screen door bang shut on his way out. If he kept doing that shit he was going to be the one paying Robin to fix it.

After another few minutes of silence, Estelle glanced up at Sebastian. “So what do you want to do?” she asked, nudging his shoulder in case he had fallen asleep. With his eyes closed and head lolled back, she wasn’t sure.

He mumbled something that sounded like “nap”, and Estelle nudged him again. He let his head fall towards her and opened his eyes a sliver. “You’re very persistent.”

“Your neck is going to hurt if you pass out like that. Go upstairs if you want to nap.”

“I can’t. You’re leaning on me.”

“Well I’m too tired to get up, so I guess we’re at an impasse.”

He gave her an exhausted little smile and reached into his pocket, pulling out his phone and tossing it onto her lap. “Fine. Put on one of those dumb DIY fail videos you like.”

“They’re not dumb, they’re hilarious,” she argued, swiping his phone awake. When the screen blinked to life she paused, lips curling into a soft smile as she looked at the background image on his phone.

It was a picture of them.

Sam had taken it at the Stardrop the night they found out about the gig. After a celebratory round or three, he’d decided that they needed a “before they were famous” selfie together and snatched Seb’s phone. He hadn’t protested, to Estelle’s immense surprise, and Sam got 3 or 4 shots in before he took his phone back. She knew there were silly ones – she’d done a kissy face, stuck her tongue out, the usual stupid selfie poses – but the one he’d set was just a simple, cute picture of the three of them, smiling faces pressed together in the frame. They looked so happy.

“It’s on the second screen,” Seb said, reaching over to swipe left and select the video app.

“Right. Thanks,” she said, still smiling.

 

* * *

 

Estelle lay curled up in her bed, desperately trying to sleep. She was exhausted to her core, but something was keeping her awake regardless. Probably the knowledge that Sebastian was sleeping right upstairs.

It didn’t make any sense. They’d spent the entire day together and that was fine, but this was different somehow. This wasn’t just standard friends hanging out. He legitimately lived with her now. Though she’d had weeks to come to terms with her feelings regarding Sebastian moving in, it was different now that he was actually here.

It shouldn’t be, she reasoned. Nothing had changed except now she didn’t have to trudge up the mountain path to hang out. She wasn’t nervous about him seeing her sleep-tousled or anything stupid like that, and their rooms were far enough apart that she didn’t have to worry about privacy. Robin had even put locks on their doors, which was hilarious but convenient. No awkward naked mishaps.

Nothing was different, but everything was different. Estelle flopped onto her stomach and shoved her face into her pillow, willing her brain to stop being an asshole and just go to sleep. Eventually she gave up, and with a resigned sigh got up to get some water.

When she opened her bedroom door, she saw that the kitchen light was on. Her first thought was that one of them had forgotten to shut it off, but as she was walking through the living room she heard the tap running. She hesitated for half a second, wondering if she should just go back to her room, before scolding herself for even considering it. Why was she acting so fucking weird?

Sebastian’s head popped up from the coffee machine when she entered, his look of surprise quickly melting into a knowing smile. “Can’t sleep?”

“Nope. You?” she said, walking past him to the overhead cabinets and reaching for a glass.

“Nah. I’m usually still up at this time anyway though,” he said with a shrug. “Want some coffee?”

She considered it for a moment before saying yes. If she wasn’t able to sleep anyway, might as well get the energy boost to do something else.

Estelle filled her glass from the tap and looked him over as she took a sip. He looked so tired. Dark circles had formed under his eyes, a stark contrast against skin that was paler than usual, if that was at all possible. His posture were slumped, like he’d given up on trying to stay upright and was slowly letting gravity take him down. She knew he’d been awake last night, but from the looks of him that hadn’t been the first bad night of sleep lately.

“You look like shit,” she said, watching him pour two cups of coffee and stir cream into one.

“Fuck off, so do you,” he said with a little grin.

She laughed, dumping her water in anticipation of sweet caffeine. “No fair. Can’t use my own lines against me.”

He handed her a steaming mug, which she gratefully accepted. The heat felt good on her chilly fingers. It was getting colder at night now, not enough to turn the furnace on but enough to break out the long sleeves and throw blankets.

Estelle took a sip of her drink and sighed contentedly as the warmth spread through her chest. Sebastian made the best coffee. Still, it wasn’t enough to completely chase out the chill, and she shivered despite her sweatshirt and flannel pajama pants.

“Well I’m freezing, so I’m going to build a blanket fort on the couch and watch something. You’re welcome to join me if you don’t have anything better going on,” she said.

“It’s 2 in the morning. What else would I have going on?”

“I don’t know. Sucking the blood of innocents?”

He smirked. “Yet you’re inviting me to watch TV with you.”

“I’m not innocent,” she said wryly.

 

* * *

 

Sebastian looked down at the sleeping girl tucked against his side, curled up in a half ton of blankets. _“_ _I’m not innocent,”_ she had said. She’d been joking of course, but it still hit a nerve. After all, isn’t that why he’d punched Demetrius today? Because he said the same thing?

He knew about the rumors Caroline was spreading around in the weeks leading up to his move, but he hadn’t really cared. Everyone knew Caroline liked to run her mouth, and that she was full of shit most of the time on top of it. Even if she wasn’t, he could count on one hand the number of people who’s opinions meant half a damn to him. It was all incredibly inconsequential as long as it didn’t bother Estelle, and she hadn’t said anything to indicate that it did.

Still, despite knowing all of that, Demetrius had taken Caroline’s bullshit and run with it. For some absurd reason he had decided to do some digging into Estelle’s past. Probably just to fact-check Sebastian on what he had said, or to hunt for some other reason to keep Maru away from her. Either way, he had come up with a phone number for her stepmother, and apparently the woman was more than happy to give him fuel for his anti-Estelle crusade.

Nothing Demetrius said surprised him, because Estelle had already told him everything. He knew about her depression, and how she had coped with it by drinking and going out all the time. And he wasn’t an idiot – he knew she didn’t go home alone every night. That didn’t matter to him though. After all, he was certainly no blushing virgin himself.

But there was something about hearing that fucker throw it all back in his face that set him off.

Who the hell did he think he was, invading her privacy like that, making judgments based off of the word of one awful woman? He didn’t know a single thing about her. He didn’t know about her kindness and bravery and hidden pain, her selflessness and strength and unimaginable beauty, inside and out. He didn’t know how she made Sebastian feel so fucking _alive_.

Gazing down at her sleeping face, peaceful and full of all that innocence she denied…the only regret Sebastian had was not hitting him harder.

The movie they had been watching ended, and he struggled with what to do next. He knew he should get up. He should extract himself from the gentle weight of her leaning against him and go upstairs to bed. He needed sleep badly, and he knew Estelle hadn’t meant to pass out on him.

But everything he should do was totally invalidated by the temptation to stay with her just a bit longer. To extend this stolen moment he hadn’t earned with this incredible girl he didn’t deserve. He turned slightly towards her, carefully shifting his arm until it was wrapped around her back, holding her the way he had imagined doing a thousand times before. She instinctively snuggled closer in her sleep, resting her head on his chest like a pillow. That stubborn piece of hair slid down into her face, and after a brief hesitation Sebastian gently brushed it back with a smile.

Estelle would be embarrassed when she woke up. He’d play it off, or maybe pretend to be asleep himself to save them both from awkwardness. The circular dance of careful distances and unspoken feelings would continue, because he was too much of a coward to do anything else. But none of that mattered right now. For just this one moment, everything was perfect.


	20. Mischief and Reunions

“So I’m thinking about selling wine,” Estelle said, looking at Shane thoughtfully as he hammered a nail into the mayo machine he was building for her next to the coop. The hens had started laying regularly, and true to his word he stopped by to put the contraption together for her as soon as she let him know. The barrel shape of the machine had given her the idea for wine – if he could build this thing, he could totally build a keg. How hard could wine be?

Shane snorted. “You sure you won’t just drink it all?”

“Oh fuck off, like you have room to talk,” she replied with a grin. “You think you could put a keg together?”

“Probably. It’s just a big barrel with a spout right?”

“I think so. Doesn’t it sound perfect though? I could use that cave on the north side of my property to keep them cool and dry. I have _so_ many berries in my freezer I could juice up, maybe start with 2 or 3 kegs just to see how it goes. And shit, if that works out I could even plant a couple fruit trees for next year. Trees basically take care of themselves. I think.”

He watched her with wry amusement as she rambled. “Estelle, you have the most fucked up patchwork farm I have ever seen, and now you wanna add an orchard and brewery to the mix?”

“It’s called diversification, Shane. I’m a shitty farmer. I need to try lots of things to find what I suck the least at.”

He chuckled, shaking his head. “Get me some blueprints and I’ll give it a shot.”

Estelle tackled Shane, wrapping her arms around his neck and squeezing him like a favorite stuffed animal. Mostly because she knew he hated stuff like that, but also to show her appreciation for him. He was such a good guy.

“Ugh, get off me,” he grumbled, one side of his mouth turned up in a traitorous smile. She squeezed tighter and he stuck out his forearm, pushing her off and onto her ass with a thump.

“You act tough but secretly you love it,” she said playfully, pulling out a handful of grass and throwing it at him.

“Do you want this mayo machine or not?”

“Fine, fine. But just know your grumpy bastard act doesn’t work on me,” she said. “So, are you going to the fair later?”

Shane made a noise of disgruntled affirmation, and she frowned. “What, is it lame?”

“It’s just standard carnival shit. Overpriced games, overpriced food, dumb prizes. Jas runs me broke every year riding the damn Ferris wheel a thousand times.”

“Yessss! I love Ferris wheels!”

He snickered. “Of course you do. Well take a spin with Jas then, cause I’ll be too busy hauling shit for the petting zoo and Marnie’s grange display.”

Oh, right. The grange display. Lewis had left a note in her mailbox about reserving a spot if she wanted to take part in the display – to “showcase her talents”. She didn’t miss the subtle jab there, but she wasn’t sure if it was directed towards her failure at farming or towards her other “talents” that Caroline was gossiping about. Either way, Lewis could go fuck himself. When he’s not too busy fucking Marnie, anyway.

Wait a second. Wait – a – second. A wicked smile slowly spread across Estelle’s face as an idea took root.

“Shane, I need a favor.”

 

* * *

 

“Hey Seb!” Estelle yelled up the stairs, tapping her fingers on the wall impatiently. She had been practically buzzing with excitement since Shane left, and she wanted to hurry up and get to the fair while she still had time to put her plan into motion.

“Sebastian!” she tried again, louder. Still no response.

“Dammit Seb I know you can hear me!”

She was just about to go up there and bang on the door when she heard footsteps cross the room, and the door cracked open.

“What?” he called down, sounding confused. Which was fair – Estelle didn’t typically scream up the stairs at him. In the two weeks since he moved in she hadn’t really bothered him when he was in his room at all.

They’d come to a kind of unspoken agreement that if one of them was in their room with the door closed, leave them alone. If they were in the living room or their door was open, hanging out was cool. It was a good arrangement and the balance between socialization and independence came so naturally she didn’t even have to think about it most of the time.

Right now though, she needed him to get the hell down here. “It’s time to go!”

“Go where?”

Estelle rolled her eyes. Yoba, this dude was so oblivious sometimes. “The fair? You said you wanted to walk down together?”

“Oh. Right. Uh, hang on a minute.”

“You’re fucking killing me Sebastian!” she yelled as the door shut again.

Aside from right now, living with Sebastian had been way more laid back than she’d expected. The first few days were a little weird, settling into the new routine, but they quickly established a sort of ebb and flow to their days that just worked. His sleep schedule was still ridiculous, so Estelle was typically already showered, fed, and gone by the time he rolled out of bed. Now that she could walk almost normally again, she frequently didn’t even see him until later in the afternoon or evening, when she’d come back from wherever she had decided to go that day.

Despite the opposing schedules, there was always something to remind her she wasn’t alone. From little insignificant things like the new toiletries in her bathroom to how he’d feed the cat and chickens if he was up particularly late – or early, depending on perspective. Most nights found them curled up on the couch together, watching something or playing a game, drinking amazing coffee and chatting about nothing and everything until eventually Estelle got sleepy enough to go to bed.

It was all so easy. The worries she’d had leading up to the move seemed so stupid and pointless now. They had grown closer than ever over the last few weeks, and though she was afraid it would hurt – it didn’t. It felt right. It felt like home.

Estelle was leaning against the front door, hands stuffed impatiently in the pockets of her sweatshirt when Sebastian finally came down a few minutes later. He paused at the bottom of the stairs, tilting his head curiously at her.

“Is that my hoodie?”

Despite her irritation with his lack of punctuality, the corner of her mouth twitched up. “You’re wearing your hoodie.”

He glanced down for a second to check, and had the grace to look sheepish. “So I am.”

“Black hoodies aren’t exactly haute couture you know. Lots of people have one,” she said with amusement as she flipped her hood up. “Besides, mine has cat ears.”

“Why am I not surprised?” he snickered, grabbing his sneakers from beside the door and pulling them on. Estelle noted with appreciation that he’d been taking his shoes off inside ever since she mentioned it was a pet peeve of hers. It was sweet of him to remember.

She still rocked out in the shower though. Sorry buddy.

“Because I’m fucking adorable,” she answered as if it were obvious. “You ready?”

“Yep. Why are you in such a hurry anyway?”

She grinned and pulled the door open. “You’ll see.”

Estelle practically skipped down the road towards town, her eagerness to get to the fair pushing them forward at a quicker pace than usual. She heard Seb mutter something about an “afternoon jog” and slowed down, raising her eyebrows in mock offense.

“What was that?”

“Nothing.”

“Uh huh. Well we wouldn’t have to walk so fast if _someone_ would have come down on time,” she said. “What the hell were you doing for so long anyway?”

“Um...working,” he said, staring intently at the road ahead.

Estelle looked at him suspiciously. She hadn’t really cared what he was doing – she was mostly just giving him shit for being late – but now that she knew he was hiding something her curiosity was piqued.

“Really? That’s impressive, considering the WiFi has been down all day.”

Sebastian’s face fell slightly, and she couldn’t help but smirk. _Busted._

“I meant reading a book,” he tried again.

She giggled. “You’re the shittiest liar ever.”

“Watching porn?”

“Again, internet is down. And that’s where you’re gonna go with this?”

He shrugged. “Thought it would get you to drop it.”

Estelle rolled her eyes. “Ugh, fine. Porn it is then.”

They walked the rest of the way in companionable silence. Estelle snuggled deeper into her hoodie as the crisp fall breeze ruffled her hair and sent goosebumps down her arms. She loved fall, but hated being cold, and suddenly regretted not throwing on another layer before leaving the house.

When they arrived at the town square, however, Estelle forgot all about the cold. There were _so many people_ here! She hadn’t seen a new face in months, and now there were dozens of them – little kids running around, teenage couples sharing cotton candy, soccer moms and old guys and everything in between. It was so unexpected, but in a good way. She had kind of missed that thrum of people coming and going that was so conspicuously absent in such a small town.

“Dude, what is all this?” she asked, grabbing Sebastian’s hand and pulling him back. She wasn’t trying to lose him in the crowd.

“Huh?” he asked, looking at her in confusion before it clicked. “Oh. This fair isn’t just for Pelican Town, it’s for all of Stardew Valley. People from the neighboring towns come down and everyone packs into the square. It’s...kind of obnoxious.”

“If you think this is obnoxious, don’t ever move to Zuzu.”

“Not planning on it,” he said with a little smile, squeezing her fingers lightly before letting go. “C’mon, Sam should be near the Stardrop.”

Estelle followed Sebastian to the saloon, weaving through the crowd with a big dumb grin on her face.

Sam was hanging out on the benches near the saloon, surrounded by a group of three giggling teenage girls barely old enough to be in high school. The look on his face was hilariously uncomfortable, and Estelle couldn’t help but laugh.

Sebastian turned to her with a grin of his own. “Should we rescue him?”

“Oh, I guess so. If you got accosted by a gang of tween goths I’d make him rescue you too.”

“Well when you put it that way...” he said with a chuckle as they made their way over to save their friend from his admirers.

As soon as Sam saw them he jumped up, relief pouring off of him in waves. “Sorry ladies, my friends are here. Have fun at the fair,” he said quickly, practically running away from them.

“Byeeee!” they called in a high-pitched chorus as they walked the other way. Sam cringed.

“Tsk tsk. Breaking the hearts of little girls, Sam? I’m shocked and appalled,” Estelle said with a smirk.

“Look, that was all them,” he insisted. “They overheard me talking about the band and _bam!_ Instant mini groupies.”

“You invited them to the gig, didn’t you?” Sebastian said accusingly.

Sam dropped his eyes guiltily. “Dude, they practically made me. Teenage girls are way craftier than I remember them being.”

Sebastian shook his head in mock disgust, but Sam shrugged him off. “Speaking of, did you get that song figured out today? From what you showed me I think it would really round the set out.”

So _that’s_ what he was doing earlier. Estelle arched an eyebrow, looking at Sebastian with a knowing smirk. “A song, huh?”

“For fuck’s sake, Sam...” Sebastian muttered, looking off to the side as a hint of pink stained his cheeks.

_So adorable._

“What?” Sam asked obliviously.

“Just Seb being a terrible liar,” Estelle supplied with a grin before changing the subject. She’d give him an out for now, but bet your ass she was going to pester him tonight about it. “Anyway, have you seen Shane?”

“No, why? And wait...why are you guys twinning?”

“I’m wearing red leggings, Sam.”

“Yeah, but the hoodie...”

“Why does everyone think Sebastian has a patent on black hoodies?” she said, exasperated. “I’ve had this hoodie for like 4 years and...oh shit, there’s Shane. Wait here.”

Estelle scurried off towards the petting zoo, leaving the guys looking at each other in bewilderment.

Shane saw her approaching and nodded toward the shaded area on the side of the saloon. No one was hanging out by the trash cans, so they’d have some privacy.

“Did you find anything?” Estelle asked, eyes twinkling with excitement.

Shane grinned. “I had nothing to do with this, got it?”

“Cross my heart.”

He glanced around to make sure no one was watching, and then handed her a plastic Joja Mart bag. Estelle looked inside and started cackling.

“Shane, I fucking love you.”

 

* * *

 

Estelle, Sam, and Sebastian sat on a couple of barrels behind the slingshot game tent, watching the grange display judging with barely contained laughter lighting up their faces. Shane had pulled through big time, and Estelle _could not wait_ until Lewis made his way down the line to find the little surprise she’d snuck into Marnie’s display box.

Lewis slowly checked Pierre’s display – which was bullshit by the way, because he didn’t grow any of that stuff himself – and then moved on to Willy’s. Estelle chewed her lip with delicious anticipation as he finally walked over to Marnie’s display. He gave Marnie a big smile, then turned to the box...and froze. His face fell, eyes widening and mouth dropping open in an expression of shock and abject horror as he took in the sight of his pretty purple panties on display in front of everyone.

Estelle couldn’t hold it back any longer and burst into a fit of hysterical laughter, causing the guys to break seconds later. Lewis whipped his head around towards the noise, and his face instantly shifted from pale panic to deep red anger as he realized the town troublemakers were behind this. He choked his way through announcing the winner – cheating ass Pierre, of course – and then stormed over to the group.

Estelle could practically see the steam coming out of his ears like a vintage cartoon character, and while she managed to reign her face in to a polite smile, she couldn’t keep the sparkle of humor out of her eyes. Sebastian had toned it down to a smirk, while Sam just flat out grinned.

“You three! Was that some kind of sick prank?!” he blustered. “Which one of you did it? Answer me!”

Estelle’s smile broadened as she affected a mockingly sympathetic tone. “Oh man, Lewis. It sucks to have your privacy violated like that, right? Don’t worry, I’m sure the rumor mill will be kinder to you than it’s been to me.”

She gave him a pointed look, and after a moment he seemed to understand her implication. To his credit, he managed to look almost remorseful at having taken part in the gossip surrounding her – though that was probably just a side effect of now being on the wrong end himself.

“I see,” he said with a sigh. “Here. Take these star tokens and don’t tell a soul about this.”

With that he turned on his heel and hurried away, presumably to not get caught buying them off. Sam turned to Estelle with an expression of total incredulity.

“How the hell did you get out of that with no community service hours?”

Estelle smirked. “Because now Lewis knows not to fuck with me."

“Yoba, you are one terrifying chick sometimes.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” she said, hopping off the barrel and holding up the pouch of star tokens. “C’mon, let’s grab some food. My treat.”

The hush money Lewis had given her lasted through a nutritious meal of corndogs and funnel cake, a couple carnival games, and the Ferris wheel ride she owed Jas. After the ride was over she gave the rest of the pouch to the kids to split, and smiled indulgently as they ran off with their newfound wealth.

“You just made Vince’s year,” Sam said as they walked through the square towards his house. The fair was fun, but they’d seen everything there was to see already, and Estelle could sense the crowds were wearing on Sebastian. The look of relief on his face when she suggested they leave was more than worth losing out on a little festival time.

“Good, cause I love that kid,” she said with a smile. “So what do you guys – “

“Holy shit, _Estelle?”_

Estelle turned towards the unknown voice calling her, brows drawn in confusion. She’d barely had time to register who it was before the petite girl crashed into her with a bone-crushing hug.

“Natalie?” Estelle pulled away to look at her, completely taken aback. “I don’t...what are you doing here?”

“I’ve been staying with a friend like twenty minutes away, so I came by for the fair. What are _you_ doing here? You totally fell off the grid, I had no idea what happened to you!”

Estelle glanced over at her friends, who were just watching the scene with puzzled expressions. “I uh...I live here now,” she answered hesitantly. How the fuck did she run into Natalie in Pelican Town of all places?

“No shit!”

“Yeah. These are my friends Sam and Sebastian,” she said, nodding towards them. “Guys, this is Natalie. My sister.”

Sebastian’s eyebrows raised, looking at Estelle meaningfully. That’s right – she’d told him about her family dynamic before. Still, it hadn’t been in as much detail as was necessary here. She couldn’t silently explain, so she just gave a little shrug. He’d find everything out soon enough.

Sam, on the other hand, wasn’t phased at all. He flashed Natalie that easy grin of his, the one that had made Estelle feel welcome so long ago. “I didn’t know you had a sister! Good to meet you,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Well half-sister, technically,” Natalie corrected with a bright smile of her own. “Nice to meet you guys too.”

While Natalie introduced herself to her friends, Estelle took the opportunity to look her over. It had been almost 2 years now since they’d seen each other, and Natalie looked...remarkably different. Her angelic blonde hair had been cut into choppy layers, bleached platinum, and streaked with black and hot pink. She’d swapped the pleated skirts and cardigans for a pair of distressed skinny jeans and a leather jacket, left open to reveal a faded band tee underneath. And was that a _lip ring_ _?_

Apparently they had some catching up to do.

“So Nat, you look uh...different,” Estelle said vaguely. “Good different, but...”

“I know right?” she said laughing. “The first thing I did when I graduated was get a tattoo.” She turned and lifted her hair to show off a fat cartoon panda inked onto the back of her neck.

“Cute. Though I take it Nancy wasn’t impressed.”

“Well the second thing I did was move out,” she said with a wink. “But we probably shouldn’t play catch up in the middle of the street. Wanna go back to your place? I haven’t seen you in so long, I want to hear everything!”

“Um, yeah sure. I’ll text you guys later,” she said to Sam and Sebastian.

Natalie waved her hand dismissively. “It’s cool, your friends can come too! I mean, if they want to.”

“I want to,” Sam said a little too quickly. Estelle narrowed her eyes in confusion, but the second she looked at him it made sense. That boy’s tongue was practically hanging out of his damn head, staring at Natalie like she was the epitome of female perfection.

Great. That’s just what she needed; a love-struck Sam falling all over himself.

“And I mean Seb lives there, so yeah, let’s just all go,” Sam rambled on, blissfully unaware of how stupid he was acting.

Natalie looked between Estelle and Sebastian in surprise. “You two live together? Oh cool! How long have you been dating?”

_Fuck my life._

“We’re not,” she said, her tone more clipped than she’d meant it to be. “Just friends.”

Natalie scrunched her nose in embarrassment. “Sorry! Didn’t mean to assume. To be honest the matching hoodies kinda threw me off.”

“I swear to Yoba I’m burning this fucking hoodie when I get home,” Estelle mumbled, starting down the path back to her farm.


	21. Realizations

As Estelle had suspected, Sam spent the entirety of the walk back hanging on to every word that fell from Natalie’s lips. Though to be fair, Natalie seemed pretty into him too. They fell into a flirty back-and-forth, absorbed enough with each other to practically forget Estelle and Sebastian were there at all. Which, honestly, was fine with her. It gave her time to get her thoughts in order.

Despite being half-sisters and growing up in the same city, Estelle didn’t meet Natalie until she was a senior in high school. Even that was a complete coincidence – Nat happened to start dating one of Estelle’s friends, and she stuck around even after the relationship ended. Though they grew to be friends, and hung out fairly regularly, it was only after Estelle moved in with her father that they realized they were related. It would have been an awesome revelation if only it had come under different circumstances.

Natalie was the middle child of her father’s “real kids”, as Nancy liked to call them, and the only one worth a damn in Estelle’s opinion. The oldest was actually a year older than Estelle, which was all the evidence anyone needed to realize their dad was a piece of shit who’d slept around on his wife. When Estelle’s mom found out that the guy she was seeing was actually married with a baby at home, she left him – but it was too late, and she was already pregnant. Whoops.

Somehow Nancy didn’t leave him, and instead chose to blame Estelle’s mom for his infidelity; and, ultimately, despise Estelle for existing. And while she understood the feelings behind it, and understood that at the end of the day Nancy was a victim too...it didn’t really matter to her. She didn’t choose to be born of an affair, and she didn’t deserve to be treated like shit because of the sins of her father. So despite all of that understanding, she just ended up hating all of them as much as they hated her.

Except Natalie. For whatever reason, she stuck around when all of Estelle’s other friends bailed, when her “family” didn’t give a shit about her. During the darkest times Natalie would bring her food and make her eat. Hold her hair back and get her in bed when she came home too fucked up to function. When she couldn’t muster the will to leave her room, Natalie would keep her company, doing her homework or playing a game quietly on the floor. Not imposing herself, but just being there to let her know she wasn’t alone.

Estelle never thanked her for it. She’d been too trapped in her own anguish to recognize that she owed Natalie a lot. At least she’d get the chance to now.

“You okay?”

Sebastian’s voice was quiet, but it pulled her out of her thoughts as effectively as an air horn to the face. She blinked back to the present to find that she’d started to lag behind – Sam and Natalie were 5 or 6 steps ahead, but Seb had stayed back with her. She met his gaze to find gentle concern reflected in the dark pools of his eyes, filling her chest with a warmth that chased out the anger and old hurt settling there.

“Yeah, I’m okay. Natalie’s cool. It’s just unexpected.”

“You sure? You look like you’re thinking about something you don’t want to be.”

Estelle smiled, shaking her head. “How do you do that?”

“Do what?”

“Always seem to know what I’m thinking. It’s like you just see right through me all the time. It used to freak me out to be honest, but now I’m kind of used to it.”

“You pick up on things when you don’t talk much,” he said with a shrug. “I’ve gotten pretty good at reading people over the years.”

“Well it’s an incredibly unfair advantage, you know. I never know what the hell is going on in _your_ head.”

He chuckled. “Probably for the best. My head’s a fucked up place.”

“Yo! What are you two whispering about back there?” Natalie called back, stopping on the path so they could catch up.

“Taking bets on how long before you and Sam hook up,” Estelle teased.

Natalie grinned shamelessly. “Well I hope you bet low girl, ‘cause I’d hate to lose you money.”

Sam choked on the air he was breathing, going red from the tips of his ears to the collar of his shirt. His reaction sent Estelle into a fit of giggles, and even Sebastian smirked. Natalie just calmly pat him on the back and started walking again.

Man, that girl was going to eat him alive.

 

* * *

 

The path leading up to the house was too narrow to walk more than two across, so Estelle and Natalie led, catching up on lighthearted topics while skirting around the serious ones. They were almost to the stairs when Estelle glanced up, and came to an abrupt stop when she saw who was waiting on her porch. Natalie furrowed her brow but stopped as well, sensing the waves of tension that were suddenly radiating off of her sister.

To her unending disappointment, Estelle couldn’t even manage to conjure up the scathing sarcasm she typically used for this kind of thing. All she could do was glare icily at the violet-haired girl sitting on her porch swing, swaying back and forth like she owned the place. She knew this day would come eventually, and she should have been better prepared for it. But as her feelings for Sebastian grew, so did her utter loathing of Abigail, and knowing what was inevitably coming next sent her into a spiral of jealousy and anger so intense she couldn’t even speak around it.

Turns out she didn’t have to.

“What are you doing here Abby?” Sam said flatly, coming up to stand beside Estelle. It felt almost like a protective gesture, and she was grateful that he had her back.

Abigail stopped the swing, looking down from the porch with disdain. “What, do I need permission to visit Sebastian now? I didn’t realize living here meant Estelle was his fucking warden.”

Sam opened his mouth to respond, but before he had a chance Natalie snorted derisively. Quickly picking up on the situation, she put her hands on her hips and sized Abigail up in a way that would have made a supermodel self-conscious.

“Honey, let me give you a little tip: With your looks, bitchy is _not_ the way to go.”

Sam unsuccessfully tried to cover a laugh with a cough, and Abigail shot him a look of contempt.

“And just who the fuck are you?” she sneered.

“Abby, just stop,” Sebastian said with a tired sigh. “If you want to hang out text me instead of randomly showing up.”

She scoffed, crossing her arms as she stomped loudly down the stairs. “Whatever. I don’t want to hang out in this shithole anyway. Come to the fair with me?”

Sebastian shifted his weight uncomfortably. “I’ve kinda had enough of the fair for one day.”

Abigail’s face was crossed between anger at being denied and a determination to get something out of this so she didn’t look like a complete idiot. “Okay, then walk me home at least?”

“I’ve missed you,” she added as an afterthought.

Estelle caught the way Sebastian’s eyes flicked to hers for a split second before dropping. She wished she wouldn’t have. It would have felt better to be totally ignored than to be acknowledged and still ultimately dismissed.

“Fine.”

He turned back toward town without another word, not waiting for anyone to comment further. He just...left. Just like that. Abigail said come and off he went, like a trained fucking puppy.

Estelle felt like she was going to throw up.

Natalie flashed a dazzling smile, waving excitedly. “Bye Abby! I’d say nice to meet you, but it really hasn’t been!”

“Fuck you!” Abigail yelled back, causing Natalie and Sam to howl with laughter as she disappeared onto the road.

Estelle, on the other hand, silently climbed the stairs and went inside. So much for her good day.

 

* * *

 

All Estelle wanted to do was lock herself in her bedroom and sulk until she heard Sebastian come home, and then sulk harder. But she couldn’t. She didn’t know how long Natalie would be in town, and she genuinely did want to catch up with her. She was the only family Estelle had left. She didn’t want to let Abigail fuck this up for her too.

But that was easier said than done. She felt like the life had been sapped out of her – all the humor and joy of the day, all the unspent energy and good intentions, gone. Replaced with bitterness, and a sharp biting anger at herself for letting it come to this. She knew better. She knew he’d choose Abigail at every turn. That’s what was stopping her from getting involved with him in the first place, right? Because she knew.

She knew, but she was still fucking stupid enough to care.

Estelle turned into the kitchen as soon as she entered the house, opening the fridge and silently praying there was still beer in there. She’d bought a 12 pack for the mayo machine adventure this morning, and there was no way her and Shane could have killed the entire thing. Well...okay they totally could have, but she was pretty sure they hadn’t.

There they were, hidden behind the coffee cream. Four left. Good lookin’ out, past-Estelle.

She popped the cap off a bottle and took a long, bracing swig as she heard the screen door open. Time to act normal, like nothing was wrong. Like her insides weren’t a writhing ball of misery. No big deal. Everything was fine.

Natalie's expression flipped from giddy laughter to concern the second she looked her way. "What's wrong?"

_Well, so much for that._

“Nothing,” she replied dully.

Natalie glanced at Sam, who frowned and nodded towards the door. After a moment’s consideration, understanding finally dawned on her. “Oh!” she exclaimed, eyes going wide before crinkling with sympathy. “Oh. Shit. You’re totally in love with that dude aren’t you?”

Estelle didn’t even bother denying it. There was no point. If Sam didn’t already know, hearing Natalie say it out loud would have been all the evidence he needed. Instead she just took another drink, dropping heavily onto the couch and pulling her knees up to her chest.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“What do you mean it doesn’t matter? Of course it matters.”

“I mean it doesn’t fucking matter, Natalie!” Estelle snapped. She immediately regretted her tone, and dropped her forehead against her knees with a sigh. “Sorry.”

“It’s cool. But just so you know, if he passed you up for that belligerent cow then he’s a blind fucking idiot. Sorry Sam.”

Sam shrugged. “No argument here. I keep trying to tell him that but he’s a _stubborn_ blind idiot. The trifecta.”

“Can we just drop it please?” Estelle pleaded. Hearing them talk shit on Sebastian wasn’t going to change anything. It was just making her feel worse.

“Consider it dropped,” Natalie said, flopping down on the couch next to her. “So then, other than your dumbass roomie, what’s been going on with you the past...what, almost two years now?”

“Nothing very interesting,” Estelle said, grateful for the subject change even though this one wasn’t much better. “Kept being a self-destructive piece of shit in Zuzu for a while, ‘til I found out my Grandpa left me this place and moved at the beginning of spring. Trying to be less of a self-destructive piece of shit here, but, you know...” she trailed off, tipping her beer towards her friends with a bitter smile before taking a drink.

Natalie frowned. “You know, you make it really hard to be a supportive sister sometimes.”

“Sorry.”

She leaned over and gave Estelle an exaggerated, sloppy kiss on the cheek. “I love you anyway. So! Wanna hear about how I made my mom so angry she literally threw up?”

Despite feeling like the mopiest fuck on the planet, the image that sentence conjured up made Estelle snort into her beer.

“Uh, yes. Yes I do.”

So they sat and listened to Natalie regale them with tales of her teenage rebellion and ultimate escape from her overbearing mother. Too preoccupied with her own suffering, Estelle hadn’t realized that the woman’s tyranny extended to the other members of the household, and that revelation had her questioning other things from her past that she’d held as unequivocal truths for so long. Turns out that the “perfect little family” she’d intruded on wasn’t so perfect after all. They all had their own issues, and while it probably made her a shitty person, that fact actually made Estelle feel better. She wasn’t a black sheep. Behind the coordinated family photos and perfectly groomed lawn was a bunch of people as fucked up as she was.

Which, conversely, made her feel guilty for leaving Natalie there. While it was true she’d been kicked out, she could have told Nat where she was going – but she didn’t. She liked to think it was because she wanted to protect the younger girl from her rapid downward spiral, but if she was honest with herself it was more that she wanted to escape everything from her past. Like if she could just leave behind everything from that part of her life, the hurt would stay back with it as well. She ran away, like she always did, and abandoned the one person who gave a fuck about her.

But Estelle wasn’t ready to deal with all of that right now, so when Natalie brought it up, she just fell back on her standard half-truths.

“I was so pissed you didn’t tell me where you were going, by the way,” Natalie said, frowning. “I’d have gone with you in a second.”

“That’s why I didn’t tell you. Couldn’t be a proper degenerate with a high school kid tagging along.”

“Wait...” Sam cut in. “You were still in high school when Estelle moved?”

“Yeah?”

Estelle could practically see him doing the math in his head. “How...old are you?” he finally asked.

Natalie smirked. “19.”

“Oh thank Yoba,” he sighed in relief. “Sorry. Carry on.”

Estelle rolled her eyes, but deep down she was secretly hoping they did hook up. They were cute together, both so optimistic and full of life. And more importantly, she was sick of hearing Sam bitch about the lack of single chicks in town. Speaking of…

“How long are you planning on being around?” she asked.

“Who knows?” Natalie said with a shrug. “I’ve mostly been couch surfing for the past year. The couple I’m staying with now are about to have a kid though so I’m in the market for new digs.”

She didn’t even need to look at Sam to know what he was about to say.

“Dude, you should totally stay here! There’s a spare room upstairs, right Estelle?”

“There is...but I’d want to run it by Seb first before saying yes,” she replied apologetically.

Sam looked like he was about to argue but Natalie shrugged nonchalantly. “Yeah no worries, just let me know! It’d be nice to crash with someone I know instead of a random person from the internet. Plus it’d only be for a few weeks until my internship in Zuzu starts.”

“What are you interning for?” Sam asked.

“Journalism,” she replied with a smile. “It’s only a 6 month gig but I’m hoping to snag a permanent position out of it, or at least some good contacts for freelancing.”

“Really? What happened to your dreams of being a rock star?” Estelle teased.

“The market for rock stars is saturated, sadly,” she said. “Besides, no one pays attention to the drummer anyway. It’s some weak shit. Guitarists are so overrated.”

Estelle laughed. “Better watch yourself, Sam is a guitarist.”

Sam, however, didn’t seem to catch the last piece at all. “You play drums?” he asked slowly.

“What’s up with you and asking questions that were literally just answered?” she said playfully. “Yeah dude, I play drums. Punk mostly.”

“FUCK! YES!” he shouted, standing abruptly enough to cause the chair he’d been sitting on to clatter loudly to the floor. He dropped to his knees in front of the couch, grabbing Natalie’s hands excitedly.

“I will do _literally a_ _nything_ if you’ll play in my band, even just temporarily, ‘cause we have a gig coming up and we don’t even have the drum sets written because Abby is useless as fuck and I’ve been freaking out and please say yes,” he rambled.

“I can’t tell if you’re proposing to me right now or asking me to write music for you, but either way, sure,” she said laughing. “Wait, did you say Abby?”

Sam made a face. “Yeah. She’s technically our drummer but she hasn’t shown for a practice in months. The only reason I haven’t kicked her out is because no one else plays.”

“And because Seb wouldn’t let you,” Estelle reminded him. “You know he’s going to be pissed if you replace her without talking to him first.”

Sam stood again, picking up the chair and flipping it around to sit backwards. “I don’t care man. It’s not even about the fact that she’s a raging bitch. He knows how important this show is to me. If she isn’t going to put in work then fuck her.”

“Well, if it helps you out _and_ pisses her off, I’m all in,” Natalie said with a grin. “What kind of band? Please don’t say country.”

“Rock. Estelle actually helped make the final call on genre.”

“Aww. That’s cute.” Natalie snuggled closer to Estelle, laying her head on her shoulder. “I’m so glad you made good friends here. I worried about you a lot, you know.”

“I know. I’m sorry for being a shit sister,” she said, putting her arm around the smaller girl. “Thanks for looking out for me.”

“Anytime.”

 

* * *

 

Sebastian picked up his pace on the way home, pulling his hood up to keep people from trying to talk to him. He’d narrowly avoided Caroline already, and just wanted to get home without being roped into any bullshit small talk. It was already starting to get dark, and he hadn’t even wanted to come back to town in the first place.

Being around so many people all day had completely drained him, and all he wanted to do was hang out on the couch watching some dumb comedy with Estelle, letting her laughter calm his frayed nerves. The comfortable routine they’d fallen into at night had quickly become his favorite part of the day, something to actually look forward to. How long had it been since he’d had something like that? He couldn’t even remember.

It was strange, but he felt more like he belonged now than he ever did living with his family. Maybe this is what people meant when they talked about home being a feeling, not a place. He felt at home with her. And he was absolutely terrified of losing it.

That dynamic fucked with him so much. She made him feel so much, emotions he didn’t know he was capable of, lighting up his entire world. But the flip side of that coin was just overwhelming amounts of fear. Fear of losing all of this brightness. Fear that if he made a move she’d reject him and he’d never recover from it. Fear that his inaction would cause him to lose her to someone else. Fear that no matter what happened, he wasn’t good enough for her anyway. Fear that she’d realize he wasn’t.

He was so, so afraid. And he hated it.

As Sebastian approached the house he wondered if Sam and Natalie were still there. Probably. He hadn’t seen them in passing, and Sam never used the south entrance. Natalie seemed alright, and Sam was Sam, but he couldn’t help but wish they’d be gone when he arrived. Not only because he wanted to veg out, but also because they’d both annoyed the fuck out of him earlier by starting shit with Abby and he wasn’t sure he had the patience left to deal with anything else. Especially because she had bitched about them the entire walk to town.

To be fair, he was also annoyed with Abby for her little stunt. It was obvious that she didn’t come over to see him – she showed up to piss off Estelle. Which was shitty in its own right, but even more so because it had very clearly worked. Estelle’s stony silence spoke far louder than her usual snarky comments and thinly veiled insults, and there was nothing he could do about it besides try to get Abby out of there as fast as he could.

And that’s all it was, he realized as they were walking. He wanted to get rid of her so he could enjoy his night. When had that happened? He used to live for spending time with her. She’d been so quirky, so different from everyone else in town. She hadn’t cared that he didn’t talk as a teenager, and she was happy to talk for both of them. She played games with him, she raged about the unfairness of life with him, she told the other kids at school to fuck off when they gave him shit. She had the same cynical outlook he did, the same desperate desire to escape. Other than Sam, she was the only person he really considered a friend in those days.

Then one day it just clicked – he loved her. And the second that thought crossed his mind, it felt like it burned itself into his very soul. She was it. He was going to be with her or die alone. So when he asked her out and she said she wasn’t ready, he accepted it. When she dated that idiot from her college, he waited. When they broke up, he gave her space to heal. When she said she had to focus on herself before a relationship, he understood. He dealt with every reason she gave for not being with him because he loved her. Besides, this was his lot in life. Everything was always fucked up for him, why wouldn’t this be? He could wait. He didn’t have a choice but to wait.

But things had changed. She had changed, as much as he tried to deny it. There was a streak of cruelness, of narcissism that hadn’t been there before. Or maybe it always was, but he was too young, dumb, and love-struck to see it. Either way, he saw it now, a thick black mark through what was once shining perfection to him.

And it wasn’t just her – he had changed too. While Abby was delving deeper into selfishness and resentment, he was finally starting to come up for air. His days weren’t the blur of anger and bitterness that they’d been for so long, and he really didn’t miss it. He didn’t want to feel that way anymore. He no longer just wanted someone to hold hands with in the dark. He wanted the light.

He was just too much of a coward to take the risk.

Sebastian heard talking and laughter from inside as he crossed the porch, but when he pushed the door open whatever conversation they had been having died immediately. The room was suddenly filled with tense silence, and he slowly closed the door behind him, feeling himself become defensive already.

“Well, look who decided to show up,” Sam finally said, no small amount of irritation in his voice.

Sebastian glanced between the three of them. Sam was frustrated, which was to be expected. Natalie was looking at him strangely, like a mixture of appraisal, disappointment, and expectation, whatever that was all about. Estelle wouldn’t look at him at all, downcast eyes focused on picking at a loose thread on the cuff of her hoodie.

So everyone was pissed at him for going with Abby, apparently. They thought he’d ditched them to hang out with her, even though obviously he hadn’t if he was back already. Not that logic or reasoning ever seemed to matter when it came to this power struggle between his friends. Sam was getting more outspoken, Estelle was getting more withdrawn, and Abby was getting more hurtful. Despite how hard he was trying to keep everything civil, he couldn't help but feel like it was only a matter of time before it all exploded in his face.

Sebastian sighed. “Should I have just let her throw a fit on the porch then?”

“Yeah, actually. Or told her to fuck off. You know, literally anything other than giving in to her constant bullshit would be nice,” Sam said with a frown.

“Except walking her home was the quickest way to get her out of here, which is what everyone wanted isn’t it? But fuck me for trying to do you guys a favor, right?” Sebastian shot back, moving towards the stairs to his room. Whatever. He was done.

He had one foot on the stairs when Estelle’s voice stopped him in his tracks.

“Hey.”

He glanced over to where she was sitting on the couch, and she gave him a little smile.

“Thanks for helping. Want some coffee?”

For as much as she thought he was able to read her mind, Sebastian had absolutely no idea what Estelle was thinking at that moment. What he did know was that if she didn’t want him to leave, then he wouldn’t.

“Yeah. Coffee sounds good.”


	22. The Great Stardew Valley Chicken Hunt

“How the fuck do you work this thing?” Natalie grumbled, rubbing her eyes as she jabbed randomly at the coffee machine’s display.

“There’s a button near the top to open the filter basket. The green button makes it go. No idea what all the options on the screen do,” Estelle replied. “If you want something fancy go wake Seb up.”

“Oh yeah, I’ll get right on that,” she said sarcastically, lining the basket with a fresh paper filter. “That dude would sooner throw the machine at me than get up at 8:30 to make me a cappuccino.”

“Probably. He’s not exactly a morning person,” Estelle agreed, stirring some onions into a pan of melting butter. Her chickens had been laying like champs, so she had the idea to make omelettes for everyone this morning. Or, well, scrambled eggs with vegetables. Proper rolled omelettes were a little outside the scope of her cooking ability.

And when she said everyone, she meant everyone. Natalie hadn’t been exaggerating when she said it wouldn’t take long for her and Sam to hook up. She’d scarcely been here a week and guess who slept over?

Estelle glanced at her with a smirk. “So, fun night?”

Natalie looked up with a little grin, brushing her sleep-kinked bangs out of her eyes. “I’d go back for seconds. Why, want the deets?”

“If it was anyone but Sam I’d say yes. But no. Not at all.”

“You know you’re curious,” she teased in a sing-song voice, hitting start on the coffee and dropping into one of the chairs.

“My marginal curiosity is outweighed by my unwillingness to picture Sam naked.”

Natalie laughed, grabbing a blackberry from the bowl on the table and popping it into her mouth. “Your loss. The view is great.”

Estelle scrunched up her nose. “He’s like my brother. You don’t think about your brother naked.”

“Well good thing he’s not  _actually_ your brother, otherwise this whole setup would be pret-ty awk-ward,” she said, drawing out the syllables with a cringey look on her face. “Anyway, are you coming to his place later? We’re going to work on the songs for the show.”

Estelle nodded as she mixed in the peppers and ham. “I have to do a deep clean of the chicken coop first, but I’ll definitely be over later. I’m hoping that hearing the music live will help me get these lyrics written. I tried for like three hours the other day and had zero inspiration.”

“Well you know what they say. Gotta write about what you love.”

“Uh huh.”

“What?” she said with a look of feigned innocence. “I meant you should write about me. What did you think I meant?”

Estelle shot her an unimpressed look and she giggled. “Anyway, how long ‘til food’s ready? I’m hungryyy.”

“Like five minutes.”

“Cool, I’ll get Sam up,” she said, standing. She had just reached the door of the kitchen when she turned back with a grin. “Again.”

Estelle made a gagging sound and Natalie walked upstairs cackling. Those two were either going to be disgustingly cute together, or just disgusting – she wasn’t entirely sure which yet. What she did know was that Sam was going to be absolutely insufferable when she went back to Zuzu for her internship this winter.

But before that, there was the show. They only had 4 weeks left to get everything together, and Sam was a wreck. If Natalie wasn’t here to distract him she had no doubt that he would be in the middle of a nervous breakdown. To be honest even Estelle was getting a little nervous for them. Nat had finished the drum piece for one of the songs, and it sounded awesome, but she still had two more to go. Well, maybe two, maybe three. Apparently Sebastian’s mystery song was still up for debate.

Either way, he'd better be writing his own lyrics for it, because she had enough on her hands with just the three. How’d she get stuck doing this anyway? She was an artist, not a writer or musician, and there was a lot of self-imposed pressure on her to write something good. Lyrics were her favorite part of music – if she gave them something shitty she’d never forgive herself.

The eggs were just about done when she heard footsteps entering the kitchen. “Hey Nat, can you hand me a...” she trailed off in surprise as she looked up from the pan. “Oh. Hey. You’re up early.”

“The dead couldn’t sleep through that girl’s squawking,” Sebastian mumbled, shuffling sleepily to the coffee machine. He poured a cup and took a sip before his face twisted up in complete disgust. “What the fuck is this?”

“Coffee, I assume?”

“How does it taste watered down and burnt at the same time?”

She shrugged. “Natalie was button mashing like a 5 year old at the arcade, so...”

He grabbed the pot and unceremoniously dumped the entire thing down the sink, muttering irritably under his breath. Estelle bit her lip to keep from laughing as she added cheese to the pan and gave it all a final stir. She didn’t normally get to see grumpy morning Sebastian, and he was cuter than she’d expected.

“Well you’re just in time for food. I made ‘deconstructed omelettes’,” she said, affecting a fancy accent as she began to scoop the eggs out onto plates.

He looked up from the coffee machine with a hint of amusement on his face. “You mean scrambled eggs.”

“Semantics. Here,” she said, pushing a plate towards him.

“Uh...thanks,” he said slowly. Estelle didn’t think anything of it, considering he was absorbed in fixing whatever settings Natalie had messed up on the coffee machine. She threw a lid on the pan to keep the rest of the food warm and sat down at the table to eat.

Sebastian finished getting the coffee on and grabbed his plate, sitting in the chair next to her. Jodi had lent them a few folding chairs for the time being, until they either sprung for new ones or talked Robin into making some. Considering Seb had already gotten fucked up on one trying to lean back in it, she was pretty sure he was going to be calling his mom sooner rather than later.

After a few bites Estelle glanced towards the staircase. “Was Natalie’s door closed when you came down?” she asked, despite already knowing the answer.

“Yep.”

“Ugh, why did she have to foreshadow like that?” Estelle said with a grimace. Sebastian looked up questioningly, but she just shook her head. “You don’t wanna know.”

“Probably not, no,” he agreed, stuffing a forkful of eggs in his mouth.

Sebastian didn’t seem up for conversation until he got some caffeine in him, so they finished eating in silence. Estelle was feeling a little sluggish herself; the past few weeks of twice daily coffee had made her somewhat dependent on it again. Back in Zuzu she’d have a cup before she left, grab a latte on the way to work, and usually a third to push through the afternoon slump. Then of course there was the occasional booze/energy drink combo at night. Thinking back on it, her body had essentially been running on nothing but caffeine, alcohol, nicotine, and fried food for over a year. No wonder she’d felt like shit all the time.

When the coffee machine finally beeped Sebastian got up, grabbing two mugs from the cabinet and pouring the drinks. He’d just handed one to her when Sam and Natalie sauntered in, looking far too pleased for this early in the morning. Estelle shot Natalie a look of amused disapproval, but she just shrugged, a shameless grin on her face.

“Dude, it smells so good down here. I’m starving,” Sam said, making a beeline for the stove. He took the lid off the pan and grinned down at the heap of eggs he found there, grabbing a plate and helping himself. “You want some food, babe?” he asked, glancing at Natalie.

Estelle raised an eyebrow. “Babe? Really? We’re doing babe now?”

“What’s wrong with babe?” Natalie asked with a smirk as she took a seat. “And yeah, food please.”

“Just didn’t realize we’d made it to the cutesy pet name stage already,” Estelle said blandly.

“Aww, don’t be jelly sis! We can give you a cutesy pet name too. How about… schnookums?”

Sam laughed, and she was pretty sure she heard a little snicker come from Sebastian too. “I know where all of you sleep,” she warned, clearing her plate from the table.

Sam handed Natalie a plate and sat down with his own mountain of food. He glanced at Seb and furrowed his brow, nodding towards his mostly empty plate. “I thought you hated eggs?”

Seb just shrugged, taking a sip of his coffee to avoid having to answer. Estelle narrowed her eyes questioningly. “You hate eggs?”

“They’re...not my favorite.”

“Dude, you could have just said so. We have other stuff to eat you know.”

He shrugged again and she shook her head. Who eats something they don’t like just because it’s in front of them? So weird.

“Okaaay, no more eggs then. Anyway, I have to go clean the coop before the chickens revolt. Catch up with you guys at Sam’s?”

“Yep! We’re leaving as soon as we’re done,” Natalie confirmed.

Estelle took the last swig of her coffee and put the mug by the sink before going to her room to change out of her pajamas. She grabbed one of the two pairs of jeans that she reserved for dirty work, and threw on an oversized sweatshirt with her high school’s mascot emblazoned on the back. She wasn’t entirely sure where it had come from – stolen from a guy, probably – but she was thankful to have something warmer than the old t-shirts she typically got messy in. She was going to have to buy some flannels or something one of these days.

Sitting down on her bed, Estelle pulled on her work boots and then carefully stood up to test it out. Her leg had been feeling pretty good in the air cast, and she was hoping that all the walking she’d been doing had built everything back up enough to get by without it. She missed wearing normal shoes, plus she really wasn’t trying to clean the coop in the air cast. She’d never get the chicken shit out of the velcro.

A test lap around her room proved that while she still had the tiniest bit of a limp, she could finally walk again, which was seriously the best news ever. It felt like she’d been stuck in a cast for ages and she was so excited to get some air on her leg for once. Pulling her hair up into her standard ‘get shit done’ bun, Estelle blew out a big gust of air in resignation. No more stalling – it was time to go deal with her hot mess of a chicken coop.

The first thing she noticed when she walked out the door was the clouds. It wasn’t raining yet, but the grey blanket that covered the sky promised that by the end of the day it would be. She hadn’t been keeping up on the weather lately, which was a rookie mistake. If she would have known it was going to rain today she would have put the coop off until tomorrow. Too late now though – she was dressed, she had forced her ass out here, it was getting done. Now she just had incentive to do it quickly.

Estelle paused, eyebrows drawing together in confusion when she arrived at the fence surrounding the chicken coop. The gate was open. Not just unlatched, but actually open, which was weird. She was normally really good about locking it up behind her. Though it didn’t really matter much, since the coop was…closed…

Shit.

The coop was not closed. The main door was shut, but the little hatch to let the hens come and go was wide open. Silently pleading that the birds had the sense to stay indoors with a storm approaching, she walked into the coop to look for them.

Gentle clucking greeted her as she entered, to her immense relief. Looking around she saw one, two, three brown chickens nestled in the bedding next to the feeders, watching her expectantly for seeds.

“Sorry guys, no treats today,” she murmured, frowning as she searched for her last hen. She fluffed the hay, bent down to look under the feeders, checked the nesting boxes twice...no dice. The white one was gone.

_Dammit Bastian._

It would figure that that bird didn’t care about the imminent rain. It didn’t pay any mind to Maki, who very much wanted to eat it as a baby. Or to the pond, which prompted her to put the fence up in the first place to keep the weird little shit from drowning itself.

Estelle tried keeping her temper in check. The chickens got freaked out when she yelled around them, so despite wanting to explode she instead took a deep breath and tried to think. She was almost positive she had closed the gate last night. And even if she did forget the gate, she still distinctly remembered kicking the hatch down. The tip of her air cast had slipped on the handle, and the metal was cold when it touched her sock-covered toes. She was certain it was closed.

So the only explanation, aside from the chickens being far craftier than she gave them credit for, was that someone else had opened it. But who would _...oh._

_Dammit Sebastian._

Estelle turned and walked right back to the house. If he let the damn chicken out, then he was going to help her find it.

The kitchen was empty when Estelle arrived, which meant that Natalie and Sam had left while she was in the coop or went back upstairs. Either way, she wasn’t going up there to find out. Instead she grabbed her phone from where she’d left it on her bed and sent Seb a text.

_you still home?_

_Yeah._

_come down?_

_One sec._

Estelle tossed her phone back onto her bed and walked into the living room just as Sebastian was coming down the stairs. He’d already changed into his standard jeans and hoodie, which was good – the quicker they could get out there, the easier the chicken would be to find. Theoretically.

“Hey, did you feed the chickens last night?” she asked when he got to the bottom of the stairs.

“Yeah, I was up late...why, did I fuck it up?”

Estelle scrunched her face up in that  _I hate to break it to you_ expression. “Kinda? You left the gate open and one of them got out.”

“Shit...” he muttered, rubbing his hand over his face. “I’m sorry Estelle. I’ll go look for it.”

The crestfallen look on his face made her feel bad for even telling him about the mistake, but she really did need the help. There was a lot of land to cover, and she didn’t know if her leg was going to be up to chasing a chicken down if it didn’t want to be caught. They were quick little bastards when they wanted to be.

“I’m coming too,” she assured him as he pulled his shoes on. “I just thought it would be easier with both of us looking.”

“You sure? It’s supposed to start raining soon.”

Estelle shrugged, opening the door. “I won’t melt.”

Coincidentally, the moment they stepped off the porch Estelle felt a single fat droplet hit her head. She looked up reflexively, just in time for the clouds to open and a shower of water to pelt her directly in the face. Sputtering and coughing, Estelle wiped the cold rain out of her eyes while Sebastian cracked up beside her.

“Might not melt, but keep looking up and you’re gonna drown,” he said through the laughter.

“Ha ha,” she retorted, but she couldn’t keep from grinning herself. She loved hearing him laugh. “Okay, so how about I check the forest, you check the ponds, meet up at the big clearing on the west side of the farm?

He agreed, and they split up to begin the chicken hunt.

 

* * *

 

Estelle was soaked to the bone by the time they reached the southern border of her property. Seb hadn’t had any luck either, and she was beginning to suspect that it had wandered down into the Cindersap Forest and/or suffered an untimely death. She knew there were predators out in the forest – raccoons, cats, maybe foxes. If that dumbass chicken left her farm it was basically a goner.

She was half a breath away from giving up when she caught movement from the corner of her eye. Turning towards the bee houses, she slowly walked closer, crouching down to see underneath…

_Gotcha._

“Hi Bastian,” she murmured coaxingly, glancing up to make sure Seb didn’t hear her. Not trying to explain that she’d named her dysfunctional chicken after him in a fit of pique. “Come here little dude.”

The bird just stared with its beady eyes that always seemed to be mocking her. The little shit knew what it was doing. She had never believed in reincarnation, but from the day that chick hatched she knew that this was not its first go at life. It knew things a chicken should not know.

And now she was having an existential crisis over a damn chicken. Awesome.

“Here chicken chicken...” she tried again, holding her hand out as she crept closer. If she was smart she would have brought a handful of seed with her to lure it. Instead she was just going to have to snatch it up, and not let go when it inevitably beat her with its wings for the offense.

Estelle was inches away from grabbing range when the hen bolted out from underneath the bee hive it was hiding under, speeding north towards Sebastian.

“Seb there it is, grab it!” she yelled, pointing.

He turned, trying to spot the chicken through the rain, and Estelle found herself yelling like she was at a gridball game as it sped right past him. Finally he saw it, and the chase was on. Sebastian was faster than the chicken, but he had a height disadvantage where he couldn’t get down low enough to grab it safely before it skittered off. Estelle got closer in her attempts to pick it up, but her bum leg meant she didn’t have the speed she needed to run it down.

But if Sebastian got it to run to her...

“Chase it towards me!” she called. The wily bird had led them almost the entire way across her land, past the big lake and coming up on the coop. She positioned herself near the fence’s gate, thinking that even if she missed maybe the hen would run inside and she could trap it.

Estelle grinned like a crazy person as she watched Sebastian run after a chicken in the pouring rain. Until now she’d been too busy running around herself to appreciate how absolutely hilarious this entire scene was. He’d get close enough to snatch it up, then the chicken would turn on a dime and sprint the other way, leaving him scrambling against his own momentum. The only reason she wasn’t howling with laughter was that she didn’t want to distract him and ruin the entertainment.

Finally he was able to herd it in Estelle’s general direction and she crouched down, prepared to catch some poultry. Just before they reached her, however, Sebastian hit a slippery patch of mud the rain had caused, sending him skidding forward before his foot slid out from under him and he fell directly on his ass.

Estelle lost it. Any semblance of composure she had broke and she doubled over in hysterics, unable to breathe around how hard she was laughing. Tears were forming at the corners of her eyes as the chicken casually walked past her and into the coop of its own volition. Sebastian’s face went red with embarrassment even as he shot her a withering look, and though she couldn’t stop the barrage of giggles coming out of her, she still felt bad enough to walk over and offer him a hand up.

Sebastian considered her hand for a moment, and then looked up at her with an evil little smirk. She didn’t have a chance to react before he grabbed her hand and pulled her down too, splashing into the mud next to him with a yelp.

Oh, how the tables had turned. Estelle stared at Sebastian in shock and horror, her entire left side covered in sloppy, disgusting muck, while he burst out laughing. It was everywhere – her clothes, her hair, splashed on her  _face…_

“You’re so fucking dead,” she muttered, grabbing a handful of mud and diving at him. He put his arms up to block her but she still managed to smear it over his head with a triumphant grin.

“Okay okay, truce?” he offered, still laughing as he wiped his face with his sleeve. She considered another attack but gave in reluctantly, realizing how much worse it could get for her.

“You started it,” she reminded him, “but fine, truce.”

The two of them scrambled to their feet, eyeing each other warily in anticipation of treachery. When none came they set off for the house together, and despite the filth, the wet, and the cold, they were both all smiles.


	23. Autumn Rain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update guys - life amirite? Big shout out to everyone who has commented or otherwise left me feedback on this story. You guys are the best.

Two weeks later and the dreary weather still hadn’t let up. Each morning Estelle looked out her window only to be greeted by a haze of grey clouds and intermittent showers, and consequently she’d been spending a lot more time indoors then usual. It was starting to make her a little antsy, truth be told. She missed the sunshine.

Not that indoors was so terrible these days. Sam had practically moved in now that he and Natalie were a thing, so there was always someone around to keep loneliness at bay. They felt almost like a patchwork family – a handful of outcasts and troublemakers who found acceptance and belonging with each other. It was actually kind of amazing, and Estelle was so happy to be part of it all.

As part of Sam’s pseudo-move, the guys had brought all the music equipment over from his house, since they could play freely without worrying about disturbing anyone there. As a result they were practicing a lot more, and the songs were really coming along.

Sebastian had agreed that since Abigail didn’t seem committed to the band, it made sense to have Natalie take her place – which both surprised and relieved Estelle. She knew Sam was dead set on it, and she was worried about the fallout that would occur if Sebastian said no. Still, she hadn’t expected him to give in without an argument. It hadn’t seemed to bother him at all, which was odd.

Either way, Natalie’s drum work was on point, and once the beat was set Seb had been able to wrap up the electronics. All they needed now was the vocals, and luckily having the house filled with music had a happy consequence of pushing Estelle through her writers block. She was finally able to write lyrics she was proud of, and had just finished the last song the night before.

Natalie was going to help her record the vocals over the music tracks when she got home, so Sam would have something to learn from. He worked an early shift that day, and Nat had gone to Joja Mart to meet him and pick up groceries for the house. Despite how much Estelle hated giving money to her soulless former employer, it really was so much cheaper to shop there than at Pierre’s – especially with Sam’s employee discount. She still bought dairy and chicken feed from Shane, baked goods from Evelyn, and booze from Gus, so she wasn’t a _total_ sell out. Besides, she wasn’t exactly keen on supporting Caroline and Abigail either. When both options are garbage, pick the cheapest one.

Somehow Estelle and Natalie had managed to talk the guys into going to the saloon to hang out once Sam got home from work so that they could have the house to themselves to record. Estelle wasn’t shy about singing in front of people, but for some reason singing her own lyrics for the first time felt a little too intimate for an audience. She would have preferred to not even have Natalie there, but she’d changed up the drums for one of the songs and it made sense to just record it all together.

Though if she was being totally honest with herself, she mostly just didn’t want Sebastian there. Considering, you know, one of the songs was about him. Write about what you love, right?

Regardless, they guys were bailing, the girls were recording, then everyone was getting back together to celebrate getting everything done in time for the gig. And because they were all total fucking losers, celebration tonight meant ordering pizza, smoking the last of Estelle’s stash, and playing Solarion Chronicles for the first time together. Which reminded her, she really needed to start working on that wizard drawing. At least playing with him would be a good character study.

Estelle stood and stretched, her back giving a satisfying crack as she raised her arms above her head and leaned back. Glancing at the clock she realized that she’d been playing her game for almost 3 hours straight – it was no wonder everything was stiff. She needed a break away from the laptop, and Natalie should be home soon, so Estelle decided to get some fresh air and wait for her on the porch.

Apparently she wasn’t the only one who needed some air. When she stepped out of the house she was surprised to find Sebastian was there, staring out at the rain with a peculiar expression on his face. He looked almost...wistful?

“Hey,” she said, sitting down next to him with a smile. She hadn’t wanted to disturb the reverie he seemed to be in, but he would have noticed the door closing anyway so she might as well go all the way.

The corner of his mouth turned up, but he didn’t look away from the storm. “Hey.”

She felt compelled to say something else, start up a conversation about...anything, really. But she didn’t. There was something about the moment that didn’t need to be filled with her pointless chatter, so instead they just sat in silence together, each lost to their own thoughts as they watched the rain fall.

It was Sebastian who eventually broke it. “Look at those dark clouds looming over the horizon,” he said, nodding across the farm. “I hope they come this way.”

“And you wonder why I call you an emo kid,” Estelle teased.

“It’s not all like that,” he argued, chuckling. “I just like this weather because it makes everyone disappear, you know?”

“Disappear how?”

He shrugged. “No one really goes out in the rain. It’s the one time I can just exist outside without anyone bothering me. It’s peaceful.”

Estelle unconsciously tensed up, his reasoning making her suddenly feel guilty about being out there. She was working out an excuse to go back inside when he continued.

“I guess bothering is the wrong word. I just mean that...being around people makes me anxious,” he said hesitantly, like he didn’t want to admit it. “It’s not their fault usually, it’s just the way I’m wired. So when it rains and everyone stays inside, I feel almost...I don’t know, free.”

“Makes sense. I’ve picked up that crowds aren’t your thing so I can see how that would apply to people in general. Sorry for interrupting your chill time.”

Sebastian shook his head. “No, don’t be. That’s the thing...for some reason I don’t feel anxious around you. It’s just as peaceful with you here as it is without.” He paused for a moment, exhaling a small puff of air like he’d just realized something ironic. “Even more, actually, because you keep me out of my head enough to enjoy it.”

Estelle was at a loss for what to say. It wasn’t like him to talk about his feelings so candidly, and she wasn’t sure what had prompted it now. Once again she wished she she could pick up on his thoughts the way he seemed to be able to with hers.

She knew how important it could be to have someone pulling you out of your own mind, and she was glad she could do that for him. But she didn’t understand what made her different, why his social anxiety didn’t carry over to her too. It sounded like he didn’t either.

She looked over to Sebastian, studying his face for some kind of indicator as to what he was feeling. He was still focused on the rain, but that wistful look was gone, replaced with a faint touch of pink on his cheeks and a hint of a smile.

All she could think about was closing the distance between them and pressing her lips to that little smile. His words, his face, the curtain of autumn rain separating them from the rest of the world...the moment was perfect. It would be so easy. Just lean over and kiss him.

But she didn’t. Instead she smiled, trying for humor to cut through the flood of feelings bubbling up in her chest. How typical, and how disappointing.

“Well, glad my inability to shut up can be good for something at least.”

_I’m such a fucking idiot._

 

* * *

 

Recording had gotten off to a rough start. There was something wrong with the program they was using and neither of the girls could figure it out, so they’d had to call Seb back to fix it. Sam had suggested they just stay home in case something else messed up, which had Estelle scrambling for reasons why they should leave. Finally Natalie stepped in with a solid _“We need some girl time. Out,”_ and that was the end of it, for which Estelle was supremely grateful. She was becoming such a shit liar these days.

Once they got going though, the process was coming along fairly smoothly. A few hiccups, but nothing too bad. First they had tried to do the drums and vocals together, which sounded great in person but awful on the recording. So they recorded all the drum sets first, then compiled it with the existing tracks, and ta-da! Estelle had music to sing to.

And sing she did. The first take was awkward, and she actually forgot her own damn lyrics, but after that she just closed her eyes, pretended she was alone in the shower, and did her thing. It took four tries total before they got a good version of the first song – since neither of them were proficient enough with the mixing software to cut the track down and replace the shitty parts, they had to just get it right in one take, which was actually harder than it looked. The second song only took two tries, thankfully...and then it was time for the song she’d kicked Sebastian out of the house over.

She’d never call it a love song – that wasn’t her scene in the slightest. She wasn’t the type to write sappy, crooning ballads that people would slow dance to at weddings. And honestly, the song was more about her own feelings than it was about him, and even then it could be interpreted in a bunch of different ways. So no, not a love song.

Still, Sam and Nat would pick up on the inspiration immediately. Sebastian even might.

Ugh. She should have scrapped it and written about something else she loved. Gus’ marinara. Her cat. The slutty elf.

_Too late now._ The music started, and Estelle began to sing.

Natalie raised her eyebrows when the song wrapped, looking at Estelle expectantly.

“What? You’re the one who told me to write about what I love,” she said defensively.

“I know.”

“So what’s with the look then? Does it suck?”

“No, it doesn’t suck. It’s actually really fucking good. I’m just...” Natalie trailed off with an uncharacteristic sigh. “Look, I’m gonna get real with you for a minute even though I know you’ll hate it.”

“Oh. Great.”

Natalie ignored the snark and pressed on. “Estelle, I’ve lived here for two weeks and I can already tell you and Sebastian are perfect for each other. Sam is at the point where he’s considering locking you guys in a room until you either hook up or kill each other. So what’s actually the problem here? Just Abigail?”

“Pretty much.” Though it was a bit of an understatement to say _just_ Abigail, like that wasn’t a good enough reason.

Apparently in Natalie’s opinion it wasn’t. “Well that’s stupid. I guarantee if you guys got together he’d forget she ever existed.”

“He loves her,” Estelle argued, shaking her head. “Sam even told me as much.”

“Oh really? And how long ago was that?”

“Spring,” she answered hesitantly.

Natalie shot her a look of total exasperation. “Spring? You mean when you first moved here and he didn’t even know you yet? Things change, Estelle.”

“Things like that don’t change so easily. Besides, even now it’s like he can’t see anyone else when she’s around. He flat out looked me in the eyes and then left with her just the other day,” she said, thinking back to the night of the fair.

He said he did it to get her away from them, and she believed him, but she wasn’t stupid enough to think that was his only motive. If it was, there were many other ways he could have gotten her to leave. He didn’t _have_ to go with her, so the only explanation was that he wanted to. He’d chosen to leave with Abigail over staying with Estelle, and that pretty much summed everything up, didn’t it?

“Maybe because she’s a royal bitch and won’t let him do anything else,” Natalie offered with a shrug. “I mean the dude is kind of a pushover. Either way, I’d bet good money that he’s over her. You don’t look at someone the way he looks at you if you’re in love with someone else.”

Estelle knew that this conversation was a mistake. If she was smart she’d just shut up and drop it. But, as usual, her mouth didn’t care what her brain wanted.

“...how does he look at me?”

Natalie’s eyes softened as she put her hand on Estelle’s shoulder.

“Like he loves you.”

With that she walked away, leaving Estelle alone with her thoughts.

 

* * *

 

Estelle buried her face into her pillow, willing her brain to stop running for two fucking minutes so she could get herself together. She just couldn’t seem to focus on anything except the jumble of emotions that had been coursing through her since her talk with Natalie – all the doubt, frustration, and pain she had been shoving down was brought back to the surface, and she was floundering in it all.

But there was something else too, something that hadn’t been there before. Hope. What if Natalie was right? What if he was over Abigail? What if he really did lo–

No. She wasn’t going there right now. That line of thinking required some serious introspection to work through, and tonight wasn’t the time for that. Tonight was for relaxing with her favorite people, playing games and being silly – and while it sounded like their typical routine, this time it meant something more to all of them. They’d done something awesome, and they’d done it together. She wasn’t going to let herself get stuck in her own mind and miss out.

_You keep me out of my head enough to enjoy it._

Get it together Estelle.

Taking a deep, cleansing breath, she carefully packed the swirling mess of thoughts and feelings up and tucked them away for later. Like the box Willy had given her – a neat little package with an overwhelming amount of emotion hidden inside. Something for future-Estelle to deal with.

When she felt confident all of her bullshit was securely repressed, Estelle hopped out of bed. The guys were upstairs with Natalie, listening to the songs while she hid out in her room. She’d made up an excuse about wanting to change her clothes, which was absolutely pathetic but the best she had at the time. Whatever. She didn’t want to be there while everyone listened to her sing.

It had been a solid 15 minutes since she went downstairs, and she had purposely left Seb’s door open so she could hear if music was playing or not before she returned. When she got to the bottom of the staircase she heard talking but no music, so assuming the coast was clear she made her way up.

She was almost to the top when she caught what they were talking about, and paused.

“We need to play the other song dude. These three only run 10 minutes. I can’t bullshit for a third of our total set and you know it.” Sam’s voice.

“Except it sucks and I don’t want to. Why can’t we just write another one?” Sebastian.

“Because the show is two weeks out and it’s a little late to start from scratch,” Natalie chimed in. “Besides, it doesn’t suck. You know the only reason you don’t want to is because – “

Estelle shifted her weight and grimaced as the floorboard creaked in response. Busted. She didn’t want them to realize she’d been eavesdropping, so she finished climbing the steps casually, wiping any evidence that she’d heard them off her face.

Still, she was burning with curiosity. What was Natalie about to say?

The three of them were looking at the doorway when Estelle entered, obviously having heard her. The guys had brought food back from the saloon, and Estelle was grateful for the easy distraction. She walked over to the table and opened a styrofoam container, ignoring the feeling of being watched as she grabbed a cheese stick and took a bite.

“There’s marinara in the bag,” Sam said offhandedly. He knew her so well. “So anyway, about the songs...”

Estelle’s stomach dropped as she took in the frown on Sam’s face. “Mm?” she said around the bite that had turned to ash in her mouth.

“They’re fucking awesome!” he finished with a huge grin. Natalie rolled her eyes and smacked him, but he just laughed.

“I hate you,” Estelle said, swallowing thickly.

“You love me. And for real, they’re great. Right Seb?”

Estelle rummaged through the paper bag for marinara, and also to avoid looking up. _Idiot._

“Yeah,” he agreed quietly. A moment later he snickered. “Plus you sing way better than Sam.”

“Hey!” Sam objected, and Estelle giggled despite herself. She risked a glance up and her heart fluttered at the sideways smile Sebastian was giving her.

“Don’t worry rock star, I’m not gonna steal your job,” she teased, sitting down next to Sam at the table. She picked up the box for Solarion Chronicles and eyed the back of it, eager to change the subject. “So anyway, which one of you nerds is gonna teach us how to play this?”


	24. The Quest for the Solarion Staff

“I wanna be a druid princess archer assassin,” Natalie said brightly, interrupting Sebastian’s explanation of classes.

He shot her a look of exasperation. “Druids can’t be assassins, and assassins typically don’t wield bows in this game.”

“I can be a princess though?”

“Yeah, sure, whatever. Can I finish now?”

She smiled, totally unphased by his mild irritation. “Yep.”

“Like I was saying, we’re running easy mode for the first scenario since you guys haven’t played before, so we’ll only be using the six basic classes to start – wizard, healer, warrior, knight, thief, or bard.”

“Bard! I choose bard,” Natalie said immediately. “Princess Natalia, the bard.”

Estelle snickered. “Very original name. Do you even know what a bard does?”

“Obviously!” Natalie said indignantly. “They manipulate their way out of trouble with their silver tongue, good looks, and stabby stabs.”

“That’s...actually pretty accurate,” Sebastian admitted reluctantly as he wrote down her info on a character card and slid it across the table. “Okay, Natalie’s a bard. Estelle?”

Estelle briefly considered her options. She typically played mages or rogues, and Seb would obviously pick wizard, so that left healer or thief. Bard could provide support, so thief would probably be the best call – except knowing Natalie she was definitely going to play offensively, in which case she should go with support.

“I’ll be healer.”

“Good, ‘cause I have a feeling we’re going to need one,” he said wryly. “Name?”

“Dude, it takes me literally hours to name my characters. Just pick one for me.”

He shook his head with a chuckle, but seemed to give it fair thought anyway. “How about...Calixta?”

“Ooh, I like it! Pretty yet badass. I approve.”

He scribbled the name down and slid Estelle her card. “Tormak the warrior?” he asked Sam, who nodded and accepted his card.

“And Aratheus the wizard,” he finished. “Okay, so basically in this mode you get two skill points to use during the scenario, and on your card you have two skills – the first takes one skill point, the second takes two. So you can either use the first one twice or the second one once. All other actions are determined by roll checks according to your stats on the left side of the card. So bribing rolls a charisma check, attacking rolls your attack stat vs. the corresponding defense stat, and so on. With me so far?”

They nodded and he continued.

“This scenario is going to be predefined and not go off the rails too much, so you guys can get the hang of it before we go into the more freeform stuff. So first choose a low and high tier skill from the list according to your class and level, and then I’ll draw the scenario card.”

When they had each finished selecting their skills, Sebastian picked up a card from an intricately designed deck in the box and read it silently before summarizing for the group.

“It looks like today’s quest will take us into the Necromancer’s Tower, to try and reclaim the Solarion Staff from the clutches of Dreadlord Xarth.”

“Okay hold up,” Natalie cut in. “I’m gonna need some backstory here. Who’s Dreadlord Xarth? Why is this staff important? How did he get it in the first place and why are we the ones who have to get it back?”

Sebastian raised an eyebrow in surprise. “Does any of that really matter?”

“Uh, yes! If I’m going to get invested in this geek shit you’re going to need to pump up the drama Seb.”

Estelle bit her lip to keep from laughing. Sebastian stared at Natalie in disbelief for a moment, before cracking a smile.

“You know what – you’re right. Alright then, let’s start from the beginning,” he said, tipping his chair back and settling into the narrative.

“The Solarion Staff is said to be the most coveted artifact in the Nine Kingdoms. Whoever wields it has their power amplified exponentially – a simple fire spell could bring down a village, a healing prayer could revive the freshly dead. The King used the power of the staff to ensure peace for the realm, however that power came with great risk. The danger of the staff falling into the wrong hands was constant, and so the King entrusted three powerful sorcerers to guard the staff with their lives.

“Dreadlord Xarth, once the most esteemed adviser to the King, betrayed him in his lust for power. Xarth stole the staff, killing the other two sorcerers who were to protect it, and fled in the night. When his treason was discovered, the King put forth an appeal for brave adventurers who would journey to find the staff and save the kingdom. The four of us answered the call, and the King has tasked us with this most critical mission.

“Aratheus volunteered for personal reasons. Xarth was his mentor, the man who taught him how to harness his power as a young boy. Aratheus must go on this quest to determine what happened to the man he once knew, and put an end to his foul ambition if necessary.”

Sebastian looked at the three of them. “Okay, you guys make up your motivations for joining the quest.”

Sam went next. “Tormak is in it for the fame. Recovering the Solarion Staff will ensure his place in the Hall of Legends, as well as a sizable fortune. And he does love sizable fortunes,” he added with a wink.

Natalie giggled and took her turn. “Natalia, as Princess of the Nine Kingdoms, wants to prove to her father that she is an independent and capable woman. Succeeding in this quest will settle once and for all that she is in control of her own life, and meant for more than settling down in the nobility.”

“Calixta has seen firsthand the destruction the Solarion Staff can cause when it falls into the wrong hands,” Estelle said thoughtfully, spinning her own character’s motivation. “After her village was wiped out, she vowed to never again let that fate befall another, and has offered her skills to support the brave heroes who would fight Xarth and restore peace.”

Sebastian grinned, obviously pleased that his friends were getting into the game. “Okay. So, after a month-long journey across unforgiving lands, our party steps out onto a precipice to see our destination looming in the distance. There, beyond a moonlit plain, lies the Necromancer’s Tower, where Dreadlord Xarth usurps the power of the stolen Solarion Staff for his vile purposes.

“After completing their final preparations, the party approaches the tower. A large entryway lies ahead, gate raised and doors unlocked. Upon scouting the tower another entrance is found in the back; a small hatch that appears to be a hidden exit. How should we infiltrate the tower?”

“Through the front,” Sam said immediately. “Fortune favors the bold and all.”

“No way!” Natalie argued. “If the gate is open they’re obviously expecting us. It’s a trap. We should sneak around back.”

“What do you think Estelle?” Seb prompted.

Natalie did have a point, but something felt off. “If the exit was really hidden we should have needed a rogue to find it,” she said. “I think that by leaving the front gate open, he expected us to be suspicious enough to look for another entrance – the real trap.”

“Dude,” Sam said, glancing at Sebastian. “She overthinks things as much as you do.”

Seb smirked but didn’t comment. “I agree with Estelle. Let’s go in the front.”

He paged through a slim guidebook until he found the section he needed. “With the bulk of the skeleton army stationed in the back of the tower, the front entrance was nearly unguarded, except – “

“Holy shit!” Sam interrupted. “You were actually right?”

“Why do you sound so surprised?” Estelle laughed.

Natalie furrowed her brows in irritation. “Shut up guys! Didn’t you hear Seb? Unguarded EXCEPT...”

“... _except,”_ Sebastian continued, “for a skeleton general manning the hallway before us. The creature towered over us at double the height of a normal man, wielding an axe stained with the blood of his prior victims. By a stroke of luck he hasn’t yet noticed us; we can either fight or attempt to flee.”

“Fight, obviously!” Sam said. “If we flee he could still catch up later and take us off guard.”

“And he might drop something useful for the battle with the Dreadlord,” Estelle added. “I say fight too.”

“How should we approach the battle then?” Seb asked, checking the monster’s stats. “His attack is high enough to one-shot any of us, and he has an area slash that can hit three of us at once. He’s also impervious to magic, so Aratheus can’t touch him.”

“So Tormak will whack on him and Calixta can just heal,” Sam said with a shrug, as Natalie snatched the stat card from Sebastian.

“I only get 2 heals or 1 res,” Estelle reminded him. “And I want to save them for the boss.”

They were all silent for a moment, pondering strategy, until Natalie leaned forward excitedly. “I got it! He’s weak to backstab, right?” she said, laying the card down in the center of the table. “My first skill is Song of Shadow. Natalia can cast that on Tormak, then while the three of us distract the skeleton, he sneaks around back and uses Hulk Smash or whatever to fuck his day up!”

“Babe, you’re a genius!” Sam exclaimed. “That’ll totally work, right Seb?”

Sebastian shrugged. “Yeah, I think it actually might. As long as you roll a high enough attack.”

“Okay, but how are we going to distract the skeleton without it killing us?” Estelle asked.

“I could seduce it?” Natalie offered. “My charisma is super high. I could totally pass a check.”

Estelle rolled her eyes. “You can’t seduce a skeleton, Nat.”

“And why not?”

“Because it doesn’t have a dick?”

Natalie and Sam burst out laughing, and Estelle quickly followed suit. She glanced over at Sebastian and while he’d covered his face with his hand, she could see his shoulders shaking.

“Okay, okay,” Natalie conceded, catching her breath. “How about Aratheus just shoots a magic sparkle thing to divert it’s attention?”

“Need to save skill points,” Sebastian countered.

“Okaaayy…then just throw a fucking rock?”

“I have it on extremely good authority that throwing rocks will effectively distract a skeleton,” Estelle said. _Like, firsthand experience._

Sebastian tilted his head curiously at her, and she shrugged. “Trust me.”

“Right...” he trailed off, then shook his head once to dismiss whatever thought had settled there. “Okay, so the plan is for Aratheus and Calixta to throw rocks to distract the skeleton, buying time for Natalia to cast Song of Shadow on Tormak. Then Tormak will sneak behind and use Punishing Strike with the backstab bonus. Agreed?”

They all agreed, and Seb flipped through the guidebook to narrate the scene.

“After a hushed conference, the two magic users crept to the right corner of the hallway, where a pile of rubble had collected from a crumbling tower wall. Picking up the stones, Aratheus nodded to Natalia, and heaved his stone just past the skeleton general. The beast immediately focused on the sound, providing the bard a moment’s distraction to quietly sing Song of Shadow. Nat, roll to make sure the spell stuck. You need a 7 or higher.”

Natalie picked up the twenty-sided dice and rolled. 5.

“Fuck!” she spat, glaring at the dice like it had personally betrayed her.

“Throat parched from their journey, Natalia’s voice gave out on the last word, causing the spell to fail,” Seb improvised. “Calixta threw her stone in an attempt to buy Natalia more time, but the skeleton caught on to their ruse and began to charge down the hall, towards...” he trailed off, skimming the page for direction. “We have to roll to see who it’s attacking. Lowest number gets it.”

The four of them rolled, and Estelle was the unlucky winner.

“So, just to clarify – the whole plan is fucked and it’s about to kill me?” Estelle asked.

Sebastian shrugged. “Yeah, pretty much.”

“Awesome. Okay, well...Calixta raises her shield, bracing for the inevitable blow,” she said, grabbing the dice. “What do I have to roll to block?”

“Um...19 or up.”

“I’m so fucking dead,” she mumbled as she shook the die and let go. It spun on the corner for a few tense seconds before landing on 20.

“Fuck yes!” she exclaimed, jumping up from her chair in excitement. “That’s a crit right? I crit the fucking skeleton?”

Sebastian beamed at her. “Yep. Calixta successfully blocks the attack, pushing her shield forward to throw the skeleton off balance. He stumbles backwards, leaving an opening for Tormak to charge in and strike. Sam, you wanna roll for attack? You only need a 3 thanks to Estelle’s stun.”

Sam rolled a cool 12, and they all cheered when Sebastian proclaimed the foul creature slain. Despite still preferring video games, Estelle had to admit that this was pretty epic in it’s own right. She could definitely see herself playing Solarion Chronicles more often.

“Okay guys, we’re not done yet,” Seb continued after their impromptu celebration. “The party continues down the hallway, taking care not to step on the skeleton’s remains, until they arrive in a sewer-like corridor. On the left, a hallway glows with a peculiar green light. To the right, a staircase leads up into the dark. Which way do we go?”

“Xarth has to be up the stairs,” Estelle offered. “Big bads don’t hang out on the bottom floor.”

“Yeah, but what if there’s some cool loot in the green hallway?” Sam said. “Bones back there didn’t drop anything useful at all.”

“And we don’t have any light sources,” Natalie reminded them. “If the stairway is dark we could be ambushed.”

Estelle nodded. “Yeah you’re right, let’s check the green hallway.”

“Left it is,” Seb said, flipping pages. “At the end of the hallway is a room that is clearly the source of the mysterious green light. Inside the room, there are three prisoners floating in strange, glowing capsules. They appear to be in the process of some kind of transformation. This horrific scene must be some sick experiment of the Dreadlord’s, but its purpose is unclear. Across the room is a ladder going up. Do we leave or investigate?”

“Investigate,” Sam and Natalie said in unison.

Estelle shook her head. “Neither. Just destroy the capsules. The people inside deserve to be put out of their misery, plus we don’t know what kind of threat they’ll pose if left to transform.”

“Yeah but couldn’t we investigate then destroy them? What if we learn something?” Natalie said.

“We could, but by the time we finish investigating the transformations might be complete,” Sebastian argued. “I think Estelle’s right – we should destroy them before they can destroy us.”

“Ughhh, I guess,” Natalie gave in reluctantly. “I just really wanna know what the fuck is going on there.”

Estelle pat her reassuringly on the back. “Don’t worry. If this is anything like video games, the villain will give a tedious monologue prior to the final battle that explains his grand scheme in excruciating detail.”

Sebastian snorted. “Something like that. Okay, Tormak uses his greatsword to crush the glass walls of the capsules and they burst, the green liquid the bodies were suspended in evaporating the moment it touches air. No trace of what the substance was remains, and the party is no closer to the truth than before they entered.

“After putting these poor souls to rest, the four companions climb the ladder into another hallway, lit by rows of candles lining each wall. The hall seems to wind on forever, but eventually they reach a door at the end, marked by a red symbol Aratheus recognizes as a void hex.”

Seb continued, “If we open the door traditionally, we’ll suffer curse damage and be weak to dark spells, which would probably be bad considering Xarth is, you know, a Dreadlord.”

“Then how are we going to get in?” Natalie asked. “Do you have any spells to unhex? Dehex? Anti-hex? Whatever, you know what I mean.”

“Nope. I’m specced for damage. Besides, that’s kind of a healer thing isn’t it?” he said, glancing at Estelle with a playful smirk.

“Well I figured I’d need to patch you fools up more than I’d need to purify doors,” she retorted. “But it doesn’t matter either way, because I know how to get in.”

“Oh?”

Estelle grinned. “Hey Sam. Hulk Smash!”

Sam stared at her blankly, and she rolled her eyes. “Break the door. If the hex is imbued into the wood, destroying the wood should void it out, right?”

“That’s...actually yeah, that would work,” Seb said, rubbing the back of his head. “I don’t know why I didn’t think of that. You down Sam?”

“Yeah man, smashing shit is what I’m here for,” Sam said, picking up the dice and rolling a 14.

“The door splinters under Tormak’s assault, and Calixta senses that the hex has dissipated. The entry is now safe to cross, and as the party enters, they finally come face-to-face with Dreadlord Xarth. ‘Intruders?’ he sneers. ‘How dare you trespass in my private chambers?’

“Xarth casts his power-mad gaze over each of us until finally his eyes land on Aratheus. ‘Ah, so there you are boy. I knew you would come.’ Aratheus falters, the recognition in Xarth’s eyes shaking his resolve. ‘Master, why have you done this? You swore to uphold peace!’ he asks, desperate for answers. ‘Peace?’ Xarth laughs. ‘There will never be peace. Only death.’

“His words send a chill through the party, and the Dreadlord laughs again. ‘You are all fools if you’ve come for the Solarion Staff. But very well. If you crave your deaths so much, you shall have them. You’ll make a fine addition to my skeleton army!’”

“Told you there’d be a monologue,” Estelle whispered, and Natalie giggled. Sebastian shot her a look, but Estelle caught the hint of a smile on his lips.

“With that Xarth attacked, catching the party off guard as they digested the gruesome truth behind the Dreadlord’s ambitions.”

“Whoa, hang on! Natalia was _not_ distracted by that old man’s yapping,” Natalie argued.

“Wanna roll for it?”

“Damn right I do,” she said, snatching the die. 8.

“Like I said, catching the party off guard,” Sebastian reiterated with smug satisfaction as Nat muttered curses to herself. “He casts Shadow Beam, an area of effect spell. We all have to roll for damage.”

Nat went first – KO. Sam – KO. Seb – KO.

“Well this is just fantastic,” Estelle said sarcastically, shaking the die nervously before letting it roll.

Big fat twenty.

Natalie squealed with excitement, nearly knocking Estelle off her chair as she tackled her. “Holy shit I thought we were dead!”

“Despite Estelle’s ridiculous luck, we’re still pretty close to dead,” Sebastian chimed in, his ominous words not matching up with his expression. Estelle felt her chest fill up with warmth. It was total luck, sure, but it still made her feel amazing to know that she put that smile on his face.

“Aw, don’t be a buzzkill,” Sam chastised. “Who better to survive than the healer, right? Estelle can res one of us now.”

“Right. Calixta dodges the spell, but her companions are gravely injured. Summoning her mana, she has a difficult decision to make, and precious little time to make it. Who will she revive to face the Dreadlord?”

Estelle swallowed. “Alright, um...Nat doesn’t have any damage skills, and Tormak is out of skill points, so...Calixta casts Revive on Aratheus.”

“Dude! Aratheus is a _void wizard,”_ Sam exclaimed in shocked frustration. “Xarth is strong against void, so Seb can’t do fuck all damage to him!”

Estelle’s face fell. Shit, she hadn’t even considered that. She glanced at Seb, ready to apologize for fucking up and costing them the campaign, but stopped short when she saw his amused smirk.

“Really? Aratheus casts Pure Bolt.”

Calmly he picked up the die, gave it a little shake, and let go. Another twenty.

“A beam of white light hits Xarth square in the face. The Dreadlord shrieks and crumbles into dust.”

Sam stared at him, mouth agape. “When did you learn light spells?”

“I’m a level 14 dude.”

“Damn. You really do need to get a life,” he said with a laugh.

“So...did we win?” Natalie asked tentatively.

“Yep. Natalia, Princess of the Nine Kingdoms, picked up the Solarion Staff and held it high. With the Dreadlord defeated, his skeleton army collapsed into nothing more than bones. After a well-earned rest, the adventurers began the long journey home, satisfied with the knowledge that order has been restored to the world.”

“Yay! Okay so I know I kinda made fun of your nerd games before but this was super fucking cool and let’s do it again?” she rambled.

Seb chuckled. “Yeah, sure. Let me tally up the rating for this one first though.”

They watched as he flipped through the book, scribbling numbers down on a notepad, until finally he looked up with an expression of surprised wonder.

“So uh...we got an A rating.”

“What, seriously? Are you sure you added it up right?” Sam asked.

“You can check it if you want.”

“I take it A is good?” Estelle asked.

“A is the best you can get. For reference, it took me and Sam three tries to even beat our first scenario, let alone with a good rank,” Seb said.

Natalie shrugged. “Well I don’t know why you guys are so surprised. I mean we _are_ pretty amazing.”

Sebastian looked over at Estelle, a little smile on his face. “No arguments there.”

 


	25. Fire and Ice

Estelle made a face at the outfit Natalie was holding up, shaking her head for the seemingly hundredth time that afternoon.

“Nat... I shot down the slutty bunny, slutty nurse, slutty superhero, and slutty schoolgirl. What’s the pattern here?”

“Ugh, you’re right! What was I thinking?” Natalie said, pressing her hand to her forehead. “These costumes are all so _basic!_ We need something more original.”

Before Estelle could correct her, she breezed past the rows of pre-made costumes, on a hunt for Emily. The Spirit’s Eve festival was tonight, and the Mayor’s house was full of townsfolk looking for a costume to wear. Emily called it ‘clothing therapy’, and she had to have well over a hundred different outfits packed onto the racks lining the room.

“Should have gone with the slutty superhero,” Sam said. “If she gets Emily fired up over something, you’re stuck with it.”

“Don’t remind me,” Estelle sighed. She could only imagine what embarrassing atrocity Natalie was going to force her into. Images of latex catsuits and stilettos flashed through her mind – and while there was a point in Estelle’s life where that kind of getup wouldn’t have phased her in the slightest, that time had passed. She wasn’t trying to flash the goods around Mr. and Mrs. Mullner, Willy, little Vince and Jas…

Fortunately Emily seemed to have a bit more consideration of those things than Natalie, so Estelle just hoped for the best. There wasn’t much she could do about it now anyway. Natalie’s optimism was matched only by her tenacity.

“So what are you guys going to dress up as?” she asked to get her mind off of her own uncertain future.

“I dunno. I was thinking Frankenstein, but I don’t wanna do all that makeup,” Sam said. “Maybe I’ll just be like a punk zombie or something.”

“So you’re going as yourself plus eyeshadow? Wow. Way to put in effort Sam.”

“More effort than Seb,” Sam argued. “He doesn’t even need the eyeshadow to look dead.”

Estelle snickered and glanced over to where Sebastian was pulling a long black cape off the rack. She shot him a look and he shrugged. “What? If you’re going to call me a vampire all the time I might as well roll with it.”

“You can’t swap your hoodie for a cape and call it a costume,” she argued.

“Sure I can. Besides, what else would I be? A rainbow unicorn?”

“I would literally pay money to see you be a rainbow unicorn.”

Before she could manage to talk Seb into wearing something with actual color, Natalie came back with a satisfied grin on her face, Emily trailing behind. Estelle eyed the measuring tape in her hand warily, having vivid flashbacks from the last time Emily used a measuring tape on her. _That_ wasn’t an experience she wanted to repeat in the middle of Lewis’ living room.

“Hey guys,” Emily greeted them with a smile. “Natalie told me you needed a few alterations on your costume Estelle, so I just have to get a few measurements.”

“Thanks Emily!” Estelle said brightly, an idea coming to mind. “Which costume are we talking about though? I’ve been looking at so many...”

“Oh, the a – “

Natalie swiftly covered Emily’s mouth with her hand, muffling her words beyond comprehension. “It’s a surprise Em!” she said.

Emily looked uncertain and Natalie continued, “I mean, we don’t want the boys to hear, obviously.”

“Oh, right,” Emily said with a knowing smile. “Okay then. Estelle, can you lift your arms out to the sides please?”

Estelle did as she was told, glaring at Natalie the entire time.

 

* * *

 

When the clothing therapy session had come to a close, Nat left with Emily, taking Sam and Sebastian with her to help roll the racks of clothing back to Emily’s house. Estelle went in another direction, a path she hadn’t traveled in weeks – up into the mountains. Maru had sent a text that morning saying her order was ready, and she was beyond excited to check everything out.

Maru was waiting for her outside, and hustled her into the house and down the hall to her room, shutting the door quickly behind them. As soon as they were inside, Maru crossed the room and lifted a hatch in the floor, exposing a ladder and motioning for Estelle to go down.

“What’s going on Maru?” Estelle asked when they got to the lower room, which appeared to be a little workshop. “I feel like I’m being snuck in for a booty call by a high school boyfriend.”

Maru looked at her in confusion. “Didn’t Sebastian tell you?”

“Um, I don’t think so?”

“Typical,” Maru muttered, before sighing in resignation. “The thing is, Dad isn’t really your biggest fan. I had to hurry you in before he got back because he said you’re not allowed in the house anymore.”

Estelle blinked, totally taken off guard. What the fuck? She’d never said more than polite hellos or goodbyes to Demetrius – how could he hate her that much?

“It’s total bullshit,” Maru continued, face twisting into a mixture of embarrassment and anger. “He got all shitty when he found out you quit school, saying you were a bad influence on me. And then when Sebastian told us he was leaving and all those rumors started...”

“So basically he thinks I’m an ambitionless whore out to ruin his family,” Estelle said, cutting to the chase. It made sense. Demetrius was having trouble adjusting to Maru becoming an adult, and Estelle was the embodiment of all the bad decisions he was afraid of her making. If he wasn’t such an unrepentant asshole she might even sympathize with him.

Maru frowned, but nodded. “I overheard him telling Mom that he had talked to your...stepmother I think? I guess she had some less-than-charitable things to say about you, and things got pretty bad after that.”

Estelle’s stomach sank. She had no doubt Nancy had convinced him that she was sin incarnate, but honestly that part didn’t matter to her. In the list of things Estelle gave a shit about, Demetrius’ opinion fell somewhere between the middle name of the quarterback for the Zuzu City Tunnelers and the mating patterns of the domesticated green slime. What did bother her was the idea that his dislike of her caused Robin, Maru, and Seb problems. She adored all of them – the last thing she wanted was to be a source of strain on their family.

“What happened?” she asked, needing to know the extent of the damage she’d caused.

Maru shook her head. “Don’t worry about it. Mom asked me to minimize confrontation with Dad when possible, which is why I snuck you in, but she already said she has my back on this. She loves you too, you know. Especially since you’ve made Sebastian so happy.”

“What do you mean by that…?” Estelle asked slowly.

Maru shrugged. “It’s like the little cloud over his head isn’t so dark anymore, you know? You don’t know how bad he used to be, but Mom literally cried when she saw you guys at the fair. Said she hadn’t seen him laugh like that since he was a little boy.”

“He’s changed. A lot,” she added.

Despite the hopeful squeeze in her chest, Estelle’s skepticism won out. “That doesn’t mean it’s because of me. Maybe he’s just happy to be out on his own. He’s been wanting to move out for years, right?”

“Sorry girl, I know you’re into the whole willful ignorance thing, but anyone with eyes knows it’s because of you. I honestly can’t believe you guys aren’t a thing yet.”

Estelle had nothing to say to that. What could she? First Sam, then Nat, now Maru...one by one all of the important people in her life were telling her that they should be together.

Everyone except him.

After a moment of silence Maru decided to get back to the task at hand.

“Anyway, check these out. I think they turned out awesome,” she said, opening a cardboard box on top of her work table.

Inside was a stack of CD’s, a smaller box full of stickers, and a pile of t-shirts – all emblazoned with the band logo Estelle had drawn over the summer. She picked a CD up, turning it over in her hands with excitement.

“You have no idea how stoked the guys are going to be about this,” she said. “Especially Sam. Yoba, he’s going to piss his pants when he sees we have a merch booth set up.”

Maru laughed. “Let’s hope he pisses them after the set, not before. Penny said she’ll run the table for you by the way.”

“She’s such a lifesaver. Kiss her big time for me.”

“Always do. Oh, almost forgot – tell Seb I’m taking Mom’s truck, but Pam’s gonna drive the bus out so you can load the equipment and everything in there.”

“Really? There’s enough people going to warrant the bus?”

“Hell yes there is! Small town, remember? It’s a big deal when _anything_ happens...plus Penny and I have been doing a bit of promotion on the side.”

Estelle grinned. “Aw, Maru. You’re such a great sister.”

She snorted. “Try telling Seb that. Alright girl, let’s get you out of here before Dad gets home.”

Maru scoped out the house to make sure the coast was clear before Estelle left, hoping to avoid Demetrius on the way back to town. She would have taken the back road, but there were a few errands she had to run before going home and there was no way she was looping all the way around.

She still felt shitty about everything she had learned, but there was nothing she could do about it so no point in dwelling. She didn’t owe him any explanations or apologies for her past decisions, and if Maru and Robin didn’t care than neither did she. She’d respect Robin’s request to minimize conflict, but that was it.

Besides, she had bigger issues to deal with at the moment. Like the shit-eating grin on Natalie’s face when Estelle walked in the door a few hours later.

“What did you do?” Estelle said, kicking her shoes off as she closed the door behind her. She glanced into the kitchen, where Sam and Seb were in the middle of a heated discussion about the best way to make pizza rolls and not paying any attention. Those two argued about the weirdest shit sometimes.

“Why would you think I did something?” Nat asked innocently.

“Because 9 out of 10 times you have.”

Natalie giggled. “True. Emily finished our costumes! That woman is a miracle worker let me tell you.”

Estelle eyed her suspiciously. “Am I going to object to this costume?”

“Nope! It’s awesome. And only the _tiniest_ bit slutty. Like barely slutty. Mom-slutty, if you will.”

“I can work with Mom-slutty,” Estelle agreed, though she didn’t have much of a choice at this point. The festival started in an hour, and unless she wanted to make some bullshit costume out of clothes she already owned, she was going to have to roll with whatever Nat and Emily had come up with. “Alright, let’s see it.”

Natalie led Estelle into her room, gesturing towards the two outfits laying side by side on the bed.

“Ta-da!” Natalie exclaimed.

To Estelle’s relief, they actually didn’t look too bad, except for the part where she didn’t know what they were supposed to be. Natalie looked at her with exasperation when she asked.

“Duh! Fire and ice faeries. Like without wings though, because that shit is annoying to wear. We used the angel and devil costumes as a base so it didn’t take long at all to pull together.”

Okay, now she could see it. The fire faerie costume had a red corset top with golden embellishments, and a skirt made with layers of red, orange, and golden tulle. Ice was the same except in a white and blue color scheme.

“Which one is mine?” Estelle asked.

“Ice, obviously. I’m clearly the fire in this family.”

“Uh huh,” Estelle said sarcastically, though honestly she was probably right. “So you want me to wear a short, sleeveless dress at night, with winter right around the corner? I’m going to freeze to death the second we step outside.”

“Well lucky for you Emily is much more thoughtful than I am. She made us some cute arm and leg warmers to match,” she said, lifting up the fire dress to show Estelle the garments underneath. They looked pretty warm – thick knee high stockings with contrasting tulle added to pull the outfit together. The sleeves were the same material, coming up to the elbow. Natalie was right – Emily really did seem to think up every detail.

“Okay, you win. Faeries it is.”

Natalie grinned and clapped her hands once in excitement. “We’re going to look so fucking hot! And cool. Get it? Fire and ice?”

She paused, waiting for laughter that never came. “Man, no one appreciates a good pun these days. Fine, fine. Get dressed loser, makeup is going to take a while.”

 

* * *

 

“Are you guys done yet?” Sam called, knocking on the door for the third time.

“For fuck’s sake Sam, learn patience!” Natalie yelled back, applying a final coat of mascara.

It had taken a while, as she warned it would, but Nat’s look was on point. She had sprayed the pink and blonde in her hair into a bright red, which added a cool two-tone effect and looked great with the black layers. Her eyes were painted to look like fire themselves – dark, smokey black rimmed with red and bleeding into gold. A dark red lip stain rounded out the look, which was bold and completely over the top, and suited Natalie perfectly.

Estelle went with something a little more subtle. She had initially thought to go pale, icy, ethereal – but her complexion wasn’t suited for frosty mascara and silver lips. Instead she did a blended eyeshadow, going from darker blue on the outer corner to a shimmery silver inside. It looked good paired with a standard black winged liner and pale, glossy lip. Not too much drama, but the touch of sparkle and silver glow worked to channel the cold, dangerous beauty of ice.

“Okay, final check,” Natalie said, stepping next to Estelle in view of the full-length mirror on the back of her door. She looked them both up and down, tweaking this and adjusting that, until finally she approved with a satisfied grin.

“Damn. We look _good.”_

Estelle agreed, and by the look on the guys’ faces when they opened the door, so did they.

After a moment of silence – smug for Natalie, awkward for Estelle – Nat thankfully broke it.

“Alright boys, roll your tongues back up. I know it’s hard being with the sexiest bitches in Pelican Town, but try to show some decorum, yeah?”

Sam did not roll his tongue back up, but apologized anyway. “Sorry babe, you just look...fuckin’... _wow.”_

Natalie put her hands on her hips and frowned. “And what about Estelle?”

Sam looked conflicted, like he wasn’t sure if he was supposed to say Estelle looked good or if that would piss Natalie off. There was clearly a jealous girlfriend or two in that boy’s past. Estelle felt her face go red and crossed her arms, looking at Natalie with mild annoyance. She didn’t need prompted compliments from her sister’s boyfriend.

“I mean, yeah, you both look great?” he said uncertainly, glancing at Sebastian to draw some of the heat away from himself. “Right Seb?”

Natalie raised her eyebrows, her mock frown curling up into an expectant smirk. Estelle tried to fight it, but her gaze flicked over to Sebastian’s of its own accord. She couldn’t read the look in his eyes, as usual, but she did catch the little smile at the corners of his lips.

“Yeah,” he said simply. It was the most minimalist compliment he could possibly give, but Estelle still felt her stomach flutter. Yoba, how did he have the power to reduce her to the equivalent of some idiot heart-eyed teenager?

“Thanks. Anyway let’s get going, we’re already late,” she said, putting an abrupt end to the moment as usual.

Despite the bare thighs and shoulders, Estelle felt inexplicably hot on the walk to town. The warmers Emily had made were fantastic, and it was an unseasonably warm night suited more for the beginning of fall than the end… but there was something else as well, something internal that had her blood pumping faster and skin flushed. She couldn’t put her finger on it, but something felt different about tonight from the dozen other times they’d all walked to town together. It was almost like the air was heavier, like each moment had an inexplicable weight to it that set her nerves on edge.

Whatever it was, Estelle shook her head in an attempt to dismiss the feeling. She always liked Spirit’s Eve, and she just wanted to have fun without her weirdness getting in the way.

“So what’s this festival all about anyway? Besides dressing up in the dark,” Estelle asked.

“Eating mostly,” Sam answered.

“I figured that. Anything else?”

“There’s a haunted maze,” Sebastian offered. “The wizard sets it up in the park.”

Natalie turned around with a grin. “Haunted maze huh? Sign me up!”

“Who’s the wizard?” Estelle asked.

“Some creepy old dude who lives in the forest,” Sam said. “Everyone calls him the wizard because he lives in that weird tower and doesn’t talk to anyone. So he’s basically Seb in 30 years.”

Estelle and Natalie laughed, while Sebastian rolled his eyes. “Either way, it’s actually pretty cool. I mess with the props in there every year and can never figure out how they work.”

“Oooo, maybe it really is haunted,” Natalie said sarcastically, and they all snickered. Estelle’s laugh came hesitantly though. She had the scars on her back to prove that not all horror stories were myths.

That knowledge was what made the next scene so shocking for her. As they entered the town square, passing by Pierre’s junk booth on their way to get some food, they came upon a large cage. Natalie ran over to it immediately, and the others followed – until Estelle saw what was inside and stopped dead in her tracks, blood running cold.

Two skeletons, prowling back and forth in their iron prison, glared out at the humans around them with deep black holes where their eyes should be. Despite what the villagers likely thought, those creatures weren’t animatronics. She had killed enough of them to know how very real they were, and how incredibly dangerous they could be. Why were they on display in the middle of the town square?

Natalie stepped right up to the cage, wrapping her hands around the bars and pressing her face into the space between to get a better look. Estelle took an alarmed step forward, ready to drag her back, when a deep voice rang out in warning.

“Don’t get too close to the cage,” Marlon said sternly, in a tone that left no room for argument. Natalie quirked an eyebrow but obeyed, taking a step back just as a skeleton lunged for her. The creature’s bones clattered against the bars and she shrieked, backing up quickly with wide eyes.

Sam laughed, wrapping his arm around her. “Relax babe, they’re just puppets.”

“I have no idea how he gets them to walk though,” Sebastian added. He glanced back at Estelle, who was still staring at the cage uneasily. “Hey, you okay?”

Estelle opened her mouth to say no, she was really not okay with literal monsters being showcased like zoo animals, but before she could say anything Marlon cleared his throat, catching her attention. She looked to him and he shook his head one time, sharply. The message was clear – don’t tell anyone they were real.

“Um...yeah, I’m fine. They’re just creepy,” she said slowly, still looking at Marlon. He gave her a small smile and turned back to the cage, on guard for any danger. She noted how his hand was resting on the pommel of his sword and it gave her a small measure of comfort. He had it under control, and he was right – telling everyone that underneath their tranquil little town was a nightmarish hell of demons and ghouls would get her slapped with the title of village crazy lady. Or worse, incite full-on panic. All she could do was keep her mouth shut and trust that Marlon would do his job.

Sebastian narrowed his eyes skeptically, following her gaze to Marlon. “What – “

“C’mon, let’s grab some food. I’m starving,” she said quickly, cutting him off and heading toward the buffet before he had a chance to continue. She knew he was starting to put the pieces together about what was really in the mines. He’d seen her injuries, her avoidance and vague responses when pressed for information. Now he knew that Marlon was involved too – a guy who’d lost his eye down there. It was only a matter of time before he pried the truth out of her, and when he did he was either going to think she was bat-shit insane or flip out on her for killing fucking monsters for cash. Neither outcome was especially desirable.

Well, at least there was pumpkin ale.

 

* * *

 

After they’d had their fill of pumpkin soup, pumpkin pie, pumpkin cookies, pumpkin fucking _everything,_ the four headed towards the park to check out the haunted maze. Estelle had a bit of a buzz going; nothing that would impair her judgment, but just enough to take the edge off. Seeing the skeletons had shaken her enough to make her think that maybe she had some unresolved issues stemming from that last fateful trip into the mines. She put it on the list of things she ought to get therapy for but probably wouldn’t. 

Haley was standing by the entrance to the maze when they approached, looking uncharacteristically nervous. Estelle stopped to ask her what was up, and she bit her lip in trepidation.

“It’s stupid, but Alex has been in there for like almost an hour and I'm getting kind of worried,” she admitted, crushing a tiny mushroom under her boot in frustration. She’d gone with the slutty schoolgirl costume – red plaid skirt, white button down tied in the front to expose her midriff, bouncy blonde pigtails.

“I wouldn’t worry about it Haley. Alex can take care of himself,” Estelle said reassuringly. Then, knowing it would brighten her up, she added, “You look super hot by the way.”

As expected, Haley beamed. “Thanks! So do you! You gotta teach me how you do such perfect winged liner – every time I try I look like a fucking panda by the end of it.”

“Come over whenever. And if we see Alex in there I’ll send him out okay?”

Haley looked relieved, and Estelle jogged to catch up with her friends, who had paused just inside the maze waiting for her.

Estelle wasn’t sure what she’d expected going into the haunted maze, but whatever it was, this wasn’t it. The walls towered over them, ten foot high barriers of foliage so thick you couldn’t even see through it. The only light came from eerie blue torches posted periodically along the walls, casting odd shadows and leaving long stretches of the path barely lit. Estelle involuntarily shivered, and it wasn’t from the cold.

“You guys were right. This is kinda fucking creepy,” she muttered, rubbing her upper arms against the chill.

“We haven’t even gotten to the props yet,” Sebastian said with a grin. He was eating this spooky shit up, because of course he was.

“You gonna hunt for the golden pumpkin again this year?” Sam asked as they rounded a bend towards another dim corridor.

Seb made a noise of affirmation. “I’m going to find it too.”

“Sure you are dude,” Sam said with a laugh. They reached a fork in the path and he turned to Sebastian, a boyish glint in his eye. “Race you for it?”

Sebastian smirked. “You’re on. Meet at the fountain in an hour?”

“Yup.”

Natalie and Estelle exchanged a look of total confusion as the guys split off, ready to go down the opposing paths.

“Whoa, hold up a second,” Natalie said loudly, stopping them both in their tracks. “What the fuck are we doing now?”

“Oh, yeah. I keep forgetting you guys haven’t done this before,” Sam said apologetically. “The wizard hides a golden pumpkin somewhere in the maze every year. Rumor is if you find it and take it home with you, it disappears while you’re sleeping and there’s a stack of cash where it was. It’s probably bullshit, but no one has found it for like fifteen years so who knows? The old bastard probably isn’t even hiding it anymore.”

“He’s still hiding it,” Seb said. “I saw it the year before last, but I couldn’t find a way to get to it.”

“And you two are going to race to find this magic pumpkin first?” Natalie said, arching an eyebrow. “Boys never do grow up, do they?”

“Nope,” Sam agreed with a grin. “You coming with me babe, or are you gonna hang with Estelle?”

Even in the dim light of the torches, Estelle could see the wicked curl of Natalie’s smile. Bitch.

“Well considering neither of us have done this before, we should stick with the pros,” she said matter-of-factly. “I’ll go with you and Estelle can go with Seb so the competition is fair.”

“Works for me. See you guys later,” Sam said, turning down the left path with Natalie in tow.

Estelle glanced at Sebastian, who shrugged. “If you don’t want to look for the pumpkin I can take you back to the front,” he offered.

“No, I’m good. C’mon, this side looks better anyway,” she said, starting down the path to the right.

After walking for several minutes surrounded by dead silence and minimal light, Estelle changed her mind. “I take it back. There’s no way this path was better,” she said.

“I dunno. I think it’s kind of nice.”

“So. Fucking. Emo.”

He laughed. “So you’ve told me.”

The torches had been gradually getting spaced further apart, and it wasn’t long before they cut out completely. Estelle paused, staring down the dark hallway with apprehension. She wasn’t afraid of the dark, but that – that was _dark._ In another few steps she wouldn’t even be able to see her hand in front of her face, and that level of darkness set all her self-preservation instincts on edge.

“You good?” Sebastian asked patiently.

“Yeah,” she lied, taking a step into the inky blackness.

A few steps later, however, the anxiety had turned into full blown panic. “Seb?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m kinda freaking out.”

The words had only just left her mouth when he reached out and grabbed her hand, threading his fingers through hers. Her heart did a little flip, but at the moment she couldn’t properly appreciate the gesture beyond the comfort it offered. His hand was warm and solid, an anchor of reality in the void she was floating in.

“Wanna go back?”

She thought about it for a moment, and his fingers tightened around hers in silent reassurance. The gentle pressure grounded her, slowed her racing heart.

“No, I’m okay now. Thanks.”

To her surprise, it wasn’t a lie. The dark wasn’t as scary when he held her through it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will pick up where this one left off - Spirit's Eve was too long for just one chapter!


	26. Unexpected Magic

When they finally reached a turnoff, the blue glow of a torch lighting their path once more, Estelle reluctantly let go of Sebastian’s hand.

“Sorry for being such a baby back there,” she said, feeling her cheeks flush with embarrassment. Now that she was back in the light, she felt like an idiot for being so afraid.

“Don’t be. Honestly I was a little creeped out too.”

That made her smile. “I won’t tell anyone if you don’t.”

“Deal.”

They went through the maze together, keeping an eye out for the illusive golden pumpkin. The rest of the scares were tame in comparison – hands reaching out of the ground to grab at their ankles, a TV playing static with subliminal images flashing in and out, giant spiders. Well done, but standard haunted house shit. Not that Estelle was complaining. She didn’t know if her nerves were up for any further abuse tonight.

They had covered a good portion of the maze and were discussing where to go next when they ran into Alex trying to climb one of the walls – and failing miserably.

“Hey Alex. Uh...what are you doing?” Estelle asked curiously.

He turned, face red and breathless from exertion. “Oh, hey Stelle,” he said, pausing to look her up and down. “Wow, you look stupid hot.”

She raised an eyebrow. “I’m not sure if that’s a compliment or not? But thanks I guess,” she said with a little laugh.

He grinned. “Definitely a compliment. Anyway, I’m trying to find a way onto that ledge,” he said, pointing to an overhang above them. “There’s something weird up there but I can’t figure out how to get to it.”

Estelle glanced at Sebastian. “Maybe it’s the pumpkin?”

He shrugged without even looking up, his gaze fixed on the path forward. She glanced over as well, wondering what he was looking at – but there was nothing there. He was just staring into the distance. Weird.

She brushed it off and took a few steps back, scoping out the ledge for herself. Alex stepped back as well to show her what he saw.

“See look, right there!” he said, leaning close and pointing to direct her gaze.

Estelle squinted, tilting her head until... _oh!_

It was almost completely hidden, but she definitely saw a flash of gold when the torchlight flickered just right. It had to be the pumpkin – what else would be golden up there?

“That’s totally it!” she said excitedly. “But how are are going to get up there? That ledge has to be like 15 feet high.”

“Don’t know,” Alex said, tossing his hands up in defeat. “I’ve checked all around here for a hidden ladder or something but no dice. And these walls don’t have any grips to climb up.”

She looked to Sebastian for ideas, but he didn’t seem to be paying any attention. What the hell was up with him all of a sudden? He’s the one who wanted to find the damn thing in the first place.

“I could probably throw you high enough,” Alex mused. “Can you pull yourself up with just your arms?”

“Uh, I can, but fuck that,” Estelle said, shaking her head decisively. “My leg literally just healed. I’m not risking a two story fall over a pumpkin.”

“Aw, you don’t think I can do it?” he said, pouting.

“I don’t _care_ if you can do it,” she corrected. “And even if I got up there, how would I get down? Hard pass.”

“Just jump! I’ll catch you.”

“Alex, I don’t know how many ways I can say absolutely fucking not before it sticks,” she said, starting to get annoyed with his persistence.

“There has to be a way around,” Sebastian said tersely, cutting off Alex’s latest protest. About time he decided to join the conversation.

“Right. So I’m going to go look for it,” Estelle said, stepping away from Mr. Amateur Shotput to stand next to Sebastian. “Oh, Haley is waiting for you at the entrance by the way.”

Alex groaned, running his fingers through his hair. “What else is new?” he muttered irritably.

She grinned, glancing over her shoulder as she walked away. “Better get going! She’s scary when she’s pissed!”

When they were halfway down the path and safely out of earshot, Estelle rounded on Sebastian.

“So, wanna tell me what that was all about?”

“What what was all about?” he replied flatly.

“I dunno, your drastic mood swing and total lack of interest in finding the thing we’re out here trying to find?”

“I still want to find it. I just don’t like that guy.”

Estelle gave an exaggerated gasp, covering her mouth and staring at him wide-eyed. “What?! You mean the emo kid doesn’t get along with the jock? No fuckin’ way!”

That got a reaction. Sebastian shot her an unimpressed look, and she couldn’t hold back a giggle.

“Well, either way we know where the pumpkin is now. Any ideas on how to get to it?”

“I could toss you up,” he deadpanned.

“Oh, you’re hilarious.”

The corner of his mouth quirked up, much to Estelle’s relief. At least the shitty mood seemed to leave as quickly as it came.

“There has to be a hidden path somewhere,” he reiterated. “Alex said there wasn’t anything near the pumpkin, and there’s no obvious walkway connecting to that ledge, so the entrance has to be sectioned off from the rest of the maze somehow.”

“So...what? Just keep an eye out for anything out of place that could be a hidden path?”

“Unless you have a better idea, yeah pretty much.”

She did not have a better idea, so they walked along the twisting lanes, checking uneven walls and messing with props to find any clue about how to get to the pumpkin. They came across a weird little hut in the far corner of the maze, a bubbling cauldron in front and unnerving, glowing eyes peeking out from the window.

“I’m gonna check this pot out,” she said, trying to sound casual despite the way the glowing eyes unnerved her. That prop hit a little too close to home. “Can you check the hut?”

He agreed without noticing her apprehension, thankfully, but when he pushed the door open a chorus of screams erupted from inside. Estelle whipped her head around… and froze.

Not from fear, however – from the absolutely paralyzing levels of awkward. Soul-destroying, gut-wrenching awkwardness.

“What the fuck?!” Sebastian exclaimed, immediately turning away in a potent mixture of embarrassment and repulsion.

“Close the fucking door Sebastian!” Maru yelled, trying to cover her exposed body with her arms, and mostly failing. Penny had the sense to grab one of their discarded shirts to hold in front of her.

With one hand pressed over his eyes, he fumbled around for the doorknob and yanked the door closed, turning his back to it and stepping away as quickly as if it were on fire. Estelle chewed her lip to keep from losing it as Seb squeezed his eyes shut hard, like he could physically push the image he’d just seen out of his memory.

When he finally looked up to meet her gaze, his eyes narrowed immediately.

“Don’t you fucking dare,” he warned. But it was too late. Estelle’s composure snapped and she exploded in a fit of hysterical laughter, wiping tears from her face as Sebastian glared at her.

“This never happened,” he muttered, stalking past her and back the way they came.

“Hey wait up!” she called between giggles, struggling to catch her breath as she hurried to catch up to him. “Try to look on the bright side. I mean, at least they’re both hot.”

“Keep talking and the next time Natalie and Sam are fucking I’m gonna shove you into their room.”

Her face dropped in mock outrage. “No fair! That’s like two siblings instead of just one. At least you had Penny there to temper the horror.”

“Penny doesn’t do it for me.”

Estelle arched an eyebrow, her amused smile twisting up into a smirk despite herself. “Oh? Then what does do it for you?”

“Not Penny.”

“Cheater,” she laughed. “Okay, you win. The last 5 minutes have been struck from the history books.”

The next turn led them into a small room with no other exits. “Dead end,” Sebastian said, getting ready to turn back.

“Hang on. Doesn’t this seem weird to you?” Estelle asked, stepping into the room proper and looking around skeptically. “Like why make this a full room if it’s just a dead end with no props?”

“Yeah, I guess that is kind of odd. Let’s check it out,” Sebastian agreed, crossing the room to check the other side.

Estelle began to examine the wall closest to her, looking for anything out of the ordinary. There wasn’t anything else in here, so if there was a secret it had to be either invisible or on the walls. She ran her hand along the foliage as she walked, until finally she felt something out of place.

She paused, pressing both hands against the wall where it felt different. The thick, scratchy foliage here was softer, almost like a lush grass rather than the rigid bushes everywhere else. She pushed her fingers into it and found that not only could she get through, but there was cool air on the other side. A hidden door.

“Hey Seb! I found it!” she called excitedly. He came over and touched the wall himself, then turned to her with a grin.

“Ladies first?”

“Fuck that. If there’s a jump scare on the other side, you’re taking it for the team.”

He shrugged and pushed through the hidden doorway. A moment later he declared the coast was clear, and Estelle followed.

The door took them outside of the maze, caught between the hedge wall and a rock face. A narrow pathway wrapped around the perimeter, and they followed it until they reached an entryway carved into the rock.

“Guess we go through here,” Estelle said, peeking into the tunnel before them. Flickering torches lined the walls, thank Yoba, but she noticed these ones had golden flames instead of the blue everywhere else. Her lips curved into a smile. This was definitely the way to the pumpkin.

She was right. When they exited the tunnel they found themselves on a platform above the maze, which had to be the ledge Alex had been trying to get to. At the edge of the platform was a mass of vines concealing the golden pumpkin from below.

Sebastian chuckled, shaking his head in disbelief as he walked over and picked the pumpkin up. “You know, I’ve been looking for this thing since I was old enough to go into the maze. I was starting to think I'd never find it.”

“Well congrats Seb! You did it.”

“Because of you,” he said. “You found the doorway. I would have just dismissed that room entirely.”

“Okay, we both did it then. Estelle and Sebastian, Spirit’s Eve Champions!” she said with affected grandeur. “We make a pretty good team you know.”

His face softened. “Yeah. We do.”

Estelle’s heart skipped a beat as they gazed into each other's eyes. Was this it? Was this the moment she’d been waiting for? It sure felt like it.

The thought had only just formed in her mind when Sebastian glanced toward the tunnel they had come from with a weird, uneasy smile. “C’mon, let’s go rub our victory in Sam’s face.”

_Guess not._

 

* * *

 

It had been a little over an hour since they split off, so Sam and Natalie should be waiting for them at the fountain. Sebastian and Estelle were both in high spirits as they made their way back, arguing about where they were going to keep the pumpkin for maximum transformation potential, thanks to their opposing sleep schedules. Eventually they decided the living room was fine – Estelle was going to have a few celebratory pumpkin ales when they got back, so she would probably sleep in pretty late tomorrow. It was already almost midnight, and she had no intention of going to bed any time soon.

The playful banter died as soon as they reached the fountain circle, however. Sam and Nat were there, as expected, but they were not alone.

“There you are!” Abigail practically growled, face a mottled red mess of anger as she stormed over towards them. Every muscle in Estelle’s body tensed up, her fight or flight response kicking in automatically with a 100% chance of the former.

“Sam said I’m out of the band? Wanna tell me what the fuck that’s all about?”

Sebastian sighed. “Abby, you never came to practice. We booked a gig and you didn’t show any interest at all. You clearly didn’t want to be in the band, so we found someone else who did.”

“So what, I miss a few practices and I get replaced by Sam’s little whore?”

Natalie snickered. “Whore is the best you can come up with? Man, you are just _aggressively_ mediocre aren’t you?”

“Fuck you!” Abigail snapped, glaring at her before turning back to Sebastian. “I can’t believe you’d do this to me Sebastian, after everything we’ve been through together. I thought you were different. Guess not.”

Estelle saw the way Sebastian’s shoulders slumped almost imperceptibly, how the glint in his eyes dulled. He was trying not to show it, but she saw how Abigail’s words deflated him. She saw the years of pain and self-doubt clawing their way out of wherever he’d kept them hidden. She’d know that look anywhere – it was one she had worn so many times herself.

Estelle’s jaw clenched with the dark rage coursing through her like acid in her veins. Knowing that Abigail hurt him was one thing – seeing it firsthand was another. He was trying so hard, and she just kept pushing him back down. Kept him just broken enough to be easily manipulated.

It took every last ounce of self-restraint to keep from punching that vile bitch in the face.

“Seb didn’t do anything. I did,” Sam said, tone uncharacteristically angry as he came to his friend’s defense. “I kicked you out the second I found someone to replace you. You’re a shitty drummer and an even shittier person, so _fuck off Abigail.”_

Abigail stared at him in stunned silence for a moment before making an ugly snorting sound, like a pig sneezing in mud. “You know what, fine. I don’t want to be in your stupid fucking band anyway. I’m leaving,” she said, turning to leave in a huff.

“It’s not an airport – no need to announce your departure!” Natalie said brightly.

Abigail didn’t respond, just stormed off in the direction of town.

“Aww...she didn’t say anything. Her garbage clapbacks are my favorite part,” Nat complained.

“You good man?” Sam asked carefully.

“Yeah,” Seb said, though his expression said otherwise as he glanced at Estelle. “Wanna grab a drink?”

She gave an ironic half-smile. “Is that rhetorical?”

“Mostly, yeah.”

 

* * *

 

After a few rounds of pumpkin ale, the cheerfulness of earlier was eventually restored. Sam gawked over the golden pumpkin, much to Seb’s smug satisfaction. Emily came over to take pictures of everyone in their costumes for the bulletin board. Natalie bet Shane that she could chug a beer faster than him, which was a loss for her but a win for everyone else. When Gus announced he was cleaning up around 2am, Estelle stole Seb’s cape to smuggle out a few extra drinks for the road.

It was fun, and more importantly, Abigail hadn’t managed to ruin anyone’s evening. She’d tried, and she'd failed. Maybe things really were changing.

Too wound up to sleep when they got home, the four friends piled on the couch to watch a movie – Sam and Seb on the ends, Estelle wedged in the middle, and Natalie on Sam’s lap, legs stretched across the other two. One day this little two-seater was going to collapse from being loaded up with double its intended occupants.

Just before the movie started, Nat held up her beer with a grin. “I propose a toast – to us, for being so awesome both individually and as a group.”

They laughed and clinked. Sam went next. “To Natalie, for saving our asses with her mad drum skills.”

“To Sam, for shaving 5 years off his life worrying these past few weeks,” Estelle added with a giggle.

“That one’s legit,” Sam admitted, taking a drink. “To Estelle, our first groupie!”

Sebastian smirked. “Pretty sure those tweens you were chatting up at the fair are our first groupies.”

Natalie shot him a look of both concern and amusement. “You were hitting on tweens?”

“They were hitting on me!” he assured her. “I wanted no parts of that mess.”

“As much as I love watching Sam squirm, I’ll vouch for him there,” Estelle said, holding her drink up. “And to Seb, for being the brains of this operation and keeping us fools in line.”

“Someone has to,” he said with a chuckle.

Their impromptu toasts finished, Natalie leaned forward to hit play on the laptop. They really needed to buy a decent TV one of these days. “Okay now everyone shut the hell up. I heard the demons in this movie literally suck people’s souls out of their mouths, and _that_ is the quality content I signed up for.”

“Yeah? Well I heard it’s the cheesiest paranormal romance this side of sparkly vampires,” Estelle countered.

“Everyone’s a critic.”

An hour into the film, however, Natalie had decided that it wasn’t quite what she was looking for after all. “Okay you win, this is shit. I’m going to go to bed,” she said, standing up and stretching. She walked towards the stairs, and after a moment’s pause turned to look at Sam. “Sooo I’m going to go to bed...” she reiterated, raising her eyebrows expectantly.

" _Oh!_ Uh, night guys!” he said, jumping off the couch and following her upstairs with enthusiasm.

Estelle rolled her eyes and pulled her legs up into the now vacant seat, squirming to find an optimal position. Seb’s shoulder jabbed her in the back when she leaned against him, but she was tipsy enough that comfort took priority over maintaining an appropriate level of personal space. After failing to find a middle ground, she just reached over and grabbed his arm, pulling it around her to rest against her side.

“She’s right you know. This is fucking terrible,” she complained when she finally got settled. A vaguely sober part of her brain was aware that she’d tucked herself against Sebastian’s chest in what was essentially cuddling, but the alcohol had dulled her capacity for embarrassment or inhibition.

Besides, he hadn’t pulled away.

“Want me to put something else on?” he asked.

“Nope, you’re comfy. Besides, now I need to know what happens to Nick.”

“I think his name’s Lucian? Lucane? Something.”

“Nooo, not that boring pretty boy,” she said. “Nick. You know, messy brown hair, the only one fuckin’ doing anything?”

“Oh, her friend?”

She hummed in affirmation. “Why do always do that anyway? The BFF’s in these movies are always so much more interesting than the main dude,” she said, furrowing her brow. “Like my man is just a normal everyday science nerd and he’s out here slaying demons and shit, while Broody McBroodface actually _has_ superpowers but isn’t doing fuck all to help the situation.”

“I...don’t know?”

“It’s bullshit,” Estelle continued, the buzz making her chatty. “Like if girlfriend had any brains in her head she’d go for the guy who’s obviously all about her and actually useful, instead of that whiny idiot who has nothing going for him except how he’s _soooo mysterious,”_ she mocked. “It’s so unrealistic.”

Sebastian chuckled, obviously not expecting such an impassioned critique of this shitty teen flick. “Bullshit yeah, but I wouldn’t say unrealistic.”

“Oh? Do tell.”

She felt him shrug. “Don’t girls typically go for the bad boy over the safe bet?”

“Stupid girls maybe.” A thought popped into her head and she smirked, shifting slightly so she could look up at him. “Is that why you wear all black Sebby? Trying to tap into the bad boy market?”

He laughed once, though it had a slight edge to it. “Nah. I’m very much aware of my nerd BFF status.”

“Well good, ‘cause we’ve established that they’re way better anyway.”

“But they still don’t get the girl.”

“Maybe they’re trying to get the wrong one,” she said softly.

A heartbeat of silence passed and something shifted between them, as tangible as if gravity had increased or time had slowed. The flurry of emotions she saw pass through Sebastian’s eyes settled on only one, and her breath caught in her throat when she saw his gaze flick down to her lips and back. Was he going to kiss her?

She didn’t have a chance to find out. It was as if her body had made the decision for her, before she had a chance to think twice or talk herself out of it. She was powerless to do anything else.

Estelle leaned in and gently pressed her lips against his.

The kiss was tentative and sweet, lasting only a moment before they both pulled back, staring into each others eyes with uncertainty. He must have found reassurance in hers, because his lips curled up into that sideways smile she loved before he brought them back down to hers again.

Estelle had kissed a lot of men in her life – and one particularly attractive woman – but it had never been like this before. She lost herself in it, gave herself over entirely to the sensation until the world fell away and there was nothing else but him. His lips melted into hers, warm and soft and urgent, while his hands came up to cup her face, her neck, her hair, running over her skin like he was trying to take in every inch of her at once.

She clung to him desperately as the kiss deepened, dizzy and breathless but unwilling to let go and risk this ending. His arm snaked around her waist, pulling her closer until she was nearly in his lap, and her fingers knotted in his hair as he shifted his attention down the curve of her throat. Her head fell back instinctively, taking a shuddering breath as he pressed damp little kisses along the sensitive skin there, his hot breath a stark contrast to the chill of the room.

Sebastian captured her lips again, full of passion and desire and a raw longing that left Estelle weak, whimpering helplessly into his mouth.

That one little sound sent a jolt of clarity through the haze in her brain, ripped her out of the spell she’d been caught in. She pulled back from the kiss, resting her forehead against his for a moment until she remembered how to breathe again. His eyes were dark and hooded with desire, and she had to fight herself not to say fuck it and sleep with him right there on the couch.

But Sebastian meant so much more to her than a drunken hookup, and so Estelle reluctantly tore herself away from the one thing she wanted more than anything.

“I um...yeah,” she stammered. “I should...probably go to bed.”

Estelle gently brushed his hair back from where it had fallen into his face, and pressed one more soft kiss to his lips before retreating to her bedroom. She glanced back from the doorway to find him staring at her with a complicated expression, and she smiled, hoping it looked reassuring. She didn’t want him to think she had regrets, but she had to get away from him before her tiny thread of restraint snapped.

“Night Sebastian.”

The second her bedroom door closed she collapsed against it, sliding down to the floor with an incredulous grin on her face. She ran her tongue over her swollen bottom lip, where she could still taste him on her skin.

Fuck everything that had been holding her back. She was telling him tomorrow.


	27. We Are Goblin Destroyer

Estelle woke up with a start, sitting up in her bed like someone had shocked her awake. What time was it? It felt like she had slept for a week. Fumbling for her phone, she clicked on the display to check the time, only to see her note app open instead. Rubbing sleep out of her eyes, she peered down at the message.

_Tell Sebastian!_

Tell Sebastian…?

Estelle blinked at her phone in confusion as she sifted through her drunk brain for a clue as to what past-Estelle was trying to tell her. The maze, the booze, the movie, the…

Oh. _Oh._ Holy fuck, that was real?

That was real.

She brought her fingers to her lips, staring wide-eyed at the door as it all came back to her. She’d kissed Sebastian last night. More importantly, he’d kissed her back. Like, _a lot._ Enough to make her think that maybe Natalie was right. Maybe he was ready to move on. Maybe he actually wanted to be with her.

The part of her brain ruled by self-doubt and pessimism was telling her she was an idiot. He was drunk, she was forward, and that combination didn’t require feelings to be involved in order to end up the way it did. She’d had enough meaningless hookups to understand very well how booze skewed everything.

But everything was skewed now anyway, wasn’t it? They couldn’t go back to the way things were before. Even if they both pretended nothing happened...it still happened. Everything that had been shoved down in her chest for months had bubbled up to the surface, and it wouldn’t let her deny it anymore.

It was time.

Estelle hurried to get dressed, her nervous excitement not allowing for procrastination. She’d passed out in her makeup, so she looked less like an ice faerie and more like a melting snowcone. A few makeup remover towelettes and a brush through her hair and she felt more human – not exactly presentable, but good enough. Besides, it would look weird if she got dolled up when she stumbled out of her room half-dead every other day.

When she got to the door, however, she paused with her hand on the doorknob. Her stomach heaved with the reality of what she was risking. If this went badly, everything was fucked. He was her best friend and roommate – how exactly was she planning on recovering the situation if her gamble didn’t pay off?

But if it did…

Taking a deep breath, Estelle opened the door.

 

* * *

 

Sebastian stared at the train going past, flicking his second cigarette and lighting up a third. It had been a while since he felt the need to chain smoke – hell, he barely felt the urge to smoke at all these days. The physical addiction was still there, but that all-consuming need for a cigarette to settle his nerves came much less frequently than it used to. It was a touch ironic then, that the same girl who calmed him down better than nicotine now had riled him up enough to need it.

He’d woken up this afternoon fuzzy headed and not entirely confident in his memory. Sebastian didn’t typically drink that much, and the headache and general malaise he was feeling today reminded him why. But even though he was missing little details here and there, his memory of what happened at the end of the night was crystal clear.

Estelle had kissed him. He’d had enough liquid courage that he was about to kiss her himself, but she’d gotten there first. And it was amazing – everything he’d imagined it would be and more. The softness of her lips, the way her body molded against his, the little sounds she made in the back of her throat…Yoba, it was perfect. She was perfect.

But then she pulled away so abruptly, like she'd suddenly realized what she was doing and had to stop it immediately. And he couldn’t figure out why.

His bottomless cynicism said that she’d only kissed him because she was drunk and he was there. That it wasn’t personal – just alcohol and hormones, just like when she’d kissed Sam. Then she remembered that they lived together, decided not to complicate things, and backed off. It made sense and he couldn’t exactly blame her for it, even though it sucked to consider.

Still, despite that being the most rational explanation, he couldn’t help but entertain the thought there there might be another one. Maybe she pulled away because things were moving too fast, or she didn’t feel right that they’d been drinking. She’d kissed him so softly when she said she was leaving, and smiled from her doorway. That had to mean something, didn’t it?

It all had to mean something.

With a final blow of it’s horn, the train disappeared into the far tunnel, heading off to who knows where. For as long as he could remember Sebastian had thought about what it would be like to jump on one of the trains that passed through, let it take him far away from Pelican Town to somewhere new and exciting. Somewhere he could start over – try to be someone else, someone better. Someone deserving of a girl like Estelle.

Maybe he should have hopped on that one.

 

* * *

 

“Relax, Estelle. You look cute,” Natalie said, frowning at the way Estelle was rolling and unrolling the sleeve of her flannel. She’d gone with the same outfit she wore for every show since high school – distressed black skinny jeans, faded vintage band tank from a show her mom had gone to before Estelle was even born, oversized flannel, low top Converse. Classic and comfortable, and even a little sexy when paired with a smokey eye.

“Thanks, but it’s not that,” Estelle admitted. At Natalie’s inquiring look she sighed, abandoning her sleeve to pick at a thread on her jeans. “Swear you won’t tell anyone. Even Sam,” she added, glancing out into the living room, where he was sitting on the couch doing something on his phone.

“Sure. What’s up?”

“I um...sorta kissed Sebastian last night.”

Natalie’s eyebrows shot up. “What?! Really? Holy shit, tell me everything!”

Estelle shrugged, a smile forming at the memory. “I mean, there’s not much more to say. He seemed into it, and I was definitely into it, but we were both drunk so I went to bed before anything else could happen.”

Natalie stared at her with admiration for her restraint and disappointment that there wasn’t any juicy details. “Okay, so you didn’t hook up, but you made out. That’s a good thing, right? I mean...what did he say about it this morning?”

“Nothing. He was gone by the time I woke up. I haven’t seen him all day,” Estelle said, twisting the thread between her fingers nervously. “So now I don’t know what to think. Is he avoiding me? Does he regret it? I have no fucking idea what’s going on in his head and it’s making me crazy.”

“Seriously, I wouldn’t worry about it. Everyone knows he’s into you – honestly it would be weird if he _wasn’t_ being awkward about it,” she said, plopping down on the bed beside her. “Besides, Sam said he always disappears before a social event. He’s probably just trying to get his head on straight for the show tonight.”

“Maybe.”

“So...what are you going to do now?”

Estelle hesitated. What _was_ she going to do now? Her resolve from earlier had being slowly wearing away as the hours passed and her doubts began to creep in.

“I don’t know. I was going to tell him how I felt, but...”

The sound of the front door opening cut her off before she could finish her thought.

“Dude! It’s about fucking time!” Sam’s voice rang out. “We gotta start hauling this shit to the bus stop in like ten minutes!”

“So I’m ten minutes early then,” Seb replied dryly.

Natalie looked at her with a little smile. “Well, apparently you have about ten minutes to do it,” she said, standing up and walking into the living room.

Estelle stayed put, paralyzed by the noise in her head. What was she supposed to say?

“ _H_ _ey Seb, glad you’re back after disappearing for the entire day. That didn’t stress me out at all. Oh, by the way, I’_ _m_ _completely_ _in love with you so_ _I_ _hope you didn’t wake up regretting last night because that would make things really_ _suck_ _for me right now. Okay well time to move the equipment, talk later!”_

She shook her head and stood. No, she’d just wait until after the show. Give her some time to suss out his feelings, and build her own courage back up. Maybe a drink to calm her nerves. Just one.

“Estelle, your phone’s going off!” Sam called, just as she heard her ringtone start playing from where she’d left it on the living room table. Of course. Totally unprepared for whatever conversations were about to follow, she walked out of her bedroom to where her friends were waiting.

Her eyes immediately went to Sebastian, still standing just inside the doorway. He was looking at her too, but as usual she couldn’t read him at all. He wasn’t smiling, but he didn’t look angry or upset. Wasn’t blank-faced but wasn’t projecting emotion. Wasn’t avoiding her gaze but didn’t offer any insight through his. She was getting absolutely nothing out of him, and it was maddening.

What she wouldn’t give to have a single glimpse into his thoughts. Just this once.

Thankfully the phone was a decent distraction. She went right for the table, scooping up her ringing cell and checking the display. Maru. “Hey.”

“Hey girl. Just wanted to let you know Penny and I are heading out, so everything will be set up by the time you guys get here. Pam is on her way to the bus stop now so you can start bringing your stuff up.”

“Sounds good. Is she sober?”

“As much as she ever is?”

“Good enough I guess. Alright, see you soon.”

Estelle hung up and looked at Sam. “Pam’s on her way to unlock the bus so we can start loading up.”

He grinned hugely. “Alright guys! Let’s do this thing!”

 

* * *

 

Estelle couldn’t believe how many people from town had showed up. Better yet, how many people from out of town had showed up. A lot of them were likely waiting for the headliner, but still. There was a huge crowd gathering around the stage, big enough that her and Maru had to physically squeeze through to get spots up front, right next to Sam’s tween groupies from the fair. Maru got a good laugh out of that story while they waited for the show to start.

It felt good, seeing how many people were there to support her friends. She hoped it made them feel good too. They all felt like loners a lot of the time; the town outcasts who didn’t really fit the mold. But this proved that mold or no, they were part of Pelican Town, and the town had their back. That sense of community was amazing to her, a girl from a city so faceless that the people of her own apartment building didn’t know her name.

She thought about what they were doing right now, waiting backstage for their cue to go on. Sam was undoubtedly pacing back and forth, a ball of nervous energy. Nat had been on stage before, so she was probably just on her phone, doing one of those “Pick Your Favorite Ice Cream Flavor and We’ll Tell You How Many Kids You’ll Have” quizzes she was fond of. Seb...honestly, who the fuck knows. He could be anywhere from watching Sam bemusedly to having an existential crisis, or anything in between. He had been quiet on the bus, but that wasn’t surprising considering he was trapped in a tin can with half the town. He hadn’t said anything to her about last night, but again – not surprising. She knew she was overthinking again, but it was hard not to. Her brain was wired for overthinking.

Estelle noticed Shane a few feet back and leaned through the crowd, grabbing his arm and pulling him up next to her. The mini-groupies to her left made a few passive-aggressive comments, but backed off as soon as Estelle raised her eyebrows in their direction. Ah, youth.

“So, they any good?” Shane asked, nodding toward the stage.

“I think so,” Estelle replied with a shrug. “I might be a little biased though”

“Well, looks like we’re about to find out,” Maru added as the lights came on and her friends walked out to take their spots on stage. As predicted, Sam and Seb both looked vaguely like they were about to vomit – one from nerves, one from social anxiety. Poor dudes.

Estelle, despite her best intentions, was a total woo girl. When Sam stepped up to the mic she gave him a cheer of encouragement, and he shot her a little half-smile in return.

“Hey everyone,” he began, voice a little wobbly. Estelle cringed. He needed to get it together or he was going to fuck up a song and beat himself up over it the rest of his life. “We’re from Pelican Town, and...err...”

There was a second of silence where Sam seemed to completely forget what he was going to say, staring out at the crowd like a deer in the headlights. “C’mon Sam...” Estelle muttered under her breath.

“We are Goblin Destroyer, and we’re here to kick your teeth in!” Natalie yelled from her kit in the back, saving Sam. “One-two-three-four!”

Much to Estelle’s relief, Sam’s paralysis broke as soon as Nat hit her drumsticks together. Muscle memory from weeks of practice kicked in, and the first few notes he sang rang out loud and clear.

Maru turned to her, eyebrows raised in surprise. “They’re actually really good!” she called out over the speakers.

“I know!” Estelle replied with a grin. They _were_ really good. She’d heard these songs a hundred times each, but hearing them from on stage, feeling the energy of the crowd, seeing how into it they were getting – it was so fucking good.

Estelle let herself get lost in the music, dancing with Maru, cheering her crew on, returning the shade the tweens were throwing at her. It was so fun she forgot all about her earlier stress. While she was enjoying watching the whole show – Sam looked every part the rock star, and Nat was a blur of pink hair and aggression – her eyes kept drifting back over to Sebastian. He was having fun - she could tell by the little smile on his face as his fingers flew over the keyboards. It looked good on him.

They played the first two songs of the set, which only left the song she'd written about him. But when Sam went to introduce it, her brow creased in confusion. That wasn’t the title. Sam met her gaze and winked before signaling the others to start, and Estelle’s eyes went wide with understanding. This was the song Sebastian had written. The guitar kicked off, distorted and heavy, and a slow smile crept over her face as Sam began to sing.

It was a good song. Dark, angsty, with a beautiful piano interlude and thoughtful lyrics – the whole thing was very much Sebastian.

_And all I see_  
_Is you next to me_  
 _A ghost of you tangled up in my sheets_  
  
_And I don’t know why_  
 _But I’m mesmerized by your broken eyes_  
 _We got this road_  
 _And we both know where it’s bound to go_

When it ended he glanced up at her with a little smile, and she beamed back. It was about her. That look said everything. He loved her. Yoba, he really did.

She couldn’t wait until they got home tonight.

 

* * *

 

Abigail glanced down at her dash clock and pressed harder on the gas. She’d catch the end of the show if she hurried, and that was all she needed. Make an appearance, show she cared despite everything they’d put her through, make them feel like shit for dismissing her.

They should feel like shit. How dare they? For years she had put up with those immature idiots, sat through a thousand pathetic arguments about nerd culture or which band was better, tolerated their incessant trivial bullshit. For _years._

And for what? For the minimal gratification of having someone close by to kill time with. Sebastian was a fun diversion, but nothing more. Maybe when she was young and hurting she needed that boost of knowing someone loved her. When Jason had cheated, when she’d left the campus for online school – yeah, she could admit that having Sebastian around during those times was beneficial. But now? Catering to his obsession was more tiresome than it was worth, and she knew was going to have to drop him sooner or later.

But that wasn’t his fucking call to make. _Especially_ over some other bitch who had no right getting involved.

Estelle. What a cunt. Everything went to shit when she moved here. She stole Abby’s friends, her band, her spot in the town dynamic. Abigail was replaced entirely, like she never even existed in the first place. The ultimate indignity.

What was so great about Estelle anyway? She was just some city rat, a drunk slut who couldn’t even support herself, yet half the town loved her. Even after Abby had her mom run damning gossip on her, very few had bit. It didn’t make sense. How could she have woven herself so tightly into the fabric of the town in less than a year? She was nothing. No one. Yet she had taken everything Abigail had spent years building.

Yoba, it pissed her off.

Honestly, this had nothing to do with Sebastian anymore. Now it was personal, and he was a means to an end. Anyone with eyes knew they were into each other – if it wasn’t love, it would be soon enough. And nothing hurts more than love.

She was going to make Estelle wish she’d never set foot in Pelican Town.

 

* * *

 

The crowd erupted into cheers and applause when the set ended. Sam was grinning from ear to ear, and even Sebastian looked pleased. Estelle could barely contain her excitement for them. They’d made it through their first show, and they fucking _killed it._

The owner of the bar they were playing at took the stage as they walked off. “Alright folks, give it up for Goblin Destroyer! Make sure to stop by their merch booth in the back of lot and support our local talent. Next up: Analogy of War!”

The crowd cheered for the headliner, but Estelle was focused on Sam as she and Maru went to meet them offstage. He looked so confused, until he looked to the back of the lot and saw the big sign hanging above the table Penny and Maru had set up. The he just looked like he was about to cry.

“You guys were fucking amazing!” Estelle gushed as they reached the side of the stage.

“You set us up a merch booth?” Sam asked, flabbergasted.

“Well I had the idea, Maru and Penny did all the work. Surprise!”

Sam pulled her into a bone-crushing hug, and Estelle laughed, pushing him away. “Let go, you sweaty fuck.”

“Hey Maru...thanks,” Sebastian said, quietly but earnestly.

Maru beamed at him. “You’re welcome. Anyway you guys should get back there, Penny said the booth is blowing up and people are asking for autographs.”

“Seriously?” Sam said. “Dude! Best day of my life,” he said, starting for the booth with Natalie.

Sebastian had just started to follow when Estelle reached out and grabbed his hand, tugging him back lightly. “Hey…I know you’re busy tonight, but can you let me know when you have a sec?”

He looked a little uncertain, and she mentally cursed herself for essentially leading with ‘we need to talk’.

“I have time now?”

She shook her head with a smile. “No, it’s okay, no rush. Go sign shit for your adoring fans and come find me when you’re done.”

With that she gave his fingers a little squeeze and let go, starting towards the bar.

“Estelle, wait.”

She turned back to find Sebastian looking hesitantly off to the side, cheeks flushed and hands stuffed in his hoodie pockets. He opened his mouth to say something, but his gaze flicked over to where Maru was still standing nearby, and closed it again.

“Here,” he said finally, pulling a 1000g note out of his pocket and handing it to her. “Your half of the pumpkin.”

Estelle knew he hadn’t stopped her to give her money, but she went with it anyway. She wasn’t going to make him talk in front of Maru. Besides – holy shit, the pumpkin actually transformed?

“It really worked?” she asked disbelievingly.

He shrugged. “Unless Sam is trolling us, but I don’t think he has 2 grand for a joke. The pumpkin was gone when I woke up.”

“Wow. Well, guess my snacks are on the wizard’s dime tonight. Thanks Seb.”

They parted ways, Estelle feeling on top of the world. Finally, everything was going to work out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to listen to the music I envisioned for the show, I made a Spotify playlist here: 
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/user/h38gwdk9vgejprwzcxmftwu29/playlist/20G8ti6NYVu2kKwAFs8Jg3?si=N_RblshhR02PmRGEs4PHNQ
> 
> "All I See" is the song Seb wrote, "StopRewind" is Estelle's inspired by him. If you like them show some love to the artist, his music is great. =)
> 
> And as always, thanks for reading!


	28. Unravel

The show was a blur of anxiety, with a short reprieve in the middle playing songs he knew like the back of his hand. Sebastian had been surrounded by people from the moment he stepped on the bus, but even that was nothing compared to being surrounded by strangers shoving CD’s and t-shirts at him to sign. Incredibly flattering, sure, but horrifying for someone who panicked in social situations.

He couldn’t wait to get out of here and back to the comfort of his own house. Though even that held a measure of anxiety for him now. Estelle wanted to talk...which of course she did, he’d been gone all day and they hadn’t hashed out the events of last night yet. It felt like there was more on her mind than just that, though, and he was uncomfortable with not knowing what she was planning to spring on him. She seemed different after the show than before – more confident, maybe. He wasn’t sure what that meant for him.

The waiting made it so much worse. He wanted to just get it all over with right there in the parking lot, but Maru didn’t take the hint and leave. Not that he really knew what he was going to say anyway. Every time he felt like he had it, she’d look up at him and the words would disappear from his mouth, lost to her beauty and his own fear.

Yoba, he was a fucking trainwreck.

Rather than torment himself with the inevitable, he tried to focus on the good. The show had gone perfectly, and people were definitely into it, if their merch sales were any indicator. He was pleased to see that a lot of people from out of town were buying their stuff, and not just his mom and Jodi. Though they both did too.

Signing things was incredibly weird. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d signed his name – maybe renewing his drivers license two years ago? One show later and a random drunk chick is asking him to Sharpie her chest. Everything about this felt surreal.

Particularly surreal when Abigail showed up, holding out a sticker with an expectant look on her face.

“Uh...hey...” Sebastian stammered out. What was she doing here? She hadn’t been on the bus, and after her freak out last night she was the last person he expected to see. And was she really asking him to sign a sticker for her?

What the hell was even happening anymore.

“Hey,” she said, smiling. “Can you sign that? If you guys make it big I want something to sell online in ten years.”

“Um...sure...” he said, scrawling his name across the sticker. He glanced at Sam next to him, but he and Natalie were in a deep conversation with some guy and not paying attention. “I didn’t think you’d show up,” he said finally, unsure of what else to say.

Her expression dropped. “I wouldn’t miss your show,” she said, a pained inflection in her voice like it hurt her that he’d think she would.

Feeling guilty for thinking that poorly of her, Sebastian hurried to correct himself. “I didn’t mean it like that, just… you were pretty upset last night, that’s all.”

She glanced off to the side, biting her lip regretfully. “I know. But I didn’t mean what I said... I was just hurt that I’d been replaced, you know? I could have taken the news a little better. Sorry.”

“It’s okay. I’m glad you came,” he said. To his surprise, it was the truth. It had made him feel like shit yesterday when she’d said he was just like everyone else, that disdain she had towards the rest of the villagers directed at him too. Her being here now was proof that she hadn’t meant it.

On top of that, she seemed to be acting more like the old Abby and less like the bitter person she’d become over the last few months. It reminded him of why they’d been friends in the first place, why he’d grown to care for her so much over the years. Though it was probably going to be short-lived. As soon as Estelle showed up, Abby would undoubtedly go back on the defensive – or offensive.

Keeping the two of them apart was exhausting on a level he didn’t want to tolerate anymore. Something had to give, he just wasn’t sure what yet. The possibility that he had to cut one of them out of his life entirely was painful, but the possibility of them coming to terms with each other seemed more distant every day.

Abby beamed at him, picking up her sticker and putting it in her purse. “I’m glad I came too. Do you want to grab a drink or something? I feel like we haven’t really talked in ages.”

No. Absolutely not. There was no fucking way he was walking into the bar with Abby when he knew Estelle was there.

“Ugh, I can’t even look at a drink right now. Had one too many last night,” he said, exaggerating the extent of his hangover.

She giggled, shaking her head in mock disapproval. “Okaaay, then how about we just find somewhere quiet? I won’t keep you all night, I just want to catch up a little. I miss having you around.”

“I...yeah, okay,” he agreed hesitantly. The line for the booth was starting to die down, and catching up sounded nice. Besides, if he hung out now, the chances of her starting shit with his friends later went down significantly. “There’s a storage room in the tavern where our equipment is. We can go there?” he offered.

“Perfect! I’ll meet you there when you’re done signing merch, rock star.”

With that she turned and left, freshly dyed hair bouncing behind her. Sebastian watched her go for a moment, feeling a weird apprehension in the pit of his stomach. Something felt off, though he couldn’t put his finger on it.

Shaking his head to dismiss the feeling, he picked his marker back up and offered a fake smile to the next girl in line, holding one of their CD’s. He’d go for twenty minutes tops, and then run out the rest of the night with Estelle and Sam. What’s the worst thing that could happen?

 

* * *

 

When the last t-shirt had been signed, Sebastian nudged Sam.

“I’m going to the equipment room for a bit,” he said, figuring he should explain his disappearance in case they needed him for anything. “Need to get away from the crowd.”

“Yeah man, cool,” Sam replied distractedly, still talking to the other man.

It wasn’t a lie – he _did_ need to get away from the crowd. He just didn’t feel like dealing with Sam or Natalie’s shit if he said he was meeting Abby there. The omission was a minor technicality, and not like it was really any of their business anyway.

Sebastian’s eyes drifted automatically to the bar when he entered the tavern, searching for Estelle. She was in the back corner by the jukebox, laughing at something Shane or Leah had said. The corner of his mouth twitched up unconsciously in response to her laughter. She looked so beautiful tonight – all dark-rimmed eyes and bright smiles. Plus the ripped jeans that hugged her form like a second skin. He’d noticed those too.

He dragged his eyes away from her and turned down the hallway towards the storage room. Opening the door, he found Abby sitting on a crate of wine, legs crossed and scrolling through her phone. A smile lit up her features as he entered and closed the door behind him.

“Hey,” she said, patting the crate next to her. He crossed the room and sat where she indicated, folding his arms across his chest in that familiar, subconsciously defensive stance.

“So! How have you been? It’s been so long since we’ve been able to just be alone like this,” she said, voice darkening slightly at the end. He picked up on the implication – _because of you._

“I’ve been good.”

She frowned slightly. “Huh. That’s new.”

He shrugged but didn’t comment. She was right – it _was_ new. Good wasn’t an accurate descriptor for his life up until lately, but now it seemed underwhelming to just say ‘fine’. Things were good, simple as that.

“I guess ditching Demetrius really did the trick, huh?”

“Yeah.”

“I see you haven’t gotten any chattier,” she said with a laugh. “Soooo I guess I’ll just cut to the chase then.”

The chase? So she did have some reason for this other than friendly catching up. He should have known.

“I’ll be honest Seb, these past few months have been really hard on me,” she said, taking his hand and lacing her fingers through his. “I guess I didn’t realize how much I wanted you around until you suddenly weren’t anymore. So I’m sorry for, you know, taking you for granted all this time.”

Sebastian just stared at her, unsure what to say to that. It felt good to hear, to have that reaffirmation that he was wanted, that he mattered. Still, it didn’t make him particularly happy either. It almost felt like too little, too late, in a way.

“So I’ve been thinking,” she continued, looking up at him through her lashes. “This time apart has made me really reflect on what I want for my life, and...I want you, Seb. I want to be with you.”

When he didn’t immediately respond she added, “If, you know, you still want to be with me.”

She gave him a hopeful little smile and squeezed his fingers. They were chilly, he noticed. Estelle’s were always so warm.

Estelle. He could have wept with the irony of it. The girl he’d loved for years was right in front of him, asking him to be with her, and he was thinking about Estelle.

That should have been his answer right there. He didn’t want to be with Abby anymore. Estelle had taken over his entire world – as hard as he tried to not let her, he had failed. If it had been her sitting there, he wouldn’t have hesitated for a second.

But it wasn’t her.

She liked him, sure. He could believe that. Maybe she would even be with him for a while, if he asked. But eventually she would realize that he wasn’t what she needed, realize that she deserved better. He couldn’t fault her for it, but it would still crush him. Having her, and then losing her...it would destroy him irreparably. The damage Abigail could inflict was laughably trivial compared to what Estelle could do to him.

Abby was safe. Didn’t he need safe? Wasn’t he so tired of being afraid?

He remembered what he had told himself back when he first realized how hard he was falling for her. That the only way to save himself was to never give her the chance to ruin him. No matter how much it hurt.

_It hurt so much._

Wordlessly, Sebastian nodded, unable to draw in enough air to speak. It felt like his chest was caving in, like his body had given up on trying to keep him alive and was letting him slowly suffocate.

Abigail smiled and wrapped her arms around his neck.

_I’m not good enough for her anyway._

When Abigail pressed her lips to his, the only thing Sebastian could think about was Estelle’s.

 

* * *

 

After her third round of soda with lime, Estelle was far too sober to maintain the level of patience required to sit and wait for Sebastian any longer. She excused herself from her conversation with Shane and Leah, heading back out to the parking lot to see what was going on. When she arrived at the merch booth however, she frowned – Seb wasn’t there. Just Natalie and Sam talking to some dude carrying a clipboard and wearing some kind of wireless earpiece.

Though she was hesitant to interrupt what looked like a pretty important conversation, Estelle wanted to know where Sebastian was. She made her way over to the table, trying to think of how she could tactfully cut in.

Thankfully Nat saw her first and waved her over, a big smile on her face. “Hey Estelle! Come meet Travis – he’s a DJ for 102.7 Valley Alternative. Travis, this my sister Estelle – she’s collaborated on a few of our songs so far.”

Estelle raised her eyebrows as she shook the man’s hand. Radio, huh? “Wow, nice to meet you.”

He grinned, shaking her hand enthusiastically. “You too! I gotta say, you kids have a great thing going for you. I was just telling Sam and Natalie here, I can’t believe this is your first live show. The stage presence was fantastic, let alone the music!”

“I keep telling them how awesome they are,” Estelle said with a smile. “Sorry to cut this short, but have you guys seen Sebastian? He was supposed to meet me inside.”

“Oh, he said he needed a people break. He’s probably still in the equipment room,” Sam said.

Oh, duh. He’d been surrounded by people all night – of course he was going to need a minute before wading through a crowded bar. Estelle gave her polite goodbyes to Travis and headed back for the tavern. Hopefully Sam and Nat could make something come of that radio connection. It’d be awesome if they could get time on air.

She opened the door to the equipment room, excited to tell Seb about it – and instead felt her heart shatter into a thousand tiny shards.

In movies they always show the girl frozen in place, staring wide-eyed at the scene in front of her like a car accident she can’t look away from. It was a small mercy that Estelle didn’t have that reaction. No sooner had she laid eyes on Sebastian and Abigail kissing than she immediately dropped her gaze, stepping back out of the doorway and closing the door behind her as fast as she could without slamming it. With an eerie calm she walked back to the bar, taking her seat beside Shane.

“Two doubles of Jameson, please. Neat,” she asked the bartender, who nodded and began to pour the drinks. Her voice sounded distant, cold, completely devoid of all feeling. That was good. She didn’t want any of her current emotions getting out.

Shane glanced at her, scrunching his nose in distaste. “I don’t like whiskey,” he said.

“They’re not for you.”

He narrowed his eyes at that, looking her over more closely. She ignored him, tossing back the first glass in one go. The liquor burned a line all the way down to her belly, the physical pain cutting through the emotional turmoil, giving her something tangible to focus on.

“Hey, you good?”

She fixed her gaze on a picture hanging across the bar, a black and white image of the founder pouring a drink behind this very bar. She didn’t have any particular interest in the photo, but it was something neutral to look at. Somewhere to put her eyes that wouldn’t offend anyone, or invite conversation. She didn’t trust herself to close them – closing them might be the start of her impending breakdown.

“Estelle?”

“I’m fine Shane,” she said flatly, picking up her second glass and tipping it back.

“Might wanna slow down then champ.”

Something about the tone in his voice sparked her temper. He was good at doing that. Half of their friendship was pissing each other off, but now wasn’t the time.

“Since when did you become an expert on moderation?” she snapped.

He was quiet for a moment, long enough that her fleeting rage dimmed into regret. “I’m gonna let that one slide because you’re obviously dealing with some shit,” he said finally.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean it.”

“I know. So, what’s going on?”

“Nothing.”

He scoffed. “Always is. That nothing will fuck up your life,” he said, taking a swig of his beer. “Look Estelle, if you don’t wanna talk, fine. But take it from me – acting like a dumbass isn’t going to make anything better.”

Better? She felt like her soul was dying, being strangled slowly by the image burned into her brain and everything that went with it. No, this wasn’t going to get better so easily. This wound was going to fester.

“I’m not trying to make it better.”

“Yeah,” he said with a sigh, taking another long drink. “That’s what I was afraid of.”

 

* * *

 

Sam stood up with Travis, shaking his hand a final time as he left. How fucking amazing was that? Their first show and they catch the eye of a popular DJ. Travis said he’d call with some info on how to get them on air, and more opportunities for gigs. Goblin Destroyer was going places, he could feel it.

Nat had gone inside to use the bathroom, so after Travis walked away Sam turned to head into the tavern himself – but was stopped mid-step, by Shane of all people. Weird. Shane had never said a word to him outside of work before.

“Uh, hey dude,” Sam said, confusion evident in his voice.

Shane didn’t bother with pleasantries. “You need to go to the bar. Something happened that has Estelle aiming to drown herself.”

Sam didn’t need to hear anything else. He hurried into the bar, scanning the crowd until he spotted her, head down low, running her finger idly along the rim of a rocks glass. Taking the empty stool next to her, he put his hand on her back to let her know he was there. “Hey Estelle. What...”

“You were wrong,” she said quietly, not looking up. Her voice was hard and bitter in a way he had never heard from her before.

“I’m wrong about a lot of things,” he said, using his trademark lightheartedness to hide his worry. “About what in particular this time?”

“Ask Sebastian. If you can pry him off of Abigail long enough to get a response.”

It took a second for him to register what the hell she meant, but his stomach dropped out when it finally clicked.

_Oh, fuck._

Sam wrapped his arms around Estelle, pulling her into a tight hug. Inside he was absolutely seething, but she didn’t need his anger. She needed his comfort. So he held her, though she was stiff and nonreciprocal. He didn’t know what to say, or if talking would even help, so he just kept holding her until finally she broke the silence with a harsh laugh.

“You know, I was actually starting to think there was something there between us. I was going to…” she trailed off, shaking her head. “What a fucking idiot I was.”

“There _is_ something there Estelle, I know there is,” Sam argued, leaning back to look her in the eyes. “He lov–“

“Don’t,” she cut him off, voice strangled. “Don’t, Sam. Please.”

He saw the tears she had been trying to hold back well up in her eyes, and pulled her close again as she finally lost her composure.

“I love him,” she sobbed into his shoulder. “I love him so much and it hurts. It hurts so fucking bad.”

Hearing her sound so full of despair, feeling her shaking against his chest – it was breaking his heart, too. Sam bent down and pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured against her hair, rubbing circles into her back as her tears soaked through his shirt. What else could he do? He felt so helpless.

He glanced up to see Natalie walking out of the bathroom, freezing in place when she saw what was happening. She met Sam’s gaze and her eyes went wide.

“ _Seb?” s_ he mouthed silently, and Sam nodded. Her face fell and she rushed over, wrapping her arms around Estelle too. When Estelle let go of him in favor of Natalie, Sam used the opportunity to get up. Nat had this under control, and he had somewhere else to be.

Sam was pissed, and he was going to find Sebastian.

 

* * *

 

Sebastian absently flicked the wheel of his lighter, watching the tiny sparks light up and die without fuel to keep them lit. It seemed a fitting analogy, he supposed, but more importantly kept his hands busy. All of his nerves were on edge to the point where he was about to say fuck the health code and have a cigarette.

Abby had stepped out to go to the bathroom, which honestly he was grateful for. His head was a fucking mess and he couldn’t sort through any of it with her there. Though now that he was alone, he still wasn’t making any progress. It was like his synapses weren’t firing properly, like everything was too fucked up to even think.

Everything was so fucked up.

He glanced up as the door opened, expecting to see Abigail – but instead Sam walked in, slamming the door behind him. Sebastian’s brows drew together at the look on his best friend’s face. He looked murderously angry. What the hell happened?

“What the fuck dude?” Sam yelled.

“What?” Sebastian replied, confused. He was mad at _him?_

“Wanna tell me why Estelle is sobbing into a whiskey neat right now?”

“I...don’t know...” Sebastian said slowly.

“Well you should, because it started when she walked in on you sucking face with Abigail.”

Sebastian’s stomach flipped, sending a wave of bile up into the back of his throat. She’d walked in on them? He hadn’t figured out how he was going to tell her, but having her walk in on them was at the bottom of the fucking list. And now she...

“Why are you doing this?” Sam pressed on, throwing his hands up in frustration. “We both know you don’t want Abby. You want Estelle. So once again – what the _fuck?”_

“You wouldn’t understand.”

Sam scoffed. “You know what, you’re right. I wouldn’t. Because I’m not stupid enough to give up a fantastic girl who loves me over some dumb bitch who’s been using me since high school.”

“Estelle doesn’t love me,” Sebastian said quietly.

“Except she literally just told me she does, in between bawling her fucking eyes out over you. But whatever. Believe whatever you want Sebastian. I’m done. I’m so fucking done.”

Sam went for the door but paused when he reached it, hand on the doorknob. “I hope for your sake this was worth losing her over,” he said, a tired disappointment in his voice.

Sebastian stared wide-eyed at the door as Sam left. As soon as it shut his tenuous control over his emotions snapped, and he slammed his fist into the wall hard enough to draw blood to his knuckles before dropping his face into his hands.

 

* * *

 

The whiskey had finally hit her bloodstream, making her head fuzzy enough to act human again. Estelle still felt like she was rotting inside, but at least the outside could function. Which was good, because she’d had enough of the sympathetic glances and curious stares of random patrons. The bartender cut her off once she started crying, the fucker, but it didn’t matter. She had a pool of warmth in her belly that could carry her through the rest of the night – at least until she got home, anyway.

She didn’t want to go home. He would be there, and she couldn’t stand to see him tonight.

So you know what, fuck it. She wouldn’t go home. She was young and attractive – a few whispered promises and batted lashes could land her any number of different homes for the night. She wasn’t going to sit around moping over Sebastian when he probably had Abigail bent over a crate right now. If he didn’t give a shit about her, then she’d do her damnedest to pretend she didn’t give a shit about him.

Maybe one day she’d manage to convince herself.

Estelle glanced into the mirror behind the bar, checking for running mascara or anything else that would put a damper on her ambition. Lucky for her, the waterproof makeup she’d used lived up to it’s claim, and aside from bloodshot, puffy eyes, she looked passable. Even those could be blamed on the drink. And really, who gives a fuck anyway. It's a hookup, not a Miss Universe contest.

Taking a look around the bar, her gaze settled on a few candidates. A guy with blue spiked hair and both arms sleeved with tattoos – eh, pass. A tall ginger playing grab ass with Haley – nah.

Shane? Huh. Oddly enough, she could actually see herself sleeping with Shane. He was even kinda cute, in a way, and she knew he wasn’t getting the attention he deserved. A hookup might do them both a bit of good. But no, Shane reminded her too much of Sebastian, the miserable bastards. She needed someone as far from Sebastian as possible. The polar fucking opposite of Sebastian.

As soon as the thought entered her mind, her gaze landed on Alex, and a small, wicked smirk crossed her lips. As far from Sebastian as it could get – and bonus, Sebastian hates him. How disgustingly poetic.

Estelle stood abruptly, causing Natalie to grab her arm. “Whoa, where are you going?”

“I’m going to fuck Alex.”

Natalie’s face twisted into concerned disapproval. “Estelle, wait.”

But Estelle didn’t wait. She didn't give herself a chance to talk herself out of it, to let her anguish take control again. Instead she strolled right over to where Alex was talking with two other dudebros about a gridball game that weekend, a seductive smile on her face as she hooked her fingers into his belt loops and pressed the length of her body against him.

“Hey Alex.”

“Uh...hey Stelle,” he said, clearly taken aback but not pulling away.

“You wanna get out of here?” she asked, arching an eyebrow suggestively. She hadn’t seen him on the bus, so he had to have drove up himself.

The other guys snickered, but one look at Alex’s face and she knew she had him.

“I...yeah! Yeah, definitely,” he said, recovering quickly with a grin. She smiled and took him by the hand, leading him out to the parking lot. Hopefully he’d fuck her until she couldn’t remember her own name, let alone Sebastian’s.

 

* * *

 

When Abigail returned, Sebastian asked to leave. The idea of staying until the bus left, then the two hour drive with Sam, Natalie, and Estelle… he couldn’t do it. He needed to get the fuck out of here, and she seemed more than happy to oblige, taking them home in her dad’s car. Sebastian was silent the entire drive, lost in his own thoughts as Abby rambled in a stream of consciousness he didn’t care enough to listen to.

He had fucked up. At the time it seemed logical – he couldn’t lose her if he never had her, right? He could avoid that inevitable agony if he just let the possibility go now. Maybe being with Abby would even dull the ache of not having Estelle. It seemed like the right thing to do.

But it wasn’t. He did lose her. He lost her without even having the chance to be with her - without knowing what it was like to wake up next to her, see her smile when he told her she was beautiful, press his lips to every inch of her skin and make love to her. To hear her say she loved him.

Fuck. She loved him. How long had she felt that way? How many days, weeks, months could they have been happy together, if he hadn’t been too stupid and stubborn and cowardly to just tell her how he felt? He could have been holding her right now.

Sebastian had hated himself for as long as he could remember, but never so much as he did in this moment. He had everything he ever wanted right in front of him, and he ruined it. And worse, he’d hurt her too.

When they got back to Pelican Town, Abigail asked to spend the night. He declined. Even if he wanted to sleep with her, she had to be delusional if she thought he’d bring her back to his house, knowing who else lived there. She looked a bit put out but shrugged, dropping him off at the bus stop alone. She leaned in for a goodbye kiss, but he pretended not to see her, mumbling good night and pushing open the car door without a second glance. As soon as he did it he felt guilty. It wasn’t fair to her – it wasn’t her fault that he had fucked everything up so horribly. Yet another person he was hurting.

Sebastian didn’t go straight home. Instead he cut through the farm and up the winding back road into the mountains. He thought about going back to the train station, but his feet had other plans, carrying him across the field to his old spot by the lake. He’d spent nearly every night here when he lived with his mom, smoking and thinking about how shitty life was. It seemed appropriate that he’d be back here now, when life felt shittier than ever before.

As he lit up a desperately needed cigarette, he thought of the spring evenings when she would come here to fish. Back when she was just the pretty new girl, alluring but ultimately not important. Sometimes she’d make small talk with him, sometimes she wouldn’t, silently watching the stars reflect off of the water as she waited for a bite. He’d try to ignore her, but always find himself looking her way anyway, drawn to the way her eyes sparkled in the moonlight, the sad smile she sometimes wore as she gazed across the lake. Part of him knew, even then, that there was something different about her.

He sighed, dropping his cigarette into the hidden bucket his mom had obviously not yet found and lighting another one. He wondered what the Sebastian back then would have said if he’d told him this is how things would turn out. Scoff, probably. That girl? Falling for him? Keep dreaming pal.

But she did. He thought about holding her hand in the darkness of the maze, the look in her eyes just before she kissed him. Her smile tonight at the concert, looking up from the front row after they played the song he was now pretty sure she had written about him. She loved him.

As dozens of memories of their time together flashed through his mind, that truth became more and more clear. And with that certainty, he found resolve. If she loved him, then he could fix this. That’s how love worked, right? It was stronger than misunderstandings and idiot mistakes. He loved her. She loved him. He could make this right.

He had to make this right.

Pulling out his phone, he sent a quick text to Maru.

_Is the bus back yet?_

After a moment she replied.

_Yeah, Pam came in a while ago bitching about the saloon being closed. Why, what’s up? Didn’t you take it back?_

_Everything ok Seb?_

… _Seb?_

He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket several more times, but he didn’t check the messages. He didn’t have an answer for her. Was everything okay? No. Was it going to be? He’d find out soon enough, he supposed, walking briskly across the grass and back towards home.

Pushing open the door to their house, he took in the empty living room and kitchen before looking at her bedroom door. It was closed. He paused in front of it for a moment, unsure of what he was going to say.

_I’m sorry. I fucked up. I love you._

Good enough. He gently knocked on the door, wincing slightly as the impact sent a jolt of pain through his bruised hand.

No response. He knocked again, a bit harder. Maybe she had fallen asleep? Sam said she had been drinking…

“She’s not here.”

Sebastian turned to see Natalie standing at the bottom of the stairs, leaning against the wall with her arms crossed. Her face looked distinctly unfriendly, but honestly he couldn’t bring himself to care. He was too focused on what she’d said.

“Then where is she?”

She hesitated, glancing off to the side like she wasn’t sure if she should tell him or not.

“Where is she Natalie?” he asked again, a hint of the desperation he was feeling creeping into his voice.

Nat looked back at him then, expression crossed between anger and sympathy. “She went home with Alex. Pretty sure she won’t be back tonight.”

With that she turned and walked back upstairs, shaking her head sadly. Sebastian’s knees gave out from under him, sliding against her door until he hit the ground with a heavy thud. His breath hitched as a silent tear ran down his face for the first time in years.

He really had lost her.


	29. Silence

The following week went by in a series of unending misery. Estelle’s hadn’t seen Sebastian since the show, which had to be deliberate considering the size of the town and the fact that technically they still lived together, though he hadn’t come home in days. She knew this because sleep had been eluding her more often than not, leaving her sitting on her bed staring into the darkness until the wee hours of the morning, bedroom door left open just in case.

She didn’t know why he was avoiding her. If anything, she should be avoiding him. But like everything else between them, what should be was ass backwards from what really was. He’d shattered her down to her core, but he was still the only person she wanted to see. What the fuck was wrong with her?

Part of her was still in denial about everything that was happening, like a stubborn old woman who refused to leave her house during a hurricane. So what if he didn’t love her? So what if he was with Abigail? A few weeks ago that wouldn’t have been surprising – it would have devastated her, sure, but it was expected. She would have been able to deal – maybe not with grace, but still deal.

But things had changed. The seed had been planted, and allowed to flourish, and before she knew it she had convinced herself that he was going to be her happily ever after. That their unique brands of broken would come together to be something whole, something good. That they’d find what they needed in each other.

Hope was a disease.

To their credit, Natalie and Sam had been amazing. Sam in particular. She was fairly sure that Sebastian had been holed up at his house, considering Sam hadn’t been spending the night with Natalie and she saw him carrying Seb’s backpack out one day. That meant he’d been dividing his time between the two of them, looking out for them both. If Seb was half as miserable as she was, then Sam’s life was 24/7 nonstop angst, and he just took it all without complaint.

Though Sebastian being miserable was probably just wishful thinking on her part. Why would he be? He finally got what he wanted. If she was a better friend she’d be happy for him.

She wasn’t.

It was only a matter of time before this balancing act fell apart, and everyone knew it. By all accounts the shitshow was scheduled to begin next week, when Natalie left for her internship in Zuzu. Nat kept Sam together, and Sam was keeping them together – when she was gone, the dominoes would tumble.

If he was smart he’d just go with her. They’d only been together for two months, but they’d grown closer in those two months than some couples do in two years. If Sam pulled out a mermaid pendant tomorrow, no one would bat an eye.

Truth be told, he just might. Tomorrow was Natalie’s 20th birthday, and because Estelle was a garbage sister, she didn’t have anything planned for it. Not like there were a ton of options in Pelican Town. Booze and cake at the saloon, or booze and cake at home. Which reminded her, she needed to ask Jodi to bake a cake. Jodi made the best cakes.

Estelle pulled out her phone to send Jodi a text and saw she had a message waiting for her already. Alex.

_wanna hang out?_

She sighed, letting the phone dangle loosely in her hand while she decided how to respond. Hooking up with Alex had been a mistake. Not at first – at first it had been exactly what she needed. A highly pleasurable diversion, something to take her mind off the fact that her heart had been ripped out of her chest and give her some power back. It had been damn close to a year since she’d had sex, and he was not a bad choice to break that fast by any means.

No, the mistake came the morning after, when she woke up in an unfamiliar bed and the events of the night before came crashing down on her like it was happening all over again. She was about to grab her clothes and bail before the breakdown started, but instead Alex pulled her back into bed, and she’d let him give her the distraction she desperately needed.

He’d distracted her the next day too. And two days after that. And now what was meant to be a one time drunk hookup was turning into a regular booty call, and that was something she hadn’t intended on.

Not that Alex was a bad option for a booty call – he was pretty great in bed and a genuinely nice guy – but she wasn’t going into it with good intentions. She wasn’t looking for sex, she was looking for an escape from the endless hurt, and sex just happened to fit the bill. She felt like a piece of shit for using him like that, even if he was just using her for her body in return.

At least, she hoped he was just using her for her body. It would be absolutely fucking terrible if Alex developed feelings for her. She knew how sex could blur the line between friendship and romance, and she had to end this before it had the chance to get that far.

_yeah. can you come here though?_

_sure...b there in a few_

It’d be easier to break it off with him on her own turf, just in case he pushed the issue or things went otherwise poorly. She didn’t think he would, but it wasn’t a bad idea to be prepared. Over the years she had picked up a few key truths that applied to most men – they liked food, they liked sex, and you never knew what the fuck they were going to do when rejected.

 

* * *

 

The moment he stepped out of Sam’s house, Sebastian reached for his cigarettes. He’d been smoking too much lately. It lingered on him in a way it never did before, strong enough that he noticed the stale scent when his hair fell into his face. Not that it mattered, really. Sam was used to it from his dad, and Abigail had picked up the habit herself when she lived in the university dorms. Natalie was the only other person around to be offended, and she’d be leaving soon enough.

He should probably find somewhere else to crash. Once Nat was gone, Sam wasn’t going to be in the right state of mind to tolerate Sebastian’s shit. Caroline wouldn’t allow him to stay, for certain, and he refused to give Demetrius the satisfaction of running back to mommy with his tail between his legs. That pretty much tapped out his options though. Other than going back home.

He wanted to so bad. He wanted disgusting egg breakfasts in the morning and shitty movies on a tiny laptop screen at night. He wanted lukewarm showers and spotty WiFi and Maki rubbing against his legs while he worked, even though he was mildly allergic to cats. All things that sounded objectively awful, but together made up the best few months of his life.

But those things were gone now, because he’d lost the girl who had made them so special. All that was waiting for him at home now was pain for both of them, pain and the heavy silence of a thousand things left unsaid.

Still, that was where Sebastian was headed now. His bank account was running low, and he didn’t want to dip into savings when he was going to need it for an apartment after all. One of his clients offered a quick job, something that shouldn’t take more than a few hours, and he didn’t have much of a choice but to accept, despite knowing Estelle was there.

He didn’t know what he was going to say if they ran into each other. His apologies were useless now. He had hurt her too badly, and she had responded by moving on. Giving up on him. He couldn’t blame her, it was his fault in the first place...but it still fucking hurt. It hurt to know that it took her less than an hour to go from crying over him to going home with Alex.

He wasn’t being fair and he knew it. She didn’t belong to him, and she could do whatever she wanted. Besides, he’d slept with Abigail, hadn’t he? Though that had been prompted by her more than anything else...

Not that how he felt about any of it mattered. That egotistical moron didn’t deserve her, but if he made her happy then...whatever. At least someone was. Sebastian just didn’t want to think about it.

Not that life ever seemed to give a fuck what he wanted.

Sebastian walked into the house and headed straight for the stairs, not bothering to kick his shoes off at the door. He had barely gotten two steps in when Estelle’s bedroom door opened, and none other than Alex fucking Mullner came strolling out. Everything in him wanted to just turn around and leave, or march up the stairs without looking back, but he was frozen to the spot, like watching a train coming at you but being unable to step off the track.

Alex was pulling his ‘glory days’ high school jacket back on, and the implications of that weren’t lost on Sebastian. Much like his hoodie, Alex never took that jacket off, unless he was doing something that required it. Like, say, fucking the girl Sebastian was in love with.

“Later Stelle! Text if you change your mind okay?” Alex called over his shoulder, and Sebastian cringed. He’d hated that pet name from the first time he heard it, and now doubly so.

“Sure. Bye,” her voice came from behind the door, sending a stab of pain through his already roiling insides. Yoba, he had missed that sound.

Alex pulled the door closed behind him and turned, noticing Sebastian for the first time. He looked confused for a moment before he seemed to remember that Seb lived there too, and jutted his chin up in greeting.

“’Sup man,” he said casually as he passed, opening the front door and leaving without waiting for a response.

When the door clicked shut, Sebastian’s feet finally unglued themselves from the ground under him. He should probably leave, but he couldn’t stand to be around anyone right now, not even Sam. Feeling gutted and sick, Sebastian slowly climbed the stairs to his room and shut the door behind him.

 

* * *

 

She was right – you never knew what the hell a guy was going to do when you turned him down. Estelle thought she’d seen it all, but Alex had surprised her by grinning, pulling off his coat and shirt, and flexing in her bedroom topless like the sight of his (admittedly gorgeous) chest and abs was going to change her mind.

Somehow she had manage to keep a straight face. It was so absolutely ridiculous she didn’t know how she pulled it off, but she calmly asked him to put his clothes back on, explaining that while he was a great guy, she wasn’t in a good place for any kind of relationship right now – even just fuck buddies.

He surprised her again by shrugging and doing exactly that. You’d think that a guy who reacted to being dumped by stripping would push the issue further, but he didn’t. _“I_ _normally_ _get over crushes_ _pretty_ _quick_ _ly,”_ he’d said, as unaffected as if she told him it was going to be cloudy tomorrow.

She was hugely grateful to him in that moment. He just accepted her decision, made a little small talk, and left. No big deal. No drama, no hurt, no disrespect. Finally, something that was just _easy._ It was so refreshing, when everything else in her life seemed so difficult.

Shortly after Alex left, Estelle’s phone rang, and she answered when she saw Sam’s contact photo on the display.

“Hey, it’s Nat. I can’t find my phone… will you check my room for me if I call it?”

“Yeah sure. Give me a minute to get upstairs.”

“Kay. I’ll call it in a sec then call you back.”

They hung up and Estelle did as she was asked, locating Natalie’s phone under a discarded sweatshirt on her bedroom floor. When she went to go back downstairs, however, something unusual caught her eye. Maki was sitting in the hallway, tail twitching impatiently as she stared at Sebastian’s closed door.

Was he here?

She looked uncertainly at the door for a long moment. Did she want to see him? Yes and no. Did he want to see her? Obviously not, if his door was closed. That was their rule after all. Still, she just wanted to know. An idea hit her and she glanced at Nat’s phone in her hand, scrolling through her contacts until she found his number. After a moment’s hesitation she pressed Call.

Her heart went into double time when she heard his ringtone go off, and fumbled for the End Call button before he could pick up. Shit, he was here. What the fuck was she going to do now?

_I’m not going to do anything. Him being here doesn’t change anything. I’m not going to hide out in my own fucking house._

...is what she wanted to say. But that’s exactly what she did – went down the stairs and into her room, shutting the door behind her. Hiding out in her own fucking house, until Natalie came home to confirm that he was gone.

It was pathetic, and she knew it. She should have just planted her ass on the couch and waited for him to come downstairs. Put the ball in his court and forced him to make a move – find out what he would say, what he would do. Anything. Anything to break this stalemate, this radio silence.

But she didn’t trust herself enough to do that. Just looking at his door while knowing he was behind it was enough to choke her up. How was she supposed to face him like this, when she was one breath away from going to pieces all the time?

So instead she hid, face pressed into her pillow to muffle the sobs that wouldn’t stop coming.

 

* * *

 

Natalie’s birthday was as successful as could be expected, all things considered. Nat and Sam spent the afternoon together, probably doing something fun and romantic like a snowball fight or sex in the hot spring, and didn’t come home until dinnertime. That’s when they dragged Estelle out to the saloon for pizza and Jodi’s famous chocolate cake.

Despite having no desire to be out in public tonight, she was trying her hardest to not be morose. She suddenly had a lot more empathy for Sebastian’s aversion to social situations. It was exhausting trying to be upbeat when you felt dead inside.

Still, there was always booze. She was giving Shane and Pam a run for their money on the title of town alcoholic these days – hell, she’d even stolen Shane’s spot at the bar tonight. Though at least she had standards. Both of them always ordered the cheapest swill Gus offered. Estelle would drink herself into indentured servitude before she picked up a can of Joja’s Best.

That was actually a pretty good possibility, come to think of it. Without Sebastian’s rent she was back to being financially fucked. The bees were hibernating for the winter so her honey racket was on hold, and the fruit trees she’d planted wouldn’t produce until spring at the earliest. She had enough stashed away to get her through a few weeks, probably, but then she’d need to get back out there and make some money.

Hello mines. It’s been a while.

Estelle took a sip of her drink, refocusing on Sam and Natalie to shift away from that line of thinking. She had enough to brood over without adding her impending death at the hands of a monster to it. She’d deal with that when it got here.

They were figuring out visiting schedules for when Natalie left. Zuzu was a 4 hour drive – manageable, but not close enough for anything outside of planned weekends. Plus Nat didn’t have a car, so she’d either have to spring for a bus or Sam would have to drive up every time.

He was talking a big game, like it would be no big deal and they’d see each other all the time, but they all knew it wasn’t quite that easy. He was probably trying to convince himself more than her. Estelle knew he was worried about Nat getting over him while she was gone. Six months is a long time to be apart when you’ve only been together for two.

It was going to be a hard winter for everybody, it seemed.

“We’ll figure it out,” Sam said, waving off their concerns. “Besides, it’s your birthday! We’re supposed to be celebrating your triumphant entrance into your twenties, not worrying about next week.”

Nat looked like she was about to argue, but smirked instead, picking up her drink and clinking his glass. “You’re right. Congrats Sam, you’re no longer fucking a teenager.”

He made a face. “Why do you have to put it like that? Now I feel like a creep.”

“You are a creep,” she said, kissing him on the cheek. “But I love you anyway.”

Sam’s entire face went pink, smiling stupidly like it was the first time she’d told him she loved him. Was it the first time? Oh, man.

Estelle was surprised to find that being around Sam and Natalie’s affection didn’t make her jealous or upset. Maybe it was because she was used to it from before everything went to shit, or because she just loved the two of them so much that she couldn’t associate their happiness with negativity. It was good to know she wasn’t so wrapped up in her own misery to the point of being a completely self-centered asshole. They deserved that, at least.

Estelle polished off her drink and hit Emily up for another. She wasn’t planning on getting shitfaced – the last thing she wanted was to force Nat to babysit on her birthday – but maybe if she rode a buzz out she’d manage to get some sleep tonight. It had been way too long since she’d caught more than a few fitful hours of rest. The shadows under her eyes were starting to look more like bruises, her skin sallow and pale. Joja Mart didn’t have any sleeping pills in stock, and while Shane had promised to bully Morris into ordering some it would be at least another week until they arrived.

In the meantime, maybe rum would do the trick.

Emily had just set the glass down when the saloon door opened with a loud jangle, prompting Estelle to glance up from the circles she was doodling into the bar with her fingertip. It was a Thursday night, so she expected to see either Shane or Leah. Maybe Marnie, though it was a little late for her tastes.

What she did not expect to see was Abigail, or Sebastian trailing behind her. And from the look on his face when he met her gaze, he hadn’t expected to see her either.

She was vaguely aware of Natalie stiffening at her side, of Abigail’s shit-eating grin, of Sam coughing as the sip he’d been taking went down the wrong pipe – but the world had narrowed to her and Sebastian, frozen in place, staring at each other with a palpable mixture of apprehension and pain. A small, petty part of her was pleased that he looked like this sucked just as much for him as it did for her. The rest of her just hurt.

Estelle had never been able to read Sebastian, and that was still mostly true, but she did have one insight this time. He was seconds away from turning around and walking right back out. The set of his shoulders, the way his fingers twitched slightly at his side, that dry swallow – yeah, he was gone. Three, two, one…

Before he could prove her right, Abigail reached back and grabbed Sebastian’s hand, practically dragging him over to the front of the bar near the cash register. Estelle dropped her eyes to the bar, focusing intently on the grain of the wood so she wouldn’t look up again. She didn’t want to see this. She didn’t want to be here. But she didn’t want to give Abigail the satisfaction of running away either.

_So much for not getting blackout drunk tonight._

Abigail prattled happily for several minutes, but she was the only one. The tension in the room was thick and volatile, the kind that only took a single spark to blow. Estelle could feel the righteous anger coming off of Natalie, while Sam seemed nervous and irritated more than anything.

Estelle took a long drink and steeled herself for whatever Abigail was about to throw at her. She knew it was coming – this whole thing was obviously planned. Nat’s birthday was on the bulletin board calendar, and where else do people celebrate birthdays in this town? The fact that Sebastian hadn’t seen through this was further testament to how idiotically blind he was when it came to her.

He really did think she was some misunderstood angel, didn’t he? It was no wonder he chose her then. He already knew Estelle was no angel.

“So what day are you leaving Natalie?” Emily asked pleasantly, either oblivious to the situation in the bar or not caring. Probably the first – Emily was a sweet girl, but the adjective “spacey” had never fit someone as well as it did on her.

“Monday.”

“Oh good, I was hoping it wasn’t until next week! I’ve been working on a new skirt I thought you’d like…can I stop by Sunday morning?”

“Sure, Sunday works. Thanks Emily,” Natalie said. It came off a little more clipped than she meant it to, clearly struggling to switch her brain over from aggressive to grateful. Emily didn’t seem to notice though, smiling brightly as she ducked under the bar and headed towards the storage room for something or other.

Gus wasn’t working tonight, laid up with a cold, so once Emily was gone they were alone. Abigail, predictably, took the opportunity to start her shit.

“So you’re really leaving Natalie? _Bummer.”_

Natalie glared at her. “Not having to look at your saggy jowls anymore makes it all worth it.”

Abigail snorted derisively. “For you maybe. What about your little friends? Sam has family here, but poor Estelle’s gonna be all alone again,” she mocked, tone dripping with syrupy venom.

“Say another word and I’m going to make your face match your shitty dye job,” Natalie snapped through clenched teeth. Nat was tiny, but she was scrappy as fuck. There was no doubt she’d make good on that threat if pushed, and Sam put his hand on her leg in an attempt to bring her down a notch.

Despite her best intentions, Estelle glanced up when she heard a bar stool scrape across the floor. Sebastian stood abruptly, stalking towards the door and shoving it open without a word. The jangle announcing his departure was deafening.

She shouldn’t have been surprised. Not like he was going to say she wouldn’t be alone, that she still had him. She didn’t. So he left, rather than just admit it to her face.

She didn’t know why she expected anything else.

Abigail smiled darkly as she stood up. “Don’t worry. I’m done here,” she said, opening the door herself and stepping out into the night.

Natalie and Sam stared at the door in disbelief, before bursting into angry ranting and theories about what her game was. Estelle didn’t join in. Instead she leaned over the bar and grabbed whatever well bottle was closest to her, pouring it over her ice that hadn’t had a chance to melt.

Abigail’s game didn’t matter, as long as he was playing it. She couldn’t save him, and he didn’t want to save her.

So they’d both just burn.


	30. All Fucked Up

Natalie didn’t have much to pack, so the morning she left was spent saying goodbye. To Sam, mostly. He was trying to hold it together but he was a wreck inside, and it was because of her. She hated that she made him feel this way, but...well, she had to go. This job was her big break. He understood, she knew he did, but it was going to be hard for both of them.

She didn’t know how to convince him he was the best thing that had ever happened to her, that there was no chance of her forgetting him while they were apart – but she tried, for hours, with soft kisses and whispered _I love you_ ’s and holding each other in the dark.

It made her a little guilty that she didn’t have the same worries as he did. There were 5 million people in Zuzu, and what...40 in Pelican Town? The chances of Sam finding someone else in the next six months were minuscule compared to hers. So it was up to her to reassure him that she wasn’t going anywhere. She didn’t know what their future held, whether they’d move to Zuzu or stay in Pelican Town or go somewhere entirely new, but she knew that wherever they were, they’d be there together.

Then there was Estelle. Despite being almost three years younger, Natalie felt extremely protective of her sister, and she hated leaving her when she was in such a dark place. She just had to remind herself that Estelle wouldn’t be on her own – Sam was there, and he loved her just as much as Natalie did. He would take care of her. Besides, she’d been through worse than this. She would be okay.

The rest of the town varied in their farewells. Most of them didn’t bother, since she wasn’t a true member of the community in their eyes, her leaving didn’t matter much. She didn’t take it personally – she was from the city, after all. You looked out for your own and fuck everyone else. It was a sentiment she was used to.

It took a while, but Jodi had eventually warmed up to her enough to be sad to see her go. Vince made her promise to come back. Maru and Penny showed up to say their goodbyes, and so did Emily, Robin, and Leah.

Sebastian sent her a text. It was a little shitty of him to not even come see her off in person...they were supposed to be friends, after all. She didn’t hold it against him though. He was in a tough spot too, and she hadn’t been especially nice to him the past two weeks. It was actually surprising he said anything to her at all, knowing him.

She felt a little bad about how she’d treated him, after talking with Sam and learning about Abigail’s history of fucking with his head, but her loyalty was to Estelle first. Seb had hurt her sister, and as much as she liked the dude – you don’t fuck with the people she loved.

Still, Natalie couldn’t help but try to put a word out there for him as her and Estelle were packing. In a roundabout kind of way.

“Dad’s not a bad guy, you know.”

Estelle glanced up in confusion. “Uh...are we finishing a conversation I don’t remember starting?”

“No, I just was thinking about it,” Nat said with a shrug. “He called me yesterday to say happy birthday and asked how you were. I was going to put you on but he said you wouldn’t want to talk to him.”

“He was right. I wouldn’t.”

“So I just thought you should know that he’s not a bad guy.”

Estelle shook her head, rubbing her hand over her face like this was a topic she had absolutely no desire to dive into. Oh well, tough shit. Sometimes that girl needed to hear things she didn’t want to.

“He led my mom on and knocked her up when he had a wife and newborn at home. He completely ignored the fact that I existed until I hit rock bottom, and then let me be treated like shit until eventually being kicked out, all without comment. What part of that makes him a good guy, exactly?”

Natalie shrugged, folding a pair of jeans and stuffing them into her bag. “I never said he was a _good_ guy, I just said he wasn’t _bad._ Being a spineless little shit doesn’t make you a bad person.”

“Being a womanizing prick does.”

“He wasn’t, though. We had a few long talks right before I moved out, and I asked him about you. I guess he thought I was old enough to know the truth, or just needed to talk to someone, I don’t know. Either way, he told me he hadn’t been using your mom. He loved your mom. He was just already married to _my_ mom, and felt trapped.”

Estelle stared at her with incredulity. “Okay? So why the fuck did he even get with her then? Like the first rule of marriage is don’t have an affair, so if he really loved her so much, he should have left Nancy. He’d have still been a piece of shit for walking out on his kid, but at least he’d be an honest piece of shit.”

“I agree,” Natalie said earnestly. “But you know how my mom is – he was probably afraid to leave her. It was a bad call, but it wasn’t some game to him. He did care. He even fought Mom over letting you move in. It was like the only time I’ve ever seen him stand up to her. It was pretty surreal, honestly.”

Estelle didn’t say anything to that, and Natalie pushed forward.

“Look, I didn’t bring any of this up to argue. I just thought you should know that he did care about your mom, and he does care about you. Sometimes guys do stupid shit because they’re stupid, not out of malice.”

“Does it matter why they do it?” Estelle said after a moment, and Natalie picked up on the subtle shift in her tone. They weren’t just talking about their father anymore.

“Sometimes. If someone steals to feed their starving family, isn’t it better than stealing for greed?”

“It’s the same outcome either way, isn’t it? Dad didn’t end up with my mom,” she trailed off, the implication clear. _And Sebastian didn’t end up with me._

“Like I said, sometimes guys do stupid shit because they’re stupid. I just thought you might want to know why. And besides, if Dad ended up with your mom I wouldn’t be here. Silver lining,” Natalie said with a smile, trying to pull the conversation back out of the deep end. She’d planted the seed of doubt – now it was up to Estelle to run with it.

 

* * *

 

All Sebastian wanted was to be alone. Somewhere he could just be miserable without anyone prodding him for explanations or lecturing him – or worse, trying to make him feel better.

He didn’t want to feel better. He didn’t deserve to feel better. He just wanted somewhere quiet to reflect on what an incredible waste of oxygen he was. Why the fuck else would he be freezing his ass off in the middle of the forest, where no one in their right mind would be during a snowstorm?

Of course, his mother wasn’t exactly in her right mind. And she either didn’t pick up on, or more likely didn’t give a shit about his desire for solitude. The moment she saw him sitting on an old tree stump she abandoned the pine she’d been hacking at and marched right over.

“Sebby? What are you doing out here? It’s freezing!” she chastised, brows drawn in concern. Sebastian had to physically stop himself from groaning out loud.

“Sitting.”

Robin rolled her eyes. “I see that, smart ass. I mean why are you sitting _here?”_

He shrugged. “I needed some time alone.”

_Hint – please leave mother._

“Well there has to be warmer places than this to be alone. Want to go sit in the truck?”

“I’m fine mom.”

She looked at him skeptically, but conceded the argument, setting her axe down and hopping up onto the trunk next to him. “You know, when I was growing up my mother would tell me she hoped I’d end up with a daughter as stubborn as I was, so I’d understand what I put her through,” she said with a grin. “Joke’s on her – I had a son.”

“Maru’s pretty stubborn too,” he pointed out, and Robin laughed.

“True, but she doesn’t back it up with an attitude – that’s what makes a parent _really_ crazy. You’ll see one day, when you have a little nihilist of your own.”

“Don’t hold your breath.”

“I’m absolutely holding my breath. You’re my last hope for grandbabies, you know. It’d be a shame to let these incredible genes go to waste.”

Sebastian leveled her with an unimpressed look. “Are we really talking about this right now?”

“I’m trying to make you feel awkward enough that you’ll tell me what’s really on your mind, just to change the subject. Is it working?”

“No.”

“Damn. Guess we’ll have to do this the old fashioned way. What’s going on Sebby?” she said, nudging him with her shoulder.

“Nothing. I just wanted to be alone. That’s nothing new.”

“No, but I’m your mother. Believe it or not I can tell when something’s _actually_ wrong, versus your standard melancholy.”

Sebastian sighed heavily. She wasn’t going to drop it until he said something to appease her. She wasn’t lying when she said he got his stubbornness from her.

At least, he assumed it was from her. Not like he’d know if it was from his dad or not, considering he bailed when Robin got pregnant. It seems the “being a fuck up” gene came from him, anyway.

“Just have a lot on my mind. Things are weird right now,” he said, purposefully being vague. She wouldn’t understand if he told her the truth. She’d say some bullshit like _“Just go talk to her!”_ or _“Everyone makes mistakes Sebby, I’m sure she’_ _ll_ _understand...”_

He couldn’t deal with that shit today.

Robin was quiet for a long moment, and he stupidly thought maybe she was satisfied with that response. He should have known better.

“I heard what happened with you and Estelle,” she began softly, and he unconsciously tensed up at the mention of her name. “Jodi said you’ve been staying with them lately.”

“Don’t wanna talk about it Mom,” he replied, tone clipped and final.

“I know. And I know better than to think you’ll listen to maternal wisdom, so I’ll keep my opinions to myself,” she assured him. “I just want you to know that if you need to come back home, even for a little while, you always have a place with me.”

That should have made him feel good. Instead Sebastian couldn’t help but scoff. “I’m sure Demetrius would be thrilled.”

“Fuck Demetrius.”

Sebastian’s head popped up, looking at her with wide, shocked eyes. She just shrugged, a little smile on her face. “I love the man to death, but I was your mom before I was his wife. You come first, always. Never forget that.”

He didn’t know what to say to that. She’d had his back hundreds of times over the years, so it shouldn’t have been so surprising – but on the other hand he’d spent his entire life feeling like an outcast, like a mistake. Like it would have been better for everyone if he’d never even been born. Hearing her say that hit him harder than he thought it would.

After a moment of silence Robin leaned in and wrapped her arms around her son, squeezing him tightly.

“I love you Sebby.”

“Love you too Mom.”

 

* * *

 

Sam trudged into his bedroom, utterly deflated. Natalie was gone. They’d taken her to the bus stop that morning, said their goodbyes, and then...that was it. She was in Zuzu for the next six months, minimum. After that, who even knows.

It was such a strange feeling, worrying about the future. Sam had lived in the moment for as long as he could remember. What’s done is done, what’s to come isn’t here yet. So why worry?

Now that he had something he really cared about, he couldn’t help but worry. Natalie had rocked his world. He didn’t want to go a minute without her, and now he had to go weeks between visits. Not that he held it against her – she’d had this gig lined up since before they even met. It was important to her, and he was happy for her. But still. What if she stayed in Zuzu after her internship? What if she didn’t want him to go there with her? What if she found someone else, someone better than him? What if he lost her?

Yoba, he was starting to sound like Sebastian. Fucking “what if’s”.

Who, speaking of, was currently moping on his cot. He didn’t look up when Sam entered, staring at his phone so intently you’d think he had the key to immortality displayed on the screen. Sam didn’t bother asking him what he was looking at. He already knew. By the look on his face, it was the same thing he’d been looking at for the past two weeks – the handful of pictures he had of Estelle.

“Hey, send me that pic of the girls from Spirit’s Eve,” Sam said, flopping down onto his bed and pulling out his own phone. Sebastian didn’t acknowledge the request, but a few seconds later a text came in with the photo attached. Sam took a moment to appreciate it – fuck, Nat looked so hot in that outfit – before setting it as his background image.

He wished they would have taken more pics together. The second he got to Zuzu he was going to take a hundred selfies with that girl. Well, first he was going to kiss her senseless, then selfies. Priorities.

They sat in silence for a long while, each lost to their own sulking. As the time passed, Sam found himself getting annoyed with Sebastian for not seeming to give a shit about how Sam was feeling at all. He knew Nat was leaving today, and he hadn't even bothered to ask if he was okay. It isn’t like he expected him to prod Sam into opening up or anything – that wasn’t how Seb did things – but was a little empathy so hard? They were both feeling the same way, weren’t they? Missing the women they loved.

Except, you know, Sam’s circumstances were out of his control. Seb fucked his up all on his own. Yet still Sam stood by him, even though he wanted to throat punch him for being so stupid, because that’s what best friends do. But now that Sam needed someone, Seb was too caught up in his own shit to be there for him.

Sam loved that dude like his own brother, but man, sometimes he wondered why the fuck he bothered.

That annoyance was exacerbated when Seb’s notification tone went off, and Sam saw his expression shift to one of tired resignation. That meant it was Abby.

Fucking Abby.

After everything she had done, after all the pain she had caused him, after she’d continued to treat his friends like absolute shit, he was still letting her string him along. He knew she was bad for him. And to top it all off, he didn’t even want her in the first place - yet here we were. It was maddening.

Sam had stayed away from the topic of Abigail since their confrontation at the show, but today had been emotionally draining, and he couldn’t manage to let it go this time. Sebastian needed to hear how shitty he was being. He needed to know how not fucking okay all of this was.

Dropping his phone he leveled Sebastian with a hard look. “You know, you really need to get your shit together Sebastian.”

Seb didn’t even look up. “Yeah, I know.”

“No, you really don’t seem to,” Sam argued. “So I’m just going to lay it all out for you, because you’re being a fucking dick.”

That finally got his attention. Sebastian lifted his dejected gaze to meet Sam’s. “Great. Tell me all about what a piece of shit I am. Because I don’t already hate myself enough.”

“That right there. _That_ is you being a dick. You’re so caught up in ‘oh poor Seb woe is me’ that you don’t see how you’re hurting everyone around you,” Sam said, running a frustrated hand through his hair. “You think I want to see you like this? What about your mom? My mom? Maru and Vince and fucking Estelle? The people who actually give a shit about you and want you to be happy.”

“Oh well, excuse the fuck out of me! I didn’t realize I wasn’t allowed to feel shitty sometimes,” Sebastian snapped back, the dullness in his eyes finally giving way to a spark of anger. Good. Anger was something, at least.

“Don’t be fucking stupid dude. You can feel shitty sometimes. But you don’t feel shitty sometimes – you feel shitty _all the time,_ and then you go and deny yourself anything that would make you happy. You trade out all the good in your life for bullshit mediocrity and then use it to feed this inferiority complex you have.”

Sebastian opened his mouth to argue, but stopped short, clenching his jaw shut. Sam pressed on.

“And you know I’m right. So why? Why are you so fucking set on being miserable Seb? Why can’t you just accept that sometimes the world isn’t out to get you? Sometimes things can just be good.”

“Because I’m a fuck up!” Seb shouted, voice wavering with emotion. “You’re right – I fuck everything up. I ruin everything. So how am I supposed to believe things can be good for me when I’m destined to just destroy them in the end?”

Sebastian stood, pacing the room in agitation. “You have no idea how bad it hurts to hope for something, to see it right there in front of you, and have it slip away because you’re too fucked up to hold on to it. That’s been my entire life Sam. A cycle of hope and disappointment. And I can’t do it anymore.”

Sam stared at his friend for a long moment. He’d never seen Sebastian explode like that before. He always brooded alone, kept it bottled up, tucked away. Now the emotions were just spilling out of him – fists balled up, hands trembling, looking like he was about to either cry or kill something. Sam hadn’t realized exactly how deep Sebastian’s issues ran, and he didn’t know how to handle it.

“I’m sorry dude,” Sam said quietly. “I just...you were happy. Estelle made you happy. And if you just _talk_ to her...”

“She’s better off without me.”

“Isn’t that for her to decide?”

The fight seemed to drain from Sebastian, shoulders slumping and face dropping in defeat. He looked like he’d aged ten years right before Sam’s eyes.

“It’s over, Sam.”

 

* * *

 

Abby rolled her eyes as her phone vibrated with the latest one-word text message from Sebastian.

_Okay._

Okay. That’s it. _Okay._ Yoba, he was so fucking boring.

_great! c u soon xoxo_

Boring. Boring boring boring. She hated being bored more than anything, yet here she was. Bored out of her fucking skull. Even sex was boring! He was put together well enough, which was a pleasant surprise, but it was like he was just going through the motions without anything behind it. No burning desire, no desperate longing, no passion at all. Boring. UGH.

It was a necessary inconvenience for greater entertainment, she reminded herself. A few weeks of soul-crushing boredom was a small price to pay for the thrill of ruining someone’s fucking life. Particularly Estelle’s.

On that front, things were going perfectly. Estelle rarely showed her face in town these days, at far as her mom knew – and Caroline knew everything that happened in Pelican Town. So she was isolating herself, withdrawing from the community, becoming a recluse. Good. Once she stopped showing interest in them, everyone would stop giving a shit about her. She’d be more alone than ever.

Her little trip to the saloon the other night had made that point perfectly. She’d brought Sebastian there intending to have Estelle see with her own eyes how wrapped around her finger he was, but it wound up going so much better than that. He didn’t acknowledge her at all! Not even when Abby pushed. He just ran away, leaving her staring at the door like a lost fucking puppy. It seriously took everything in her not to burst out laughing right there.

Shit, even Sam didn’t say anything in her defense. Only that fake pixie bitch, and she was gone. No one left to stick up for Estelle. How incredibly satisfying.

So, stole the man she loved – check. Proved no one in this town had her back – check. Still, she needed something more. Something to really drive the nail into the coffin. Hmmm…

A deliciously wicked smile spread across Abigail’s face as an idea crossed her mind.

_Oh, that’ll do._


	31. The Price of Deception

Estelle didn’t realize how much she had been relying on Natalie until she was gone. It had scarcely been a week since she’d boarded the bus to Zuzu, and she already missed her desperately. The house was just so...empty. Sam stopped by of course, but it wasn’t the same as waking up to a house full of people she loved.

This was different than when she’d lived alone before. Before it was only a single room – tiny, cramped, made for one. Now it was just her in this huge house, with rooms still full of her friends’ stuff, memories of laughter echoing in the walls but never reaching her. It was jarring, like at any moment Sebastian would stumble bleary-eyed down the stairs, or Nat would be hogging the shower, or Sam would turn up his amp and shake the windows. But they never did.

At least Maki was spending most of her time indoors these days. Estelle found herself talking to the cat more and more, just to break the silence. It made her feel a little crazy, but the endless quiet made her crazy too, so…

As long as the cat didn’t start talking back, it was probably okay.

She’d be talking to people today though, seeing as she was venturing out into the wild. Jodi had asked if she could take Vince to the Ice Festival, since her and Sam had both come down with the cold that was going around. Robin and Penny had caught it too, and Jodi said she didn’t feel comfortable leaving him with anyone else.

Estelle wondered why Sebastian wasn’t on her list of potential babysitters, but in the end it didn’t really matter. She wasn’t going to let her favorite little dude down, so despite every cell in her body protesting against it, she forced herself to shower, put on real clothes, and leave her self-imposed prison.

It was actually a blessing being responsible for Vince for the next few hours. It was something to divert her attention, keep her out of her head. She’d help build his snowman, walk him around to whatever he wanted to see, just focus on making sure he had a good time.

He was so adorably excited, chattering her ear off the entire walk to Marnie’s about the super awesome snowman he was going to make for the competition. It was apparently a debate between a ninja snowman, a pirate snowman, or a zombie snowman. She had to decline when he asked to borrow her sword as a prop, and that forced his hand to go zombie. Jodi would lose her damn mind if she heard Estelle gave her 7 year old a real sword to play with.

When they arrived at the festival, Estelle wasn’t entirely convinced she was in the right place. There were only a handful of people gathered – less than half the town it seemed. Vince spotted Jas making snow fairies and ran over to join her, while Estelle took a look around.

Leah was working on an ice sculpture of a mermaid while Elliott looked on with that blank expression he got when his mind was elsewhere. Willy and Lewis were sawing square holes into the frozen lake – ice fishing maybe? Alex was throwing snowballs at Haley, who was _not_ amused in the slightest, while Emily looked on laughing. Pam, Clint, and Marnie were milling about as well, but that was pretty much it. That virus must be pretty awful if it took so much of the town out this quickly.

“Hey Estelle!” a voice called from behind. Estelle turned to see Maru approaching, a relieved smile on her face. “I’m so glad you’re here girl! With how many people have been in the clinic lately, I didn’t think there would be anyone here I actually wanted to talk to.”

She glanced around. “Are you alone? Where’s Sam?”

“Plague. Jodi asked me to bring Vince down since I’m the only one spared, apparently.”

“You really are. Even Harvey picked it up, and we’ve been wearing masks at work. It’s crazy,” she said, glancing over Estelle’s shoulder. She made a face at what she saw there, prompting Estelle to look back – and immediately regret it.

Out of all the people in Pelican Town to get sick, it would figure that Abigail and Sebastian wouldn’t be numbered among them. Though this scenario wasn’t unforeseen – Estelle had assumed they would be here. Abigail wouldn’t miss an opportunity to rub her victory in Estelle face, after all. She had already decided to just ignore them completely, focus on Vince and pretend they didn’t exist. To not give Abigail a fucking drop of satisfaction. But Yoba, it was hard.

Though Maru’s reaction was interesting enough to distract her, just a little. “What’s that face for?” she asked, forcing her voice to stay even.

“Did I make a face?”

“Like a cross between disgust and annoyance, yes.”

Maru shrugged, a little smile tugging at her lips. “Oh. Well yeah, disgust and annoyance pretty much sums it up. That girl is...something else.”

“What do you mean?” Estelle asked cautiously. Maru wouldn’t know about any of their drama, so what was she talking about?

“I just can’t stand people like her. Like if she’s not the center of attention all the time the world stops, you know? It’s so gross.”

“Oh. Yeah, I’ve noticed.” _More than I’d ever wanted to._

“I know it’s none of my business really, but I hate seeing Seb with her. Everyone figured it’d happen one day – you know, girl who hangs out in the cemetery, introvert who only wears black, obvious match right? But when he moved in with you Mom and I had kinda hoped...” she trailed off, glancing at Estelle with a meaningful expression.

Estelle looked down, away from Maru’s hope and the pain it caused. She didn’t know what to say to that. She’d hoped, too. Hope didn’t change anything. It just cut deeper.

After a moment of silence Maru sucked in a surprised breath through her teeth. “Wait. Did you…?” Estelle glanced up, and whatever Maru saw on her face seemed to answer her question. Her expression fell into one of shocked sympathy. “Oh Yoba, Estelle, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know...”

“It’s fine.”

“But what...”

Maru’s line of questioning was interrupted when Vince and Jas ran over, talking over one another in a rush to tell them that the snowman competition was about to begin. Grateful for the diversion, Estelle let Vince lead her to the designated area.

The rules were simple – teams of two, one hour, may the best snowman win. She took a moment to assess their competitors. Maru had teamed up with Jas since Shane wasn’t around. Then there was Alex and Haley, who had apparently started dating again, Clint and Emily weirdly enough, and Abigail and Sebastian, naturally. He didn’t look particularly enthusiastic about being there – and Estelle wasn’t either – but at least they were positioned across the field from her.

When Lewis blew the whistle to begin, Estelle cleared all thoughts of Sebastian from her mind and dove into the task at hand. She was going to build the snowman of the century for this kid. They’d write ballads about it, passed down through the generations. The best fucking snowman Pelican Town had ever seen.

Or at least the weirdest, considering...you know...zombie.

They actually made a really good team. Estelle worked to quickly gather snow and Vince rounded it out, shaping a pretty solid body out of the pile. Once the main body was done, they worked to create another – the victim. The zombie’s branch arms held the head of the other snowman, the torso tipped over after its untimely demise. The construction was finished with five minutes to spare, and Estelle took a step back to look over their creation. It looked pretty awesome, she had to admit, but there was something missing.

Thinking fast, Estelle ran to the pond and scanned the banks until she found what she was looking for. Algae. She rubbed the plant between her hands, crushing it until it released its juice, which she smeared over the zombie to give it a sickly green pigment. The scene could use some fake blood, but she wasn’t sure how to get that besides coral, which was all the way at the beach. No time.

Still, the green really set it off, and she was feeling good about their chances when the whistle finally blew and she got a look at the other snowmen. Maru and Jas made a traditional snowman, cute but not super impressive. Alex and Haley’s was half finished and they were nowhere to be found, so...forfeit. Clint and Emily’s snowman looked like more like a vagrant than Linus did, and _theirs…_ Estelle didn’t look at theirs. She didn’t have a chance, really. When she glanced in that direction, her eyes locked on to Sebastian like they were magnets and he was steel.

He was looking in her direction, and he was smiling.

Granted he wasn’t looking at _her,_ he was looking at her snowman. And he wasn’t really smiling either...more like the ghost of a smile. A vague memory of an expression she had become so accustomed to seeing, one she desperately missed. So no, he wasn’t smiling at her. But fuck if it wasn’t close enough to send a stab of longing through her chest.

Not that it would last. No sooner had his gaze snapped to hers than that hint of a smile dissolved and he turned, severing the connection with cold finality. She exhaled the breath that had been trapped in her lungs slowly, like a deflated balloon releasing it’s last lingering bit of air.

She wanted to rage at him. She wanted to march over and demand he tell her why the fuck he was acting like she didn’t exist. What had she ever done to him anyway? He had no reason to be avoiding her, none. It isn’t like she ripped his fucking heart out the way he did to her. So why?

_Because he doesn’t need you anymore. He has what he wanted all along._

Estelle closed her eyes to fight back the familiar burning. She wasn’t going to do this here, not with Vince and Jas and half the town watching. Not with him watching. Especially not with fucking Abigail watching. She’d throw herself into the river before she gave that bitch the satisfaction of seeing her cry.

It didn’t matter why he didn’t want her in his life anymore, she reminded herself. It only mattered that he didn’t. Maybe it was even for the best. Things would have gone to shit if they tried to stay friends after this, right? From the moment they kissed she knew things wouldn’t be the same, that there was no going back. She wouldn’t be able to just play nice with Abigail and pretend everything was okay, when nothing was okay. So it was probably easier this way.

It didn’t feel easier.

“The votes are in!” Lewis called, catching Estelle’s attention. “And the winners of this year’s Snowman Competition are… Maru and Jas!”

Estelle shot Lewis a dirty look. She would put money down that he fudged the votes against her. Normally she wouldn’t be such a conspiracy theorist, but after her stunt at the fair, and how nontraditional their snowman was...he seemed just petty enough to withhold a deserved win. She wouldn’t care if it was just her, but she was pissed off for Vince.

Oh well. At least it went to Jas. Vince was bummed out, of course, but he seemed genuinely happy for his friend. He was a lot like his brother in that regard. Jodi did a hell of a job raising those boys.

The kids ran off to play near the igloo, so Maru and Estelle spent some time chatting. Lighter subjects this time – Maru’s latest robotics project (an AI? Seriously?), Winter Feast plans, how the snow weirdly made their hair feel amazing when rain made it shit. They fell into an easy back and forth, and Estelle was thankful that Maru didn’t try to rekindle their earlier conversation.

Lewis called for participants in the ice fishing competition, and Maru asked if she was going to join. Estelle shook her head.

“Why not? If anyone’s going to beat Willy this year, it’s you.”

“I’m not even close to Willy’s level,” Estelle said with a chuckle.

“Girl, I used to see you every single night at the lake by my house. You have to have picked up some skills with all that practice.”

She remembered those nights. The soft chirping of crickets and small woodland creatures, the shimmer of the stars against the water. The faint bite of cigarette smoke swirling with the flowery spring air. The enigmatic boy in black quietly sharing the evening a few paces away.

How did things come to this?

“I couldn’t bring myself to show Willy up,” she said with a half-hearted smile. “Don’t want him to regret teaching me how to fish.”

Maru laughed and they turned to watch the competition. Halfway through, however, their comfortable camaraderie was interrupted.

“Hey Maru!” a voice full of fake cheer rang out. Estelle closed her eyes and took a steadying breath as Abigail approached.

“Uh...hey?”

“Can I ask you something? Alone?” she added, glancing meaningfully at Estelle and walking away.

“I guess?” Maru agreed, throwing Estelle a confused glance but following her.

Abigail paused a few steps away. Estelle didn’t particularly want to eavesdrop, but she’d stopped well within listening distance, and it was impossible not to.

“So um...I hate to ask you, but with Harvey being sick and everything...” she began nervously. “Does the clinic sell, um...pregnancy tests?”

Estelle’s stomach twisted painfully, her breath coming out in a whoosh like she'd been punched in the gut.

“Uh...yeah, I think we have a few in stock...” Maru replied hesitantly.

Abgail sighed in relief. “Oh thank Yoba. I can’t exactly get one from my dad, you know. Oh, and please don’t say anything to anyone...I mean, I haven’t even told Sebastian yet...”

The toast Estelle had eaten for breakfast started to creep its way back up, and she swallowed hard against it. Her head was spinning, her breathing ragged...she felt like she was falling apart. Literally falling apart.

Standing abruptly, Estelle went to go find Vince. They were leaving.

 

* * *

 

Sebastian cracked another piece off of the twig he was splitting, tossing it into the snow mindlessly. He didn’t even know why he was here. Abby told him to come, so he came. Fuck what he wanted, or didn’t want. It was all about her. It was always all about her. It was becoming more obvious by the day that she didn’t give a shit about anyone but herself.

Whatever. He didn’t want anyone to give a shit about him anymore. Not after how badly he’d fucked it up the last time.

She’d come to the festival today. Estelle. He hadn’t expected her to, but there she was, looking after Vince. He should have known Jodi would ask her – she’d asked him, but when he said he was going with Abby she told him she’d find someone else. He didn’t blame her. Abby made it no secret that she hated kids.

Estelle though, she was great with Vince. He couldn’t stop himself from watching her while they built their snowman – she didn’t try to take over, she let him do it himself and offered help where he needed it. He looked so proud of himself when it was done, and she looked proud of him. She was going to be a great mom some day.

Sebastian’s frown deepened at the thought, snapping off another section of the twig. A great mom, to someone else’s kid. The idea bothered him more than he wanted to admit. Up until recently he’d never even considered the idea of having kids. He was way too fucked up to be a father. But with her…

He shook his head to dismiss the thought. If there had ever been the slightest possibility, in the _very_   distant future... it was gone now. Gone with the rest of his futile daydreams and undeserved wishes. Gone with her.

Abby had been missing for a while. He was beginning to think she’d just left without him. It wouldn’t be the first time, after all. He glanced around, but instead of seeing Abby he saw Maru, walking in his direction with purpose.

“We need to talk,” she said when she reached him, putting her hands on her hips.

_Great._ “About?”

“About your lying ass girlfriend.”

He scrubbed a hand over his face, the familiar weariness settling in. It was always something, wasn’t it?

“What happened?”

“Abigail just came over to me asking if the clinic sold pregnancy tests.”

Sebastian’s face fell into horrified confusion. _What the fuck? I used a condom. There’s no fucking way._

“And interestingly enough, she was staring at Estelle the whole time,” Maru continued, voice growing angrier with each word. “Who was like six feet away, and totally heard everything because she took off right after. So wanna tell me what game you guys are playing? Because it’s seriously fucked up.”

Sebastian stared at her for a moment, dumbfounded. “I’m not playing any games...” he said slowly, trying to force his sluggish brain to wrap around what Maru was telling him.

“Well if you’re not, Abigail is. And you need to do something about it because Estelle looked like she wanted to die.”

Maru took one last look at him and decided she was done, making a disgusted noise in her throat before turning and walking away. Sebastian was frozen to the spot, stunned into immobility while he processed everything.

It was true, then. Everything Sam had been telling him for years, everything he had been starting to suspect before all of this. Abigail didn’t want him. She used him for whatever she needed at the time. Companionship. Money. Drugs. Adoration. And now...if what Maru said was true...leverage. Leverage on Estelle.

Abigail purposely made Estelle think he got her pregnant. She was using him to hurt her.

Fuck that.

Sebastian jumped up from the log he was sitting on, scanning the forest for Abigail. After a moment he saw her, leaning against a tree, talking to her mom and Marnie. Without pausing to figure out what he was going to say, he stalked towards them in a blind rage.

“I need to talk to you,” he blurted out when he reached them. “Now.”

Abigail’s brow crinkled in irritation. “Uh, I’m kinda busy right now Seb?” she said, the annoyance in her voice setting him off enough to do something he would never consider under any other circumstances – make a scene in public.

“Oh, my bad. Just thought you’d want a little privacy when we talk about how you’re faking a _fucking pregnancy,”_   he spat, loud enough to catch the attention of Haley nearby, who turned to watch with interest.

Abigail went pale, eyes widening with horror as she looked at her mother. Caroline began to stammer out some kind of confused denial, but Sebastian didn’t give her a chance.

“So? Which is it? Are you pregnant or a liar?” he demanded.

Abigail looked between him and her mother in frantic indecision. Finally her eyes narrowed in anger, glaring at him defiantly. “Of course I’m not pregnant. Don’t be ridiculous.”

Sebastian swallowed hard, nodding. After all this, it still hurt to know she’d been using him. That he really didn’t mean anything to her. But that hurt was nothing compared to his absolute fury.

“Good. Because we’re done.”

Her eyebrows shot up to her hairline. “Excuse me?” she said in disbelief.

“It’s over,” he reiterated, turning on his heel and walking away.

“Sebastian!” she called after him, but he didn’t turn around. Fuck her.

But fuck him even more.

 

* * *

 

Somehow Estelle managed to hold it together until she dropped Vince off. She smiled at Jodi, gave him a big hug, told him how awesome his snowman was. Kept her face bright and posture straight – no cracks, no indication she was going to pieces. The second the door closed however, one shaky breath was all it took to push her over the edge. Tears streaming down her face, chest burning for air that wouldn’t come, Estelle ran through town, desperate to get home.

Despite the blurry vision and hurried pace, something unusual managed to catch her eye, and Estelle slowed to a stop in front of Pierre’s. The photos Emily had taken on Spirit’s Eve were posted as a large collage on the bulletin board, and there, right in the middle, was a picture of them. Estelle reached out, her trembling fingertips gently running along the images. The first was of the four of them, holding pumpkin ales and grinning stupidly. But the second…

Estelle pulled the thumbtack out of the photo and took it with her.

Her feet seemed to carry her the rest of the way without any input from her. Only when she was facing Sebastian’s bedroom door did she snap out of it and realize where she was. She pushed the door open slowly, and the silent tears turned into choking sobs when it hit her. His smell. His things. Him.

His essence was all around her, but he wasn’t here. He’d never be here again.

Estelle crossed the room to his bed and curled up in the middle of it, pulling the blankets around herself and burying her face in the fabric. Only when her tears had slowed did she dare to look at the photo, staring down at the past that she would do anything to go back to again.

They were sitting next to each other, the golden pumpkin between them. Estelle’s head was bent toward Sebastian, and his arm was around her shoulder, pulling her close for the picture. She could see the slight flush of their cheeks, the cold and booze and sheer happiness bringing color and life. It radiated from the still image. That joy, that love.

Now there was nothing. Nothing but a cold bed in an empty house, filled with memories and heartache. Silence and despair and the black haired baby she’d once daydreamed about, sitting in Abigail’s belly.

Her whole world was imploding. She had to get out. She had to.

With shaking hands she lifted her phone up to her ear.

“Estelle?” the voice on the other end answered.

Pelican Town was supposed to be her refuge, a place to start over. Now all she wanted to do was escape it.

“Nat...I need to leave.”


	32. Fallout

_omg guess what I just heard? abigail faked being pregnant!_

_wtf_

_idk but sebastian was fucking pissed! he dumped her right in front of her mom LMAOOO_

 

_dude haley just told me your boy dumped abigail at the ice festival_

_what?? really???_

_yeah man get this she fuckin said she was knocked up and he called her out in front of caroline_

_NO SHIT_

 

“Mom! Did Robin or Caroline call you today?”

“No, why?”

“Alex just told me that Abby got caught lying about being pregnant, so Seb dumped her.”

“What?! Why would she do that?”

“To mess with him! I told you she was evil!”

 

“Have you talked to Sebastian?”

“Not for a few days...is he okay?”

“Sam said he broke up with Abigail.”

“Really? That’s the best news I’ve heard all day.”

“No, Robin – she told him she was _pregnant_.”

“Wait, _what?”_

“Apparently she was lying and got caught so he broke up with her.”

“…I’m going to smack the piss out of that conniving little...”

“Robin.”

“Sorry. Call me when Sebby gets back.”

 

_hey call me_

_estelle_

_estelle?_

_pick up_

_dude come on_

 

* * *

 

“What the fuck is happening there, Sam?” Natalie said as soon as he answered the phone, skipping any pleasant greetings. He didn’t need to guess what she was talking about.

“Dude, I don’t even know. I’ve been home sick all day. Alex texted me a little while ago that Abigail faked being pregnant and Seb dumped her over it, so I tried to call Estelle but she won’t pick up...”

“She _faked it?”_

“Yeah...wait, you knew?”

“For fuck’s sake,” Natalie muttered, exasperated. Sam could practically see her balling her fist up in her hair the way she did when she was frustrated. “I just got off the phone with Estelle. She’s moving back to Zuzu.”

“ _What?”_   Sam exclaimed in disbelief.

“She said Abigail was pregnant and she couldn’t be there anymore. So I told her she could stay with me.”

“But...I don’t...” Sam stuttered, tripping over his words as his mouth worked faster than his brain. “Okay, it’s okay. We can fix this. I’ll just go to the house and explain to Estelle what happened and it’ll be fine. Right?”

Natalie sighed. “I don’t know Sam. I think this was just the last push right off of fuck mountain. She sounded awful, and...well, maybe it’s better if she does get away. At least for a little while.”

Sam shook his head. “But Nat, you know how good they are together. If he’s done with Abby then...”

“Then what, she should just be grateful for the scraps left behind?” Natalie cut in, temper flaring. “Look, I like Seb. I really do. But he isn’t giving her _anything._ He just keeps hurting her, over and over. Like how much of his shit do you want her to put up with?”

“I don’t want her to put up with anything! I just...”

“Her bus leaves Sunday morning. If you think you can talk her out of it, go for it. But I’m not.”

Sam sighed, hanging his head. “Yeah, I get it. I’ll talk to her and...see what happens, I guess.”

“I’m sorry baby. This isn’t how any of us wanted it to go down, but...” she trailed off, sounding tired. “Feel better soon. I love you.”

“Love you more.”

 

* * *

 

It was done. In two days Estelle would be back in Zuzu. Out of all the places to be, Zuzu would normally be at the bottom of her list, but honestly she was almost looking forward to the familiar comforts. In Zuzu she got to be nameless again. Put on her makeup, put on her fake smiles, drink cocktails bought by random guys and then take them home for meaningless hookups. Nothing would matter, so nothing could hurt. A life of numb escapism sounded better than a life of perpetual agony, didn’t it?

She’d tell the town that she got a job offer she couldn’t refuse. Sam would know the truth, obviously, and maybe Shane, but the rest of them would buy it. She wanted to feel bad for leaving Sam, but honestly he was probably better off without her. She wasn’t capable of being a good friend anymore. She was just a burden on him.

Still, he tried to talk her out of it. He told her Abigail had been lying, that she wasn’t actually pregnant. That wasn’t a huge shocker – once she got over the initial devastation, Estelle had started to think that it might have been another game. If she really was pregnant with Seb’s kid, she wouldn’t ask Maru of all people for a test. She’d pick one up at Joja Mart, or wait until Harvey got better. The whole thing seemed super contrived, and she felt incredibly satisfied that Abigail got called out on her shit for once.

Sam also said Sebastian broke up with her at the festival. That probably should have made her happy. She was glad that he finally snapped out of it, glad that he wouldn’t be getting hurt anymore…but it didn’t change anything between them. He hadn’t dumped Abigail for her, he’d dumped Abigail for being a lying bitch. The festival was yesterday and he hadn’t even sent her a text since.

Honestly, it made her feel worse. If she didn’t get tossed aside for Abigail, then maybe he never wanted her in the first place. Or maybe things were just so irrevocably fucked up that he didn’t think it was even worth trying. Either way, nothing had changed.

But Sam couldn’t accept that.

“You’re really leaving? Because of Sebastian?” he said, staring at her like he couldn’t believe the words coming out of his own mouth.

“I’m leaving because I’m miserable.”

“But you’re miserable because of Sebastian.”

Estelle sighed. “What do you want me to say, Sam?”

“That you’re gonna stay here!” he blurted out, frustrated. “Estelle, this is such bullshit! I’m about to just lock the two of you in a room together until you figure your shit out, for real.”

Estelle laughed once without humor. “Great idea! So we can sit in silence and avoid eye contact. Because that’s all that would happen. There’s nothing to talk about.”

“There’s plenty to talk about!” he argued, grabbing her hands. “Listen, he’s a fucking idiot for what he did. But he loves you, I know he does. And I know you love him too. So just fix this. _Please.”_

Something about his words set her off, and she didn’t bother to reign it in. Anger felt good. Better than misery, anyway.

“Then why doesn’t he tell me that?” she snapped, yanking her hands out of his grip. “Why is it always you talking for him? If he cares about me so much then let him fucking say it for once!”

Sam pressed his lips together in a thin line, and she shook her head. “But he won’t. And I can’t do this anymore.”

With that Estelle stood, walking out of her house and slamming the door behind her.

 

* * *

 

Sebastian ran his fingers along the smooth crystal in his palm, letting the chill seep into his bones. _“For my favorite emo kid,”_ she’d said when she gave it to him. He’d never told her he wanted a Frozen Tear. She just saw it and figured he’d like it, when they barely even knew each other, when he’d been such a dick to her. She still thought of him.

The corner of his mouth tugged up at the memory, even as it sent a fresh pang of heartache through him. He’d spent all day doing this. Remembering. Thinking about every moment they spent together, good and bad. Letting them fill his chest with love and laughter and absolute soul-crushing agony.

He remembered the sad smile she wore as she watched the moonlight jellies by herself. Her breathless giggles when Sam spun her around at the Flower Dance. Her look of shocked horror when he pulled her down into the mud outside of the chicken coop. The sweetness of her lips pressed against his.

Sam said she was leaving. Going back to Zuzu to stay with Natalie. Maybe it was for the best. She could move on, forget about him. Find someone new. It would probably be good for her. Better than here, at least.

For him, though… fuck. He felt like he was being ripped apart. All he wanted to do was go to her, beg her to forgive him, beg her to stay. But how could he? Hadn’t he caused her enough pain?

Maru’s words came back to him – _“Estelle looked like she wanted to die.”_ And it was his fault. All of this was his fault. The last thing she needed was him showing up and hurting her more. He was a selfish prick for even thinking about it after all he’d done.

For the first time he could remember, Sebastian wanted to talk to someone. Anyone. Just to get the words out of his head, release a tiny bit of his suffering. Except he couldn’t keep being a burden on Sam or his mom. People had their own issues, and no one else gave a fuck about his. He was on his own.

Besides, he deserved it. He deserved every bit of this. Who would empathize with a fuck up who ruined his own life? No one stole her from him. He gave her up. For nothing. For absolutely fucking nothing.

It was late when Sebastian stepped out of Sam’s house for what felt like his hundredth cigarette of the day. No one was out at this hour, but he still found himself avoiding town, taking the opposite path toward Marnie’s. The forest had been a bit of a refuge lately, a new place to sit and think without the associations his old spot by the lake had.

The moon was high and full tonight, making the snow-covered grass look like a shimmering blanket over the earth. It was cold and still – no breeze blowing his hair back, no small animals darting from tree to tree. It felt like the world had stopped. Eerie, but beautiful.

Estelle would love it.

Sebastian walked aimlessly through the trees, letting his feet carry him without any destination in mind. When he wandered close to the southern cliffs, however, he noticed something strange in the distance. It almost looked like...a person?

He approached the figure cautiously, unsure who or what would be out here this late. As he drew nearer, he picked up on enough detail to answer that question – blue hoodie, dark hair, a shitload of beer cans scattered around. Shane.

Despite having no absolutely no interest in talking with Shane, Sebastian still found himself walking over to the man. Something felt off about the scene before him. He couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but he had a bad feeling. Shane was a piece of shit, but Estelle liked him for some reason. The least he could do was check on him.

He was slumped over, head hanging low enough that he almost looked like he was laying down face first in the snow. Sebastian could smell the beer on him from several feet away, and a quick glance showed that more of the cans around him were empty than full. Everyone knew Shane was an alcoholic, but this looked like more than just your everyday bender.

“Hey. You good?” Sebastian asking, eyeing the other man warily.

Shane snorted, not bothering to lift his head up. “Do I look good?”

“No.”

“Then don’t ask stupid questions,” Shane muttered, reaching blindly for a drink and tipping it back. He wiped his mouth on his sleeve and rolled his eyes up to look at Sebastian for the first time. “So what the fuck do you want?”

Sebastian bristled. “Nothing. Just making sure you haven’t killed yourself yet.”

“Yet,” Shane repeated, laughing bitterly. He nodded toward the cliffs. “I’ve been coming here a lot lately. Looking down. It could all go away with one little step.”

Sebastian just stared at him, unsure what to say. He was being sarcastic when he said that, but Shane didn’t look like he was joking.

“You ever think about it?” Shane asked, taking another drink.

Sebastian hesitated. On one hand, it was none of his fucking business. They weren’t friends, they were barely even acquaintances, and now Shane wanted to dig into his head? Screw that.

On the other hand – hadn’t he just been wishing he had someone to talk to? Shane was a fuck up, but maybe that’s what he needed. If the dude was getting ready to jump off a cliff, he certainly wasn’t in any position to judge anyone else.

“It’s crossed my mind,” he admitted, shifting his weight uncomfortably. “I'd never go through with it though.”

“Why not?”

“I...don’t actually know,” he answered honestly. “I used to hope things would get better, but...”

“Things don’t just get better” Shane said with a grunt. “You gotta take control of your life and make ‘em better.”

“Right, because it’s so easy.”

“If it was fuckin’ easy I wouldn’t be here right now,” he said, finishing his beer and tossing the can. He looked at Sebastian thoughtfully for a moment. “So what’s your deal anyway?”

“My deal?”

“Yeah. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t give a shit about you. But I do care about Estelle, and she cares about you, so...”

Sebastian scoffed. “Nothing makes a person wanna open up more than hearing ‘I don’t give a shit about you’.”

“Not gonna lie about it,” Shane said blandly. “And I don’t care if you open up or not. I just want her to be happy.”

“So do I. And she deserves better than me.”

Shane nodded in agreement. “Yeah. She does.”

Sebastian looked at him incredulously, but he just shrugged. “What? Did you think I was going to argue?”

“...No, I guess not.”

Shane fumbled with another beer can until he finally popped it open. “Thing is though, she doesn’t care about that. She wants you. So either be with her or stop fucking with her.”

“I’m not fucking with her.”

“Sure you’re not,” Shane said sarcastically.

That pissed Sebastian off. Who the hell did he think he was anyway? He didn’t know anything.

“So you tell me then – if you had already fucked everything up and hurt her, would you still try to be with her? Knowing you don’t deserve her? Knowing you’re probably just gonna fuck it up again?”

“In a heartbeat,” Shane said confidently.

“Then you’re a piece of shit.”

“And you’re a fucking idiot.”

The two men glared at each other for a long moment, until finally Shane broke the standoff with a heaving belch. A pained grimace followed, and he sighed.

“On second thought, if I died tonight Estelle would drag me out of hell just to beat my ass. Kid, do me a favor and call Harvey.”

 

* * *

 

Maru set her phone down with a satisfied smile. She didn’t normally participate in the infamous Pelican Town rumor mill, but these were extenuating circumstances. Abigail had crossed a major line, and Maru wasn’t going to just let it quietly slip under the radar.

She might be a daddy’s girl, but she had a lot of Robin in her too. Fuck with her family and she’s gonna put you on blast.

By the end of the day everyone in town would know what Abigail did, and why. Combine that with the fact that Estelle was leaving all of a sudden and...well, people were bound to come to some unsavory conclusions, weren’t they?

The vast majority of the villagers liked Estelle. She had gone out of her way to be friendly with damn near everyone, and it showed. Abigail, on the other hand, didn’t have the greatest reputation around town even before all this happened. Most people were either completely indifferent towards her, or flat out disliked her for the way she seemed to look down on everyone. Abigail had been here her entire life, Estelle for not even a full year… but ask the townsfolk who they’d rather have around and the results would be overwhelmingly in Estelle’s favor.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t their call. Estelle put word out that she was moving back to Zuzu for a job opportunity, something in her field with a Monday start date. Maru had her doubts about the authenticity of that story, but she wasn’t going to question it. She just hoped her friend found whatever it was she was looking for.

In the meantime, Maru would make sure Abigail got what was coming to her. Well, partially – she also had a solid bitchslap coming to her, but Estelle would have to take care of that part herself, if she was so inclined.

Still, being the subject of dirty gossip was going to drive Abigail crazy. As much as she pretended she didn’t care about what anyone thought of her, the chick was a textbook narcissist. This was a huge blow to her ego, not to mention the backlash she was bound to receive from her mother. Sanctimonious Caroline had to be mortified that her own daughter was the biggest scandal this town had seen since… well, since _her._ No one talked about it these days, but people still remembered Caroline’s “long walks” to the wizard’s tower way back when. Hypocrite.

The only thing that would make this better is if Estelle was staying to see it play out. Oh, and if Sebastian would appreciate his sister looking out for him. But that dude would literally turn invisible and never talk to another living soul if he he could, and she’d essentially spread his business around...so fat chance of that. Oh well. Maru was used to him not recognizing the things she did for him. Maybe one day he’d get over his “red-headed stepchild” complex and they could grow closer.

She’d like that, anyway. Maybe he would too.

 

* * *

 

Estelle turned up the speakers, letting the music wash over her as she worked. She always preferred to draw with music on in the background. She couldn’t explain it, but somehow the rhythm seemed to help guide her hand, smooth her strokes, let her get lost in the process of creating instead of picking it apart for flaws.

It had been so long she wasn’t certain she still had it in her, but the moment her fingers curled around her pencil it was like she never stopped. She’d missed the feeling of transforming a blank piece of paper into something beautiful, that magic that comes when seemingly random lines take shape. It was a comfort to know she still had this, when she’d proven to be a failure at pretty much everything else.

Her mom was always so proud of her art. From the time she was a little girl the house was full of drawings – on the fridge, on the walls, tucked in scrapbooks and photo albums. Money was forever tight, but if Estelle needed new pencils or markers bet your ass she got them, with no complaints or guilt trips. It was her passion, and her mom supported it wholeheartedly. She supported everything Estelle did without reservation, without judgment.

She missed her so much.

Estelle wondered what her mom would say about her mess of a life now. Would it remind her of her own youth, leaving Pelican Town for the city? Maybe. Estelle wasn’t sure why she had left in the first place, so it was hard to tell. She always assumed boredom, but that day on the beach Willy had said she was hurting. What had hurt her? Had that pain driven her to leave? Did some dark-eyed boy break her heart too?

No. She was projecting. Her mom wasn’t weak enough to run away over unrequited love. She would have told any guy who dared turn her down _“oh well, your fuckin’ loss”_   and never look back. She wasn’t as absolutely pathetic as her daughter turned out to be.

Still, she thought about the mermaid pendant tucked away in the wooden box in her room and couldn’t help but feel like maybe there was more similarity there than she thought.

The playlist kicked over to something hard and loud, working to push out her melancholy with a hit of adrenaline and bass. Refocusing on the task at hand, Estelle tried to just clear her mind and draw. She’d never get answers about her mom’s motivations. She’d probably never even get answers about Sebastian’s. Answers wouldn’t change anything, anyway.

The sun had long set by the time Estelle was satisfied with her work, and after carefully spraying it with fixative she slid it into a plastic sleeve. She considered just leaving it at that, but…

Digging a pen out of her bag, she tore out a piece of notebook paper and began to write.


	33. Be Happy, Sebastian

Estelle was exhausted, and it was only noon. There were some hungover Saturdays where she didn’t even stumble out of bed until this hour, but today she’d been out since dawn, getting things in order and saying goodbye. Goodbye to her friends, her neighbors, the people she had grown to care for deeply.

Shane had been first. She could bring the cat to Zuzu, but the chickens had to stay, and he’d promised to look after them for her. She didn’t want to leave him with an expense as well as a chore, so she’d bought extra seed and hay, and asked him to stop by to check out the coop and make sure there was nothing else he needed.

When he arrived, however, he waved off the coop entirely. He wanted to talk about _her._

“You and I both know you’re not leaving for a job, so cut the shit,” he said, crossing his arms as he leaned against a stack of baled hay.

Estelle shrugged, avoiding eye contact. “It doesn’t matter why I’m leaving.”

“It does when it’s a stupid fucking reason. Don’t throw away everything you’ve built here over some idiot kid.”

It was too early for this. She hadn’t had a good night’s sleep in weeks, her emotions were a frazzled mess, and frankly she just couldn’t deal with Shane’s tactless way of showing he cared.

“Except I love that idiot kid,” Estelle snapped, angry tears brimming in her eyes. “And everything in this goddamn town reminds me of him. My fucking house smells like him, Shane. And I can’t take it anymore. I’m not strong enough. I’m not.”

Her voice cracked on the last words as the lump in her throat grew. Swallowing hard around it, she ducked her head to hide the traitor tear that had begun to slide down her cheek. She’d promised herself she wouldn’t cry today. Not until she was alone, anyway.

A moment later, however, Shane did the most unexpected thing – he reached out and pulled her close, wrapping his arms around her and squeezing.

It was so out of character that for a moment her surprise won out over her pain. His embrace was slightly awkward, like he’d never given anyone a hug for comfort before – but she leaned into it anyway, accepting the gesture for what it was. He seemed to relax a bit at that, and she was overwhelmed with appreciation for how far outside his comfort zone he’d gone just to try and make her feel better.

He was sturdy and warm, with the faint scent of last night’s beer mixed with laundry soap and hay. Not built, not skinny, not fat, just...solid. Like an anchor grounding her, holding her through the storm raging inside.

“You’re stronger than you think you are,” he mumbled, tightening his grip slightly.

She shook her head, pressing her face against his chest. She wasn’t, and there was nothing more to say. Except goodbye.

“I’m gonna miss you Shane.”

She felt rather than heard him sigh. “Yeah. Same.”

 

* * *

 

It rained all afternoon. Strange for a Pelican Town winter, but appropriate. Sebastian stared out at the water, a thick fog rolling over the waves and turning everything grey. Grey sea, grey sky – like the world knew Estelle was leaving tomorrow and decided to suck the color out of his life preemptively.

_Happy birthday to me._

As he looked out at the vast, empty gloom before him the truth really began to sink in. She was leaving. It was one thing for them to be apart – it was another for her to just be gone entirely. No more glimpses of her walking around town, or hearing her name in casual conversation. He’d never know where she was, or if she was okay. She’d stay with Natalie for a while, but then what?

He might never see her again.

The rain continued to fall, saturating his hair and clothes, chilling him down to the bone, but Sebastian didn’t bother moving from his spot on the pier. There was no reason to anymore. Of all the things he had ruined in his life, nothing made him feel as empty as he did in that moment.

Loud, heavy footsteps came down the pier, getting progressively closer to where Sebastian was sitting on the edge. He didn’t turn around. Loud and heavy meant it wasn’t anyone he wanted to talk to.

“Nice day for sea-watchin’, ay?”

Sebastian grunted half-heartedly in response to the old man, eyeing him with annoyance as he set down his tackle box and began to bait a fishing rod. Out of all the places to fish along the dock, he had to pick this spot? Seriously?

“Rain brings out all kinds of fish you don’t normally see,” he said, casting his line. “People too, it seems. So what brings you to the ocean today boy?”

_For fuck’s sake._

“A quiet place to think. Well, it _was,”_ he added with irritation.

Willy chuckled. “Aye. I’m guessin’ yer thoughts have to do with Ellen’s girl leavin’?”

Ellen? He didn’t recognize the name, but considering there was only one person leaving…

Sebastian said nothing, and Willy nodded. “Thought so. You got that same look I had when her ma left all them years ago.”

That’s right – there was something between Willy and Estelle’s mom. Sebastian remembered the mermaid pendant in her memory box, along with the photo of the two of them. Not that it was any of his business, but he found himself curious what that story was. And if Willy was going to pry into his shit, well...

“So what happened with her? I saw your mermaid pendant. Did she turn you down, or did you never ask?”

Sebastian glanced at Willy to find a rueful smile on his weathered face. “I could ask you the same thing, boy.”

Seb frowned, turning back to the waves. Fair enough.

They sat in silence for a long time, each lost to their own thoughts. Two sets of distant eyes, staring blankly at the sea. Eventually, Willy spoke.

“Girls like that, they only come into your life one time. Don’t hesitate or take ‘em for granted. Believe me, you’ll spend the rest of your life regretting it.”

With that he stood, reeled in his line, and walked away.

 

* * *

 

Who the fuck was Estelle kidding, thinking she’d get through the day without devolving into a sobbing mess. Shane had her crying when she’d barely been out of a bed an hour. Then she got weepy when Maru and Penny stopped by – hell, even saying goodbye to Alex and Haley had bummed her out enough to catch the sniffles.

Jodi and Robin had her bawling. Those wonderful, amazing women had done so much for her over the past year that she considered them surrogate mothers in a way. They’d welcomed her into their homes, fed her, offered their time and labor...they looked after her like she was one of their own children. It meant so much to her, even more so because her own mom wasn’t here. They hadn’t filled the gaping chasm that her mom left in her heart, but they’d built a bridge over it – allowing her to walk across and function, as long as she watched her footing. They’d never know how much she needed that, and how grateful she was for them.

Vince and Jas brought her some holly they’d picked. She managed to keep the waterworks under control that time, for their sake, but it was hard. All of this was so hard. It hurt too much to stay, but it was killing her to leave too. Why did life enjoying shitting on her so much? What had she ever done to offend Yoba or whoever?

The “or whoever” might have had something to do with it. Well shit, if going all Yoba-fearing would take a little off her plate, she’d march down to the chapel right now.

Actually, nevermind. The chapel was in Abigail’s house. Sorry Yoba, but fuck that.

Instead she popped into the saloon – her own chapel of sorts. She needed one final taste of Gus’ marinara before leaving, and a drink to take the edge off wouldn’t hurt either. Since Gus was the sweetest son of a bitch she’d ever met, he let her meal slide on the house as a farewell. It seemed a little backwards – he should be charging her ten times the normal price, just to make up for the lost revenue when she wasn’t there to drink herself stupid anymore.

He still had good old Pam though. Estelle glanced up from her basket of zucchini fritters, eyeing the older woman speculatively. Despite the way they both spent more time at this bar than their own houses these days, they never really talked much. Pam wasn’t a fun drunk, she was a mean drunk, and Estelle didn’t deal with that shit.

Penny had confided that Pam treated her like absolute garbage, coming home shitfaced and screaming the house down almost nightly. Apparently one time Pam had thrown an empty beer bottle at her in a drunken rage, which caught her in the face and led to a couple stitches on her brow. _That_ pissed Estelle off. How anyone could be mean to Penny was beyond her comprehension – that girl was like the patron saint of kindness.

Proof – when Estelle asked her why she didn’t just leave, Penny said because then no one would be there to take care of her mom. Even through the abuse she endured, Penny still worried about her mom enough to grin and bear it just to make sure she was okay. Estelle didn’t get it, and thought she should get the fuck out immediately, but she respected the hell out of her empathy.

Watching Pam tipping back her can of Joja’s Best, staring glassy-eyed into the void, Estelle wondered if that was the future she was setting herself up for. She knew her drinking had spiraled out of control. She didn’t think she was physically addicted or anything, but mentally...who knows? How do you gauge when drinking to numb pain flips over into straight up alcoholism? Frequency? Quantity?

She didn’t think she was an alcoholic yet, but she was certainly on the right path. And looking at Pam, slumped over, makeup smeared across her face, getting ready to go home and berate her daughter for whatever made up offense...the thought worried her. She didn’t want to be Pam.

She wouldn’t be. She was better than that. Wasn’t she? Fuck, she didn’t even know anymore.

One thing at a time, she reasoned. Get out of Pelican Town, get through the mourning process, then worry about not turning into an absolute waste of a person. Estelle dragged her eyes away from Pam and finished her drink, leaving a huge tip for Gus before walking out of the bar.

One thing at a time.

 

* * *

 

“I’m going to Estelle’s to help pack,” Sam said, pulling on his jacket. “Are you at least going to come and say goodbye to her?”

Sebastian didn’t lift his head from where it was buried in his arms. “No.”

Sam ran a frustrated hand over his face. “She’s leaving tomorrow morning. You know that right?”

“I know.”

“That’s it? That’s all you’re going to say?”

“What do you want me to say?” Seb mumbled, squeezing his eyes shut as the stabbing in his chest intensified.

“Anything! Anything other than this dead-eyed complacency!” Sam exclaimed, pressing his hand to Sebastian’s forehead and pushing his head up until he met his gaze.

“Dammit Sebastian, what will it take for you to drop this martyr shit? She makes you fucking _happy_ dude. You. Happy. So fuck you if you throw that away because you’re too stubborn to just tell her you’re in love with her.”

“She already knows. It doesn’t change anything.”

“Does she? Really? Because you’ve never said it, and you’re doing a piss poor job of showing it.”

Sebastian looked away, at a loss for what to say. Of course she knew he loved her. Didn’t she? How could she not?

“Here,” Sam said, tossing a package on his cot. “She told me to give this to you.”

With that he shook his head, endless frustration and disappointment written all over his face, and left.

Sebastian picked up the thin parcel wrapped in plain brown paper – the stuff they use as filler in shipping boxes when you order shit online. She’d used the same kind to wrap the curtains she’d bought for him back when he first moved in with her. Yoba, that felt like such a long time ago.

Unsure of what he’d find, he carefully ripped open the paper along the seam and saw...a folder? Curiosity piqued, he opened it – and his eyes went wide with surprise and wonder.

She’d drawn a portrait of his wizard, the commission he asked for months ago. And it was _incredible._ Seriously, mind-blowingly amazing, like a black and white photograph of him plucked straight from Sebastian’s imagination. He knew she was talented, but _this…_

Sebastian was so caught up in the drawing that he almost didn’t notice the folded piece of notebook paper tucked along with it, until it fell into his lap as he pulled the picture out. Unfolding it, he felt his throat begin to close the moment he read the first words in her flowing script.

  


_Hey,_

_Happy birthday! I hope you like the drawing. I filled in some of the details on my own so I hope it’s at least close to the way you pictured him. If not, you should probably change your head-canon because I think he looks pretty badass this way._ :)

_I talked to Lewis and he’s going to mail me the paperwork to transfer the house over to you. It’ll take a few weeks to be official but you can move back right away. Or sell it I guess, if you don’t want to live there anymore. Either way, it’s yours now._

_Anyway, I mostly just wanted to say thank you for everything you did for me this year. You were there when I needed someone, you listened, you cared...and that meant the world to me. I told you once that this place was my last chance to be happy, and for a while you made that happen. So thanks._

_All of my best memories here are of you. I hope that some of those moments stay with you too, because I know they will always be with me._

_Be happy, Sebastian._

_Estelle_

  


Only when he saw a drop hit the paper did he realize he was crying. Wiping his eyes with the palm of his hand, Sebastian set the folder down on his cot and stood up. Fuck his fear, and his hurt, and his stubborn sense of what was right or wrong. Everything that was stopping him before suddenly amounted to absolutely nothing.

He had to see her.

 

* * *

 

“Bag or box?” Sam asked, holding up a case of CD’s. He’d come over to help her pack, which she appreciated. He could have told her to fuck off after she’d yelled at him yesterday, but that wasn’t his style. Sam was too pure for this world.

“Box. I have my phone for music.”

Sam tossed the case into the box he was filling with all the things she didn’t need right away. She’d take a duffel bag on the bus with her, then he would bring the rest when he came to visit for the winter holiday. So much easier than trying to lug all her shit with her, like she did moving in.

Granted she had a lot more now than she did then. Material proof of the life she’d been trying to build here – a statue Leah had carved for her, a cool piece of obsidian she’d found in the mines, her fishing gear...

“Laptop?”

“That’s not mine,” she said, shaking her head. “Seb lent it to me.”

“Oh.”

Sam took a breath like he was going to say something else, but then slowly closed his mouth again. She was grateful for that. This was hard enough without having to justify her decision over and over. It had been an extraordinarily trying day, and her battered psyche couldn’t handle any more angst.

Except her psyche didn’t have much of a choice, because a moment later the door swung open. And there, standing in the doorway, was the absolute last person she expected to see.

It was like everything in her body just shut down. Torn between running into his arms or running out of the house, ignoring him or screaming at him, throwing up or bursting into tears...she just froze, staring wide-eyed at the man who’d decimated her heart.

For as much purpose as he’d thrown open the door with, he now seemed to be caught in the same predicament – frozen in place, staring back at her. She couldn’t read his face, of course, and she wondered idly if he could read hers. He’d have to be a fucking magician to pull that off though, since even she had no idea what she was feeling.

Actually, she did. Everything. She was feeling everything, all at once, her nerves firing so quickly they overwhelmed her system and left her feeling like the world was suddenly off-center, like she could spin off at any moment.

After a few tense seconds that felt like an eternity, Sam was the first to react. Pressing his lips together in a grim line he walked over to Sebastian and firmly placed a hand on his shoulder.

“Fix this,” he muttered, giving him a little dude-shove and walking out the front door. Leaving them alone. Together.

Sam’s words seemed to break her paralysis and Estelle dropped her head, returning to the task of packing her bag. She couldn’t keep looking at Sebastian or she was going to lose it, and fuck that. If there was ever a time she needed to tap into her practiced nonchalance, it was now. He didn’t get to see her pain when he’d been ignoring it for weeks. Ignoring _her_ for weeks.

“Estelle, I...” he began hesitantly. She could hear his shoes scuffling on the wood as he shifted his weight. “Please don’t go.”

Estelle closed her eyes as his words caused an ache deep in her chest. “It’s a little late for that Seb.”

“I know. I know I fucked up. And I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for everything.”

“Don’t have to apologize. You got what you wanted all along, right? Sorry it didn’t work out,” she said, trying to keep the bitterness out of her tone - and mostly failing.

“I’m not,” he said, and the sincerity in his voice prompted her to look up again as he continued.

“I thought being with her would make me happy, but it didn’t. Because she’s not _you._ You make me happy in a way I didn’t even know I could be,” he said earnestly, taking a step towards her before thinking better of it and pausing in the middle of the room. He ran his fingers through his hair, struggling to find the words he needed.

“Fuck, Estelle, you changed everything for me. You took my fucked up world and added beauty, and laughter, and hope, and...and I don’t ever want to go back to the way things were before. I don’t ever want to be without you again.”

Estelle swallowed hard, fighting back the tears that were welling up despite her best efforts. His eyes were bright and open, for once showing her a glimpse into his mind. She knew he was telling the truth. But…

“Then why? If I’m so great, why did you pick _her?”_ she pressed, the words sour in her mouth. That was what all of this boiled down to, isn’t it? He knew they had something, but he threw it away. For her.

“Because I was afraid,” he said quietly, looking away like the admission was difficult for him. “Afraid I didn’t deserve you. Afraid to take a chance and get hurt.”

He took a deep, shuddering breath and met her gaze again. There was resolve there as he crossed the remainder of the room and stood before her, reaching out to take her hands in his. His grip was warm, and she didn’t pull away.

“But what hurts so much more is the thought of you walking out of my life without ever knowing how much I love you.”

Estelle’s heart leaped, chest filling up with so much emotion she couldn’t breathe around it. Sebastian squeezed her fingers, staring into her eyes with conviction.

“I love you Estelle. And I know it doesn’t –”

She cut him off with a kiss.

It was a little too forceful, a little too frantic, her lips essentially crashing into his – but he didn’t seem to mind. A tiny sound of surprise escaped his throat before he recovered, dropping her hands to cup her face, kissing her back with the same feverish desperation she felt.

There was still a lot they needed to talk about. There was too much hurt between them to be solved with a few words and a kiss. Estelle knew that.

But all of that could wait. Right now, there was only this. His lips pressed to hers, his hands on her skin. Those three words echoing in her mind, picking up the pieces of her shattered heart.

Estelle pulled back a fraction of an inch, just far enough to speak.

“I love you too.”

She felt his lips curl into that sideways smile she loved as he pressed them to hers again.


	34. A Change of Plans

Sebastian lay awake, resisting the gentle tug of sleep trying to pull him under. He was blissfully exhausted, but sleep was far less tempting when all his dreams were in the waking realm, held safely by the sleeping girl curled up against his chest.

Sebastian tightened his grip on her slightly, simply amazed by how perfectly she fit in his arms. His hands ached to skim over her exposed skin for the thousandth time that night, to revel in the feel of her soft, yielding body wrapped around him, to hear his name on her lips between breathy little moans…

But despite his mind’s continued enthusiasm, his body was tired. And judging by the pack of sleeping pills on her bedside table, so was Estelle’s. He’d noticed the persistent dark circles under her eyes over the last few weeks, which had only added to his own self-loathing. Physical evidence of how he was hurting her, that he’d stupidly done nothing about.

Until now, anyway. He hadn’t known what would happen when he came here today, but this...well, this outcome was too good to have even crossed his mind. He’d been so thickheaded, so endlessly stubborn and wrong and seemingly dead set on fucking everything up...and yet here she was, asleep in his arms. It almost didn’t seem real, like he was going to wake up in the morning on a cot in Sam’s room, alone and feeling dead inside. He’d never understand how he got so lucky as to not only have her, but to have her after all the shit he’d put her through.

Though that was getting ahead of himself a little. He still didn’t know if she forgave him for everything, or if they were together now, or…well, anything at all really. The only things he was sure of was that he would do absolutely anything to make things right between them, that he loved her more than she'd ever know, and that despite everything, she loved him too.

It was such an incredible thing, to hear her say she loved him. She’d said it over and over – between desperate kisses, as he made love to her, and in the quiet darkness when he had thought she was asleep. Those words were like a panacea, washing away his doubt and fear and hurt and replacing them with a sense of peace he’d never known before.

Still, he wasn’t foolish enough to think that peace would last. His mind was too fucked up to let go of all his deep-seated negativity so easily, to let everything just be okay, just like that. But gazing down at Estelle, basking in her endless perfection...he was starting to feel like maybe one day it would be. That flickering spark of hope – the one he thought he’d stupidly lost forever – came back stronger and brighter than before, lending him the courage to just believe. Against all odds, just _believe._

With that thought in mind, Sebastian leaned over and grabbed her phone from the bedside table, swiping through until he found the alarm app. After a moment’s hesitation, he disabled it. He had to believe she wanted to stay, that she didn’t need to wake up in three hours to catch a bus that would take her out of his life again. And if she still wanted to leave...well, he’d deal with that tomorrow. Tonight life was giving him a reprieve, and he damn sure was going to take it.

Pressing a soft kiss to the top of her head, Sebastian closed his eyes and let sleep finally claim him.

 

* * *

 

Estelle awoke to the tantalizing scent of freshly brewed coffee, the aroma compelling enough to coax her out of the depths of dreamless slumber. It had been too long since she’d had a good cup of coffee – with Sebastian gone, she had just stopped making it.

But Sebastian wasn’t gone anymore. And judging by the soft clacking sounds coming from beside her, he was still in her bed.

A pleased smile crossed her lips as she cracked her eyes open and confirmed that the night before hadn’t been some especially wonderful dream. Sebastian was reclining against the pillows next to her, his hair rumpled and messy from sleep – and the activities prior to sleep – quickly typing something on the laptop in front of him. Estelle took a moment to just appreciate the view of the shirtless man in her bed before the urge to move her stiff muscles took over. Stretching languidly, Estelle propped herself up on her elbow as Sebastian met her gaze with a smile of his own.

“Hey. Sorry, did I wake you?”

“Yeah, but that’s probably a good thing,” she said, rubbing the last vestiges of sleep out of her eyes. “I might have slept ‘til next year otherwise.”

He chuckled but didn’t comment, and they lay in silence for a moment. Estelle wasn’t entirely sure what to say or do, to be honest. Her morning-after experience was limited primarily to a) leaving, or b) telling the dude to leave. This was new territory for her.

She thought about kissing him, but considered that she might have morning breath and decided against it. Did she just get up and get dressed? What did people do when they woke up next to someone they actually wanted to wake up next to?

Thankfully, he decided for her. “Want some coffee?” he asked.

“I’d literally kill for some coffee.”

“Please don’t,” he said, shifting the laptop to the nightstand and hopping out of bed. He’d put his underwear back on at some point, she noticed, which solidified her decision to get some clothes on herself while he was gone. She wasn’t modest or anything, but it’s still a little awkward being totally naked when you’re not actively fooling around.

Estelle dragged herself out of bed and walked over to her dresser. She’d throw on a cami and some boyshorts – just enough to cover up, without looking like she was against the idea of losing the clothes again. But when she opened her top drawer, she was momentarily confused to find it completely empty.

_Oh._

Her clothes were packed. Everything was packed. She was supposed to be leaving this morning.

Glancing around the room, Estelle saw Sebastian’s hoodie balled up on the floor and pulled it on, happy to see that it was long enough to hit the tops of her thighs. Good enough. She took the last few minutes Sebastian was preoccupied to go to the bathroom, brushing her teeth and running a comb through her hair, but mostly just thinking.

What was she going to do now? She didn’t want to leave – she never wanted to leave, really. This was her home. She’d made this life for herself, fought and struggled and bled for it. This is where she belonged.

Except yesterday she had been ready to toss it all aside. Sebastian had apologized, but was that enough to tip the scales so far in the other direction? She knew how hard it had been for him to be so open with his feelings, and she believed that he loved her. She believed that he was sorry, and that he wanted to be with her. She wanted to be with him too. She wanted another thousand nights like last night, wrapped up in each others’ arms.

But now in the morning light, the hurt had resurfaced. She wanted to deny those feelings, but they were there, and they were real. Betrayal. Rejection. Abandonment. How was she supposed to move past those feelings when the evidence of them was all around her, from her clothes packed in boxes all the way up to the condom Sebastian had fished out of his wallet. She knew it wasn’t in there for her benefit.

Fuck.

They’d just have to talk, she reasoned. Her alarm hadn’t gone off, so they still had time. She couldn’t make a decision without knowing where they stood, at least. Pushing open the bathroom door, she looked in the kitchen to see Sebastian was still there, digging through the refrigerator.

“Good luck finding something to eat in there. I’ve been living off of zucchini fritters lately,” she said, picking up the steaming mug he’d left on the counter for her and taking a sip. She damn near moaned out loud – the things that man could do with coffee were unholy.

“So I see,” he said with a smirk. When he took in the sight of her wearing his hoodie and nothing else, however, the humor on his face was replaced with something far darker. Despite the effect that look was having on her, Estelle managed to raise an eyebrow teasingly, taking another sip of her coffee. Talking could wait – she was enjoying this way too much.

Sebastian swallowed, dragging his gaze away from her bare thighs and back up to meet hers. “That uh...looks good on you,” he said, absently closing the fridge door.

“Thanks,” she said, setting her mug down and stepping in front of him. She ran her palms up over his chest, circling her arms around his neck. “Though to be honest I was kinda hoping you’d try to get me out of it.”

His hands moved to her waist, pulling her against him. “That can be arranged,” he murmured, voice low and full of wicked promise as he leaned in to kiss her.

Last night had been gentle and sweet, tentatively exploring each other and getting swept away in the overwhelming amount of love between them. Today was...not that. Today was pure desire, hungry and relentless. Fists buried in his hair, nails digging into his back, it was all Estelle could do to hold on as Sebastian gave in to something primal. He matched each of her whimpered pleas for harder, and faster, and _more,_ until finally they both collapsed into a spent tangle of limbs and crumpled bedsheets.

Get you a man who can do both, right?

Estelle was still trying to catch her breath when her phone began to ring. She was going to just ignore it, but habit had her glancing over to check the display, and when she saw Natalie’s contact photo she decided she better pick up. Sebastian grunted as she climbed over him, snatching the phone and swiping to answer.

“Hey,” she said, coughing to clear the huskiness from her voice.

“Uh, where the fuck are you?”

“Huh?”

“I’ve been at the bus stop for like an hour. What’s going on?”

Estelle blinked in confusion, pulling the phone away from her ear to check the time.

2 pm? What the _fuck?_ How was it 2 pm?

“I uh...I’ll call you back,” Estelle said, ending the call even as Natalie protested. She looked down at Sebastian, still red-faced and sweaty, but now with a look of concern creasing his features.

“What’s up?” he asked. She wasn’t entirely sure, but she had a feeling he knew what was up.

“That was Natalie. She was asking where I am.”

“Oh.”

They sat in silence for a long moment, both of them knowing what was coming next but not wanting to go there. It was easier to just pretend, to just enjoy this without digging into the hard stuff. But if they were ever going to turn this into something real, they had no other choice.

“So...what are you going to do now?” Sebastian asked hesitantly, like he didn’t really want to hear the answer.

“I don’t know.”

He pressed his lips together but didn’t say anything, and Estelle sighed. She had to give him more than that – but what?

“Look, I don’t _want_ to go. I want to stay here, with you. Locked in this room until we resort to cannibalism just to survive,” she said, though the humor fell flat.

“Then stay here with me.”

“It’s not that simple.”

“Yes it is. It is that simple,” he argued, taking her hands in his and lacing their fingers together. “Estelle, please. I don’t want to lose you again.”

The emotion in his voice nearly broke her, but her own emotions were fighting their way out, demanding to be heard. Estelle shook her head, gently extracting her hands from his.

“You didn’t lose me, Sebastian. You gave me up. And that left a mark.”

The look on his face was gut-wrenching. She wanted to take it back, take it all back – but it was the truth, and he needed to hear it. Not from Sam, or Natalie. From her. He needed to acknowledge how badly he’d hurt her, or she’d never be able to heal.

They couldn’t go back to the way things were, or pretend none of this ever happened. If this was going to work, they had to open these wounds and let them heal properly, like resetting a broken bone. Otherwise they would fester, eating away at the foundation of their relationship until one day it just crumbled.

She wouldn’t let that happen. They either did this right, or they didn’t do it at all. This was too important to half-ass.

“I meant it when I said I love you,” she said, choosing her words carefully. “And I want to be with you, more than anything. But you also hurt me really, really badly, and if we’re going to be together I need a chance to work through those feelings. And I’m betting you have some things you need to work through too. So...maybe it would be easier for us to do that if I wasn’t here for a while.”

For a moment the light seemed to go out from behind Sebastian’s eyes. She recognized that dull despair, that hopelessness – how many times had she worn that expression? She hated that she was the reason he wore it now.

But then he did something that took her entirely by surprise – he squeezed his eyes shut and set his jaw, shaking his head before meeting her gaze once more. And when he did, the light wasn’t just back – it was _burning._

“You’re right. We both have to figure our shit out, but being apart is _not_ the way to do it. Being apart is what caused all of this, and it sure as fuck isn’t going to fix it,” he said, reaching out to brush a stray piece of hair out of her face. She leaned into his touch, and his face softened.

“You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me Estelle. Whatever you need, I’ll do it. But I don’t want to spend another second without you.”

Gazing into his eyes as he poured his heart out to her...Estelle couldn’t deny him this. Not when there were other options. Not when she needed him, too.

“Come with me.”

He blinked, obviously not expecting that response. “What?”

“To Zuzu. You don’t want to be apart, and I need some time away from here to get my head on straight. So come with me.”

He stared at her for a moment before a relieved smile spread across his face. “Yeah. I can do that.”

Estelle pressed a soft kiss to his lips and picked up her phone once again. Natalie was going to lose her fucking mind.

 

* * *

 

Interestingly enough, it wasn’t Natalie who lost her mind. It was Sam.

“Whoa, whoa, time out!” he interrupted, voice ringing out from where she’d placed him on speaker. “Back up. You guys are a thing now? Since when?”

“Yesterday, I think?”

“But you’re still leaving? And now you’re taking Seb with you?”

“Yeah, but we’re coming back. Maybe in a few days? Weeks? I don’t know,” Estelle said, hating how uncertain she sounded. Yesterday she’d been planning to leave forever. Who knows what was going to happen now?

“So what, you expect me to just sit here by myself while my best friends and my girlfriend are all shacked up in Zuzu?” he ranted. “What the hell guys! At no point did anyone stop to think ‘Oh hey maybe Sam would like to join in on this little adventure’?”

Estelle glanced up at Sebastian, who just shrugged. “Uh...would you like to join in on this little adventure?”

“Yes! For fuck’s sake! I can’t believe you guys were seriously going to go without me,” he said, his pout audible even over the phone.

“Tell your mom we need the car then,” Sebastian said, interrupting Sam’s pity party. “And pack your shit. We’re leaving today.”

Sam muttered something, but the only word she caught was “asshole”. It made her smile. Yoba, she missed their bickering.

He agreed to call them when he was ready to go, and Estelle had a thought as she hung up her phone. “You should call your mom,” she told Sebastian. He might be a grown ass man who could make his own decisions, but Robin deserved better than having him up and disappear on her – especially after how the last few weeks had gone.

Sebastian frowned, but eventually agreed, and went upstairs to make the call and pack his own bag. Realizing they were both absolutely starving, Estelle decided to take a walk to Gus’ and pick up a pizza. She hadn’t told anyone what _time_ she was leaving, so it shouldn’t look too weird that she was still there.

Not that it mattered really – the second people realized the guys were leaving with her, the questions and speculation would begin flying around town. She was honestly glad she wouldn’t be here for it. Pelican Town was wonderful in so many ways, but having everyone all up in her business grew tiresome sometimes.

She didn’t even want to think about what it was going to be like when she came back.

Gus was happy to see her at least, and she took her usual spot at the bar as she waited.

“What’re you drinking today darlin’?” he asked, pulling a glass from the shelf and shining it up with the cloth on his shoulder.

“Just a soda with lime please,” she said, surprising both of them. She wasn’t making a conscious effort to cut back, but she honestly didn’t feel like drinking just then. That was new.

Gus raised an eyebrow but didn’t comment, and when he ducked into the back to make her food Estelle scrolled through her phone idly, reflecting on the rapid turn her life had taken. Less than 24 hours ago she was drowning her sorrows, saying her goodbyes, thinking she’d never sit at this bar again. Now she was casually picking up a pizza to take back home to her...what? The dude she lives with and is also in love with and is also now fucking?

What the hell were they even?

It didn’t matter right now, she decided. She wasn’t so free-spirited as to think it would _never_ matter – sure, they were just them, fuck labels – but as pointless as labels seemed, they were important to her. They were something tangible, something real, and after everything that had happened she had this need to call Sebastian hers. Her boyfriend, her bae, her partner, whatever, that part didn’t matter. Just _hers._

The pizza came out and Estelle put those thoughts out of her mind. She wasn’t going to let herself overthink into a corner again. Sebastian did enough of that for the both of them. Right now all she would concern herself with was getting home, eating some pizza, and kissing that dude’s face off.

Maybe not in that order.

 

* * *

 

“I’m driving,” Sam declared, tossing his bag into the trunk and slamming it shut. They were making good time – it was only a little after 5, so they should get there around 10 or so. Earlier if Sam drove.

“I’d like to get there in one piece,” Sebastian argued. “So I’m driving.”

Estelle rolled her eyes as the guys put their fists out for rock-paper-scissors and stepped over to Sam, plucking the keys out of his free hand.

“Think I’ll drive,” she said with a smirk, pulling open the door and sliding behind the wheel. Sam and Seb exchanged a look, but compliantly got in the car – which was good, because she was garbage at rock-paper-scissors.

Sebastian took shotgun, leaving Sam and his guitar to occupy the backseat. “Do you even have a driver’s license?” Sam grumbled as he got in. “Thought you didn’t need to drive in the city.”

“You don’t, and I do,” she said, checking her mirrors and starting the car. “Though it’s been like 5 years since I’ve used it.”

“Fuck me, we’re going to die.”

Estelle grinned and tossed Sebastian her phone. “Put something fun on then, I wanna go out with a bang.”

Naturally, they did not die. She might be rusty, but Estelle was a decent driver, and once they got on the highway there was nothing to do but shift the wheel a few millimeters at a time to stay straight. It was so boring that halfway through the drive she was actually regretting her decision to commandeer the driver’s seat.

It was better once they got closer to Zuzu though, and by the time they got into the city proper Estelle was thankful she’d decided to drive. The GPS was dumb as shit, telling them to turn down one-way streets and take back alleys that led to nowhere. Her memory of the city was the only thing that got them to Natalie’s neighborhood, and it was so much easier to just navigate herself than try to give directions from the backseat.

Stuck at a traffic light, Estelle glanced over at Sebastian. He was staring out the window, taking in the city like a tourist who’d never been here before. Was this his first time?

“You guys have been here before, right?” she asked.

“Yeah, a few times,” Sam said.

At the same time Sebastian answered, “Only once or twice.”

“Once or twice? Really?” Estelle said, dumbfounded. “I mean, weren’t you thinking about moving here?”

He shrugged. “Part of the introvert thing.”

“Yeah, Seb never goes anywhere unless someone drags him out,” Sam said, and Sebastian flicked him off over the seat.

That worked out in her favor, actually. If he wasn’t familiar with the city, there were more options for places to go that would be new for him. Estelle started to rack her brain for things he might like. There was the game store on the East End that did all kinds of tournaments and tabletop shit. Oh, and that bar with all the pool tables and dart machines might be fun. What was it called again? Clean Break?

Estelle was starting to feel pretty good about her decision to come here with Sebastian. Maybe this is exactly what they needed – a change of scenery, somewhere to reconnect that wasn’t tainted by their drama. At it’s core she hated Zuzu, but the bright side was that it wasn’t lacking in things to do, and that opened up a lot of opportunity for them to just hang out together like a normal couple.

Estelle reached across the seat and grabbed Sebastian’s hand, threading her fingers through his. He flashed her a little smile and squeezed her fingers in return.

A normal couple. She liked the sound of that.


	35. Welcome to Zuzu City

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the (very) late update guys! I've had some things going on in my personal life that unfortunately have cut into my time for writing/editing significantly. I'm trying to get back on schedule but the next few updates may take a little longer than usual, so please bear with me. 
> 
> As always thank you so much for reading! Your feedback and enthusiasm for this story gives me life.

Zuzu was...different. It went without saying that the city was a complete 180 from Pelican Town, but it wasn’t just that. It was how it _felt._ No longer the sprawling playground of her childhood, the shining opportunity of her late teens, or the anonymous wasteland of her early adulthood. The city in which she had spent 22 of her nearly 23 years now seemed almost foreign, in a way.

Estelle had expected some weird feelings upon returning to her hometown, but feeling like a stranger wasn’t one of them. It didn’t even make sense really. Everything was the same – the endless traffic, the food carts on every corner, the people. That vast intersectionality of corporate drones in suits, kids in school uniforms, blue collar workers in boots and ballcaps, tweakers, church ladies, moms pushing strollers...no one looked out of place.

Except her.

Maybe nothing had changed in Zuzu, but something had changed in her. From the moment they crossed the city lines Estelle had found herself slightly on edge, like her body was rejecting this place even as her mind recognized it. The air felt dirty in her lungs, her skin slightly greasy like a film had settled over it. The crisp white snow that had blanketed Pelican Town was nothing more than brown sludge and rock salt here, leaving her boots covered with stiff, chalky stains and a piece of stray gum stuck to the sole.

Now maybe Sebastian would understand why she was so adamant about taking shoes off at the door.

Estelle let out a silent sigh, closing her eyes and focusing on the rhythmic rising and falling of his chest under her cheek. Sleep had been eluding her for the past hour or more, despite the comfort his arms offered. The buzzing of the city that used to lull her to sleep now prevented it, the artificial light creeping in through the cracks in the curtains annoying her rather than offering security. It was all superficial – like a fly circling her head – but just frustrating enough to keep her from peace.

And this was a decent part of town. If they’d been in the neighborhood Estelle grew up in, she’d never catch a wink of sleep between the sirens and drunken screaming and bass pumping through the thin apartment walls. How her mom had ever adapted to it after a lifetime of Pelican Town was beyond her.

Nat’s apartment was pretty much as far as you could get from Estelle’s childhood home, however. The station she was working for was the largest in the country, and it showed in the accommodations they offered their interns. As soon as Nat had told her what part of town she was staying in, Estelle knew why this gig was such a big deal.

The official name of the neighborhood was Spring Hill, but everyone called it The Dorms – a section of the city comprised nearly entirely of kids born into old money, going to school for medicine, business, or politics. Too rich to live on campus, but too proud to stay with their parents, this unique demographic meant there was a distinct sense of affluence to the neighborhood, but with a shitload of bars and late-night takeout joints scattered throughout.

None of them exactly fit in here, but it didn’t really matter. They had each other for company, and anything they could ever want to do in the city was only a short train ride away. The apartment itself was really nice – about on par with the loft she’d lived in with her ex just before moving to Pelican Town, and he had certainly not been hurting for money. Two bed, one bath, decently spacious living area and kitchen. By a stroke of luck, the girl who was scheduled to share the room with Natalie was living with her boyfriend full time, so the second bedroom was essentially free. Nat said she’d never even come to pick up her key, so no worries about a random stranger bursting in on them.

No worries about Nat or Sam bursting in, either. Aside from the obvious reasons to respect a closed door, Natalie had work in the morning. At some point between enthusiastically kissing Sam she’d found a moment to grumble at them all for how late they’d arrived, and how she needed to get to bed. Estelle gave her shit for calling 10pm “late”, Nat stuck out her tongue...everything just kind of fell right back into place, the way it was before all of this.

Well, mostly. Estelle didn’t miss the cautious side-eye Natalie gave Sebastian when he walked in, and judging by the way she felt him stiffen at her side, neither did he. She knew Natalie was just looking out for her, but they were going to need to work that out real quick. She really didn’t want any lingering animosity between her sister and her boyfr...well, him.

Though that was a problem for another day. Right now, Estelle just wanted her stupid brain to shut down and let her sleep. She rolled over in frustration, shoving her face into her pillow. A moment later she felt Sebastian roll over too, putting his arm around her stomach and pulling her close.

“Can’t sleep?” he murmured into her hair.

“Nah. Sorry for waking you.”

“I wasn’t sleeping. Just being quiet ‘cause I thought you were.”

Estelle smiled, turning to look at him. True to his word, his eyes were clear and alert. “That’s right. I forgot that vampires don’t sleep at reasonable times.”

Sebastian propped himself up on his elbow and slowly ran a finger down the length of her neck. Estelle shivered unconsciously, and he smirked. “If I was a vampire you’d be in trouble.”

While Estelle wasn’t particularly into the whole paranormal romance thing that was popular lately, in that moment she kind of understood the appeal. His little implication was _way_ sexier than it had any right to be.

She matched his expression with a sly grin of her own. “Can I be in trouble anyway?”

 

* * *

 

It was half past noon by the time Sebastian and Estelle got out of bed, which meant breakfast was a trip to the local coffee shop instead of her favorite hole-in-the-wall diner like she’d planned. There was always tomorrow, but she was still a little disappointed. The strawberry crepes they served were so amazing she could go the rest of her life eating nothing but. Well, those and Gus’ selection of fried food to dunk in marinara. Thank Yoba for fast metabolisms.

Though it was no heaping plate of crepes, the coffee shop wasn’t bad. A bit more upscale than she typically went for – she was partial to the cozy little shops with mismatched furniture and hipster baristas – but the view made up for the lack of personality. Wrapping around the store was a wall made entirely of glass, overlooking the train station below. It wasn’t terribly busy at this hour, so they were able to grab a couch right next to the window, quietly people watching as they sipped their drinks.

Well, half people watching, half watching each other. Estelle couldn’t help but let her eyes drift in his direction every so often, lingering on all the little details that made him so uncommonly gorgeous. It still felt surreal to be sitting here having a coffee together, in the comfortable silence they’d perfected so long ago. She thought she’d never have this again.

It felt right.

Estelle smiled as she caught Sebastian glancing at her too, wondering what he was thinking, if he was as happy as she was in that moment. She shifted her weight to close the slight gap between them, and he put his arm around her in return. She hummed in contentment, taking a sip of her mocha, feeling warm inside and out.

“Coffee good?” he asked.

“Yeah, it’s not bad. Little too sweet,” she said. “I think I like yours better.”

“I wasn’t gonna say it, but...” he agreed with a smug little grin. “The view is nice though.”

Estelle looked back out at the square. Almost instantly a memory popped into her head, so clear it was practically deja vu. Nudging Sebastian, she pointed out a group of two guys and a girl who were in the middle of what looked to be an increasingly heated argument.

“That chick used to be dating the dude in the khakis, until he caught her cheating with the tall guy and broke it off. But joke’s on her, because now those two hooked up and are very much in love. She’s pissed because they won’t give her back the expensive matching towels she bought for his apartment.”

Sebastian looked at her in total bewilderment, and she grinned. “Nat and I used to play this game back in high school where we’d make up ridiculous backstories for the people we saw walking around,” she explained. “Try it! It’s fun.”

“You and Natalie are more ridiculous than any crazy backstory,” he said with a chuckle, shaking his head but indulging her anyway. Peering out the window, he scanned the crowd before eventually nodding towards a teenage punk kid with an enormous green mohawk, wearing at least 5 pounds of metal studs and spikes in his clothes, bopping his head along to whatever was playing on his earbuds.

“That guy is actually listening to a podcast about knitting. He makes little sweaters for his 5 cats, all named after silent film actors.”

Estelle burst into giggles. “Well _that’s_ canon now, and you’ll never convince me otherwise,” she said, shooting him an impressed look. “Good thing you didn’t know us in high school. You would have won every time.”

Sebastian made a noise crossed between amusement and a scoff. “You two wouldn’t have given me the time of day in high school.”

“Oh bullshit,” she argued. “Why would you think that?”

“Because if you think I’m emo now you should have seen me during peak teen angst,” he said with a self-deprecating smile. “I’m sunshine and rainbows now compared to 16.”

“Everyone sucks in high school. Besides, I had an emo phase too you know,” she said, as if it were some consolation. “Sophomore year I dyed my hair black and spent like an hour every morning straightening those fucking side bangs.”

She cringed at the memory. It had been short lived, but those damn bangs took years to grow out. How had she ever thought cutting natural curls into scene hair was a good idea?

Sebastian laughed. “I’m totally getting pictures of that from Natalie,” he said, pulling his phone out to text her.

“She knows better. Besides, I’m sure Robin has _loads_ of interesting pictures of you throughout the years...”

His thumbs stopped moving on the screen, and Estelle smirked as he gave in to her threat. “You win,” he said grudgingly, sticking his phone back in his pocket. “Either way, I’m glad to have met you now instead of then.”

“I’m just glad to have met you at all,” she said, snuggling further into the crook of his arm. “I like this.”

Sebastian tightened his grip around her, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “Me too.”

 

* * *

 

_I fucking hate this._

Abigail stormed into her bedroom, slamming the door behind her. Fuck everyone in this shithole town. Especially her mother. Yoba, she was the worst of them all. Holier-than-thou hypocritical bitch.

True to her word, Estelle had left – but not before ruining everything. Somehow she had talked Sebastian into going with her. Sam too. And now the entire town was buzzing with their sudden disappearance, speculation as to what caused it running rampant. And all fingers pointed to her.

She just couldn’t figure out how this had happened. A few days ago Estelle was one bad day away from drinking herself to death over him, and now they’re running away together? It made no fucking sense. It was over, Abby had won, and now everything was ass backwards and totally fucked and Yoba she hated that girl so goddamn much.

Then to top it off she had everyone coming down on her for it. Her misstep with the pregnancy bluff was bad enough, but before she could even do damage control this happened. Estelle had to have talked to someone, had to have done this on purpose. There was no way that Sebastian would have put his own business out there, and yet somehow everyone know everything. They knew she’d lied, they knew Seb dumped her, they knew he’d been having issues with Estelle, they knew she was leaving under bullshit pretenses, and now they knew he went with her.

But even with all that knowledge, they shouldn’t have been able to pin it on her. She should have been able to play innocent – poor Abby mistakenly thought she was pregnant, Seb broke her heart by leaving her, then ran off with tramp Estelle. She should have turned this around. Except someone had planted the seed before she even knew what had happened, and now everyone thought she’d run them out of town. And from her limited time outside today, they were not impressed in the slightest.

Leah had called her a homewrecker to her face. The saloon was conveniently out of all three meals she tried to order. Haley and Alex had joked about it. _“Hey babe, you think she’s gonna come after me next?” “She can fuckin’ have you!”_ Whispers and glares and the constant feeling of being watched.

Abigail didn’t give a shit about any of them, or what they thought. But knowing that they only thought it because of _Estelle..._ it was beyond infuriating. How could they be so accepting of an outsider and dismiss her like trash? She only did this because Estelle had taken everything from her in the first place. How dare they judge her for just trying to keep what was hers.

And her own mother joined in. That was the kicker. Perfect little Caroline, the paragon of virtue, cared more about her own reputation than defending her only daughter. She’d cowed to the self-righteous anger from Jodi and Robin, then come home and projected all of it onto Abby. Spat all her own insecurities and guilt into Abby’s face, while her spineless prick of a “father” sat and watched wordlessly.

Fuck all of them.

 

* * *

 

Sebastian leaned back in his chair, an amused smile on his face as he watched Estelle dive into her carton of takeout with the enthusiasm of someone breaking a 40 day fast. She’d frequently lamented the lack of ethnic variety on Gus’ menu when they were back home, and when Nat offered to bring back food Estelle had snapped off “pad kee mao level 5” before she could even finish her sentence.

“This is soooo good,” Estelle moaned around a mouthful of noodles, eyes closed like it was a spiritual experience for her.

Natalie snorted. “I don’t know how you can even taste it. You get that shit way too spicy.”

“It’s not that spicy.”

“You’re literally sweating,” Sebastian pointed out.

She shot him a look as Sam reached over with his chopsticks and grabbed one of her noodles, popping it into his mouth. “It’s really not that ba– oh. Ohhhh no no no,” he said, frantically fumbling for his drink. The three of them snickered as Sam gulped the entire thing and turned to Estelle with wide, watering eyes.

“You’re a fucking masochist,” he gasped.

Estelle shrugged and took another bite while Natalie shook her head. “Estelle’s pain fetish aside, what do you guys wanna do tonight? One of my coworkers was talking about this new arcade they just opened on 3rd and Main. Sounded like something you nerds would be into.”

Estelle opened her mouth to answer but paused, glancing over at him in question first. That little gesture, so small and seemingly insignificant, meant so much to him. She truly cared about what he thought, what he wanted. She wanted him to be happy.

To be totally honest, Sebastian didn’t really want to go out tonight. The crowds in Zuzu were so much worse than he’d remembered from the last time he was here, and even going out for coffee and pastries earlier had drained his people tolerance for the day. But Estelle liked that kind of stuff – he’d seen her playing the cabinets at the Stardrop a few times – and he wasn’t going to let his dumb issues hold her back.

He shrugged, nodding in agreement. “Could be cool.”

She beamed at him and turned to Natalie to work out the train schedule. He found himself smiling back involuntarily, and looked down into his own takeout container to keep from just staring at her stupidly. She wanted to make him happy – and knowing he could put that look on her face made him happier than anything else.

Sam coughed and Seb looked up to meet his gaze. He was going for some kind of “I told you so” expression – smug, or satisfied, or maybe even just proud – but the effect was ruined by the red eyes and snotty nose he was sporting, thanks to Estelle’s food.

Seb rolled his eyes and pushed his own cup of water towards his friend. Sam could give him as much shit as he wanted. He certainly wasn’t the “shout it from the rooftops” kind of guy, but after everything they’d been through to get to this point, there wasn’t a single part of him that was embarrassed to admit that he was hopelessly in love with Estelle.

It was far easier than he'd thought it would be. She did something to him that cut through his insecurities and inhibitions in a way no one ever had before. He didn’t feel awkward holding her hand on the walk to the train station, or uncomfortable when she kissed his cheek on the Red Line. The thought that people were watching didn’t even cross his mind, which was unheard of for him, the guy who was so painfully self-aware he wouldn’t speak in public for the year his voice was cracking. It was like she lent him some of her confidence, that comfort in her own skin that he’d never learned but she had in spades.

No, that wasn’t right. It wasn’t that he borrowed some of hers – it was that being with her brought out his own, hidden dormant inside of him for so long he didn’t even recognize it was there. How could he not walk a little taller when he was with such an incredible girl? She could be with damn near any guy she wanted to, but she chose _him._ Didn’t that mean there had to be something desirable about him?

Sure, he didn’t come close to deserving her – but maybe he wasn’t completely worthless after all.

To his pleasant surprise, the arcade they went to was actually pretty cool. He’d been envisioning some cheesy fluorescent cash grab filled with kids and stupid chance games that spit out tickets. The building they walked into was essentially the opposite of that. The main floor was dimly lit and bathed in the soothing blue glow of rows upon rows of game machines. The effect reminded him so much of his old basement, the total darkness broken only by his computer screens. Shooters, racers, dancing games, music games, fighters – anything you could want to play was there, and Sebastian was looking forward to trying out a few of the consoles they walked past.

Breaking off of the main cabinet area were two smaller rooms with vastly differing themes. The first was a throwback room, filled with pinball machines and cabinets older than they were. He spotted Journey of the Prairie King in there, which brought a little grin to his face. He and Sam had to have beaten that game a dozen times over the years.

The other room reminded him more of a tavern than an arcade. There was a bar along the far wall, with a handful of flat screen TV’s hanging above, playing sports. The rest of the space was taken up by pool tables, air hockey, foosball tables, and dart machines. Estelle caught him eyeing one of the air hockey tables and nudged him.

“Are you any good?”

“Not really. Are you?”

“I’m not bad. I used to play all the time.” She grinned and held up her right hand, pinky finger extended. “Rogue puck broke my finger freshman year.”

He hadn’t noticed before, but now that she pointed it out he saw that the tip of her finger was slightly crooked. “Sports injuries are a bitch,” he teased.

“I know right?” she laughed. “Wanna play?”

“You might be too hardcore for me.”

“Oh come on, I let you rock me at pool all the time.”

She had a point there. Reluctantly, Sebastian agreed – and was promptly demolished. Estelle had been modest when she claimed to be “not bad” at air hockey. She was a fucking _monster_ at air hockey. After his third loss in a row, a shutout no less, Sebastian threw in the towel.

“This must be how Sam feels every Friday,” he muttered, torn between admiration of her skill and frustration with his epic loss. Then she laughed, and wrapped her arms around his neck – and any negativity he was feeling instantly melted away.

“You weren’t bad, just a little predictable. It’s easy to block when you always swipe right,” she said with a little wink. “So what do you want to play next?”

“Pool?”

“Go fuck yourself.”

Sebastian chuckled and thought about it for a minute. He was about to mention the mech sim he saw at the back of the main room when Natalie and Sam showed up.

“Estelle! Guess what they have!” Sam gushed as she pulled away to greet them. Sebastian glanced at Natalie and frowned when he saw how her lips were pursed slightly as she looked between the two of them. He didn’t like her cautious skepticism, deserved as it may be.

Estelle didn’t seem to notice, however. “What do they have?” she said brightly.

“Skee ball! Nat refuses to play but said you would.”

“Hell yes I will! I love that shit,” she said, eyes lighting up. She turned to Sebastian. “You coming?”

Before he could answer, however, Natalie cut in. “We’ll catch up with you guys in a minute,” she said casually. Sebastian’s gaze flicked over to her, but there was no trace of emotion he could read on her face. He decided to just go with it - there was nothing to gain out of making a scene.

Estelle’s eyebrows creased in confusion for a split second before apparently shrugging it off. “Okay, see you in a bit,” she agreed, following Sam to the other room.

Sebastian crossed his arms and leaned back against the air hockey table as he watched them go, waiting for Natalie to say whatever it was she needed to say. She didn’t waste any time, rounding on him the moment they were out of sight.

“Look Seb, I’m going to be straight up with you,” she started, crossing her own arms to mirror his stance. “So I want you to be straight up with me, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Are you fucking with her?”

“No,” he responded immediately, his frown deepening. He knew she was just looking out for Estelle, but it still pissed him off that she would even ask him that. They were supposed to be friends, after all.

“I don’t mean are you purposely toying with her. I know you’re not like that,” she said, shaking her head. “I mean are you actually all in on this now? Like 100 percent, no more angst or bullshit or Abigail?”

Sebastian opened his mouth to answer but she continued. “Because Estelle is, and if you’re not then you need to back up like right now. Before you break her heart again.”

He was all in. There was nothing in this world he wanted more than to be with her. But despite that, Natalie’s words still hit him hard. Wasn’t breaking her heart again what he’d been so afraid of? And knowing that after everything, she was still trusting him with it – it scared him. How could he look Natalie in the eyes and promise not to hurt her sister, when he wasn’t even sure himself? After all, he’d fucked everything else in his life up.

_Just believe._

“I don’t know what’s going to happen,” he said slowly. “But I do know that I love her, and I'll do anything to make this work. 100 percent.”

She looked at him for a long moment, and he held her gaze. It was easy when he wasn’t trying to hide anything. After a moment she nodded, seemingly satisfied.

“Okay. I believe you,” she said before dropping her arms with a sigh. “Don’t take this the wrong way or anything. And I’m sorry for being kind of shitty lately. I do like you Seb, I just...well, you know.”

“I get it,” he said truthfully. “I may be a fuck up, but I want her to be happy too.”

“We’re all fuck ups,” Nat said with a little smile. “C’mon, let’s go watch those losers play skee ball.”


	36. Who We Are Today

When the train doors opened at Knox Station, Estelle very nearly didn’t get off. She still wasn’t entirely sure why she’d even agreed to come here. There was nothing for her here but old memories and pain, and she had enough of those without the added reminder.

But Sebastian had wanted to see where she grew up, and for some reason she agreed to bring him. If she was honest, there was a tiny part of her that wanted to see it too. Maybe it would be cathartic to say goodbye, to give proper closure to her former life that had ended so abruptly. To go forward without feeling the need to look back any longer. To move on.

Still, she was quiet as they walked along the cracked sidewalks of her old neighborhood. Sebastian didn’t push, or question her silence. It was one of the things she loved about him – how he just let her exist as she was, without demanding explanation for it. He simply reached out and took her hand, wordlessly offering his support. Letting her know he was there for her without making it about him. It meant a lot to her.

Estelle’s old neighborhood was exactly the way she remembered it. Narrow streets lined with narrow houses and storefronts, all crammed together to utilize every inch of space. Dingy metal awnings hanging over locked doors and busted out windows covered with plywood. There wasn’t a speck of green in sight, aside from the graffiti covered dumpsters.

It was rundown, dangerous, and not at all a nice place to live...but it was home. She learned how to ride a bike on this busted concrete, covered it in hopscotch grids and chalk drawings every summer. Without fully realizing she was doing it, Estelle found herself narrating her childhood to Sebastian as they walked and the memories surfaced. That’s the dead end street the neighborhood kids used to block off to play soccer. Here’s the alley where she threw her first punch at 8 years old, when she caught a boy kicking a stray puppy. She stole a candy bar from this corner store, and when her mom found out she marched her back down to apologize and pay for it.

“And this was my apartment building,” she said, coming to a stop in front of a towering brick complex and pointing up. “Sixth floor, front side. The blue windowsill was my room.”

Sebastian tilted his head back and looked up. “Did you always live here?”

“Yep. Same room from infancy to college.” A thought crossed her mind, and she frowned. “Did you always live in the basement at your mom’s house?”

To her relief, he shook his head. Though she gave him shit about being a vampire, she couldn’t imagine how terrible it would be for a little kid down in all that darkness. “No, Mom didn’t build that house until I was 12 or 13. We used to live where the Joja Mart is now. They tore our house down to make room for it.”

“Why didn’t she build a bedroom for you?”

He shrugged. “She was going to, but by that point Demetrius and I were already done with each other. Living downstairs was the closest thing I had to moving out.”

“Did you two ever get along?” she asked. She didn’t mean to pry, but she’d been talking about her own childhood so much that she couldn’t help but be curious about his. He never really talked about it, besides that he was an edgelord in high school.

“Depends what you mean by ‘get along’,” he said, a sense of bitterness creeping into his tone. “We didn’t start fighting until I was older, but there was never any love between us if that’s what you’re asking.”

“Even when you were little?”

Sebastian was quiet for a moment, long enough that she thought he might not answer. When he eventually did, his voice had lost the bitter edge. Instead he just sounded sad.

“I used to look up to him. Maybe I even loved him at one point, I don’t know. But when Maru was born he didn’t even try anymore. He got his real kid, so...didn’t need to waste time with the mistake.”

An image came to mind of a little boy with messy black hair and lonely eyes, reaching out for love and being ignored. Robin would have been busy, between a newborn and working to provide for the family. How could Demetrius have been so cruel as to deny an innocent child the affection he so obviously needed? Her heart ached for him.

Estelle squeezed his fingers, trying to convey some of that love he deserved, as late as it was. “You’re not a mistake.”

He gave a short, mirthless laugh, shaking his head dismissively. “It’s fine, Estelle. Come on, I know there’s other places you haven’t shown me yet.”

He tugged lightly on her hand to get them moving again, but Estelle held her ground until he stopped, turning to look at her in question.

“You’re not a mistake Sebastian,” she reiterated firmly.

He seemed almost taken aback by her insistence, but she held his gaze until his face softened. “If you think so, that’s all I need,” he said, rubbing his thumb along her cheekbone. “Thanks.”

She leaned into his touch and smiled. If her words could ease even a tiny bit of his burden, she’d never stop saying them. But for now…

“There’s one more place I want to show you.”

 

* * *

 

Sebastian wasn’t sure where Estelle was going to take him, but a dilapidated warehouse was definitely not in his top ten guesses. The building looked nearly abandoned, except for a schedule painted onto the metal door that indicated it should be open at this hour. Giving him an excited little grin, Estelle grabbed the metal rod attached to the door and slid it open with the loud squeak of poorly lubricated metal.

Once they stepped inside, however, Sebastian understood immediately why they’d come. The space was filled with art, swaths of color splashed everywhere he looked. People of all ages were there, engrossed in their work – an old man painting flowers, a teenage girl sculpting something out of clay, a group of kids huddled around a table, cutting construction paper into snowflakes.

“This is the Knoxville Craftsmen’s Guild,” Estelle said, gesturing vaguely at their surroundings. “They have all kinds of different art classes, or you can just come use the studio for your own project. My mom worked late a lot, so I practically lived here as a kid.”

She ran her fingers along the wood of a long table, smiling fondly. “Honestly I don’t know if I would have even started drawing if not for this place.”

“Nonsense!” a voice boomed out from farther inside the studio, startling Sebastian. He turned to see a tiny old woman approaching them at a speed belying her apparent age. She held one bony finger out towards Estelle, a stern expression twisting her crinkled features.

“You were born an artist, girl. We only helped you channel it,” she said, her frown melting away into a smile as she spread her arms wide.

Estelle’s face lit up as she closed the distance and hugged the woman tightly. “I can’t believe you’re still here Oma!”

“Of course I’m still here. What, did you expect me to be dead?”

“No!” Estelle gasped, horrified. “I just...”

The woman chuckled, patting her on the back fondly as she pulled back. “I see you haven’t changed,” she said wryly. Sebastian cracked a little grin of his own. Whoever this woman was, he liked her already.

“You look good,” she said, looking Estelle up and down before her sharp eyes flicked to Sebastian. “This your boyfriend?”

Seb’s gaze moved to Estelle. He was _very_ interested in how she was going to answer that question. They hadn’t really talked about what they were – it felt like she was his girlfriend, but he didn’t want to stake some kind of claim if she wasn’t ready for that. He’d decided to let her lead in that area, because honestly if it was up to him he’d have a mermaid pendant on her already. He had no doubts that she was his end game.

“I...yes?” Estelle answered uncertainly, cheeks flushed. He couldn’t help the smile that spread across his own face. _Good._

“This is Sebastian. Seb, this is Oma – she’s kind of my mentor, I guess.”

Oma snorted. “You guess? Skip town for a few years and now I’m an ‘I guess’. So ungrateful. Where have you been anyway?”

Estelle rolled her eyes, suppressing a smile. “I live in Pelican Town now, down in the valley. I have a farm there.”

“A farm?” Oma said, quirking her eyebrows in amusement as she looked to Sebastian. “Please tell me she isn’t actually farming.”

“Not unless you count weeds,” Seb replied with a smirk. Estelle flicked him off as Oma laughed.

“I’ll have you know I have a very successful honey racket going, thank you very much. And I’ve kept four chickens alive for like 6 months,” Estelle said indignantly.

“Well then, my mistake. You’re a bona fide overall-wearing country girl now, apparently,” she said with amusement. “So I take it you’re freelancing then? Not much work for a portrait artist in the valley.”

The humor on Estelle’s face fell. “Yeah, I uh...I don’t really draw much anymore...”

Oma’s eyes narrowed. “What? Why?”

“Just...stopped feeling it.”

“What about your scholarship?”

“Dropped out.”

Even Sebastian could feel the weight of Oma’s disappointment. Estelle was staring at her feet, and he put his hand on her back to offer some kind of support, however small.

When Oma spoke again, however, her voice was soft. “Your mom?”

Estelle nodded, and Oma sighed. “Believe me, I know better than most how unfair life can be. But you have a gift. She wouldn’t want you to waste it any more than I do.”

Estelle didn’t respond. After a moment of silence Oma turned and began to walk towards the back of the studio, motioning them to follow her. Reluctantly, Estelle did, and Sebastian trailed behind.

Oma led them to a small desk in the back, covered with framed art and tiny scupltures, and pulled open one of the drawers. She sifted through the files until she came across the one she was looking for, laying it on top of the desk. The front was covered with sketches of twisting vines and flowers, wrapping around a name – _Estelle_ _Hayes._

Sebastian glanced at Estelle to find her staring at the folder, lips pursed. He wondered what was in it, but more than that he wondered if she was okay. She seemed to know what was coming next, and wasn’t looking forward to it.

To his surprise, Oma didn’t open the folder, or give it to Estelle. Instead she handed it to him.

“If I know my girl, and I do, I suspect she hasn’t shared her talent with you,” she said, shaking the folder until he hesitantly accepted it. “So look through that portfolio and tell me, Sebastian, what _you_ think she should do.”

Sebastian looked down at the folder and shook his head, passing it off to Estelle. She looked up at him in confusion and he shrugged. “I think she should do whatever makes her happy. I don’t need to look through pictures to know that.”

Oma raised her eyebrows, a slow smile creeping across her face. “Ohhh, you’re an interesting one aren’t you?” she said, chuckling. “Fair enough. Promise me you’ll think about it at least?”

“Yeah, I will,” Estelle agreed, holding the folder out. Oma shook her head.

“You keep it. It’s your work after all.”

Estelle hugged the older woman again, and after a few more minutes of conversation, they left with a promise to visit again soon.

Walking back towards the train station, Estelle turned to him with an apologetic look. “Sorry she put you on the spot back there. Oma is wonderful, but she can be a little much sometimes.”

“It’s okay. She seems to really care about you.”

Estelle hummed in agreement. “She always pushed me to be better. That’s what’s in this folder,” she said, holding up the vine-covered file in her hand. “Every few months she’d make me do a new self-portrait to gauge my progress. I hated drawing myself, but when I was feeling down she’d bust out a picture from the year or two before and remind me how much I was growing. Artistically and in general.”

“Now I regret not looking through it,” he said, trying to pull a smile out of her. He could tell that the day had worn on her, and he was looking forward to getting back to the apartment. They could both use the downtime.

“You’re not missing much. Bad drawings of me during the horrors of puberty, mostly.”

“Hot.”

To his satisfaction, she laughed and shoved him a little. “Thanks for coming with me today. I know it’s a shithole, but...” she trailed off with a shrug.

She was right. From the moment they stepped off the train, Sebastian had been taken aback by exactly how shitty her neighborhood really was. But as they walked, and she told him all those stories about growing up and pointed out places that had impacted her life so much, he started to see it all in a different light. Despite being conventionally awful, this place made her who she was today.

Sebastian bent down and picked a crocus flower that was growing out of a crack in the sidewalk. He appraised it for a moment before holding it out to her with a little smile.

“That just makes it more special when something beautiful breaks through.”

Estelle looked a little surprised, but her cheeks flushed with pleasure anyway. “When did you become a romantic?” she teased, taking the flower.

“You have that effect on me.”

 

* * *

 

Sebastian wasn’t sure why he’d agreed to come out on a Friday night. The bar was packed from the moment they arrived, and only Estelle’s hand in his kept him from turning around and going right back out. She deftly maneuvered through the horde, fingers tight on his to keep from losing him, until finally they reached a space he felt like he could breathe. Natalie and Sam had come early and gotten a table near the stage, far enough from the bar to avoid the bulk of the crowd, and Sebastian immediately slid into one of the open seats.

Estelle shot him a knowing look. “You good?”

“I’m fine.”

“Liar,” she said with a smile, bending down to press a quick kiss to his lips. “I’ll grab us some drinks.”

Natalie stood up to go with her, while Sam and Sebastian watched their girls disappear into the throng of people clustered around the bar.

Sam leaned back in his chair, putting his hands behind his head. “I can’t believe she got you to come to a karaoke bar dude. You gotta be freaking out right now.”

“It’s not too bad over here,” he said, trying to sound casual. Truth be told he was freaking out a little bit, but he didn’t want to admit that. He needed to get over his social anxiety, and what better way to do that than by forcing himself into social settings? At least Estelle was here to help calm him down.

“It’ll fill up when the singing starts,” Sam said. “What song are you going to do?”

Sebastian looked at him like he was out of his fucking mind. “You really think I’m going to sing?”

Sam shrugged. “I didn’t think you’d come in the first place, yet here you are.”

He had a point. It was strange though – he wasn’t here because Estelle dragged him along, the way people typically had to in order to get him out. In fact, Estelle had specifically offered to stay home with him, but he chose to come anyway. He didn’t want her to miss out on fun things because he sucked at being a functional person. He wanted to be better for her.

Maybe one day he’d manage to deserve her.

Looking at her tonight though, that possibility seemed hopelessly distant. She was always beautiful – even mussed from sleep, dripping wet from a sudden rainstorm, covered in dirt and cuts from the mines, _always_ – but when she decided to get done up for something, she was obscenely, jaw-droppingly gorgeous. She had those jeans on again, the ones that hugged every curve, along with a shirt that didn’t have any material in the back except two straps holding it on. She’d left her hair down to fall in waves over her bare shoulders, put on whatever makeup to make her eyes look dark and seductive…

He couldn’t believe he was going home with that girl tonight.

“I got you a rum and coke,” Estelle said, setting the glass down in front of him. “It felt right.”

“And here’s your margarita, the manliest of all drinks,” Natalie teased, handing Sam his glass. “They’re starting to take requests for karaoke. How many drinks before you guys will sing? I’m thinking two for me.”

“Two or three,” Estelle agreed.

“I’ll sing whenever,” Sam said around his straw.

Natalie looked to Sebastian expectantly and he shook his head. “I’m not singing.”

“Oh come on Seb!” she argued. “It’s karaoke!”

“You will never get enough liquor into me to make that seem like a good idea.”

Natalie raised her eyebrows like she was prepared to accept that challenge, but Estelle cut in first. “Drop it Nat.”

“Fine, fine,” she conceded reluctantly. “I’m going to go put the slips in. If the shot chick comes around get me one.”

The shot chick did come around – twice – and by the time it was their turn to sing they were all feeling pretty good. Not good enough to get Sebastian on stage, but enough to make him almost forget that he was packed into a stuffy room with a zillion other people.

Being with his friends helped too. They joked, they laughed, they cheered on the good performers. Estelle had scooted her chair next to his, and her casual touches never failed to send a thrill through him. As much as he didn’t want to be here in the first place, Sebastian was having a legitimately good time.

Natalie went first, belting out a fairly awful rendition of a classic metal song. She had fun with it though, jumping around stage and getting the crowd worked up, which compensated for her less-than-stellar vocals. By the time she came back to the table, the next guy on the docket was struggling to keep the energy up.

“Killed it babe,” Sam said as she pinned her tousled hair back into place.

Estelle smirked. “They didn’t boo you offstage this time at least.”

“That only happened once,” Natalie said dismissively. “But hey, feel free to show me up. Your number is next.”

Estelle tipped her drink back and stood. “Wish me luck,” she said, trailing her fingers across Sebastian’s shoulders as she walked past and up to the stage.

Not that she needed it. Estelle looked a little nervous at first, standing in the silence before the music started, but once the beat picked up she was all in. The song was some kind of pop punk, something Sebastian had never heard before – and judging by the lack of singing along from the crowd most of them hadn’t either. She nailed it anyway. Eyes sparking with adrenaline, the lights playing off her features, voice so full of emotion...Sebastian was totally captivated.

By the time her performance ended, those who’d gathered around the front of the stage had their hands up in the air along with her, bopping their heads like it was a real show. She beamed when they clapped, giving a little wave as she walked off the other side of the stage.

“Dude, we should totally have Estelle sing in one of our songs!” Sam gushed when it was over. “Like a duet or something. Oh, maybe an acoustic? All good albums have a slow song or two.”

“You don’t wanna do a duet with me?” Natalie teased, affecting a fake pout.

Sam said something to that, probably a rebuttal with varying degrees of tact, but Sebastian had stopped listening. The group that had been obscuring his view of the side of the stage moved, and when he glanced over he was hit with a powerful surge of jealousy. Estelle was still near the stairs, a smile on her face as she talked to some other guy. A guy with broad shoulders and a square jaw, exuding confidence as he said something to her with a suggestive grin.

A guy that reminded him way, _way_ too much of Alex.

Estelle laughed in response, and Sebastian turned back to his drink, downing the rest of it. It didn’t mean anything, he tried to tell himself. He was probably complimenting her on her karaoke, made a joke, and that was that. She’d be back over in a minute. It was no big deal.

It was no big deal, but it dredged up all those feelings he’d been trying to keep buried. The despair he’d felt when Natalie told him she’d gone home with someone else. The awful sickness when he saw Alex leaving her bedroom. The betrayal he didn’t deserve to feel but did anyway. The insecurity and inadequacy and _..._

“So how’d I do?” Estelle said brightly, face flushed as she slid into her seat beside him.

_Fuck._

 

* * *

 

Estelle felt amazing as she bounded off the stage and down the stairs to rejoin her friends. She’d been nervous about her song choice, a lesser known song from a lesser known band, but the crowd really seemed to be into it. Karaoke was always a blast, but it was so much better with a good audience. The stage lights obscured her vision, but she caught a glimpse of Sebastian smiling at her when they dimmed for her exit, and it brought a warmth to her chest to match her overheated skin.

Yoba, she loved that dude.

When she got to the bottom of the stairs, however, that warmth faded as quickly as if it had been doused with a bucket of ice water. There, casually leaning against the wall with an expectant smirk on his face, was her ex.

_Of course. In a city of 5 million fucking people…_

She didn’t even know why he was approaching her now. Jake had shown absolutely no interest in her while they were together - well, except for in bed. It was a relationship built more on mutual convenience than any kind of real affection – she needed a place to live, he needed someone to hang on his arm around prospective clients. He had money, she had looks. It was incredibly unfulfilling and dysfunctional, but it came at a time in her life where she didn’t really care about that.

That time was over.

Determined to not let him put a damper on her evening, Estelle plastered a smile on her face and prepared for the inevitable small talk people felt the need to engage in when they saw someone they recognized.

“Well look who it is,” he began, drawing out his words in that condescending way he spoke to everyone he felt was beneath him. “Long time no see.”

Estelle’s fake smile took a hard edge. “Not long enough. What do you want Jake?”

He chuckled, holding his hands out, palms up. “Easy there tiger. Just saying hello. I didn’t know you could sing,” he said, nodding to the stage.

“Shocker, considering you don’t know anything about me.”

“Oh, I know one or two things about you...” he trailed off, letting his eyes slowly make their way down her body and back up with a brazenness he hadn’t earned. “But I wouldn’t be opposed to learning more. What do you say we go back to my place and catch up?”

Estelle couldn’t help it – she laughed in his face. How hopelessly arrogant could this guy be?

“I'd rather gnaw my own fucking arm off,” she said, glancing back to her table. None of her friends were looking her way, which meant no rescue was coming. Turning her body to the side, she slid into a gap between two people and slipped into the crowd without bothering to say goodbye. It didn’t matter – his fragile ego wouldn’t allow him to follow her, and if he did she had backup. Forget the guys, Natalie would tear him a new asshole herself.

Eager to just forget the entire situation ever happened, Estelle took her seat beside Sebastian and smiled. “So, how’d I do?”

“Good,” he said curtly, staring down into his glass rather than looking at her.

Her brows furrowed. What happened to him? Just a minute ago he was beaming at her on stage. She glanced at his empty glass – maybe he wanted another drink but didn’t want to brave the crowd?

“Thanks. Want another drink?”

“No.”

Estelle looked to Sam, who gave a little _fuck if I know_ shrug.

“You okay?” she asked tentatively.

“I’m fine.”

Right. Clearly fine. Confused and concerned, Estelle thought maybe he just didn’t feel comfortable talking in front of Sam and Natalie. He was always so private with his feelings, that had to be it.

“Okay. Well, I need some air – will you come with me?” she asked, taking his hand and giving it a little squeeze. “I don’t like standing outside of bars by myself.”

He opened his mouth to say something, but then seemed to think better of it with a slight shake of his head. “Yeah, sure,” he said, standing up and letting her lead him back through the bar crowd and out into the night.

Despite not being a fan of the cold, the fresh air felt incredible on her face after being trapped in the collective body heat of all those people. They walked a little ways down the street, pausing only when they’d passed the row of smokers and people waiting for a cab along the sidewalk.

“So, what’s going on?” Estelle began when they were finally alone.

“Nothing,” he said, tone clipped and final.

That surprised her. He normally didn’t have an issue talking to her when they had privacy. Unless...wait, was he mad at _her?_

“Can you just talk to me?” she said, her confusion starting to turn to annoyance. What the hell was his deal?

He sighed, digging in his pocket for his cigarettes and lighting one up. “What do you want me to say Estelle?”

“Uh, I want you to tell me what’s bothering you? You know, like I’ve been asking you to?”

“There’s nothing you can do about it so there’s no point in talking about it. Just drop it.”

Estelle stared at him for a moment in shocked exasperation. He was obviously pissed at her, she had no idea what she did, and he was refusing to talk about it. Seriously dude, what the fuck.

“Except not talking is what almost ruined everything for us in the first place,” she pointed out. “So maybe we should try communicating for once?”

His frown deepened but he didn’t respond, and Estelle’s frustration finally boiled over. “Fine. Just ignore me some more,” she said, throwing her hands in the air before crossing them against her chest.

“I’m getting used to it,” she added under her breath.

That finally got his attention. “What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked, looking up at her from under narrowed brows.

She laughed once, the sound harsh in her throat. Fine, he wanted to do this? Cool. They could do this.

“I mean, you pretended I didn’t exist for weeks, so ignoring me clearly isn’t difficult for you.”

“You know it was difficult for me,” he said, voice low.

If her emotions wouldn’t have been running so high, Estelle would have backed off at his tone. There was warning there, warning that this was a place neither of them wanted to go right now. That continuing this conversation was a mistake.

But when all the hurt she’d been carrying finally found an opening, it came spilling out in a wave that she couldn’t control. Eyes shining with anger and unresolved pain, Estelle could do nothing but ride it out.

“I don’t know anything Seb! You don’t tell me anything!” she said, voice raised and fists clenched. “I mean fuck, one day everything is great and the next you cut me out entirely without ever even giving me an explanation. You just fucking left. Why? I didn’t do anything to you!”

“I tried!” he shot back, his own temper flaring in response. “I knew I fucked up and I tried to make things right that very same night. But when I went home you weren’t there.”

Estelle was still digesting that new information when he flicked his cigarette in disgust, looking away. “Too busy fucking Alex,” he muttered bitterly.

Understanding dawned on her immediately. There it was. That’s what this was all about – he’d seen her talking to Jake and assumed there was something going on there. He was jealous, and instead of talking to her he decided to act like a little shit about it.

Well fuck his jealousy, and fuck his double standards. He didn’t give a damn about her feelings when he was fucking Abigail now did he?

“Oh, my bad! I didn’t realize I was supposed to just be on standby forever until you decided to pry your face off of Abigail long enough to acknowledge me.”

Sebastian pressed his lips together. He knew he was wrong. She could see it on him. But stubbornness and hurt won out, and instead of stopping there he fell into the trap that so many others do when things get too heated – he doubled down.

“Not forever, but if you were so tore up about it you could have waited, oh, I don’t know, maybe an _hour_ before jumping into bed with Alex of all fucking people.”

Estelle stared at him for a moment, feeling like he’d physically slapped her in the face. To his credit, he seemed to regret the words the second they came out of his mouth. But the damage was done.

“Fuck you!” she yelled, hands shaking with the force of her anger. How dare he, after all he put her through. How fucking dare he.

“I slept with Alex because I was hurting and wanted to forget. You stuck your dick in crazy just because you wanted to! _You_ did this Sebastian, not me.”

“You think I don’t know that?” he yelled back, the careful control he typically had over his actions shattering. “You think I haven’t spent every second since then hating myself for hurting you? Why do you think I stayed away from you? It was so I didn’t hurt you any more. I’ve destroyed every good thing in my life Estelle, and I refuse to destroy you too.”

Estelle blinked, stunned into silence by the outpouring of emotion from him. There was a level of entrenched bitterness and suffering there, something that went far beyond her. He was hurting just as deeply as she was, maybe more – and she’d added another wound.

The moment seemed to stretch for hours as they both stood there, staring at each other while their combined pain hung in the air. Eventually he broke it, dropping his head.

“I know I’m a fuck up,” he said quietly. “I said I was sorry. I’m trying to make things better. What more do you want from me?”

It was a good question. What did she want from him? He couldn’t go back and change the past. It was up to her to let go of that hurt.

Could she?

Taking a deep breath, Estelle felt the chill of the air clear her mind, chasing away the adrenaline that had taken over her actions. This moment was important, and she needed to get it right.

“For starters, I want you to take back your bullshit slut shaming just now, because that was fucked up.” His little jab had stung more than she wanted to admit.

He scrubbed his hand over his face, and she could sense his remorse before he even spoke. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

She accepted that. She knew he didn’t mean it, that it had come from hurt. But she needed the apology anyway before she could move on.

“Okay. And I need to you understand that it’s going to take time for me to get over all of this,” she continued.

“I get it,” he sighed. “I just...I can’t stop thinking how none of this should have even happened. I just want to have a clean slate with you.”

“Me too. But it did happen Seb, and I can’t just flip a switch and make it all disappear. I’m not holding it over you, but some days might be worse than others and I need you to be patient with me.”

He nodded. After a brief hesitation, she put her fingers under his chin, lifting his head until he met her gaze again.

“And I want you to stop hating yourself.”

He shook his head, running his fingers through his hair as her request sunk in. “I’ll try. I’m trying to stop being such a fuck up. I’m trying to be someone that deserves you. I obviously haven’t figured it out yet, but...”

“Seb...you _do_ deserve me. How do you not get that?” she said. “The only thing you need to figure out is how to stop seeing yourself so negatively.”

“Not so easy to rewrite 20 years of code.”

She thought about their earlier conversation, how he’d confided in her the loneliness and rejection he’d grown up with. It wasn’t a huge stretch to think that he’d internalized those feelings, made them such an integral part of his psyche he couldn’t even separate them from himself anymore. It hurt her heart to think he’d been so damaged, but she knew he could work through it. He was stronger than he gave himself credit for. She believed in him.

“I’m sorry Seb. I really am. I hate that you had a rough start, but it’s part of what made you who you are today. And I love you.”

She’d never seen him look as vulnerable as he did in that moment. Eyes wide and open, she could see all of the old hurt swirling in their dark depths. She could see how much he hated himself, and how much he wanted to stop. How desperate he was to just be okay.

Estelle closed the distance between them and wrapped her arms around his neck. His hands circled her waist, pulling her close, and she wished she could show him how he looked through her eyes. She didn’t have the words to convey it properly, but she tried anyway.

“You’re everything I could ever want, wrapped up in a ridiculously sexy package,” she said with a sly grin, and was pleased to see it get a disbelieving half-smile out of him. “So whenever you’re feeling down on yourself, just remember there’s this girl who thinks you’re perfect for her.”

With that she leaned up and pressed her lips to his, the soft touch healing both of them. She needed him, and he needed her. She’d never been so sure of anything before.

“I love you Sebastian,” she murmured, pulling back an inch to look at him. His hair had fallen into his face, and she smoothed it back with a smile. “Emo hair and all.”

“I’m gonna cut it,” he teased.

“Don’t you ever fuckin’ cut it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear I didn't mean for this chapter to be so long. Sorry and/or you're welcome?


	37. Sushi and Ultimatums

Estelle awoke to the soft brush of fingertips trailing down her side, over her hip, and back up again. She smiled drowsily, squirming a little when the delicate pressure became a tickle as it passed over her ribcage.

“Happy birthday beautiful,” Sebastian murmured as he pressed a line of kisses along the exposed side of her neck.

She hummed with pleasure, thoroughly enjoying this brand of alarm clock. “Mm, thanks,” she said, rubbing her bleary eyes in a failed attempt to make out the numbers on her phone display. “What time is it?”

“It’s 8:00.”

“8:00?” she repeated, disbelief evident in her voice as she rolled over to look at him. “Why are you up this early? And dressed?” she added, glancing at his hoodie.

He grinned. “Go in the living room and find out.”

Narrowing her eyes suspiciously at him, Estelle did as she was told, throwing on an oversized t-shirt and sweatpants. Running her hands through her hopeless bedhead, she decided to just throw it up in a messy bun rather than putting in the effort to brush the tangles out. It was her birthday, dammit, she didn’t have to look presentable until at least 10.

Curiosity having chased away her grogginess, she eagerly opened the bedroom door and stepped out into the living room. The moment her foot crossed the threshold a distorted guitar version of Happy Birthday kicked off, and she couldn’t help but laugh. Fuckin’ Sam.

He and Natalie were standing by the coffee table, clearly waiting for her to emerge. An idle part of her brain wondered what Seb would have said if she’d refused to get out of bed. That’s probably why he woke her so sweetly, the slick bastard. He knew she wouldn't deny him like that. Always one step ahead of her.

“Happy birthdayyyy!” Nat squealed, rushing her for a hug as the last note of the song rang out.

“Thanks,” she replied, returning the enthusiastic squeeze, and the one from Sam immediately after. As Sam pulled away, she noticed a conspicuous red cardboard box sitting on the coffee table and looked between them in disbelief.

“No fuckin’ way! You guys got Lila’s?” she gushed excitedly, stepping over to the table and peering into the clear plastic lid. Rows of varied pastries stared back at her, and her stomach immediately rumbled in anticipation. Lila’s was widely recognized as the best bakery in Zuzu, with people lining up every morning before the doors even opened in the hopes of getting their favorite confection.

“And cruellers? They sell out of these by 7 on slow days!”

“Which is why Seb got in line at 5:30,” Natalie pointed out, sending a look of approval in his direction.

Estelle turned around to see Sebastian sticking his hands in his hoodie pockets, a little smile on his face as he shrugged. “You said they’re your favorite.”

“They are, but you didn’t have to do all that,” she said, crossing the space and kissing him full on the lips. “Thank you so much.”

His cheeks took on a hint of pink as she pulled back, making him look so ridiculously adorable that Estelle would have kissed him again had Sam not interrupted.

“Okay well I’m starving and these smell amazing and we need to eat like right now,” he said, staring at the box longingly.

She couldn’t argue that, so Estelle flopped down onto the couch, choosing an oversized pastry from the box and settling in for the pure sugar bliss to follow.

By the time they were done, a baker’s dozen pastries had been demolished, along with an entire pot of coffee and their general will to move. The four friends were sprawled out on the couches, watching game show reruns and regretting their life choices as the fatty treats descended upon their digestive systems.

“I can literally sense my heart slowing down,” Natalie lamented. “Can you feel diabetes starting?”

“You only had two Nat,” Estelle reminded her.

“Yeah, but they were as big as my face.”

“If anyone’s getting diabetes, it’s Sam,” Sebastian added, glancing over at his friend, who was currently plucking a stray crumb from the box and popping it into his mouth.

He looked up defensively. “What? I’m a big guy.”

“You ate five dude.”

“And I’d do it again. So, what’s the plan for today?” he said, glancing at Estelle.

“I wouldn’t mind just chilling here to be honest. At least until I can breathe again,” she said with a slight grimace. Dammit Lila's.

Sebastian’s phone began to ring, and he pulled it out of his pocket to check the display. “I swear only mothers call instead of text...” he grumbled, pressing Accept.

“Hi Mom.”  
“Good.”  
“Nope.”

“Yeah...” he trailed off, looking up at Estelle. She quirked an eyebrow and he rolled his eyes. “Hang on.”

Sebastian held the phone out to her and she suppressed a smile as she accepted it. “Hey Robin.”

“Hi honey! Happy birthday!”

“Thanks. I feel every minute of my advanced age.”

Robin snorted. “You’re not allowed to complain ‘til you’re plucking silver hairs out of your chin. So! How are all of you? What have you been up to? Sebby doesn’t tell me anything,” she complained, and Estelle could practically hear her exasperated frown over the line.

“We’re all good here. Just ate our weight in donuts and now we’re deciding what to get into today.” She noticed movement from the corner of her eye, and looked up to see Natalie and Sam heading into their bedroom. Well, looks like _they_ decided.

“How is everyone in town?”

“Oh, you know, not much changes around here. Maru’s been asking me to convert Sebby’s bedroom into a workshop for her, but I wasn’t sure if he was going to be staying with you or not...”

Estelle bit her lip to keep from laughing at Robin’s not-so-subtle dig for information. “I think you’re pretty safe to go for it Robin.”

“So you two worked everything out then?” she asked hopefully.

Estelle wasn’t sure how much Robin knew about the issues they’d needed to work out, but she suspected motherly intuition had given her a pretty good guess. Obviously Seb hadn’t told his mom that they were together now, which wasn’t a huge surprise considering how private he was. She didn’t want to spill if he wasn’t ready to, so she just went with the bare minimum for now.

“Yeah. We’re good.”

Robin immediately perked up. “Oh honey, I’m so glad. I was so worried and...well, either way, I’m just happy to hear everything is going well.”

“Me too,” she replied with a smile.

“Alright well I won’t hold you up any longer. Just wanted to wish you a happy birthday. I hope you guys have fun tonight! And be safe!”

“Thanks Robin, we will.”

“Good. Can you put Sebby back on for a minute?”

Estelle handed the phone back to Sebastian. After a solid 30 seconds of Robin rambling without him getting a word in edgewise, he finally gave a long-suffering sigh of resignation, rubbing his eyes with his free hand.

“Yeah Mom. We’re dating now.”

He pulled the phone back from his ear as the pitch and volume of his mother’s voice instantly skyrocketed. Though Estelle couldn’t help but laugh, inside she was shrieking right along with her. While common sense said that they were together, and he hadn’t argued when she called him her boyfriend the other day, he’d never put the name on it himself before.

It felt so good to hear.

“Okay. I’m glad. I gotta go. Love you too.”

He hurriedly pressed the End Call button before she could say anything else, and looked up to meet Estelle’s incredibly pleased expression.

“What?”

“Dating, huh?”

He shrugged, but the corner of his mouth turned up anyway. “Is that okay?”

Estelle leaned in and pressed her lips to his. “Definitely okay.”

 

* * *

 

Maru walked into the kitchen utterly exhausted, barely sparing her mother a glance as she made a beeline for the coffee pot. She’d picked up two winter classes to better position herself for the upcoming spring semester, and naturally they both had papers due in the same week. Between studying, writing, and working at the clinic, adequate sleep was a luxury she didn’t have time for lately. Enter caffeine.

After a spoon of sugar and cream, Maru brought the cup to her lips and allowed her eyes to briefly close as the sweet warmth spread through her. Before she realized what was happening, her head began to droop, until…

“AAAAHHHH SEBBY THAT’S SO GREAT I’M SO HAPPY FOR YOU!” Robin squealed into the phone, violently jolting Maru back into consciousness. Whirling around to meet her mother’s gaze, she stared in dazed confusion until the pieces eventually clicked together in her sluggish brain.

So, Seb and Estelle finally hooked up. Good for them. Maybe now he would stop being such an edgelord.

“I’m sorry, I’m just so excited! Okay. I love you!”

Robin hung up the phone, her grin wider than the cheshire cat’s – and only slightly less feral. “Sebby and Estelle are dating!” she announced brightly.

“Color me shocked,” Maru deadpanned, lifting her mug to hide the smile playing at her lips. Weirdly enough, now that Seb was gone she occasionally found herself adopting some of his mannerisms. It was like the house just didn’t feel right without someone being a sarcastic little shit, and she felt compelled to pick up the slack. Maybe that meant she missed him.

“Oh ha ha,” Robin retorted, though her smile didn’t waver. “I can’t wait until they’re back in town. We’re going to have a big family dinner, pumpkin soup and yeast rolls!”

“Planning to lull Seb into complacency with his favorite food, then bust out the embarrassing childhood photos?”

“Exactly. Invite Penny over too, we’ll make a party of it.”

The two of them shared a laugh, imagining how Sebastian would react. Maru could practically feel his mortified irritation just thinking about it. Estelle would think it was funny, and he’d eventually cave to her smile, rolling his eyes and pouting but never crossing over into actual anger. She was good for him that way – she calmed him down, suppressed that angst and negativity that had caused him to lash out so much before she came into his life. Everyone saw it, and everyone who cared about him was thankful for it.

Well, except for one person.

“That’s an awful lot of laughter for this early in the morning,” Demetrius said, eyebrows raised as he walked into the kitchen. “What did I miss?”

Maru glanced at her mother, wondering how she was going to play this. She wouldn’t lie to him outright, but Robin wasn’t against keeping secrets when it was prudent. And considering her dad’s stance on both Sebastian and Estelle individually, staying quiet about them being a couple was pretty much the definition of prudent.

Demetrius hadn’t asked about Sebastian at all since he moved out – not even when he’d had his breakdown, or when the news about Abigail’s bullshit spread around town. It was like he’d washed his hands of him entirely. Like he was pretending Seb never existed in the first place.

It was fucked up.

“I just got off the phone with Sebby,” Robin said, watching her husband for any sign of a reaction.

Demetrius made a noncommittal grunt as he walked towards the fridge and pulled the door open. Maru could practically feel the temperature of the room drop as the silence stretched on, Robin’s gaze boring into his back and hardening further every second he failed to acknowledge her.

Maru considered just walking away. Their marriage wasn’t her business, this wasn’t her fight, and she had enough on her plate without getting in the middle of this mess. But something compelled her to stay – maybe because she knew how badly her mom was hurting, or felt some loyalty to her brother, or maybe just flat out morbid curiosity. Either way, when she saw Robin’s lips twist into an antagonistic smile, Maru simply took another sip of her coffee and settled in for the ride.

“He told me he and Estelle are dating now. I can’t wait to have them over for dinner when they’re back in town.”

The sounds of food shifting around in the refrigerator came to a sudden stop. Maru didn’t miss how Robin’s smile grew by a hair as Demetrius slowly turned around to face her.

“Excuse me?”

“Dinner. I’m thinking pumpkin soup. It’s his favorite.”

The two of them stared at each other for a prolonged moment, Demetrius with indignant disbelief and Robin in open challenge.

“We’ve already agreed that Estelle is not welcome in this house,” he said slowly.

“You declaring it doesn’t mean we agreed. If you’ll recall I was against banning her from the house even before they were together.”

Demetrius took a deep breath, pinching the bridge of his nose as if he was fighting off a headache. Maru couldn’t help but wonder if that’s how he thought of Sebastian in general – a headache, a mild annoyance he couldn’t seem to get rid of. A year ago she would have never considered that of her father, but...well, he’d more than proven his capacity for pettiness lately.

“If Sebastian is foolish enough to get involved with that transgressive girl then so be it, but I refuse to allow her free reign to influence my daughter.”

“So if Estelle is such bad news, why is the standard for Maru higher than the one for Sebastian? Why is Maru ‘your daughter’, but Sebastian can go fuck himself?” Robin spat, eyes glinting dangerously.

“Like it or not, our kids are grown enough to decide who they want to be with. Maru wants to be with Penny. Sebastian wants to be with Estelle. Two lovely girls who make our kids happy – what more could a parent ask for than that?”

Demetrius’ eyebrows furrowed, shaking his head. “Them being _nice_ isn’t enough Robin. Estelle is an unstable alcoholic with seemingly no goals or ambition whatsoever. Penny is one bad month away from being homeless, and will never be able to give Maru the family she deserves. How can you expect me to just accept all of that simply because they’re _nice?”_

Maru’s blood was boiling. Estelle aside, how _dare_ he speak that way about Penny? It was one thing for him to struggle with accepting that she was gay, it was another for him to tear down the woman she loved, to reduce her to nothing but trailer trash. She was so much more than that. She was the most compassionate, patient, loving person Maru had ever met, and fuck him if he couldn’t see that.

Hands shaking with anger, Maru opened her mouth to tell him as much, but Robin got there first.

“I have overlooked a lot in the interest of keeping the peace over the years – but you know what, I’m done,” she began quietly, each word like ice falling from her lips. “I am done with the double standards and the intolerance and the absolute _bullshit_ Demetrius. Maru is gay. Sebastian is finding his place in the world. They are both amazing, beautiful people and you are either going to start being a supportive father to _both of them,_ or you will get the hell out of my house. Do I make myself clear?”

Maru stared wide-eyed between her parents, caught between admiration for her mother and horrified trepidation at the thought of them splitting up over her and Sebastian. Dad was blind and stubborn, but Yoba...had it really come to this?

After a long pause, Demetrius exhaled loudly. “I understand,” he said. “I’ll...think about what you’ve said.”

“Good.”

 

* * *

 

“I feel underdressed,” Estelle lamented, eyeing the interior of the restaurant from where they’d posted up at the bar while they waited for their table. When he said he was taking her out for dinner, she hadn’t expected somewhere quite this upscale. Her simple cocktail dress felt woefully out of place around women wearing bracelets worth more than her house.

Sebastian snorted. _“You_ feel underdressed?”

She glanced at his untucked button-down and grinned. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. You look super hot.”

He rolled his eyes, but the flush of his cheeks gave him away. She wasn’t just flattering him – there was something about that casually dressed-up look that really did it for her. Especially on him, the dude who wore a hoodie every waking moment of his life. It made it so much more special, knowing the effort he was putting in for her.

Estelle couldn’t resist the urge to lean over and plant a kiss on that charmingly pink skin. When she pulled back though, she was surprised to find he wasn’t looking at her, or down in embarrassment – he was looking straight ahead, an odd little smile on his face. Curious, she turned to follow his gaze – and came face to face with herself.

Well, both of them. The wall behind the bar was made entirely of angled mirrors and neon lights, and the effect was striking. It felt more like they were looking at a couple across the room rather than at their own reflection.

“You know, we look really good together,” she said, her own lips curling up as she caught his eye in the mirror.

“I was just thinking that. Though you’re carrying the team,” he replied playfully, turning to face her again. Estelle took his chin in her hand and gently guided his attention back to their reflection once again, letting her head fall onto his shoulder.

“Not like that,” she argued. “Not you plus me. Us.”

She saw something flash through his eyes as he tilted his head to rest against hers, wrapping his arm around her waist and pulling her close. Her ass was halfway off of the bar stool, but she didn’t care. There was a magic to this moment, feeling the warmth of his body against hers, gazing at the undeniable evidence of their love before her. It was written all over their faces.

She never imagined it could be like this.

Sebastian’s phone began to vibrate on the bar, breaking the silence with the notification that their table was ready. Unwilling to let go of that feeling, Estelle caught his hand as it slipped away from her waist, threading her fingers through his.

He smiled, bringing their joined hands to his lips and lightly kissing her fingertips. “You ready to get your sushi on?”

“They’re going to be adding tuna to the endangered species list by the time we leave.”

Estelle typically sat at the bar when she went out for sushi, preferring to chat up the chef and enjoy the surprise and delight of omakase, but she was actually relieved when the hostess led them to a table tucked in a quiet corner of the restaurant. This suited Sebastian better, and she could appreciate the intimacy. Paired with the sleek wood décor and low lighting, it all felt incredibly romantic.

Estelle had never been to this particular restaurant before – her ex didn’t do sushi, and without his wallet she could never afford such extravagance. Speaking of which...

“Sooo not to be that guy, but how exactly are we paying for this place?” she asked, taking in the opulence around them. “Did you become independently wealthy at some point without telling me?”

“Don’t worry about it,” he said with a dismissive wave of his hand. “It’s your birthday. I wanted to take you somewhere nice.”

“I was just curious, in case I need to get ready to run when the check comes.”

“I’ll give you time to kick your heels off first," he said with a grin. "Besides, I’ve owed you this date for a long time. Have to make it worth the wait.”

Estelle’s eyebrow raised questioningly, and he shrugged. “I mean, I asked you like six months ago.”

She stared at him blankly before it clicked. That day she walked in on him working on his bike, he’d asked her to get sushi with him. Except…

“If I recall correctly, you were very adamant that your offer was _not_ a date.”

“Only because I never dreamed you’d say yes.”

Estelle hummed in amusement. “And look at you now. Went from denying me a date to telling your mom we’re a thing.”

“Yeah well, you know Mom. She’s been up my ass trying to get it out of me since the day we left.”

“I see where your stubbornness comes from,” Estelle agreed with a laugh. “I miss her.”

As soon as the words were spoken, Estelle felt a pang of emptiness in her stomach. She missed her a _lot._ She missed Shane, Jodi, Maru...all of them. She missed her house, and her cat, and lazy days spent fishing or laying on the beach or watching movies with Seb in their living room. She missed the life she had chosen for herself.

She had needed this time away from it all to get her head on straight, and it had worked. Their stay in Zuzu had been great. Yet...

“Seb...will you go home with me?”

 

* * *

  

Caroline pulled the casserole out of the oven, eyeing the overcooked topping with a frown. She only stepped out for a few minutes, but naturally that was long enough for Pierre to let the food burn. “ _Keep an eye on the casserole”_ she’d said. What a joke.

“Abigail! Dinner’s ready!” she called, scraping the top layer into the trash. “Pierre! Come eat!”

When no response came from either of them, her voice took a harder edge. She was not in the mood for their shit today. “Food is done! Eat or starve, I don’t care!”

Caroline was scooping a portion for herself when she heard Abby’s door open, heavy footsteps clumping down the hall. Caroline frowned when she saw her boots scuffing the floor, but kept her displeasure to herself. The extra cleaning was the least of her issues with her daughter at the moment.

Pierre found his way to the kitchen moments later, his face flushed all the way down his neck and disappearing into the collar of his shirt. Well, that explains the burnt casserole. She should have known better – every spare moment he got was spent jerking off to porn on that tablet he’d insisted on buying. For “reading e-books”, because somehow he thought that was a believable excuse.

Whatever. If he was fucking himself, she didn’t have to fuck him. A blessing.

They ate in the cold silence most family meals offered these days. Caroline wanted nothing to do with Pierre, Pierre wanted nothing to do with Abigail, and Abigail wanted nothing to do with either of them. It made for very little conversation at the dinner table.

Everything had gone to hell ever since Abby found out about her real father a few years back. Almost overnight she’d gone from an excitable little pixie to a backtalking, ungrateful, melodramatic brat with newfound daddy issues. Caroline had expected some level of teenage rebellion, but the reality of it was exhausting beyond belief.

Of course, Abigail’s decision to befriend Robin and Jodi’s little delinquents around that time exacerbated the issue. Speaking of…

“Jodi told me her son was coming home next week,” Caroline stated matter-of-factly, taking a sip of her water.

“Oh?” Pierre replied boredly, not even bothering to look up from his plate. “Will Sebastian be back too?”

Caroline suppressed the exasperated sigh that bubbled up in her chest. The only reason that idiot cared if Sebastian came back was so he could buy more weed off of the kid. “Yes. And Estelle, apparently.”

Pierre’s eyebrows furrowed. “Didn’t she leave for a job? That’s the problem with kids today – no work ethic. These cell phones have them trained with the attention span of a gnat, no gumption to see things through ‘til the end...”

He continued his rambling critique of the younger generations, but Caroline had stopped listening. She was looking at her scowling daughter instead, who was intently focused on moving the noodles around her plate without bringing them to her mouth.

It honestly hurt to see her little girl upset, but...well, Abby wasn’t a little girl anymore. She was calculating and manipulative, willing to do whatever it takes to achieve her goals.

Just like her mother.

“I don’t care what issues you have with that girl, but I won’t tolerate any more incidents like the one last month, understand?” Caroline said sternly.

“It’s none of your business, so piss off,” Abby growled in response.

“No, you _made_ it my business. I stuck up for you, I spread your little rumors, I backed you up because you played your pity card saying you missed Sebastian. Then you go and do something as absolutely idiotic as faking a pregnancy, and who does that reflect back on? _Me.”_

Abigail shot her a piercing glare. “Right, I forgot, your reputation is more important to you than you own daughter.”

“You’d do well to think a little more about your own reputation. Have your stupid fights with the new girl all you want, but you took it too far. There are 40 people in this town and more than half of them think you’re a degenerate now.”

“I don’t give a shit what people think about me.”

“Well I do. So get your act together and fix this, or find somewhere else to live.”

Abigail stared at her mother in open-mouthed shock. “Are you kidding me? You’re kicking me out over some fucking _gossip?”_

Caroline’s eyes softened slightly. As absolutely infuriating and disrespectful as Abigail could be, she was still her only child. “I’m not kicking you out. I’m offering you what you always said you wanted – to get out of Pelican Town. Go live in the dorms again, or get an apartment near the university.”

“If I had the money to do that, I’d be gone already,” she scoffed.

“I’ll handle the money.”

Caroline noticed Pierre shooting her a hard look, but she ignored it. He’d never complained when she went to Rasmodius for the money to keep his store running, so he had no room to argue now. If he took issue with her methods for acquiring it, well he could go suck the wizard off himself then.

You do what you need to do to make it in this world. As she looked into her daughter’s eyes, she knew that Abby understood that. When she grew out of her childish flights of fancy, she was going to be a force to be reckoned with.

Caroline smiled, and to her surprise and delight, Abigail smiled back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again I'm SO SO SORRY this took such a long time to upload. Life has been hard. I will be better. Love to all of you! <3


	38. I Do

_2 months later – New Year’s Eve_

 

“For fuck’s sake Seb, didn’t anyone ever teach you how to tie a tie?” Natalie said, slapping his hands out of the way with exasperation.

“When would I have ever needed to?” he grumbled, his own irritation coming out as he conceded defeat against the unassuming strip of cloth around his neck.

“Uh, high school graduation?”

“Wore my hoodie.”

“Job interview?”

“I freelance.”

“Fucking... _prom?”_

“Do you even know me?”

“Yoba save this boy,” she sighed, tightening the knot and stepping back to make sure it was even. After a few subtle adjustments – smoothing his collar, pushing his hair back out of his eyes, plucking a stray bit of lint from his jacket – she nodded in approval. Despite his obvious discomfort and shitty posture, Sebastian cleaned up reasonably well. Estelle should talk him into ditching the hoodie more often.

“Congratulations Seb! Despite the odds, you actually managed to look passable,” she decreed with a smirk.

“Great. Thanks,” he replied flatly. “Remind me why you’re up my ass instead of Estelle’s?”

“Because Estelle knows how to dress her damn self, unlike you fools,” Natalie said matter-of-factly, turning to help Sam with his own tie – that he’d inadvertently turned into a noose. “I’ll be leaving in a minute though. The girls are packed into Haley’s house for hair and makeup and I need to get in on that.”

Sam tilted his head in confusion. “But...don’t you already have makeup on?”

Natalie rolled her eyes. “Obviously _I’m_ already done, but do you know how many women in this town don’t know a concealer from a highlighter? Haley can’t make everyone look wedding-ready by herself you know.”

“Oh. Right,” Sam said, nodding like he understood what the hell she was talking about. He was adorable like that. “Want us to come?”

Natalie shook her head decisively. “No offense, but you’d seriously just be in the way. Besides, Seb isn’t allowed to see Estelle yet.”

Sebastian raised an eyebrow. “Why not?”

“Because! Hush.”

The guys exchanged a look but neither argued, and Natalie finished Sam’s tie. When she stepped back to check him out all dressed up, she had to wage an internal war to keep from ripping his clothes back off again. The clean lines, the fitted pants, the contrast of a crisp suit and his messy hair...Sam looked downright _edible._

They’d better hurry this ceremony up, ‘cause Nat had about 3 weeks worth of pent-up ravaging to do to that man.

For now she settled for just kissing him stupid. Natalie was pleased to see that dazed, heavy-lidded look on his face when she finally pulled away – and even more pleased to see that her smudge-proof lipstick had lived up to its claims.

“See you soon,” she murmured, running her thumb over his bottom lip before turning to grab her stuff. Sebastian was standing next to her bag, idly checking his phone to avoid the blatant make out session happening in front of him.

“Good luck dude,” she said with a smile, wrapping her arms around his neck and squeezing hard. The two of them had their ups and downs, but she genuinely wished the best for him. He was a good guy, and he made Estelle happy, which was all she could really ask for in the end.

He returned the hug awkwardly, as was expected. “Um...thanks,” he mumbled, a touch of color coming to his cheeks.

With that Natalie scooped up her bag and headed out towards town. Between Emily’s custom outfits and her and Haley’s combined cosmetology skills, this was gonna be the sexiest fuckin’ wedding Pelican Town had ever seen.

 

* * *

 

Estelle stared at her reflection for a long moment, admiring the dress Emily had made for her. She’d hand tailored everything for the wedding, which was absolutely insane but...well, that was Emily in a nutshell. It had been a while since she’d dressed up, and even longer since she’d worn anything even a fraction so elegant. The dress was long and graceful, accentuating her form without being tight or garish, and the material was thick enough to keep her warm through the lingering winter chill. It was seriously gorgeous. Despite her oddities, Emily had so much talent, and such a big heart to share it so freely.

Wasn’t that the case with most people in Pelican Town though? They all had their talents, and they all let them shine. Haley was photographing the wedding, Evelyn had made the floral arrangements, Gus was cooking up enough food to feed an army, Robin built a trellis and the kids scoured the town for crocus flowers to wind around it. Everyone found something they could do to help, and asked nothing in return. It was truly amazing.

Estelle looked around the room, taking in each of the women applying lipstick, curling hair, tugging up pantyhose, laughing and smiling and just living and breathing their community. It brought her back to her first days in this town, when she was so taken aback by how everyone here seemed to really give a shit about their neighbors, that incredible culture shock she’d gone through.

Now she was part of the community herself. People gave a shit about _her._ Despite all the struggles, the tears, the heartbreak...she’d made it.

She’d made it.

The door swung open, bringing with it a cold chill that had Haley screeching for it to be closed. Natalie strolled in unbothered, blowing Haley a kiss before setting her bag down and crossing the room towards Estelle.

She gave her a once over as she approached. “Damn girl. Try not to make the rest of us look _too_ shitty, yeah?”

Estelle rolled her eyes and smiled. “I’ll do my best. How are the guys?”

“As hopeless as expected. I straightened them out though, no worries.” She glanced around the room and frowned.

“What is it?” Estelle asked, turning to follow her gaze.

Natalie shook her head. “Nothing. I just thought Caroline would be here. I saw her cutting through town carrying a dress and...” she paused, raising her eyebrows. “Wait. Do you think...would Abigail seriously show up?”

Even after all this time, hearing her name made Estelle cringe inwardly. It was like a reflex, so ingrained that she couldn’t shut it off even if she wanted to. And she did want to, come to think of it. That bitterness wasn’t healthy to carry around, and Abigail was nothing to her anymore. She didn’t come around, she didn’t call, she didn’t so much as glance in Sebastian’s direction these days. It was like she didn’t exist.

And even if she did...it wouldn’t matter. Estelle knew that now. Their time in Zuzu had given them the chance to heal, and since coming back to Pelican Town their bond was stronger than ever. She knew without a doubt that he was hers just as completely as she was his, and Yoba himself couldn’t come between them.

But even though she knew Abigail was no threat, that didn’t mean she had to like the bitch or anything.

“I wouldn’t put it past her,” Estelle said, pursing her lips in distaste. “I don’t think she even has a sense of shame.”

“I kind of admire that actually,” Nat said. Estelle shot her a look and she shrugged. “I mean she’s obviously walking garbage, but the concept of doing whatever you want and fuck what people think about it? Sounds like goals to be honest.”

“Most of us call that sociopathy.”

“Eh, to-may-to, to-mah-to,” Nat said with a grin. “Anyway, pretty sure I just saw Marnie pick up a bronzer so I’m going to go play damage control.”

“Good luck with that,” Estelle laughed, twisting open a tube of mascara and turning back to the mirror. The methodical application of makeup was soothing, and helped her shake off the unwanted negative feelings that talking about Abigail had left her with. It didn’t matter if Abigail came or not. It wasn’t like she was going to ruin the wedding or anything.

...right?

 

* * *

 

Natalie fidgeted in her seat, crossing and uncrossing her legs as she impatiently waited for the ceremony to begin. She was excited of course, and was enjoying the catch up time with Sam, but she couldn’t help but wish they’d just hurry the hell up. She spent 4 hours this morning sitting on a bus, and her capacity for stillness was thoroughly depleted.

Still, everything was beautiful. They’d gone with purple and green, which sounded horrific from Estelle’s description on the phone but actually looked really nice in person. Bright bouquets of crocus flowers, chairs tied with pretty ribbon, the elegant white archway Robin had put together – it was incredibly simple, but it worked. Simple fit them better anyway.

Natalie looked around the square, eyeing up the rest of the villagers as she waited. She knew all the women looked damn good – she’d made sure of that herself – but it was a pleasant surprise that even the guys managed to pull themselves together for the occasion. Emily’s expert tailoring had certainly helped, but they’d put in their own efforts too. Shane put a razor to his scruff. Harvey fixed his hair. Clint scrubbed the ever-present grime out from under his fingernails. It was a rare and beautiful thing all around.

She’d kind of missed this pack of bumpkins. Some of them were weird or creepy, sure, but you’ll have that anywhere. For the most part they were a good group of people. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to live here in the long-term.

She’d been considering it a lot lately. Summer would be here before you know it, and with it came the end of her internship, and the limbo her living situation was currently in. She was going to have to make some concrete decisions about her future, which was something Natalie was not particularly used to doing. If she was totally honest with herself, it scared her a little.

Zuzu was fun, but she was already getting bored with the common diversions. Rent was sky-high for any neighborhood worth living in, and while her opportunities might be greater in the city, she could definitely find work remotely. Sam would move to be with her wherever she decided to go, she knew that, but she also knew he didn’t want to leave Vince while their dad was still actively serving. He’d be beyond thrilled if she decided to come back to Pelican Town for good. So would Estelle...hell, maybe even Seb.

It was something to think about, anyway.

“Smile, bitch!” Haley said, appearing out of nowhere and sticking her camera in their faces. Shaking off her train of thought, Natalie leaned into Sam, throwing her fingers up in a V and grinning. Haley snickered and snapped the photo before dropping her arms with an agitated grimace.

“I’m freezing my tits off,” she complained. “Who gets married in the fucking winter anyway?”

As if summoned by Haley’s annoyance, the wedding march began to play, signaling the start of the ceremony. They all stood, turning to watch the bride slowly make her way down the aisle.

“Leah, apparently,” Estelle replied wryly.

 

* * *

 

Sebastian stared down at his food, idly pushing a roasted hazelnut across his plate in an attempt to ignore the conversation taking place around him. They’d set up the big tables for the reception, the ones they used for the Feast of the Winter Star, and as a result their little group of four had to share. He didn’t mind sitting with Jodi and Vince, or Maru and Penny, or his mom…

Demetrius, on the other hand.

Sebastian hadn’t spoken to his step-father since that fateful day he moved out. He hadn’t even been in the same room as him. Mom had invited him and Estelle over for dinner when they got back from Zuzu, but Sebastian had declined, simply because Demetrius would be there. He’d endured more than his share of forced “family” meals with that prick. He wasn’t going to go through it again now that he had a choice.

Today, he didn’t have a choice. And he hated it. He hated how one man could fuck up his mood so badly, could shove him back into that familiar trap of anger and rejection that he’d been working so hard to overcome.

He took comfort in the fact that at least Demetrius seemed to be having a shitty time as well. Sebastian could only imagine what was going on in his head, being stuck at a table with his lesbian daughter and her girlfriend, his unwanted step-son and the girl he’d blacklisted. Still, the smattering of satisfaction he got from Demetrius’ discomfort wasn’t worth having to endure his presence for any length of time.

“What do you think, Seb?”

Estelle’s voice dragged him back to reality, the way she always did when he was trapped in his own head. He was usually thankful for it, but right now sulking seemed like a better idea.

“Huh?”

She smiled and shook her head, and he glanced around at the faces of his friends and family all looking at him with varying degrees of amusement. Only Penny was looking away, still refusing to make eye contact with him since the night he unfortunately saw her topless. As if that could be any more awkward.

“Mom’s just giving you guys shit about her imaginary grandchildren again,” Maru explained, rolling her eyes.

“I am not! I was just saying what a coincidence it is that I was 23 when you were born Sebby,” Robin argued with feigned innocence and a healthy dose of suggestive undertones.

“Oh leave them be Robin,” Jodi said, shooting her friend an admonishing look.

“Like you wouldn’t be excited if Sammy had a baby,” Robin retorted.

Sam immediately choked on his drink, Joja Cola shooting out of his nose and onto the tablecloth in front of him. Natalie yelped and jumped away from the soda-explosion, like the caring girlfriend she was. Penny and Jodi rushed to give him napkins, while everyone else howled with laughter. Despite his melancholy, even Sebastian couldn’t help but smirk at the red-faced, sticky mess Sam had become. The two of them always delighted in the others’ mortification.

Sam’s near death at the hands of Joja Corp. managed to kill off the baby talk around the table, thankfully, and not long afterwards the meal ended and everyone went their separate ways. Jodi and Robin left to help Gus with the cleanup, Vince talked Sam into helping him catch a rare Pokemon by the graveyard, and all the girls hit the dance floor. To Sebastian’s absolute dismay, by the time everyone dispersed the only ones left at the table were him and Demetrius.

He made up his mind to follow Vince and Sam, but before he could stand Demetrius caught him off guard.

“Here. This is for you.”

Sebastian watched in confusion as a small, wrapped package slid down the table towards him. His eyes narrowed, looking from the box to Demetrius.

“Why?”

Demetrius snorted. “Well that’s a strange question. I expected ‘What is it?’ or ‘No thank you’, not ‘Why?’.”

“Yeah, well, sorry to disappoint,” Sebastian muttered bitterly.

“I’m not disappointed. Open it.”

Sebastian was tempted to refuse. He didn’t understand what Demetrius was trying to pull, and he didn’t want anything from him. But curiosity got the better of him - he couldn't remember the last time Demetrius had given him anything - and despite his best intentions, he found himself reaching out to tear the grey paper off the package.

Out of all the things Sebastian was expecting, the fourth expansion pack for Solarion Chronicles was at the bottom of the list. Demetrius has never shown interest in Sebastian’s hobbies, so it was a complete surprise that he even knew Seb played this game. Not to mention...

“How did you get this?” he asked in disbelief. “It doesn’t come out for another month.”

“I went to college with one of the designers,” Demetrius said with a shrug. “To be honest I was shocked to find out how much math that game required. Dan slept through Calc every day.”

Sebastian didn’t know what to say to that, so he said nothing. After a moment Demetrius spoke again.

“I know I’m not...” he began, sighing heavily before starting over. “I know I haven’t been the best father to you over the years, Sebastian. I won’t try to explain or justify it, and I know whatever I say isn’t going to make up for it.”

“I just wanted to let you know that I see how you’ve grown over the last several months, and that I'm proud of you.”

Sebastian’s gut reaction was to snap off with some snarky comment or angry rebuttal. _Not the best father_ was an understatement, and proud? Demetrius hadn’t earned the right to be proud. This was all such a fucking joke.

Except...somehow, it wasn’t. There wasn’t the typical dismissal behind his words, the judgment or resentment or derogatory bullshit. He wasn’t speaking to Sebastian like an unfortunate mistake, a waste of time. He was speaking to him like… like a person.

Sebastian didn’t know how to process that. It went against everything he had been taught, all the defense mechanisms he’d built over his life. He had no idea how to react to any of this.

“Okay.”

It was the best he could do, but it was enough. The corner of Demetrius’ mouth curved up almost imperceptibly.

“You should come over for dinner one day. It would make your mother happy,” he said, standing. “And...you’re welcome to bring Estelle, if you’d like.”

Sebastian stared at him for a long moment before responding. “I’ll think about it.”

Demetrius nodded. Without another word he turned and left, leaving a thoroughly conflicted Sebastian in his wake.

 

 

* * *

 

After a series of inane pop songs that Sebastian would rather carve his own eardrums out than listen to again, the music switched over to a soft piano, and those on the dance floor began to pair up or drag their respective partners out from the sidelines. Leah and Elliott, obviously. Maru and Penny. Emily and...Shane?

Huh.

“Crazy right?” Estelle said, plopping down in the seat next to him and following his gaze towards the unlikely couple. “He started walking her home from work a few weeks ago, and now all of a sudden they’re a thing.”

“Yeah, I did not see that coming at all.”

“They’re cute though. She’s good for him,” Estelle said, smiling warmly at Shane. Sebastian still didn’t fully understand what Estelle saw in that douche, and apparently the feeling was mutual. Neither of them particularly liked each other, but they were cordial for Estelle’s sake.

Estelle slipped her hand into his. “You know, you still owe me a dance,” she said, her smile taking a teasing edge as she changed the subject.

“I do?”

“Yep. You turned me down at the Flower Dance like ten times.”

“Of course you remember that,” he said, frowning as he thought back to that night. He’d felt so awkward, so totally out of his depth. Thrilled by her attention but unsure how to react to it, and so afraid of looking like an idiot that he’d shut her down rather than risk his own embarrassment.

“Girls never forget rejection,” Estelle warned. “Make it up to me now?”

On the list of things Sebastian enjoyed doing, dancing fell somewhere between digging out a splinter and participating in organized sports. Still, he knew there was no way he could deny her.

“Fine,” he grumbled, heaving a sigh as he stood. Estelle’s eyes lit up, clearly not having expected him to agree, and he had to suppress a smile to keep up the grumpy facade. He wouldn’t admit it, but that look alone was worth it.

She led him to the edge of the dance floor, far enough from the other couples to make it seem almost private, and slid her free hand up his chest to wrap loosely around the back of his neck. He placed his hand on the small of her back, pulling her close enough that when her body began to sway to the right, his followed naturally. Some guys might take offense to the woman leading, but all Sebastian could feel was relief. At least one of them knew what the hell they were doing.

“See? Not so bad, right?” Estelle said, gazing up at him with those gorgeous emerald eyes that still managed to take his breath away.

“It’s marginally less awful than I imagined,” he admitted.

She rolled her eyes but smiled. “I’ll take it,” she said, leaning up to kiss his cheek.

“I love you,” she murmured softly against his skin, and he shivered.

Yoba, he hoped he never got used to that.

“I love you too.”

 

* * *

 

Eventually the song ended, and Sebastian was surprised to find that part of him wished it would have lasted longer. Though not a big enough part to stick around once the beat picked up. He could manage to sway back and forth with her, but anything beyond that was way outside of his skill set. Estelle was on her own with that scene.

Luckily for him, he didn’t have to feel bad about leaving her alone. Natalie had come over almost as soon as the song ended, dragging her off to take photos with Leah and the other girls. Sebastian returned to his seat at the end of one of the dining tables, across from where Sam was stuffing his face with a third – fourth? – serving of cake.

“How are you not fat?” Sebastian asked dryly, eyeing up the stack of used paper plates next to him.

“Dunno,” Sam replied around the mouthful of food. “How are you not wheezing all the time?”

“Hey, I quit smoking. Mostly.”

“Well, I can’t exactly quit eating you know,” he said, popping the last bite into his mouth with relish. “So, how was your first dance since middle school?”

“Fine.”

“Did you tell her it was your first dance since middle school?”

“No.”

“I bet she could tell.”

“I hate you.”

Sam snickered, polishing off the rest of his drink and standing up. “I’m gonna grab some more of those cheesy pretzel bites. Want anything?”

He declined, and Sam left for the buffet. Pulling out his cell phone, Sebastian opened up the game Estelle had downloaded a few days ago – some brick-breaking puzzler with brightly colored magical creatures all over the place. She’d been trolling him by loading a game featuring literal rainbows and unicorns, but the joke was on her – he was totally addicted. Something about aiming up a shot and watching the bouncing ball clear a seemingly impossible number of bricks was just so satisfying.

He was so engrossed in his game that he didn’t notice anyone approaching until she was standing over him, casting a shadow on the screen. Sebastian jerked back in surprise, feeling his gut sink the moment he heard her laughter.

“We stop talking for a few months and you regress into a teenage girl. Nice,” Abigail teased. There didn’t seem to be malice behind her tone, but that didn’t really matter anymore. He had no reason or desire to talk to her, and he didn’t make a secret of it.

“Why are you here?” he said, tone clipped as he glanced around the square for sign of Estelle – or worse, Natalie. The absolute last thing he needed was for them to think he was cozying back up to Abigail. He knew Estelle would believe him when he explained the situation, but he didn’t want a sliver of doubt to ever cross her mind again.

Abigail pursed her lips, the humor fading from her face when it became apparent that he wasn’t going to play along. “Just figured I’d say goodbye. I’m leaving tomorrow morning.”

He already knew that. Jodi had mentioned a few weeks ago that Abby would be moving back to school come spring semester. Honestly, all he could feel about that was relief. She hadn’t tried anything over the two months they’d been home, but it would be better for everyone if she wasn’t around. Eliminate the constant reminder of all the hurt she’d caused.

He didn’t say anything in response, and after a moment she sighed and turned to leave. As soon as she took her first step, however, he impulsively called out to her. The question just burst out of his mouth before he had a chance to stop it.

“Do you regret it?”

Abigail paused and turned around slowly, one side of her mouth pulled up in a smirk. “Nope. My mom is embarrassed enough that she’s paying for my apartment. If I’d have known this would be my ticket out of this shithole, I’d have done it a long time ago.”

“And fuck everyone you hurt along the way?”

She shrugged, her total lack of concern evident on her face. “Meh. You learned how to stick up for yourself, didn’t you?”

His brow narrowed, opening his mouth to argue – but he couldn’t. As fucked up as that logic was, she had a point.

She laughed once, pleased by his silent affirmation. “So you’re welcome. Anyway, bye.”

“...bye.”

Sebastian watched her walk away with a complicated expression on his face. He was glad she was leaving – it gave him concrete closure to that chapter of his life, it removed a source of bitterness for Estelle, and it was what she wanted all along. But despite it being a win from all sides, he couldn’t help but feel a touch of...something. Regret, maybe?

No, not regret. Bittersweet nostalgia, more like. A sense of loss – not painful, but still leaving him feeling a bit hollow. Abby had been a cornerstone of his life for so long. Now she was gone.

“What’d she want?” Sam asked warily, setting his loaded plate down on the table and sliding into the seat next to Sebastian.

Sebastian shook his head, turning away from Abigail’s retreating form and snagging a pretzel from Sam’s plate. “Nothing important.”

 

* * *

 

Estelle had never been to a wedding before, and she was pleased to find that it was a lot more fun than she’d expected. The ceremony was beautiful – Leah looked incredible, and Elliott read a gorgeous poem that had half the town misty-eyed. The best part though was the relaxed, casual vibe of the reception. There was great food, there was champagne, there was dancing. Aside from the formal dress, it could have easily passed for a town festival rather than a wedding reception.

Estelle kept busy, flitting around the square, socializing with all of her favorite people. Eventually she found herself leaning against the wall of the saloon, bullshitting with Haley while she switched the film out of her camera.

“Why do you use film anyway?” Natalie asked. “Digital cameras are so much easier.”

Haley shrugged, popping a new roll in and winding it up. “I just like it better. There’s something about having the physical image, developing it with your own hands… makes it more real. An actual memory, not just data on an SD card.”

Nat raised an eyebrow. “That was surprisingly deep Hay.”

“Right?” she agreed, laughing as she peered at the dance floor through her viewfinder. A second later she snorted, slamming her finger down on the shutter. “Annnnd I just got a photo of Shane dabbing.”

“You did not,” Estelle said in disbelief, head whipping around to see for herself.

Unfortunately, what she saw was not Shane being an idiot. It was Abigail, walking in their direction with that infuriating smirk of hers.

“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me...” Natalie muttered angrily under her breath, noticing her as well. She took a half step in front of Estelle while Haley looked between the three of them with interest.

“Cute dress Abs! Shame it’s too small for you,” Natalie said brightly as Abigail stopped in front of them.

“Yeah, it’s hard actually having tits,” Abigail shot back.

Natalie’s grin widened. “You’ve been practicing your comebacks! I’m so proud of you, for real.”

Abigail scoffed. “That's great. But I’m not here for you.”

Natalie’s shoulders squared, and Estelle could tell she was seconds away from dropping the taunts and getting serious. Except it wasn’t her fight. Estelle needed to deal with this herself.

“It’s fine Nat,” Estelle said, putting her hand on her sister’s shoulder and stepping around her to level a hard gaze on Abigail. “I’m here. Talk.”

“I see Sebastian’s been rubbing off on you. Can’t string more than 3 words together at a time,” Abigail said, snickering.

She paused for a reaction, and pouted a bit when Estelle didn’t rise to the bait. “Fine, be like that. Just came over to say congrats, that’s all.”

“For?”

“Winning, obviously.”

“Winning…?”

Abigail rolled her eyes, shifting her weight to place one hand on her hip. “Yoba, you’re dense. You got Sebastian, you got the town, and I’m leaving tomorrow. You won.”

Estelle felt vaguely sick to her stomach. The idea that all the pain Abigail had caused was nothing more than a joke, a momentary diversion, something to “win”… it was nauseating.

“It wasn’t a game to me.”

Abigail laughed once, bitterly. “Life is a game Estelle. You win or you lose. That’s it.”

“That’s a pretty shitty world view,” she said, thoroughly done with this conversation. “So why did you really come over? It wasn’t to congratulate me.”

“Eh, mostly to piss off your guard dog,” she replied, smirking as she met Natalie’s glare. “Anyway, thanks for making things interesting around here. Hope I never see you again.”

“Sentiment returned.”

With that, Abigail smiled and walked away. To be honest, Estelle had been half expecting some kind of apology, or sob story, or a last ditch attempt at reconciliation. She was actually relieved that it wasn’t anything like that, that it was just Abigail being Abigail. No strings, no new feelings marring their mutual dislike. Instead, she just watched that girl walk out of her life for good.

It felt amazing.

 

* * *

 

“Are you playing that unicorn game again?” Estelle teased, looking over in time to catch a sparkling rainbow shooting across Sebastian’s phone.

“You did this to me,” he reminded her, watching his score tally before cursing under his breath and restarting the level.

She clicked her tongue in mock disapproval. “Yeah, but it’s a wedding Seb! No games at a wedding.”

“Says who?”

“Says civilization.”

He glanced up at her through his bangs, an amused smirk on his face. “You’re saying civilization will collapse if I collect digital rainbows during a wedding reception?”

“Yes,” she said, fighting to maintain a serious expression as she nodded firmly.

He chuckled but gave in, clicking his phone display off and straightening up. “Right. Well in that case...want to go for a walk? I feel like I’ve been sitting here all day.”

“You pretty much have,” Estelle pointed out. “But sure, a walk sounds good.”

Sebastian took her hand and they set off, chatting happily as they strolled through town together. They talked about the ceremony, and the ridiculous shit their neighbors got into over the course of the day. They talked about the band, and the new gig Sam had lined up in a few weeks. They laughed and teased, and just enjoyed the company of the person they loved.

Neither of them seemed to have a destination in mind, and Estelle was so wrapped up in their conversation that she didn’t fully realize where they were headed until her feet sank into sand. The sea air was still crisp, the breeze off the water colder than it was back in town, and Sebastian laid his jacket over her shoulders as they sat at the edge of the pier together.

The conversation gave way to a comfortable silence as they watched the last of the winter fog rolling out to sea, making way for the calm, blue skies of spring. Estelle wondered if Sebastian was sad to see it go. Winter was dark, cold, quiet – basically his jam.

Though to be fair, summer had the best thunderstorms, and they both appreciated a good thunderstorm. When they weren’t, you know, burning her farm down.

“Oh, I almost forgot! I have a surprise for you,” Estelle said as the thoughts of her farm suddenly jogged her memory.

She dug around in her bag and pulled out a piece of paper, unfolding it several times before handing it to Sebastian. His brows furrowed as he skimmed the text, unsure what exactly he was looking at.

“It’s the transfer paperwork for the house,” she clarified. “Lewis told me it just came in from the governor’s office last week, signed and sealed. Congrats Seb, you officially own half a farm.”

“The shittier half though. That detail might not be on the paperwork, but it’s implied,” she added, nudging him with her shoulder when he didn’t reply.

Sebastian chuckled, kissing her forehead before folding the paper and handing it back. “Sorry, I’m just...didn’t know what to say,” he admitted. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome,” she replied, her smile softening. She understood his quiet contemplation. While they’d been living together for months, having the deed in both of their names felt like so much more somehow. They owned a house together. It was _theirs._

“You know...I actually have a surprise for you too,” Sebastian began hesitantly after a few moments of silence.

Estelle looked up curiously as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small wooden box about the size of her palm. He flipped it around in his hand twice before taking a deep breath and holding it out to her.

“I don’t know if this is the right moment, or if it’s something you’re even interested in, but...” he trailed off, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly as she lifted the lid.

Estelle’s eyes went wide, her breath catching when she saw what was inside. Nestled safely against a velvet cushion lay a brilliant blue seashell, its pearlescent finish reflecting the glow of the setting sun like fire on the water. She’d seen these before – in her mother’s memory box, and around Leah’s neck today.

A mermaid pendant.

Estelle’s gaze snapped up to Sebastian’s face, her heart melting at the bashful, hopeful smile playing at his lips. That sideways smile she fell in love with so long ago.

“So um… will you marry me?”

A teary laugh made its way around the lump in her throat as she nodded emphatically, throwing her arms around his neck. He grinned and pulled her onto his lap, pressing his lips to hers in the sweetest kiss she’d ever had.

When they finally broke apart, Sebastian reached for the box again. “That was a yes, right?” he teased, clasping the delicate silver chain around her neck.

“That was most definitely a yes,” she murmured, bringing her lips to his again.

 

* * *

 

Estelle lazily rocked on her porch swing, cradling a cup of coffee as the warm spring breeze tousled her hair. Today marked the one year anniversary of her arrival in Pelican Town. A battered husk of a person moving into a dilapidated shack on an overgrown mess of land. By all accounts she shouldn’t be here right now. She should have succumbed to one of her innumerable failures, or her vices, or the dangers she threw herself into. Everyone should have given up on her. She should have given up on herself.

But she didn’t. Against all odds, she had made it. And she wasn’t alone.

A lot can happen in a year. A desperate refuge can become a home. A broken girl can mend. A boy lost to darkness can find a light. And if they’re lucky, they can do it together.

Estelle touched the shell at her neck and smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After about 100k more words than I originally planned for, I almost can't believe it's over. Thank you so much to everyone who has gone through this journey with me! Your comments and support have been absolutely incredible, and meant so much to me over these last few months. Whether you've been following this story from the start or just binged it today, I'm so grateful to have you as a reader. Thank you.
> 
> I hope you've all enjoyed it. :)
> 
> edit: I'm working on an alternate ending to this story! I've created a series where you can find the new ending and other spinoffs/one-shots set in this world - go check it out if you want to see more Estelle & Co. :)


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